I love this shirt! After my recent post about alcohol, my sister bought this for me. She got it on Etsy and it turned out really cute!
This has been a super stressful week for me regarding Phoebe. I swear, trying to get cats to do what you want is like is like trying to lick your own elbow. That's a terrible analogy, but I couldn't think of one at the moment and I googled "impossible things"--that's what jumped out at me! Hahaha. And how many of you tried to lick your elbow when you read that? ;)
In December, when I was constantly stressed out because of the cats being sick. Side note: If you own a cat or are thinking of getting a cat, please take my advice to not let them play with string or yarn at all! The vet bills were about $3,000 to remove the string from Duck and his subsequent fever/hospitalization! Then he brought home an upper respiratory infection. Having four sick cats was awful. I had to take Estelle and Phoebe to the vet for getting whatever virus Duck had.
The hardest part has been trying to keep the kittens away from Phoebe's food. Her kidney diet food is expensive, and the kittens will eat a whole can in mere seconds if I don't keep them away. Phoebe likes to go in and out of my room so I don't want to block the doors. This means I have to constantly put her food down on the floor for her--where she likely won't eat it--and then pick it up before the kittens get it. Putting it in the fridge isn't ideal because cats aren't really attracted to cold food. But I've been doing my best! Still, a lot of the $2.20 cans (the tiny ones) have gone to waste (or in the kittens' bellies, who are getting heavier by the day).
Anyway, the stress got to me and I didn't count calories more than maybe two days this week. Not a good sign for a weigh-in but I just didn't have it in me to think about that. Last week's weigh-in was at 151.6. And today?
I was at 149.0! I believe it's been over a month since I was at that weight. I'm glad to be in the 140s again. One again, this brings the total to 48 pounds down since May 2021.
I made a meal plan for this week and I went grocery shopping today. I decided to do a bit of an adventurous recipe for my vegan recipe taste test this week. I'm excited to see how it goes!
I'd really like to have a great upcoming week--counting calories, attempting to run again after resting my knee. Having the meal plan will help a lot. I'm going to make a few vegan dinners and see if the kids like them. I love that they've been open-minded about tasting things. I also want to run again and see if my knee holds up. I still have problems with it, but it's not constant, which makes me frustrated because I can't figure out what it is. I'm so tired of seeing doctors for various reasons. This pain is different than typical knee pain.
I came up with a super easy and cool way to make my vegan dinners in less than about 10 minutes so. I'll write about that later this week. But it's been super helpful for the last couple of days.
Wow, I just fell asleep while writing this post! And it's only mid-afternoon. I haven't gotten much sleep the past few days. This is totally off-topic, but I have been having horrible night sweats for the last few months (usually for five days or so before my period). My sister said it happened to her, too, around this age (I just turned 40). I'm assuming it's perimenopause? If any of you have experienced this and have tips for dealing with it, I'd love to hear them. My sheets and pajamas get soaked and I'm constantly having to wash them! But I wake up really cold because of the sweating and then I just can't get comfortable.
Okay, I really need to get to work on dinner before Jerry goes to work. I'm excited to have had a good weigh-in this week, and let's hope it's another good one next week!
Well, Phoebe feels very loved! Thank you so much for the kind comments on yesterday's post. She cracks me up--the morning I was planning to take her to the vet to be euthanized (why does that word sound so terrible?!) she decided she might eat again. Last night, she ate a few tablespoons of tuna and some cat treats (none of this is her special kidney diet food--right now, I'm just trying to get her to eat anything at all!). And today, she's been eating cat treats and she ate about 1/4 of a can of her kidney diet food.
If she didn't look like a cat skeleton with greasy fur, I would think she's the same old Phoebe. Only now she's a bit more pesty because I took her outside a few times, thinking it was her last day with us; now she meows at the back door, wanting to go outside all day.
Phoebe has been at death's door several times over in her lifetime, but she takes full advantage of her nine lives. I'll have to write a post about all of her "adventures" ;)
Anyway, I just have a couple of Transformation Tuesday posts to share today, but they're good ones! Here goes...
