Goodbye, Noah... (Part 1 of 3)

For some reason, when trying to think of a title for this, a song popped into my head from his preschool class. All of the kids would stand in a circle, and for each child, the teacher would blow some bubbles into the center, and then start a quick song,

"Goodbye, Noah;
Goodbye, Noah;
Goodbye, Noah;
We're glad you came today."

Then the kid (in this case, Noah) would get to run in the center of the circle, popping the bubbles that the teacher blew while everyone sang the good-bye song.

While I feel like saying "goodbye" feels more permanent than "see you later" or something, that song is what I thought of when beginning this post. As you may know, Noah moved out on Friday. Coming to terms with our firstborn leaving the house has been extremely emotional for both Jerry and me. Going through these photos was especially hard.

I skimmed through the 5,000+ photos I have of him and pulled out some a lot of favorites. I was going to cut it down to just a few because who wants to see that many photos of someone's kid? Then I thought, "Hey, it's my blog. This is for me." 

So, I have photos of Noah as he grew up over the last 19 years. Several of you have watched through my posts as he's gone from a five-year old to an adult who is now out on his own. I'm actually going to make this into two or even three posts so it's doesn't bog down the loading of my blog! I'm not going to caption them, because that would take forever; most are self-explanatory.

Okay, I'm going to do this in three posts, hahaha. How do I narrow down 19 years of photographs?!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 133

It's been a very emotional few days. I am trying to just let go of the incident with Eli's surgery, and I'm making sure not to harp on it out loud at home, but I'm just so angry at the dentist (and staff) for treating us so poorly. And now I am super worried about Noah getting his wisdom teeth pulled, which needs to happen soon.

Obviously, we won't be going to that dentist, which means I have to find a new one. And after what happened with Eli, I will likely research it to death and still feel like I can't make the right decision! Noah's an adult, and can make his own decision regarding this, but at 19 years old, I feel like one would tend to rely on their parents to help out.

I've also been emotional about Noah moving out. He's moving on Friday! I wish I had more time to prepare for this. Jerry and I have both been feeling the impact of having adult children (well, Eli will be 18 in a few weeks). Good grief, just typing that brought tears to my eyes.

When you're pregnant, everybody tells you that the years are going to fly by and you'll wish you'd focused more on the present each day while the kids are growing. And now I feel like that is the best advice to give new parents; and they'll nod and smile at me, like Jerry and I did to those who gave us that same advice, and then they'll give the same advice in 18 years to other new parents. I hate that we don't really realize how fast it goes until the kids are grown and their childhood feels like it went by in the blink of an eye.

Okay, enough about that! I'm going to keep this short because I'm helping Noah pack his things and holy cow--he's got a lot more than you would think.

There isn't much to report as far as my weight goes:

Last week, I was at 141.2, and today I was at 140.6. I would love to see it go down faster, but I know that I'm making good choices, so that's all I can do on my end.

I remember when I worked at Curves (a fitness center) the women there would talk about how hard it is to lose weight after 40 years old. I never really bought into that (of course, I was in my early 20's at the time) and I do wonder if it's true. And whether it's from lifestyle or just aging and hormones and perimenopause and all that fun stuff. Probably a combination.

However, I don't feel like I'm at that point. Earlier this year, I had no problem losing weight. I know that I haven't been nearly as active as I used to be, though. For several years, I was constantly working on big projects in the house. It wasn't intentional exercise, but I was lifting a lot of heavy things, going up and down the ladder a million times over, walking back and forth to the garage, etc. I've still been working on things, but on a much smaller scale and they aren't as active.

Now that Noah is moving out, I'll have the spare bedroom to work on. I know I want to put my craft stuff in there, but I'll probably paint and possibly replace the carpet. It's a pretty small room (I think 9'x9') so it's not going to be totally overwhelming. But it's kind of fun to think of the possibilities. It reminds me of when the boys were little and they shared a room with bunk beds. (here come tears again)

As far as my weight goes this week, I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing, for the most part. I haven't been eating sweets and I'm working on portion control. I still run every morning (even though it's only around the block). I could be doing more, but for the moment, with all I have going on, I am happy with what I'm doing.

Well, I better get back to packing before I make dinner. I'm not sure how much I'll be posting in the upcoming week or so, because with Noah moving, I'm going to be busy--and very emotional, haha. 

