Near Panic Attack

Well, today was another bad day. I spent the whole morning trying to think of someplace I could go that wouldn't cost me a fortune. Flights are SO expensive right now that I can't fly anywhere. And gas is so expensive that driving very far would cost just as much as a flight!

I debated using a buddy pass to fly to my friend Sarah's in Arizona, but the problem is that a lot of flights are being canceled lately. Even if I got there via stand-by, there isn't a guarantee that I would get home on time. And Sarah is coming here to visit on Thursday anyway!

There's been quite a bit of drama around here (not with Jerry or me) and I just needed to get away. My sister said I could drive up to her property, and ultimately, that's what I decided to do. I packed my things and was ready to go 10 minutes later. It's a 10 hour drive, so I wasn't looking forward to that.

For days now, my anxiety has been really bad. And immediately, when I started driving, I couldn't let go of that feeling. I even had to turn off the radio and my podcast so it was silent in the car (that makes for a long 10 hours!). I started feeling a panic attack coming on and I really needed to take a break and calm down, so I stopped at a rest area.

I saw on my GPS that my arrival time to Jeanie's would be after 1:30 AM. Not only do I hate driving in unfamiliar places--places in the middle of nowhere--but driving in the dark makes it so much worse.

After agonizing over it (and texting a few people) I decided to turn around and come back home. I'd only made it about two hours before turning around, but what a waste of time and gas!

Okay, I promise to do my best to post normal stuff tomorrow. I haven't felt this much anxiety and (mild) depression in such a long time! Have a great night :)

I had hoped and planned to post pictures of Noah's bedroom today, but right now is just not the time. Tomorrow, I'll work on it in the morning so that it's ready to go. I'm going to cut this short right now because I want to just take my anxiety meds and hopefully fall asleep. I haven't eaten dinner yet either (it's after 8:00, which is late for me to eat) so I'm starving.

Sorry for the downer of a post! I really hope the cost of flights comes down soon. 

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Friday Night Photos

I have been in a bad funk for the last week or so and I'm having a hard time fighting it. I feel like I really need to get away for a few days, but have you checked out the price of airline tickets? I nearly had a heart attack!

I was thinking of going to the pacific northwest, but it was $1400 for the cheapest ticket to PDX (the others were $1700). I used to pay under $400! The cost of gas is insane, too, so I don't really want to drive anywhere. I'm not sure what I am going to end up doing. I just need a break. Jerry's been on several trips over the past couple of years and I'm jealous ;)

Anyway, here are my Friday Night Photos... surprisingly, I don't have as many as you'd think, considering I didn't do a Friday Night Photos post last week. Most of the photos I have I've either already posted or they are for a upcoming posts (Noah's bedroom reveal and my vegan recipe review). But here are the photos I have...

I think this pic is adorable! My dad and Riley are good buddies (Riley is his only granddaughter) and they were eating breakfast outside while watching the ducks swim. You can see in the bottom of the picture just how big they are getting. (My dad just has resting bitch face; he usually smiles for pictures! haha)

The sweetest cat in the entire world. My little Duckling. (Maybe I can't go somewhere--I'd miss Duck too much!)

Speaking of cats, we got a new shower curtain. It suits us more than the boring gray and yellow one :)  I hoped the wrinkles would come out with the steamy water, but no such luck. I refuse to iron a shower curtain, though. There are so many other things I'd rather do with my time ;)

Jerry was petting Phoebe and she LOVES when he scratches her back up by her tail. She sticks her butt up in the air and her eyes roll back into her head when she gets really into it!

Well, I tried the vegan "mozzarella" I experimented with last weekend even though it looked disgusting--I just plopped a little here and there. I made a homemade whole wheat pizza crust and used leftover homemade marinara (so good!), plopped some "cheese" on there, and then I caramelized an onion and put that on top of it all. It was actually really delicious! Even the vegan "cheese".

The cats are used to getting wet food first thing in the morning, but I had a jar of chicken baby food (gag) leftover from when I was trying to get Phoebe to eat, so I gave each of the cats a big spoonful of it. I thought it was so funny that they all lined up nicely together and ate their baby food. (Left to right: Phoebe, Duck, Chick, and Estelle). Phoebe has a hard time eating off of the plastic plates, which is why hers is different.

I may have posted this already, but this is the morning that Noah, Eli, and their girlfriends drove up north to my sister's property for a long weekend.