We moved into our house March 14, 2020 and California shut down March 16. We have a little two bedroom house and we immediately turned our guest room into an office for my remote job and a play room for our cats and kept all of their fun stuff in there, plus my sewing stuff and random overflow. We eloped Fall 2020 and over Christmas really went wild with the cat toys--we gave all of the wrapping paper and boxes to our kitties (Amelia and Linus) to play with! The before pictures are a disaster but the cats LOVED it. The red string you see is hanging down from the overhead fan!
In 2021 we found out we were expecting our first baby and turned the cat paradise into a nursery! Here is my daughter Eleanor’s completed nursery. She was born October 2021! The cats are still getting over the loss of their play room and sometimes sleep in the crib, swing, bouncy seat or car seat to express their feelings!
To do the room, I used peel and stick wallpaper, which was super easy to install! That took an hour at most. Then I cut some pieces of wood to make a faux board and batten. I used finishing nails to attach it to the wall, filled the gaps with spackle and painted the bottom white. We found the crib on Marketplace, and there is an Eleanor Roosevelt quote above the crib! “You gain strength, courage and confidence in every experience in which you really stop and look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do!”
Emily
Emily, it looks beautiful! I love everything about it. A huge congrats on the marriage and the baby, too! You've had quite a busy couple of years. My cats would LOVE that room in the "before" state, haha. -Katie
After I painted and stenciled the floor of my three season room black and white, I wasn’t happy with how the color of my furniture didn’t coordinate… so I bought grey covers! Super easy fix!
- Sarah
Sarah, while I love the retro look from before, I definitely think the gray matches the room better. The teal throw pillows make a great accent color, too! And I have to say, I love your floors--I'm so impressed with people that do that and have it look so nice. I would be afraid to even attempt it! -Katie
Thanks so much for sharing your transformations! I always love seeing what you all come up with :) Please keep them coming so I can keep on sharing for Transformation Tuesday. If you have one you'd like to share, just send a before photo and an after photo to me at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com. Include your name and a description of your transformation. ('Tis the time for spring cleaning, so make sure you take before pictures of things that you clean so you can inspire me to clean as well. Thanks!)
I was fully prepared to name this post "The One Where Phoebe Crossed the Rainbow Bridge". It was a rough weekend with her. (If you missed it, she was diagnosed with kidney disease last week and was not doing well.)
We went to the vet on Friday (why do these things always happen on Fridays when the vet will be closed for the weekend?). Phoebe got an injection of an anti-nausea medication and I brought home pills to give her once a day for nausea. It was actually just one pill and I had to cut it into four pieces--that's how skinny Phoebe is. The vet said that it would bring her appetite back; at that point, it had been three days since she'd eaten.
I also brought home saline in an IV bag to inject under her skin every day (it hydrates her) so I've been doing that each morning.
Still, Phoebe refused to eat. She wouldn't even look at food. I've offered her a whole smorgasbord of different foods--wet, dry, chicken, tuna, gravy, crunchy treats, soft treats--and she did not take one single bite or lick of anything. She looked worse Saturday and then yesterday. I hate to even post this picture because she looks so bad, but I'm not exaggerating about how skinny she is. She feels like a skeleton with fur.
Yesterday, I decided that I was going to call the vet in the morning (today) to ask if I could bring her in to have her euthanized. She is super skinny and lethargic, with very unkempt greasy fur and sunken-in eyes, and she's extremely frail. I made a little nest for her in my bedroom and kept the other cats out. I felt like euthanasia was the best thing for her; she was wasting away. She hated the saline treatment, taking her pill, and she wanted nothing to do with food. She just seemed totally miserable.
I was determined to make her last day (yesterday) as good as I could for her, even though there wasn't much I could do. I turned on the electric blanket for her while I sat and brushed her; she liked that. She has always liked my Burt's Bees lip balm--she loves anything peppermint-scented. I swear she can smell it through the whole house and she used to come running when I put it on. When I was sitting with her yesterday, I put some on to see if she would react--and she perked right up. She started sniffing it and trying to lick it off my lips.
Phoebe has also always LOVED going outside. We used to let her in and out as she pleased, but one time she was gone for four days and it turned out she had gotten locked in our neighbors' shed. After that, I kept her indoors. We also have coyotes and foxes and eagles and other predatory animals in the marsh/woods across the street, so it's safer for all the pets to stay inside.