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Tuesday Photos/Catch-Up

Thank you for all the advice, comments, and sharing of your own stories on my last post about Eli's wisdom tooth surgery. We are still kind of stunned by the whole thing, and even though it seems to be more common than I ever imagined, I hate that this happened to him. He wanted to see a therapist (he's pretty traumatized) and he has an appointment today. Aside from that, his mouth is healing well from the surgery, thankfully.

It's been almost a month since my last photos/catch-up post. These pictures are kind of all over the place as far as what I've been up to, but here goes...

My mom and I went to Brian's house to help set up his Christmas tree, and (as always) he was 3D printing something. He makes a lot of really cool things, and I was impressed with these--they're HUGE Lego people! (Side note: I know that Lego should be capitalized and then "Legos" is incorrect--the plural of LEGO is LEGO and it's capitalized--but I just can't get on board with saying LEGO BRICKS (which is what LEGO brand says is the correct term and capitalization. I grew up saying Legos, and I'm cool with continuing that.)

These are a few things he had on his mantel, too. I love all things Super Mario Bros. and these mushrooms he made are adorable:

The small Lego guy is there for size reference.

I didn't notice this until just now, but I was looking for that small Lego guy for the longest time yesterday! While I was at Brian's, I picked up all of our old Legos that were in Brian's basement and brought them home with me. Becky and the kids had sorted most of them by color, and I want to put them back into kits to built again. All of the instruction books are still there; I just need to go through and put all the pieces into each kit.

One of them that I put together yesterday was a pretty big Star Wars kit and for the life of me, I could not find the particular Lego guy that went with it. And now, zooming in on Brian's large Legos, I can see that the small one he has there for size reference is the one that goes with the kit, haha.

I've been super into organizing lately. Usually this happens in late winter and early spring, when clutter has accumulated. I have a LOT of crafting stuff, and I've been trying to condense it down into fewer containers so it's easier to store. Check out this sewing stuff in my living room! I'd pulled it all out to organize/condense.

And this leads me to some shocking news that Noah delivered... he's moving out. He and his girlfriend are getting an apartment together and they are planning to move in on Friday. Jerry and I were stunned because he'd made NO mention of this; he said that he was worried about telling us. He's only going to be about 15-20 minutes away, so at least he's not moving across the country or something!

I really wish he'd wait, but he's 19 years old and he really wants to be on his own. He's super responsible, so I'm not worried about that aspect, but I feel like it would be so much smarter to stay here until he's done with school. He can save up money (we don't charge him for rent or anything like that) and in a couple of years, he could have enough for a down payment on a house.

I understand his wanting to get out on his own, though, because he didn't go the dorm/university path. I moved into a dorm when I was 18 and I loved being on my own (well, with roommates). Anyway, I've accepted it and I'm happy that he did all of the research to make sure he could afford it. He made a list of all the living expenses--even going to the grocery store to price out all the foods he likes to buy!

I only mention all this here because when Noah moves out, I'll be able to put my craft stuff in his room. In the spring, I think I'll build some shelves and a long table for my sewing stuff--it'll be so nice not to have to drag everything out and then put it all away each time I use it. But I told Noah he is welcome to come back and have his room back anytime he wants. It feels kind of wrong to already be thinking about converting his bedroom, hahaha.

If you don't do the NY Times Connections puzzles, then this won't make sense to you. But I was really irritated one day when I realized that it had made a mistake and I wasted quite a bit of time working on it. My puzzle listed "GARTH" as a word and I spent way too much time trying to figure out the last two categories. I was thinking out loud, and Jerry said, "Did you say that GARTH was one of your words?" I said yes, and then he showed me his puzzle--instead of GARTH, it listed Hobbes.

When I finally figured the category out and tried it (with Garth) it said that I got it wrong. And instead of the GARTH square being blue in my results (like HOBBES was for Jerry), mine was black! That's never happened to me before. Anyway, it was weird.

Jeanie sent me this picture and asked if she could commission me to make these horse heads for a girls' weekend. It's an annual thing and they do a theme every year. Next year's theme is Kentucky Derby and she thought these would be a fun prop. I've finished sewing the heads and now I'm just working on the hair, which is taking forever. But it's been a good project!

I've mentioned before how Duck is obsessed with spaghetti noodles--even to the point of running into the kitchen when he sees me take out the colander to drain the pasta. And if I don't watch him carefully, he'll jump on the counter to try to get noodles from the colander in the sink. I made spicy peanut noodle bowls one day and Duck would NOT stop trying to grab Jerry's while he was eating. 
 

