Friday Night Photos

I actually have kind of a lot of photos this week, so I'll just get right to it! I've already shared some of them on other posts, but since Friday is kind of a catch-all for the week, I'll share them here, too.

These are totally out of order, and it would take me a long time to switch the order around, so just bear with it please.

I went to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore to look for a light for our bedroom to replace our fan, and I found the perfect one! Jerry took this picture of me when I was installing it. (I have a picture of the finished light somewhere, but I can't find it right now.)

On Sunday, we went to Detroit for a Pistons game (the tickets were SO generously given to me by a blog reader!). After the game, we went to Mom's Spaghetti, Eminem's restaurant in Detroit.

I was out for a run and when I turned the corner onto our street, I could see Jerry standing in the middle of the road. I was wondering what he was doing, and it turned out he was taking pictures of me running, haha.

Here, I am cleaning some chairs with TSP to get them ready to paint. A while ago, I bought a large table from Facebook Marketplace to replace our small round one in the dining room. You can see the "new" table in the background (it's the same blue as my cupboards). I didn't want to have to repaint the orange chairs, so I decided just to paint all of the new chairs orange as well. A little quirky, but I'm a quirky person.

My carpal tunnel has gotten REALLY bad again since I started working on the bathroom and bedroom (and now furniture restoration). One night, I woke up in the night and I was sobbing to Jerry because it hurt so bad. I asked him to massage my wrists/forearms *really* hard--and then the next morning, I saw this bruise! Hahaha, he'd massaged my wrist so hard that it bruised pretty badly.

A recent furniture restoration. I bought this Pottery Barn piece from Facebook Marketplace and decided to paint it and then add the fireplace piece we had sitting in the garage. I love how it turned out!

We decided on all black for the bedroom (including the ceiling!) which made me really nervous, but I like it a lot so far. We're keeping the trim white, but we want the room to be very dark. Jerry sleeps during the day, so he's loving the dark room with the room darkening shades.

This is the table that I just painted blue. This was after I cleaned it with TSP to prep it for priming/painting.

I noticed that when I put the leaves in the table, they didn't latch shut. So I had to press the table together really hard from each end to make sure it was tightly closed. However, since I don't ever plan to remove the leaves, I decided to brace them together with a couple of boards (you can see from the arrows below). This will hold them shut as well as keep them from bowing if the weight should get to it.

After that, I used some wood filler to fill in the little gaps where the seams were.

Jerry bought this door mat on Amazon and I thought it was hilarious. Our delivery truck drivers can vote by placing the packages on "yes" or "no" regarding whether Ross and Rachel were on a break (a Friends reference).

This was from the Pistons game on Sunday.

We had the most amazing seats!

I love Detroit :)

Posing with the Mom's Spaghetti menu.

This was after priming the new table. Priming always makes things look worse before they look better.

My first run in a while. This was on Tuesday, when I just felt like I needed to do SOMETHING for myself.

If you look closely here, you can see that someone (ahem, DUCKLING) walked on the table before it was dry. Trying to paint furniture, especially with oil-based paint that takes a good 24 hours to dry, when you have cats is next to impossible.

To get some food prepping done, I made lots of spice mixes.

And I made several meals for the freezer (tofu, Asian garlic sauce, and barley). These are delicious!

I haven't been reading at all lately, so I finally started a new book. It's called The Cipher by Isabella Maldonado. Hopefully it's good! So far, it sounds promising.

A picture of the table after I painted it. I want to do one more coat on the top and then put polyurethane on it.

The chairs, cleaned with TSP, just waiting to be painted. I turned on a podcast and spent THREE HOURS just priming them! It took so long because of the rungs. I hate painting chairs more than anything.

My second run this week! I ran yesterday for a few miles--for self care :)

One of my sister's friends used one of my 5K training plans to train for a 5K this weekend and she made this shirt--how cute is this?!