When I was cleaning out Noah's bedroom before painting it, I happened to find this note that I wrote him. I have no recollection of it or what it was about, but it kind of warmed my heart <3 

These are Noah's anatomy and biology books--seriously. For one semester! And after I took this picture, I found two more. Some of the books are so thick now that they don't even get bound; they have a hole punched at the top of each page with a metal ring through it. I am stunned that he managed to get an A in his (college) classes!

Jerry got this shirt and it's PERFECT for him! He's obsessed with Ghostbusters now (almost as much as Star Wars). And obviously, the old English D is the Tigers logo. So this shirt was right up his alley.

WTF happened to this can of primer?!!! I bought it from Sherwin Williams not too long ago, and I'm always so careful when I close up paint cans. It took both Jerry and me a few minutes to get the lid pried off and it is clearly destroyed (thankfully we're up to date on tetanus shots!). I don't even store the paint in the garage because of the temperature changes. There is still a lot of good primer in there, so I need to buy an empty paint can or something ASAP.

These are the pieces for Noah's shelves that I finally finished! I'll reveal them tomorrow. (I'm making this sound way more exciting than it is--but I happen to love the change in his room, so it's exciting to me.)

And.... it's fish fly season. Ugh! They haven't lasted very long, so hopefully there isn't a "second hatch" where we get more of them. If you're not familiar, these are gross bugs that show up once a year and they get on everything! They don't bite or sting or anything like that--they are literally just bird food, basically. But they make a popping sound when you step on them and when they die, they smell like rotten fish--which is why they are called fish flies. They last a couple of weeks.

When I was looking for shelf ideas for Noah, I thought these were so cool! They are shaped like the Tetris pieces from Nintendo. I'm really tempted to make some, but I"m not sure what I'd do with them ;)

Jerry always leaves me cute little notes, but this one was just weird. I was making baby potatoes a couple of days ago and one of them looked like this. I couldn't bear the thought of cutting it, so I just kept it on the counter. The next day, I found it like this.

The kittens are so predictable and it cracks me up. In the mid-morning, I use a spray called Meowijuana (basically just catnip infused spray) on their toys. They go crazy for it! As soon as the kittens smell catnip, they start wrestling, which turns into rabbit-kicking each other in the face.

And finally... Eli got his driver's license! He's been 16 since January, but he hadn't gotten enough practice with his permit in order to get his license. During the pandemic/lockdown, we didn't go anywhere, so he never drove. For the record, this car is not his ;)  It's my car, but he was excited to take it to the rec center and lift weights. And I was happy that I didn't have to drive him! 

And that's all I have. Have a great weekend! xo

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Candidly Katie #30 (formerly 'Reader Questions')

I had planned to post pictures of Noah's bedroom makeover today, but his comforter hasn't arrived yet. It's *supposed* to be here tomorrow, so if it is, I'll take some quick pictures and post all about the makeover. I know I'm turning it into a big deal, but it was a really fun project to work on and Noah was SO happy with it!

So, I will get those posted on Saturday (hopefully!) because I don't want to skip my Friday Night Photos again. My camera roll has quite a few pictures, if I remember correctly. Instead, I thought it would be fun to do another installment of reader questions, or as I'm not going to rename it "Candidly Katie".

I feel so vain calling it that, but that's essentially what it is! And it has a better ring to it. Actually, knowing what I know now, I would have for sure made my blog name 'Candidly Katie' instead of 'Runs for Cookies'. I even bought the domain!

These posts are where I answer readers' questions--anything from my favorite way to spend a Saturday to which way the toilet paper should hang on the roll (haha!) to dealing with anxiety. So, if you have a silly or serious question, please feel free to email it to me!

Just write it to: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com and I'll save it for a future "Candidly Katie" post. 

So here goes...

Q. Did you ever watch all of the Tom Hanks movies?  I recall a long time ago you mentioned that on your blog.

Katie: It's true, I did make a goal to watch all of Tom's movies (can we be on a first-name basis? I think so!). I'd made a goal that I called 40x40--a list of items to accomplish by the time I turned 40. I was doing fairly well with the list until the pandemic hit and ruined quite a bit of the plans. It actually would have been a perfect time to watch all of his movies! However, I did not.

I probably watched half of them in total. I hadn't thought about the fact that several of the movies weren't streaming or if they were, they were expensive. So, I hate to say I gave up on that goal, but in all honesty, that's what I did.