This was my very yummy (vegan) Thanksgiving dinner. We went to my parents' house, but I made Jerry's and my food at home and then brought it over there to eat with everyone else. (The thing on top that looks like a muffin top of some sort is actually just the end part of the seitan roast I made. I *love* the end pieces because of all of the seasoning on the outside.) I thought about making a vegan version of sweet potato casserole, but it has SO much sugar and fat that I opted to go with a plain (mashed) sweet potato instead. See? I really am making better choices! ;) 

We brought Joey with us to my parents' house on Thanksgiving. He loves going over there because he gets a lot of attention from my mom. His face in this picture is so funny!

We barely started setting up the Christmas tree before Duck climbed it. Having cats this time of year is so entertaining! Chandler used to love lying under the Christmas tree to sleep, but in his younger days, he also climbed the tree. I posted a video on Instagram of Duck pretty much destroying the decorated tree as he climbed up and then down, haha. 

While my bedroom totally looks like a young boy's room, I love it so much. The ambiance with the lights and the essential oil diffuser is super relaxing. I even like the fish screensaver on the tv. It's fun to lie on the bed and watch the cats run up on their shelves around the room, chasing each other.

I already posted pictures of the Altoids tin toys that I made for Luke and Riley, but I wanted to send them a couple of other things as well. When I saw these monster keychains on Pinterest, I just had to make some. They were fast and fun to make, and I think they turned out cute.

I didn't start Spanish lessons on Duolingo until May or June, but I got this "year in review" in my email and I was pretty surprised at how much time I spent on Spanish lessons! The total was 2188 minutes, which is 36-1/2 hours (I do at least one lesson a day). I'm actually really impressed with the Duolingo app; I use the free version and I have learned *so* much. 

I saw a "Couples Challenge" that someone had shared on Pinterest and I thought it would be super fun for my family to do for Christmas. The original couples challenge said to pick any store, but that could get super expensive, so I specified that we shop at the dollar store. Jerry, Noah, Eli, and I are going to do this for each other and I think shopping at the dollar store will make it even more fun--we'll have to get creative. And have a sense of humor of course! Basically, we are going to buy each of the eight items for each other. It'll be interesting to see what everyone picks out!

My nephew Hunter and my niece Shelby--aren't they so stinkin' cute?! And their hair is so blond. It's funny how both of my nieces and nephews have the blondest hair. I love Shelby's smile.

And this is Shelby's school photo--she couldn't be any cuter!

Well, I'm going to work some more on organizing the Legos. Hopefully it'll go quickly now that I have all of the colors sorted into different bins. I'll be interested to see how many of the kits I can put back together; there are about 15 different instruction books.

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Major Mom Guilt

I was planning to do a Friday Night Photos today, but something horrible happened this morning and I have had a really bad day.

Eli was scheduled this morning to have his wisdom teeth extracted. They were impacted (hadn't surfaced yet) so it required surgery with general anesthesia. I know the surgery is usually no big deal--it's super common--so I wasn't worried about it. I had it done when I was 16 and I don't remember much at all.

Yesterday, Eli begged me not to make him get them removed. But the dentist had said it was necessary because they were going to start pushing his other teeth together. So, I told him he had to do it. We were told he'd be under general anesthesia, so he would be unconscious during surgery--he would go to sleep, not feel a thing, then wake up and it'd be over.

He was mostly worried about the recovery afterward because he said his friends said it was awful. But I reassured him it would be fine. Yesterday, I even went out and bought him soft foods he'd like, including THREE containers of ice cream. He was NOT happy the whole way to the surgeon's office today because he just didn't want this surgery. (understandable)

After the surgery, the staff told me everything went great, and I could pull around to the back of the office to pick him up from the back. As soon as I saw him, I could see that his eyes had tears and he was trying really hard not to cry. When he got in the car, he was crying as hard as he could in the condition he was in. He couldn't talk, so I asked him lots of yes or no questions to figure out what the problem was. I never expected the answer.

He woke up during the surgery and was awake for the rest of it.

He remembers the staff talking to each other and what they said; he remembers the sound and feeling of the equipment they used. He remembers excruciating pain. He was trying to wave his hands and feet and blink his eyes to let them know he was awake, but he had to endure the rest of the surgery like this.

I'm sobbing as I write this because I feel like the worst mom on the planet. I hate that while he begged me not to make him do it, I then it did anyways because I thought I was doing the best thing for him. And because of that, he went through horrible pain and is now traumatized. He can't stop thinking about the experience. And now he'll probably never trust me again. The guilt I feel is killing me.