Yesterday, I spent another three hours painting the chairs orange. Now I have seating for eight around a large rectangular table! To celebrate, Jerry bought me a 1000-piece Friends puzzle now that I have the room to work on it. (The chairs are still drying. I'm hoping not to find paw prints on them.)

I'm SO proud of Noah--he's been saving his money for a few years and he had a good chunk of money to use for a down payment on his first vehicle purchase. He'd been researching for the longest time to find the car he wanted, and he did--in Cleveland, Ohio! So, my dad, Jerry, and Noah all drove down there for Noah to buy it. 

I literally had NO IDEA where this picture came from! It was on my camera roll. I just asked Jerry about it and he said that a coworker sent it to him... hahaha! Kind of weird, but I guess the guy took the picture to creep Jerry out...?

And finally, this is a picture that I took with a self-timer on my phone. I was VERY surprised at how good it turned out! I never use the timer function, but when I was out for a run, I decided to give it a try since the lake looked pretty.

And that's all I've got! Totally out of order, but my week in a nutshell. Have a great weekend! xo

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Three Things Thursday: Self Care

Thank you so much for the kind comments on yesterday's post! It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one struggling with such negative feelings about myself. In light of yesterday's post, for Three Things Thursday, I decided to write three things of self care that can really turn my mood around when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I find it important to say that I feel overwhelmed instead of stressed; while the two words can go hand-in-hand, I don't necessarily feel stressed. I just feel like my to-do list is a mile long and it's impossible to know where to start. And not only that, I have other people counting on me as well--which leads to feeling guilty.

When I took the time to write out my negative emotions, the list was much longer than I would have expected. My therapist wants me to bring it with me to my next session, and I'm actually a little embarrassed by it, haha! But I really do feel like I had a moment on Tuesday that seems like it will turn things around for me.

Okay, so here are three self-care items I can do that can (hopefully) reverse the negative emotions I'm feeling in the moment...

1) Go for a run.

Now, you all know my love/hate relationship with running. I hate doing it most of the time, but I love the way it makes me feel. And when I'm in decent shape, I actually do enjoy the running part. As far as self-care goes, though, it can turn my mood around in the time it takes to run just 2-3 miles. Even if I've eaten poorly that day or I've been lazy and unproductive, a short run gives me a boost of energy and self-worth. Rather than feeling self-hatred, I feel self-confident.

2) Self hygiene with the whole shebang.

Freshly showered with my Cuddl Dud leggings

Take a hot shower, wash and condition my hair with the "good" shampoo, use a lovely-smelling body wash, and take care to shave my legs with silky shaving gel. Once I feel so clean that I smell like Bath & Body works, I brush and floss my teeth until they feel like I just got home from a dental cleaning, and then put on some smelly-good lotion before putting on my most comfortable pajamas--my super soft Cuddl Duds. Bonus if I take the time to trim and/or paint my nails and tweeze my eyebrows.

3) Turn off all phone notifications.

I do this with comments, too--I honestly plan to reply, and then by the time I remember, it's awkward!

I know this is probably a hard one for a lot of people, but I actually kind of dislike having a smart phone. Of course, there are a ton of advantages to it and I don't think I could get along with it (hello, Google Maps!), but notifications give me anxiety. It adds more to my to-do list (responding to texts, phone calls, comments, emails--and I don't mean just from my blog!).

I'm a SUPER slow texter on my phone, so it sometimes takes me a while to get back to someone (I like to wait until I can text from my computer). Also, people seem to want a response right away, and sometimes I just want to enjoy the moment I'm in without any interruptions or distractions. If you are friends with me, you know that I am TERRIBLE at texting back right away--it's just the way I am. Before smart phones, we could wait a couple of hours or so to talk to someone, but now that people are used to getting responses right away, it puts a lot of pressure on me to reply instantly.

However, I don't want this to sound like I don't want to keep in touch with people! I do enjoy getting texts/emails/etc, but I also like to take my time replying. And likewise, I don't expect a response from others right away, either. (If there is something that is clearly a timely message that requires a response right away, I will take the time to answer it.)