Phoebe still snuck out every single chance she got. She was so good at it! And when you go after her, she just runs away, only coming home when she's ready.
Anyway, I decided to take her outside and let her enjoy the grass and sunshine. I took her out a couple of times and she seemed so happy to be out there. That was probably the happiest I'd seen her in months. Still, though, I felt at peace with our decision to bring her to the vet today. The whole family did.
And then.
This morning, I got up and opened up some canned food (I still give all the pets wet food in the mornings). I'd been offering it to Phoebe all weekend long even though she completely ignored it. This morning, though, when I set the plate down in front of her, she sniffed it a little. Then she started licking the gravy! I was shocked. After 5+ days without any food at all, she showed some interest this morning.
She only had a tiny amount--maybe a teaspoon--but it was enough to make me question our decision. Since she seemed to have perked up after taking her outside, I decided to give her some more time to see how it goes. I'm not in denial; I am fully prepared to let her go when it's time. I want to make sure I do it before things get really bad (her organs shutting down because of not eating). But the fact that she showed a little interest in food today made me wonder if we should wait.
I remember a vet telling me one time, "It's better to do it a week too soon than an hour too late." And that stuck with me.
Today, though, she actually seems slightly better than yesterday. She hasn't eaten anything since the few licks this morning, so I have no idea if she'll start eating again. She went to the back door today and started meowing to go outside (that was the first I'd heard a peep from her in over a week). I brought her out there and rather than just staying in one spot, she started walking around the yard. I wasn't worried about her darting off because she has barely walked in days.
After about 20 minutes, she actually did break into a run! I chased after her, praying she wouldn't run into the woods. But she just ran along the sidewalk in front of the house and up onto the front stoop. I brought her inside, really surprised that she'd actually run from the backyard to the front of the house.
She began pacing around the house and she did that all afternoon (that's actually her usual behavior). Right now, she's sleeping inside of the little "bubble hut" I made (I have no idea what to call this thing).
Remember I started working on it and then I set it aside for a long time? Well, I worked on it some more last week and I added a little plastic bubble (when hanging on the wall, the bubble will be in the front). It still needs sanding and finish, but I knew Phoebe would like it so I put a little cat bed in there for her. It's her favorite spot to sleep right now.
As of what's going to happen tomorrow, I have no idea. I'm going to continue to try to get her to eat, but I'm also watching her closely for signs that it's time to take her into the vet one last time. I cried so much and so hard yesterday because I was sure it was the last day I'd spend with her. And now I just don't know. I let the vet know what was going on, though.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if she turns around from this. The kidney disease can't be cured, but cats can live a long time with it if it's treated with a kidney-friendly diet. Since Phoebe has never been food-motivated, I didn't have much hope for that. I have a hard time getting her to eat when she's NOT sick! However, she's been through some really tough situations in her life and somehow she's always bounced back.
I feel prepared to handle it either way. I would love it if she sticks around for a while, but I'm not going to let her live miserably at her age (she's 15). So, I'm just following her lead!
Since I started eating a vegan diet in January, I've been doing this recipe series to try out new ways of eating (mostly) familiar foods. I've always loved trying new things--even if it doesn't sound good to me at all--because I never know what I may take a liking to!
Each week, I pick a recipe (usually via Pinterest or something that is recommended to me) to prepare--exactly as written--and taste. When my meat-eating family is here and willing, they taste it as well and give me their honest opinions. I've been trying to pick a variety of recipes so that I'm not always making the same dish with a different sauce or something like that.
First, I have a funny story that is appropriate for this post. It showed up on my Facebook memories today (it was from 2015):
Jerry, the kids, and I were just eating lunch at La Pita, and Noah was looking at a bottle of extra virgin olive oil... Noah: "Extra virgin? There aren't very many virgins in the world!" (Jerry and I exchange a look) Me: "Do you know what a virgin is?" Noah: "Yeah, it's someone that doesn't eat any meat or animal products." Me: "Oh, you mean vegan!" Noah: "Yeah, that's it! So what's a virgin?"
Hahaha! Anyways...