When I talked to the office staff (and even the doctor) I was told that it's common for patients to "hallucinate" and imagine things while under the anesthesia. I know my kid and there is no fucking way that he hallucinated what he described to me.

I'm not sure what to do from here. Is this considered malpractice? Should I pursue this further? The office staff treated it like it was totally normal, no big deal. Am I making too big a deal about this? My biggest hope right now is that he loses the memory of it. And that he will trust me again someday.

Anyway, that's what's going on right now. Noah is supposed to have his wisdom teeth removed too, and I have no idea what to do about that. I am 100% certain I will never go to the surgeon Eli went to.

Has anyone else experienced this? Thoughts? Do I just let this go?

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Three Things Thursday: Jerry's Christmas

I am the first to admit that I am a total grinch when it comes to the holidays. The weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's are definitely not my favorite time of year. I don't like the cold; I don't like the commercialism; I don't like what gift exchanging has turned into; and I don't like the stress of get-togethers (families pulling everyone back and forth and getting frustrated with each other).

In the words of Tim Allen on Home Improvement: "Christmas isn't about being with people you like! It's about being with family." Hahahaha.

When I was a kid, I love Christmas! I enjoyed the tradition of going to my aunt's house on Christmas Eve for dinner, then going home and being SO excited to go to bed and open gifts in the morning. A lot of times, we went to the movies or out for Chinese food on Christmas (the only things open). Otherwise we stayed in pajamas all day, playing with our new toys.

It's all changed so much! (Even for today's kids.) So, I am a grinch. However, rather than make a total downer of a post, I thought I would enlist Jerry's ideas for three things that he LOVES about Christmas. Jerry has always been ridiculously into Christmas. He really doesn't like how it's gone downhill over the years, but he keeps on going with the nostalgic feelings he gets around Christmastime.

So, here are three of Jerry's favorite things about Christmas:

1. Christmas movies and music.

Even though I'm a grinch, the weeks from Thanksgiving to Christmas are entirely Jerry's--I always promise not to complain about the Christmas music or movies or having the Christmas tree take up a big corner of the living room. I make a special breakfast on Christmas day. I basically follow Jerry's lead when it comes to stuff like that because I want the month to be special for him since he loves it so much.

Jerry's very favorite Christmas movie is "It's a Wonderful Life". I think that's so random! I watched it with him a couple of years ago and I absolutely don't see the appeal--my favorite Christmas movie is "Bad Santa" with the hilarious Billy Bob Thornton, or "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". When I'm looking for something sappy, I go for "The Christmas Shoes". Jerry watches, other than "It's a Wonderful Life" and the ones I mentioned, "Home Alone", "A Christmas Story", the Christmas specials like Charlie Brown and Rudolph, and pretty much any Christmas movie he comes across on tv.

Jerry and his sister, Laura. Remember when getting photos taken at Sears was a thing?

2. Decorations.

Jerry loves Christmas decorations. Unfortunately, we really don't have any except for our tree! Without having a basement or an attic, buying a ton of decorations would take up a lot of garage space for 11 months out of the year. However, he does like to drive around and look at Christmas lights and decorations that people have outside, so I'll do that with him.

Speaking of decorations... just for fun, here is a short video of Duck making his way DOWN from the Christmas tree. HAHAHA. (This was after he'd already climbed up, knocking down decorations and even the star on top.) [Normally, I am NOT a vertical video person, but it worked better for this moment.]

3. Nostalgia.

I asked Jerry what Christmas was like as a kid for him, and this is what he said: 

"We had big family Christmas parties which were pretty much like family reunions--everybody was there and all of the kids received gifts. I always hope for a white Christmas, because I can remember having heavy snow back then. I was always so excited about getting new toys on Christmas morning--I remember going through the Sears or JC Penny catalogue and circling the things that I hoped Santa would bring me. I can still remember the feel of those pages, and the catalogue was probably thicker than the Bible. 

I can remember celebrating at school with classroom parties and secret Santas. And Santa's Secret Shop! At school, they had a little shop set up where you could bring money and buy gifts for people on your list. It was all total junk, but it was exciting as a kid. I can also remember making cut-out sugar cookies and loading them with frosting. The shapes of the cookies never looked like they were supposed to, and somehow always ended up looking phallic. The good old days."