Anyway, I do think that turning of notifications for all apps once in a while is a great for of self-care. It allows times for just me, knowing that I can always respond in a little while. So, if you're waiting for a text or email or whatnot from me, please know that it's not personal. It's just a vice (or not!) of mine.

After Wednesday's pity party, I've been doing everything I can to turn my mood around, and it's definitely helping. I'm not "there" yet, but just doing one small thing (like going for a run) made a big impact on my mood. And that small thing has the potential to turn my whole day around!

When my to-do list is so long and I worry about pleasing everybody else, it's easy to set self-care on the back burner. But it's super important! And I'm going to make it a point to work on it more often. Even if it means watching a cheesy Lifetime movie in my pajamas with my phone notifications turned off :) 

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 81

As I promised last week, I was going to weigh in today no matter what. I'd been avoiding the scale because I knew that my weight was going up and I just didn't want to face the actual number. Which is dumb, really, because it's not like the number is going to be any different whether I look at it or not!

I didn't have a great week like I'd hoped to, but I got on the scale anyways and it definitely showed.

I don't want to do the math, but that's quite a bit gained in the last couple of months!

At first, I was disgusted with myself. I felt the familiar self-hatred that comes with my not feeling in control of myself. I had a pity party and I complained to Jerry, telling him all the horrible things about myself that I know I shouldn't say. But I was unhappy. I was pissed at myself for letting my weight get this out of hand, especially in such a short amount of time.

I just decided to lie down and curl into a ball with a blanket over me and feel sorry for myself. I laid like that for about an hour and a half, feeling completely angry with myself. (My therapist wanted me to identify my emotions in these circumstances--and I mostly feel anger, sadness, disappointment, fear, and worst of all, self-hatred.)

Before anyone tells me to be kind to myself or that I shouldn't feel this way, it's something I just can't help. It's like when you're anxious about something and someone tells you, "Well, don't worry about it!" If I could turn off the emotions, I would! But hopefully, that's what I will practice in therapy. I am trying--I truly am.

Anyway, after lying there for a while, I had this idea. I don't want to call it an epiphany or even an "aha!" moment, because it wasn't anything profound. But I started thinking about how nothing was going to change unless *I* took the steps to change it. Nobody was going to come and "fix" things for me. The weight isn't going to lose itself, and my body isn't going to go for a run unless I put on my running shoes and start running. My laundry won't fold itself, the bathroom closet won't miraculously build its own shelves, and the dining room table and chairs won't paint themselves. You get the idea.

So I realized how obvious it is that I need to make these things happen. They clearly can't all happen at one time, but if I take the time to work on a single project at once, they'll eventually get done. There is no time constraint. Of course, I'd like my bedroom and house put back together as soon as possible, but what is the big deal if it takes a little longer?

I made the decision to do the best that I could do right at that moment to better my life (or at least work my way out of my funk). And you know what I did? I went for a run! I left all the chores untouched, threw on some running clothes, and headed out for three miles. My legs felt like lead and it felt HARD, but I felt really good for doing it. And I even stopped to take a selfie (using the timer on my phone) by the lake--I was very surprised at how good it turned out!

And when I got home, I decided to do something else to better my situation right now: I prepped a bunch of dinners. I made some barley, a couple of blocks of tofu, and an Asian garlic sauce; then I divided it up into six portions to put in the freezer.

That way, when I am hungry for dinner and I'm home alone or I just don't want what the family wants, I can pull one out and microwave it. I used to eat my own dinners all the time before Jerry became vegan. Jerry also prepped his own dinners yesterday by making a tofu bolognese sauce wish pasta--something that's easy for him to pull out of the freezer when he needs a lunch for work. The kitchen was a disaster when we were done, but it felt so good to have accomplished that.

I also made a ton of spice blends to have on hand to save time when I want to make something in a hurry:

These are all blends that we use frequently: vegan bouillon powder (it makes tofu and other things taste like chicken), tofu scramble seasoning, mock Red Robin fries seasoning, Indian spiced potatoes seasoning, cheesy garlic blend (which is like a parmesan substitute), popcorn seasoning, vegan mac and cheese powder, and fajita seasoning. It will be so nice not to have to mix things up as needed!