Today, I just looked for a recipe where I didn't have to go to the store for ingredients. I've had a very emotionally rough day regarding Phoebe (I'll update that tomorrow) and the last thing I wanted to do was go to the store. So, I decided to try out a variation of a chicken salad or tuna salad sandwich--a Chickpea Salad Sandwich. (It's not meant to taste like chicken or taste like tuna; it's just a mayonnaise-based salad like those.) Here is the recipe on The Hidden Veggies. (I'll link to it again at the end of the post.)
Yes, I know that mayonnaise is not vegan ;) This recipe calls for vegan mayo (homemade or store-bought); the author uses her own vegan mayo recipe, but I just used store-bought Hellman's vegan mayo. There may be better brands out there, but Hellman's is familiar to me, which is why I bought that one.
The ingredients are simple enough: chickpeas, vegan mayo, pickles and pickle juice, celery, garlic powder, salt, and pepper.
The recipe didn't say whether to remove the skins from the chickpeas, so I didn't do that at first. As soon as I started smashing the chickpeas, however, the skins seemed very out of place. So, I removed the skins. (The last time I mentioned removing the skins from chickpeas, I said that I remove them one-by-one with my fingers and several people commented with faster/easier ways to do it. I just can't figure it out! Maybe I'm being too gentle with them? But I ended up removing the skins one-by-one for this.)
They looked much better after mashing them without the skins. (After I wrote this, I looked at the photos on the recipe again; I guess I wasn't supposed to remove the skins! They are shown in the photo. I doubt it makes much difference, but I thought I should note that.)
After that, it was just a matter of mixing everything together. I chopped celery and pickles (you could certainly use relish, but since I had both in the my fridge and the recipe specified pickles, I just chopped up a pickle). I added the other ingredients and mixed it all together.
I immediately thought that the texture was too loose for my liking; I don't like a ton of mayonnaise in the ____-salad sandwiches. Maybe if I'd left the skins on the chickpeas, it would have been thicker.
I took a taste of it before putting it on bread. Unfortunately, I was not a fan. It tasted like it was missing something--maybe some dill? And the mayo was a bit overpowering.
I didn't want to make a full sandwich out of it since I didn't think I'd eat it, so I just took a slice of Dave's Killer Bread (this bread is AMAZING) and cut it in half, then put the chickpea salad in between the halves.
I really wanted to like it. And I think if there was less mayonnaise and maybe some stronger seasoning, I would have liked it better. Noah was here--lucky him!--so I asked him to take a bite and tell me what he thought. He started chewing and then made a face that looked like he was deciding whether or not to spit it into a napkin. This doesn't surprise me and honestly shouldn't reflect the recipe itself; Noah isn't a fan of the salad-sandwich recipes in general. I'm happy he was willing to try it, though.
Eli wasn't here to try it, although I imagine he'd have the same reaction as Noah. Jerry tried it and said he really liked the flavor of it but not the texture. If you like the salad-sandwiches, perhaps you'll like this! I would just add the mayo last, adding just enough until it's the consistency you like. And who knows? Maybe if I'd made the homemade vegan mayo I would like it better.
There are lots of recipes for chickpea salad out there, so I may try another one in the future. I love the idea of it! The simplicity of the ingredients is appealing. I just wish I liked the flavor/texture better.
Again, here is the recipe on The Hidden Veggies. Maybe you'll have better luck!
Thank you for the kind words about Phoebe on yesterday's post. I haven't even had time to really process everything; today felt like the longest day ever! So, I'm going to put off my Friday Night Photos post to tomorrow. Or maybe even just wait until next week.
Last night when I was in bed, Eli came and told me that the varsity baseball coach wanted him to play in a double header today. (Eli talked all last year about wanting to make varsity this year; well, he made varsity after he tried out, but the next day he asked the coaches if he could switch to JV because he thought it would be more fun and his friends were on JV. Haha!)
Anyway, I had zero plans of doing the baseball mom thing today, but I had no choice. We had to meet the team at 8:30 this morning--I have no idea why the coach wanted them so early because the first game wasn't until 11:00. The games were 40 minutes away and with gas being over $4 a gallon, I wasn't going to drop him off to practice, go home, and then drive back for the games. So, we drove to the fields and I completely FROZE for the next SEVEN HOURS.