My rule was that I had to watch them all--even the ones I already saw. The ones colored in are the ones I saw after I made the goal to watch all of them.

Q. How did you get into wood working?  (you are so good at taking things apart and building things!)

Katie: This happened when I was making over my entire house from top to bottom. It's kind of funny--when I was working on the baseboards (the boards against the wall at the floor), I didn't have a miter saw, which would have made it 10,000 times easier. I had a coping saw, which looks like this:

I had to hand-miter each and every piece of the corners of the floor boards! I had to do some of the window casings, too. Needless to say it took forever. Eventually, I found a miter saw on Marketplace and it was a total game changer for me. I loved that thing! I couldn't believe how much easier it was (not to mention faster). It was then that I fell in love with tools.

I also borrowed my brother's Paslode nail gun to use for attaching the trim at the floor and around the windows and all that. I was in awe of how cool it was! Each new tool I tried, my mind was blown. I couldn't believe all that you could make with a few tools. I even borrowed my dad's jigsaw to make this cool "pet feeding station". (This was one of my first projects, actually.) I bought a solid handmade bookshelf at a resale shop.

Cat food on top, dog food on bottom. Treats in the middle. The hole on top was for the cats to climb up. They didn't use it the hole, so I covered it over and put carpet on top.

After that, I started looking on Marketplace for used tools. I got an awesome deal on a Paslode for myself! Remember when I drove four hours round-trip to buy it? I also got a great deal on a jointer.

For Christmas a few years ago, my father-in-law (very generously!) bought me a Dewalt contractor table saw (the contractor just means that it's kind-of portable). A table saw can do just about everything! By making jigs, you can use the table saw in ways you never would have thought possible.

Anyway, I could talk about woodworking and tools for days (I actually have a huge post in my drafts folder about my favorite tools, but I haven't published it because who really cares?! Hahaha.) I can't remember the first thing I made, but I'm sure it was totally cringe-worthy now ;)

However, my #1 most popular post happens to be 'How to Build a Squirrel Picnic Table'. I'm pretty proud of that one :)

Q. Have you considered studying psychology?  (I think you would be excellent... you seem to be very good at observing and analyzing human behavior and figuring out what works and what doesn't work).

Katie: It's funny you asked, because psychology was my major at Easter Michigan University! I absolutely LOVE psychology--from mental health to the forensics of why we do the things we do. My ultimate dream was to be a therapist, but after two years of studying psychology, my guidance counselor told me that I really can't do anything with a psych degree; I would have to get a masters in social work in order to be a therapist. *queue shock and what-the-hell-do-I-do-now feelings*

Well, after spending two years studying the wrong courses (even though I found them fascinating!), I just couldn't imagine starting over. So, I gave up on that. I went on to study a couple of other things at the community college that didn't pan out. I couldn't figure out what I was interested in doing. Like you suggested, though, people tell me all the time that I should be a therapist. It's interesting, because I have bipolar disorder, but I am very good at thinking logically and being unbiased. I also have good analogies.

People say that I am good at giving advice; even my own therapist told me several times that I should go back to school to get my masters in social work! I'm very good at validating others' feelings (literally the most important thing I learned in therapy). It changed my life. That post, The Most Important Tool I Learned In Psychotherapy, remains one of my most popular posts. I highly recommend reading it! I just read it again myself and it reminded me just how important it is. (Also, you can read some of my analogies.)

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 And there you have it! Some candid questions and answers about me. If you have a question for me, just send me an email at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com. I'll keep it anonymous.

Now a question for you... What did you want to be when you "grew up"? Are you currently doing your dream job?

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 56

Here it is, once again, starting my blog post at 9:30 PM. It's been another busy day, but thankfully, Noah's room is pretty much done and I can take a break tomorrow. I think I'm going to just sleep all day long ;) 

I finished his shelves and I LOVE THEM. They look so much better than what I'd had in mind before. And I'm sorry, but I'm going to wait to post a picture until I do a "reveal" post (probably tomorrow) to show all of the work I did on his bedroom in just a few short days. Noah was so so so excited when he saw it--he gave me a huge bear hug and said "I love you". What's more rewarding than that, coming from a 17-year old boy? (I'm so glad he liked it, because this was his 18th birthday present; he turns 18 on July 13th.)