After that, I kept going... I tackled the mountain of laundry that has piled up while I've been working on painting the bathroom and bedroom. I folded everything and put it away. I still hadn't written my blog post, but instead of feeling stressed out about it, I calmly sat down and wrote it. Finally, I took a shower and got nice and clean in my pajamas before bed.

And just like that, my mood had turned around. My weight obviously didn't change that day, but I felt so much lighter. I started thinking of other ways that I can make myself feel good now--painting my nails, dressing in jeans instead of leggings, doing my hair and make-up, going for runs, and making plans with people. Those are all things that I can do to put myself in a good mood, and work on creating the life I want.

It's not to say that I don't want to lose weight; I do want to get my weight back down to where it's comfortable. But my happiness definitely doesn't need to depend on that. Pouting and self-hatred aren't going to make me lose weight. The weight isn't going to lose itself, so all I can do is my best to make good choices today and hopefully see that pay off. But in the meantime, at least I can feel happy with the life I have at the moment, and do what I can to make things easier/less overwhelming!

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A Family Night Out

I wanted to write about this yesterday, but I just wasn't feeling it. I've been in a funk lately and it's hard pretending that everything is fine when I'm struggling (I don't just mean with food; I mean with all sorts of things). I have a million things on my "to do" list right now and it's so hard to know where to even start!

But Jerry, the kids, and I had a fun day on Sunday. It all started last spring when I got an email from a reader whose company works closely with the Detroit Pistons. She asked if we'd be interested in going to a game this fall! How generous is that?! I'm not a sports person, but I do love going to live sporting events. I've only ever been to baseball, soccer, and hockey--so basketball would be totally new to me.

I asked Jerry and he was SO thrilled about the idea. We decided to go on December 11th when the Pistons would be playing the Lakers. (For the record, I don't know anything about the teams or players; Jerry was just very excited to see LeBron James.) Noah and Eli had never been to a basketball game either, so they were just as excited to go. (However, I kept it a secret from them until right before we left!)

The game was at Little Caesars Arena in Detroit, which was just opened in 2017. Jerry and I went to see Kevin Hart there a few years ago, and it's a super nice building. I couldn't believe how great our seats were! We were in the sixth row off the floor and we could see everything perfectly. What a cool experience for our first game.

I don't know the rules of basketball, so I spent most of the time asking Jerry "What did that mean?" "Why did they stop the clock?" "Why are they arguing?" and all of that stuff, hahaha. I think he liked that I was interested, though!

My favorite part was actually not the game itself, but watching all of these cheerleaders/acrobatic people doing some really cool stunts. I really can't explain it, but here is a short video of it:

Isn't that amazing?! 

Anyway, the game was very close, but the Pistons ended up losing 124 to 117. I had a lot of fun for my first basketball game, though, and I'd love to go again! (A HUGE THANK YOU to the reader that gave us tickets--I'm not sure if she'd like to remain anonymous, so I won't mention her name.)

After the game, I was dying to go to Mom's Spaghetti (Eminem's restaurant in Detroit). Ever since I heard he opened it, I acted like a total tourist about it. (If you're not a fan of Eminem, there is a very famous song by Eminem called 'Lose Yourself' that was written for the movie 8 Mile. Here is the first verse, which references his mom's spaghetti (as well as "Rabbit"--his nickname in the movie--which is what the "rabbit balls" are referring to on the restaurant menu).

The Spaghetti w/ Rabbit Balls was vegan!

 

Look, if you had one shot or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment

Would you capture it, or just let it slip? Yo

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting

What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud

He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out

He's choking, how? Everybody's joking now

The clock's run out, time's up, over, blaow

Snap back to reality, ope there goes gravity, ope

There goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad but he won't

Give up that easy, no, he won't have it, he knows

His whole back's to these ropes, it don't matter, he's dope

He knows that but he's broke, he's so stagnant, he knows

When he goes back to this mobile home, that's when it's

Back to the lab again, yo, this old rhapsody....