I went prepared, too. I wore thermal underwear (top and bottom), jeans, two pairs of socks, a hoodie, a winter coat, a Buff, a hat, and gloves. But I was still the coldest I've ever been during a baseball game. TWO baseball games.
The first game was from 11:00-12:45, and the second game started at 1:00. The games are usually about 90 minutes--2 hours tops. I have no idea why, but they let the second game drag on until after 4:00! All of the kids were freezing and ready to be done.
I sat outside for as long as I could stand it--about halfway through the second game. By then, my feet were so painful and numb (yes, somehow they were both at the same time) that I just couldn't do it. So I went to the car to warm up and I could see the game from there.
I just got home, and I'm dying to eat something and then sit under the electric blanket all evening.
This is supposed to be April?! Even Michigan isn't usually this cold in April.
Here is yesterday's random fact of the day...
This actually made me laugh, because it sounds like "all you have to do is..." and then lists way too many things to even remember! I shop alone. I do make a list but I rarely stick to it (if ever). I use mobile coupons. I buy generic brands (except for a few things). Still, our grocery bill kind of skyrocketed once the boys became teenagers ;)
Man, I've had a lot of emotional posts lately. And that's only the stuff I write about! There has been so much going on over the past six months or so that I *haven't* written about and I feel completely emotionally drained. Today topped the cake.
I'm going to save my Friday Night Photos post for tomorrow. I'm going write this quickly so I can try to distract my mind with anything other than real life right now.
On Wednesday, I heard Phoebe throw up (if you have cats, you very distinctly know that noise!) and when I went to clean it up, I saw that she'd just thrown up bile. Not that unusual--it happens with all animals once in a while. But then she continued to throw up bile several times throughout the day. The last time that happened was when Duck ate yarn and needed emergency surgery. However, Phoebe knows better than to eat yarn--she's about 15 years old now. Still, I wasn't too worried because Phoebe has a very sensitive stomach and by the evening, she stopped throwing up.
Yesterday morning, Phoebe didn't eat her breakfast. She's always been picky about food, so I still didn't think much of it. However, she was drinking a ton of water--much more than usual. I found her in the bathroom next to the toilet, almost like she wanted water from the bowl (I've never seen her do that before). Jerry saw her sitting in the shower later, too.
She seemed very lethargic and she didn't look good--un-groomed and her eyes just looked dull. She also seemed like she'd lost weight and Phoebe can't afford to lose weight. I weighed her and she was only five pounds! I placed water bowls all over the house for her because she seemed so lethargic I didn't know if she'd be able to go to her usual bowl. I called the vet to see if they could get her in, and they said to bring her in a 4:00 today.
From everything I read online, it sounded like kidney disease/failure. I really hoped it was something else, something that had an easy fix.
She did lie in the sun yesterday--she loves the warmth! (She looks big in this picture, but if Duck was lying next to her, you'd be in shock. He weighs more than twice what Phoebe does!)
She looked so bad this afternoon that I prepared myself for the worst--I thought for sure that she wasn't going to be coming home with me from the vet. I thought we'd have to have her euthanized. I prepared Jerry and the kids for the worst. She seemed completely miserable, hadn't eaten in two days and was doing nothing but hiding under Eli's bed. When I pulled her out, she seemed like she was in a lot of pain. I've been afraid to even pick her up because she's so frail.
It was odd going to the vet, because this was the first time I've ever been inside this particular vet's office! They'd been doing curbside service for two years (which is when we switched vets) but now they are allowing people inside. I ended up being there for over two hours while they did tests then explained the diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment.
Phoebe has kidney disease. And she's not doing so well. The vet explained that it's progressive--not curable--and we could try treating it with diet and medication. She suggested that we try it for a week and then do another blood test to see if her numbers improve at all. If she seems to be doing better, we can continue with the treatment; if not, we'll need to make the decision to whether to euthanize her.
I already know that this treatment is going to be damn near impossible. Phoebe never wants to eat when I want her to and when she does eat, it's only a couple of teaspoons at a time. The other cats can sniff out a can of food from a mile away and they go nuts for it. I'm not about to give them Phoebe's expensive food, so I have to try to feed her in my bedroom/bathroom and lock the kittens out. I can't leave food unattended for even half a second.