Anyway, for my Wednesday Weigh-In... my diet was a big old mess this week. I spent most of the days not eating much because I was busy in the garage, but then when I came in for the night, I ate way too much because I was starving. Old habits, right?

Also, I have been kind of emotional lately. On Sunday, I had a really bad day emotionally (which is why I was going to have Jerry write my blog post). Yesterday was another day that I just wanted to curl up on my couch and hide under a blanket. I'm not sure what's causing it, but I suspect that I may be coming down from a hypomanic episode. Oh, the fun of bipolar! 

The week started out really well, and I actually saw 144.4 on the scale! Today, however, my poor choices showed up:

Considering I was 148.4 last week, a 1.2-pound loss this week is good! But I just haven't been doing the work I need to do in order to consistently lose the weight. Seeing 144.4 was exciting--but then I used that as an excuse to eat more.

I will say, though, that I'm really impressed with myself for sticking within a relatively tight weight range. Even though each time I gain it feels like a little bit of a failure, I just look at what I weighed last year at this time (or heck, even six months ago) and I feel good about it.

I *still* haven't been counting my calories, though, and I know that if I did that, I'd be able to drop the extra weight. I eat the same things for breakfast and lunch, and I assume that dinner can't be that bad. Today I had cauliflower and potato curry and it was delicious! I'm going to post the recipe this weekend as my vegan recipe review.

My dinners aren't unhealthy; I just eat too much. And then in the evenings, I snack. I know I sound like a broken record... the truth is, I know exactly what I need to do and now I just need to do it.

As far as running, I still haven't done it *groan*. However, Jen--a blog-reader-turned-friend who I met for lunch shortly before the pandemic--invited me to join her at her vacation home in upstate Michigan later this summer. Her husband is going on a fishing trip one weekend and there is a 5K going on at a quarry--which sounds so fun!

So, I'm planning on doing that with her, which means I need to get back to running regularly. Heart rate and pace and all that be damned. I just need to run! I'm looking forward to going somewhere, too. Other than going to my sister's property with my family, I haven't been on a trip since 2019.

Okay, I've got to get ready for bed. I've gotten no sleep for the past few days and now I feel like I'm going to crash. G'night!

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Transformation Tuesday #76

Happy Transformation Tuesday! I really wish I had pictures of Noah's room to share, but I simply didn't get it done in time. I'm super bummed! I worked on it until 2:00-3:00 AM a couple of days, but it was the shelves that killed me. What should have been incredibly easy ended up being a nightmare. I just painted one part of them but I have to get some sort of stain or contrasting paint for the other part. At least Noah got to see the new color of his room and his poster that are hanging up!

As for Transformation Tuesday, I have a few fun ones from readers... enjoy :)

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Years ago I painted our front door yellow. I’ve wanted to paint it pink for a couple of years now and I finally did it the other day, I love it!

- (There was no name with this one)

Wow! That shade of pink is so unique--it looks fantastic! I like the white flowers next to the welcome mat, too :)  -Katie

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When we bought our house, there was this pond and waterfall. It always leaked and also was annoying to clean as it was at least 3 feet deep. I was always afraid of the dogs falling in and having to fish them out. So over the last year my Husband and I with the help of Friends and Family have been removing the pond and putting up a pergola. It’s not completely done, it still the top slats and some landscaping. But still very happy! This suits us much better. Lol maybe someday I will have a new fence, I will send you the update if that happens. 

-Ruth

Ruth, the pergola looks fantastic! That would be much more my style, too. It looks like it was a lot of work, though! You did a great job. -Katie

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We’ve owned our house for about 14 years (longest I’ve ever lived anywhere!) but have never done anything with our small backyard, aside from mowing down the weeds. We had this old broken chain link fence that needed replacing but I didn’t want to spend the money since our backyard was so depressing anyway. 

But, during the pandemic, I became kind of obsessed with the concept of stock tank pools, and this past fall I just decided to go for it. I bought a stock tank from Tractor Supply (in early November), and then watched pretty much every stock tank pool YouTube video I could find as I plotted out what I would need and how to go about turning it into a working pool. Also, I knew once I purchased the tank I was committed, so after that it became a scramble to get it up and running by this summer (the goal I promised myself I would keep!)