 I do have to agree with Jerry on the nostalgia. I also loved to go through catalogues and circle the things I wanted. I wish catalogues were still a thing (the old-school ones). I think Christmas is just more exciting when you're a kid; you don't have to do any of the work or deal with the stress and you reap all the reward! The parents were the ones who put parties on the calendar and told us what to wear. They dealt with relatives and trying to please everyone, or at least compromise. They cooked the food and did the shopping at chaotic stores that were packed with people and then they came home and wrapped the gifts.

Once you become an adult, Christmas is totally different, haha ;)  But I'm glad that Jerry still has the spirit of Christmas. He has been positively giddy while listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies. It's kind of cute to watch his excitement!

I'll leave you with this picture to laugh at. Go ahead and make fun! ;)  I don't know what my mom was thinking with those clothes or my hair.

Christmas 1985

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 132

Once again, I just haven't been posting lately. Everything is good here (going really well, actually); I just haven't had much to write about. I was going to write a "catch up" post yesterday, but then I'll have nothing to post for Friday Night Photos, which I enjoy more. But honestly, I don't even know if I have much for that! Haha.

I've been working on a few small projects lately (a couple for other people) and I've been busy organizing different parts of the house. I absolutely love organizing, so I get kind of excited when there is a space that needs tidying. I've been working on sorting/condensing my sewing stuff lately; I hate that I always have it spread out over my dining table.

Anyway, as far as my weight goes, I wasn't thrilled with the scale. However, I also wasn't surprised.

I am pretty much the same as last week. I was at 141.0, today I was at 141.2. 

I say that I'm not surprised, but it's not because of eating junk and making poor choices about what I eat. I've actually be eating very healthy food over the last couple of weeks. My problem right now is portion control. However, I haven't been too worried about that because I had a bigger concern: sweets.

Over the last couple of weeks, my main focus has been getting sweets/sugar out of my system so that I stop having sugar cravings. I've done very well with it and the cravings are minimal now. I just need to remember that even a single bite of a cookie can start up the cravings again and it's SO HARD to get back to this point. Not at all worth it.

Instead of sweets in the evening, I've started making something else that is very satisfying and I look forward to it--however, it's not exactly low calorie. In a bowl, I slice a banana; drizzle on peanut butter and a tiny bit (maybe a teaspoon) of maple syrup--which doesn't affect me the same way as refined sugar; top with toasted walnuts and and my seed mix of (chia, flax, and hemp).

It's SO good and definitely healthy; I should just probably cut the whole thing in half so I'm not getting so many calories. And probably cut out the maple syrup now that my sweet tooth is under control.

I've also been focusing on fiber over the past couple of weeks, so I've been eating a lot of beans, lentils, and whole grains. We replaced our rice cooker when we saw a nice one on Black Friday. (Amazon links are affiliate links.) This is the one we bought; it was $85 on Black Friday, but it's $99 now. Our rice cooker (a cheap one) was probably about 10-15 years old and definitely ready to be replaced. Especially considering we use it so frequently.

We eat a LOT of rice--probably 4-6 times a week. Over the last year, I've discovered that there really IS a difference in brands of rice, which I never gave much thought. I regularly make brown basmati, brown jasmine, and short grain brown rice. I never used to like brown rice until I bought a particular brand of brown basmati, and I became hooked. And now, I actually prefer the taste and texture of brown rice over white rice. (This is the brown basmati that converted me to prefer brown rice. It only comes in a 10-pound bag, so it's definitely not ideal if you don't eat rice very often.)

After cooking the short grain brown rice in the new rice cooker, I was stunned at the texture; it was so soft and fluffy. When Noah is actually home, I want him to try it. He loves rice almost as much as I do but he doesn't like brown rice and he's very particular about his white rice. So, I'm curious to see what he thinks.

The new rice cooker has several options when cooking rice (brown/white, long/med/short grain, soft/med/firm texture) so I've been playing around with different rice and different settings. There are also settings for quinoa and barley, which I make fairly frequently as well.

This huge tangent was pretty much just to say that I've been eating a lot of fiber from whole grains. In groups of people, I don't talk much at all; but when I write, good grief--my thoughts stray and my writing is all over the place! ;)

Since I've been doing really well for the past couple of weeks as far as the foods I'm eating, this week I'd like to work on portion sizes to get my weight back down. I'm not comfortable being this size. I know I don't look bad (in clothes, anyway--ha!) but I just don't *feel* good at this weight. So, let's hope I have some progress this week! (And I'm definitely going to write a few posts.)

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