Phoebe will might take a few licks and then I have to put her food in the fridge and try again later. Each time I do, the kittens go crazy because they want her food.
In addition to the food issue, I have to give her subcutaneous fluids once a day. They gave me an IV bag filled with saline and showed me how to put the needle under her skin and give her fluids that way. I practiced it at the vet and I was able to do it, thankfully; otherwise, I'd have to drive her 45 minutes to the vet every day!
I also have to give her an anti-nausea pill so that she'll get her appetite back and I have another supplement to give her in addition to her food (it's like a gravy). So far, I've yet to get her to try either one and I've attempted it a few times.
Going through all the stuff with the cats in December was hell. I was so drained and emotional and just frustrated about the whole situation. It was like an around-the-clock job taking care of the cats. If it was just Phoebe here, it'd be no problem. But the food issue is stressful.
I don't have a lot of hope that she's going to get much better--Phoebe is just not motivated by food (or anything, really).
Anyway, we're going to spoil her this week and give her tons of love and attention. We know we may only have this week with her. I don't even want to think about all this right now. I'm just already stressed thinking about tomorrow and trying to *literally* herd cats!
(Excuse any spelling/grammar errors; I'm not going to proofread today.)
This is not at all the post I expected to be writing!
A few months ago, my sister suggested running the Glass City Marathon Relay in Toledo on April 24th. I had no interest in running races since I got back to running last May, but the idea of the relay actually sounded really fun. I've run it before and the course is fantastic.
The relay is done with a team of five, each person running one leg of a particular distance. Jeanie asked if Jerry and I would be interested, as well as her best friend Audrey and my younger brother Nathan. It didn't take long to even think about it--training for that sounded perfect to push me to follow some sort of schedule.
I wrote up a relatively easy 10K plan (the longest leg of the relay is 6.6 miles if I remember correctly) to prepare for the race. Jerry and I have been following the plan and are up to running five miles for our long run.
Unfortunately, I've had issues with my knee and I still don't know what's going on with it. I cut back on running--instead of running four days a week, I've been running three. My knee hurts pretty badly the day after a run (it doesn't start while I'm running, but several hours after I finish and then continues the entire following day). Then the day after that, I feel fine to run again. So I was giving a full day's rest between runs.
As of right now, I haven't run since Sunday because my knee is still bothering me! It hurts to walk or even do anything other than stand still or sit. I even notice it hurting when I turn over in bed. I'll run again as soon as the pain goes away, but I'm frustrated. It doesn't feel like a typical knee injury and I don't remember doing anything to injure it.
Anyway, that's secondary to the other problem... our relay team fell apart! Audrey is injured and Nathan said he doesn't feel ready because he hasn't run in a long time. Jeanie has a lot of unexpected stuff going on and said if we really need her to, she can come out for the race but it would just be for one night. She lives in Illinois, so I wouldn't want to put that pressure on her to drive all the way here for the race that isn't going as planned. (I don't even know if my knee will allow me to run then!)
I did ask a couple of other people about possibly joining and was able to find someone for one spot, but it's just not working out to put together a whole team this last-minute (about two weeks away). So, it doesn't look like the relay is going to happen for us. I'm super bummed! I was looking forward to it.
The bright side is that the training has gotten me following a running schedule and I've improved my fitness since I started. Jerry and I both said we are going to continue with the training schedule (it's only two more weeks) and then I'll write another one for maintenance so that we don't lose our fitness. I'm really hoping my knee will be feeling good enough to run tomorrow, but it might be good to give it a few extra days' rest.
Anyway, despite the fact that this isn't going as planned, I'll write a quick recap of this past week's runs.
FRIDAY (Run 4 miles easy)
It was cold and a little windy on Friday morning, but I still wanted to run outside--and I actually went out there and started at 7:40 AM! It was funny when I was getting ready--I had no idea how to dress for the weather anymore. It's been so long since I was regularly running outside that I completely forgot what to wear for different temps. (It was 34 degrees outside)
I ended up wearing my Cold Gear running tights, a thin long-sleeved shirt with a running jacket over it, gloves, and a Buff for my head. It turned out to be pretty good--I was a little warm sometimes, but each time I got close to the lake, I was glad I dressed warm.