Anyway, it finally came together and while not perfect (there are a lot of little things, like — why didn’t I figure out a better place to put the trash cans? Etc etc) the pool is working, crystal clear (so far!) and I am thoroughly enjoying hanging out for the first time ever in our new backyard. The pool itself is just big enough for me to float around in, which is exceedingly relaxing when I get home from work or need just a couple minutes to myself :)

-Melissa, Washington DC

Melissa, I have to admit I've never heard of a stock pond before, so now you have me very curious! It looks like so much fun--so inviting. I hope you enjoy it this summer! :)  -Katie

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Thank you so much for sharing your transformations! If any readers have a transformation they'd like to share, I'd love to see it! Just send me a before picture and an after picture to: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com. Don't forget your name an a description of your transformation!

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Busy Bee

I don't know why I get these ideas in my head about making over one of the kids' bedrooms while they are away. I have been non-stop moving for three days now: cleaning, organizing, priming and painting, building shelves, and decorating.

Building the shelves has been the most work. I just now finished cutting all of the pieces (which involves jointing each piece, planing each piece, and cutting it on the table saw and then miter saw. I had to use the router to soften the edges of the wood and then sand all of the pieces smooth. There are 19 pieces altogether! I ended up choosing something extremely simple so that I can actually finish it. And I really like the style of them, too!

It was actually fun working on all that this afternoon because Jerry came out in the garage to keep me company, and I showed him the whole process of squaring up boards. Jerry is not a woodworking-person.

Noah's room is looking really good, and I'm so excited to finish it and share the pictures! Even more so, I'm excited for him to come home and see it.

This is actually what we decided to give Noah for his 18th birthday. It sounds kind of lame, but he's been wanting to do it for a while. The decor was kind of expensive and the whole makeover was definitely a ton of work (well, it's not done yet).

So, this week has been kind of crazy. I didn't do my Friday Night Photos post, and it feels too late to do that now. I'll just wait until this Friday (and watch, I'll have a ton of pictures). I didn't get a chance to make a new vegan recipe for a recipe review.

The kids come home tomorrow, so it's crunch time getting Noah's bedroom ready. Thankfully, it's a 10 hour drive, so I'll have the day to do it. The kids haven't sent me many pictures or texts (typical teens) but my sister sent me a couple of pictures of Joey:

And riding the side-by-side with Bentley, my sister's dog:

Jeanie actually ended up taking Joey home to Illinois with her. Not for good! Just for a few weeks to play with Bentley. Jeanie's other dog, Remy, died not too long ago and she was understandably heartbroken. Now that Bentley is alone, she thought it would be fun for Joey to go for a long visit. It's already been so weird not having him here! Usually, I let him out first thing in the morning (and last thing at night) and it just feels so odd locking up the house at night without letting him outside first.

Anyway, I am going to cut this relatively short (again) because I have to get back to working on the shelves. Not only do I have to put them together, I have to either paint or stain them when I'm done! And, of course, hang them.

Speaking of all of this DIY stuff reminds me that tomorrow is Transformation Tuesday. So please please send me some transformations! I may have to do the post early in the morning, so if you send me one and it's not on tomorrow's post, that's why. I'll hold onto it until next week. But I still need some for tomorrow--so if you have a transformation to share, just send me a before picture and an after picture at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com. Thanks!

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Celebrating Jerry

I have been in such a bad mood today; I feel like I can't do anything right. The shelves I was going to make for Noah's room were frustrating me so much! I finally gave it up and I'll go back to it another time. I had no idea how much work it was going to be to make over his room.

I almost had Jerry write my blog post because I just couldn't handle it. My mood had been really stable for a while, but today just brought out the worst in me.

On Mother's Day, I shared a ton of pictures of the kids and me, and since I didn't want to write today, Jerry suggested I post pictures of him and the kids. I love that idea! Jerry is truly the BEST dad--I couldn't have picked a better partner to raise kids with.

Jerry has always been the "fun parent". As a stay-at-home-mom, I was the one who did the disciplining and the mundane day-to-day things. The kids have always adored Jerry because he has always acted like a big kid himself. He's always been a very hands-on dad--middle of the night feedings when they were babies, changing diapers, taking care of them while I went on trips, taking them to fun places like Star Wars conventions, and about a million more things. I hope the kids realize just how lucky they are!

Anyway, here are a bunch of pictures of the Jerry and the kids (they aren't in any order; I had no idea how to easily put them in chronological order).

 

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