I'm surprised nobody came up with Mom's Spaghetti as a restaurant name before, really. Anyhow, the menu is very small and the restaurant is meant to be touristy for sure, but I had to check it out.

The setup of the restaurant was very odd. You have to go outside and around a corner to order (you can see the window behind me), then you can go back to sit inside the restaurant (which is really just bar stools along a window).

I didn't order anything because it was pretty expensive, but Jerry got the Spaghetti with Rabbit Balls and I tried those. The "rabbit balls" were great! I wasn't crazy about the sauce, though.

The kids got the S'ghetti Sandwich and they both really liked it. (It's basically spaghetti with meat sauce sandwiched between two pieces of garlic bread.)

There is a an upstairs "trailer" that you can go check out though (a merch store, decorated like a trailer because of Eminem's upbringing in a trailer in Detroit).

Mom's Spaghetti was a fun place to check out, but unless you're looking for something touristy to do, I wouldn't recommend it.

It'd been a long time since Jerry, the boys and I all went out together, so it was a great night! I can't believe how big my boys have gotten. It was fun spending time with them. And Jerry, of course! ;)

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A Down Day

It's no surprise after yesterday's post that I'm just not having a great time lately (emotionally/mentally). So I'm just going to have a down day and go to bed super early. I'm extremely overwhelmed with all that has to be done with the house (I got a lot done today, but it's never ending).

I need to paint all the trim in the bathroom, install the trim in the bedroom and paint that, make or buy a headboard for the bed, paint the kitchen table (I primed it today), build shelves for the bathroom closet, install a door in the closet, and paint the bedroom and bathroom doors. And probably a lot more. It would be a million times easier if I had a place to put our stuff while doing all of this! So, there is clutter everywhere; and clutter just makes my mood, well, not happy. Hopefully I get out of this funk soon.

Anyway, here is a fun picture from our family outing last night. I'll write more about it tomorrow! (Mom's Spaghetti is Eminem's restaurant in Detroit; and you all know what a big Eminem fan I am.)

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Falling Apart

I'm feeling anything but brave while writing this vulnerable post, but I'm not sure what else to write that doesn't somehow encompass this: I'm falling apart.

Yes, that is a dramatic statement, but there aren't many words to describe how I'm feeling right now. Just a couple of months ago, I felt totally under control about my diet and exercise. While I was hesitant to write the words at the time, I felt like I had finally found the maintenance key I was looking for. I was eating healthy, I wasn't counting calories, I was eating foods I truly enjoyed, and I was loving running again.

The last picture of me where I felt really good about myself (mid-October)

Over the past couple of months, however, I've slowly been falling apart. I haven't been binge eating, but I definitely overeat--and not on healthy food, either. Pretzels and peanut butter are a favorite, as well as single-serve edible cookie dough that is super fast to make with common ingredients. Even bananas! I've been freezing bananas and blending them into a soft-serve ice cream consistency. I've had to stop buying any sort of nut butter because that's way too easy to eat hundreds of calories worth. I generally eat too large of a serving for dinner, too.

The simple answer is to just STOP. Go back to the old way of eating--the way I enjoyed, the way that felt good, the way that made me feel like I could do it forever, and the way that kept me from feeling like I'm falling apart. Why is this so hard, then?

As far as running goes... I haven't been. I have all sorts of excuses, but I know that they aren't valid excuses. I can certainly find the time to go for a run a few times a week, even if it's just on the treadmill.

I can definitely feel the weight gain in my clothes. My jeans, which were actually too big, are now feeling pretty snug. I had *just* taken in the waist of a lot of jeans to make them fit, too. 

I know this is catastrophic thinking, but I feel like this is the start of gaining back all the weight I just lost. Logically, I know it's only been a couple of months and if I start right at this moment, I can get my weight back down while keeping the damage as minimal as possible. But mentally, I just feel like all is lost. I feel like this is who I am, who I've always been: lose the weight, gain it back, lose the weight, gain it back.