I actually felt so good that while I was running, I decided to run five miles instead of four; my long run on Sunday was scheduled for five miles, but since I was feeling good, I figured I'd just swap the four- and five-milers. I ran the same five-mile route that I was walking daily for months in 2020-21 and it felt nostalgic.
As usual, I covered my Garmin so I didn't see my pace, but I deliberately tried to run slower than I've been running outside lately. I wanted it to be a *true* easy run, so I ran at a pace that felt comfortable. A good way for me to notice the difference is in my breathing rhythm--when I run an easy pace, I tend to run with 4:3 breathing (inhaling for four steps and exhaling for three steps). As soon as I notice I'm breathing with a 3:2 ratio, I know I'm probably going a little too fast.
(I actually wrote a whole post on How to Breathe While Running, if you're interested--I learned about it from the famous Budd Coates when I was at the Runner's World headquarters. It's actually much more interesting than you may think!)
After five miles, I saw that my average overall pace was 11:20 (I was imagining 11:30, so pretty much what I expected). What interested me most, though, was my heart rate. It was really consistent for each mile! And it was in the ideal "easy zone" for the entire run (according to the heart rate reserve training I wrote about last week).
Summary: 5.01 miles in 56:46 (an 11:20/mile pace). Average heart rate was 147 bpm.
SUNDAY (Long run - Run 5 miles easy)
I already wrote that I switched my long run to Friday, so on Sunday, I just had to run four miles. It actually snowed on Saturday night, but after having such a good outdoor run on Friday, I decided to run outside. There were only a few areas on the roads that had any slush/snow anyway. (It was 34 degrees again, same as Friday)
I used the same pacing/breathing strategy as I did on Friday and I had pretty much the same results! My average pace was 11:21/mile and my heart rate was consistent. I was in the "aerobic" zone the whole time.
A few hours after I was done running, my knee started hurting; then it got pretty bad on Monday. I skipped Tuesday's run and I'm skipping today's run. If it's better on Sunday, I'll run. I've actually really been enjoying the outdoor runs in this weather. The weather is miserable for everything else, but great for running!
Summary: 4.01 miles in 45:30 (11:21/mile). Average heart rate was 145 bpm.
Okay, well that's what's going on for now. Maybe now that I'm not doing the race, I'll write up a heart rate training plan to start when this schedule is done. I like seeing the splits on the new Garmin!
This shirt! I am SO excited that it fits me and I can actually wear it now. When I first bought it ages ago, I couldn't even pull it down over my chest. It was one of the tightest fitting shirts I've owned. But I loved it so much that I just had to buy it. I'm still not cool with my bare arms--I don't think I ever will be, unless I get surgery to remove the excess skin--so I covered them for the picture. This happened to be the one day that my cats *weren't* surrounding me and begging for attention while I was trying to take a picture.
What a week! Having my DietBet weigh-in on Saturday was rough, in case you missed that post. After this current DietBet game is over (July 1st) I will be done with DietBet! I'm glad that it helped me with what I needed, but eventually it just turned stressful. I definitely don't want a repeat of Friday/Saturday.
I ate back to "normal" after my DietBet weigh-in and I'm happy with how it went. My weight this morning...
I was at 151.6; this is certainly not ideal, but I'm down 3 pounds since last Wednesday. I'm happy with that! The thing that was having the biggest impact on my weight gain last week was snacking on nuts and/or peanut butter in the evenings. Since I am giving up post-dinner snacking until April 30th in solidarity with a loved one who is in alcohol rehab for 30 days, I'm curious to see how it works out. As a result, I've added a little food to my other meals to get in the same calories.
I won't write too much about weight because of my big post about my DietBet weigh-in. Just some random thoughts:
* My body is older now (I hate admitting that I hit 40 years old in January) and perhaps my body wants to be at a higher weight than I'd like. Since I've been hanging out between 147 and 150-ish for going on two months, maybe that's were my body wants to be. Disappointing, but what can I do?