I'm still scared to look at the scale, but I'm guessing I'm probably about 140. My plan (which I wrote about on Wednesday) was to log my food this week to see how many calories I was eating and to look at where those calories are going as far as nutrients. Not surprisingly, I haven't been doing that.

Other than what I mentioned above, I do eat a pretty healthy diet. I never eat restaurant food (maybe once every six months) and I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables than I used to. I try to get in fiber wherever I can.

I'm not saying that I'm doing everything right with my diet; I certainly have room for improvement. But this is definitely the healthiest I've ever eaten in my life. I just got in this downward spiral somehow and it's SO HARD to get out of it.

I make plan after plan, and I feel excited to do them, but one little thing will set me off and I go right back to zero. After the ideas I had on Wednesday's post (about why I may have been gaining), I talked to Jerry about it and he's obviously super supportive of whatever I decide to do. I mentioned how I stopped eating so much fiber because I was cooking vegan food for both of us instead of just me, and I didn't think he'd want to eat the same foods I was. He said he wants me to eat whatever it is that I want, and if he doesn't like it, he'll just make something different for himself. But he has really enjoyed trying new foods, so he might like it more than I imagine.

Without doing any sort of challenge for right now, I do want to at least come up with a plan. If I don't have SOME sort of plan, I'm just going to keep falling apart. So here is what I'm going to aim for:

1) Focus on fiber. That's when I was eating my best and I felt my best. Instead of rice, I'll go back to having barley or some other grain. I'll continue my favorite breakfast of Grape Nuts with blueberries and soy milk. And I'll eat my go-to oatmeal for lunch. I enjoy trying out new dinner recipes, so I'll just fill them with fiber however I can.

2) Make sure there is some sort of nutrition with whatever I eat. I didn't used to eat pretzels, because there really isn't anything good about them. They aren't terrible, but they aren't helping my body in any way. When I was trying to eat a lot of fiber, I always chose snacks like pears or nuts.

3) Drink a ton of water. I never feel good when I don't drink a lot of water, and if I'm eating as much fiber as I plan to, I need the water! I'd like to aim for four liters a day (about a gallon).

4) Get back to running (once again). I was really starting to like it again and then I stopped for whatever reason. Now that my body feels sluggish from eating crappy, it's hard to pick up where I left off. I'd like to aim for three miles, three times a week for now.

And that's it! Those are all things I was doing just a few months ago and I felt great doing them. They aren't too hard. I'm not eliminating anything from my diet. I'm not counting anything. Just eating fiber, drinking water, making healthy food choices as often as possible, and running.

Here goes nothing!

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Cats Everywhere!

I'm starting to get very excited about the bedroom and bathroom makeover. Most of the hard (and boring) stuff is done, so now it's mostly just about decorating. Hopefully I will have pictures of the final reveal next week! (At least of the bathroom; the bedroom is probably going to take a while longer.)

Jerry finished the flooring in the bathroom yesterday, so I spent today cutting and installing the molding along the floor. I'm going to wait to paint it until I do the molding in the bedroom, too. I'll try to get that done tomorrow morning. We have a fun surprise outing planned tomorrow night with the kids! (I know they don't read my blog, but just in case, I'll wait until Monday to write about it.)

Anyway, I am in the middle of a few different projects at the moment, trying to get things done as efficiently as possible, so I'm going to cut this short. But check out this shower curtain! Isn't it perfect for us?

It still trips me out when I'm in my bedroom and I happen to glance that way--I swear, for a second, it looks like shelves with cats on them. Then I remember it's just the curtain. (I need to throw it in the dryer to get all the wrinkles out--it would look much better.)

Chick, Duck, and Estelle all find it interesting, too; Duck couldn't stop staring at all the cats on there. Then he and Estelle each stood on one side of the curtain and they were swatting at each other through the curtain. That's the best I've ever seen them play together! Haha.

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