* I'm less active than I used to be. My chronic pain limits my physical activity to an extent. Not to mention that I threw out my back when I was stretching for a knee injury! Hahaha.
*Speaking of my knee, I wasn't able to run yesterday and I STILL don't think I'll be running today. Believe it or not, I'm disappointed. Yesterday was great weather to run (and so is today!) but it hurts just to walk around the house, so I don't want to risk serious damage by running. It used to feel better about 48 hours after my previous run, but my last run was Sunday and it's now Wednesday.
*I tried switching up the things I was eating, at least for lunchtime. I don't think that was helpful. I have since gone back to my cold Almond Joy Oats. Interestingly, Jerry loves it too and I've been making an extra jar of it every morning for him to bring to work later. He mentioned at work that I am now eating vegan, and now all the guys are making fun of him and saying that *he's* vegan (he's not). Eye roll.
*I've started cooking ahead a little so that I don't feel overwhelmed for dinnertime. My meals are super easy--I usually make some sort of sauce (and I mix it together in a mason jar in the morning so it's ready to go later), then I make rice, barley, farro, quinoa or something like that and add in beans and/or vegetables. I think I'm going to make a couple of big batches of sauces and freeze them in single serving portions. I can just pull one out of the freezer and reheat it. By keeping batches of already-cooked grains in the fridge and opening a can of beans, I have a super quick, easy, and heathy meal.
I feel a little guilty for it, but I told Jerry and the kids that they can buy and cook their own meat. They're all old enough to do it and I don't mind making the rest of the dinner, but I don't want to do the meat. They all seemed fine with it.
So, that's about it as far as my diet/weight loss is going. I will not be buying any more cashews ;) I'd like to get back under 150 this week!
Happy Transformation Tuesday! I have a few fun transformations from readers to share with you today :) One of the submissions reminded me of a series I'd like to push a little is "Reader Emails"--where readers write in for various reasons: to celebrate some fun news--buying a first house, paying off debt, losing a lot of weight, quitting smoking or drinking, etc., anything they are proud of.
I'd also like to include peoples' projects--when people make a craft or do something that they want to show off, but maybe they don't have a "before" photo in order to make it a transformation on Tuesday. I'd also like to include thrifty finds (things that are bought at a big discount through thrift stores or garage sales, or even picked up from someone's trash! I've posted a few of the "Reader Email" posts, but I'd love to make that a regular thing. So if you have anything you want to share, brag about, or whatever, consider it a "show and tell" type thing.
Just send me an email at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com and include at least one picture.
Anyway, here are some readers' transformations from this week:
My transformation involves my 12 year old son’s bedroom. My son (also a Noah) is my sister’s only niece or nephew, and the only grandchild on both sides. As a result, Noah is spoiled by all of them and gets way more presents than we would like. So, he has way too much stuff in his room and it’s difficult to keep everything organized.
My philosophy on keeping his room clean is that it’s his space, so he can keep it how he wants. He can’t leave his stuff all over the rest of the house, but his room can be as much of a disaster as he likes. Sometimes, however, I can’t take it anymore.
Yesterday, I reached my breaking point and had to do something about it. This transformation was worth every minute it took! Now, we can walk through his room without tripping or getting stabbed in the foot by a plastic, pokey toy. Chaos to order - so satisfying!
- Elizabeth
Elizabeth, first of all--I LOVE that you let your son keep his own space how he wants it (assuming it's not a total health hazard, haha). I finally let go with the laundry issue and now my sons have their own laundry baskets--they are in charge of washing and drying their laundry, then they have to bring the clean clothes into their bedrooms. Ideally, they'd put them away; but if they want to wear wrinkled clothes out of their hampers to school, that's fine by me! And now they're old enough that they want their privacy anyway. But I think it's awesome that you're letting your son keep his space how he wants it. And you did an AMAZING job cleaning it! I imagine he loved it? The book on his dresser called Farts made me laugh ;) -Katie
My husband and I retired and bought a very small second home in Florida. We are trying to keep costs down and embrace the colorful decorating style. Storage and organization everywhere is a priority as the kitchen is tiny. We were looking for a bar cabinet or something we could convert into one and found this at a consignment shop. I walked by it several times as the store was crowded and the black color just made it disappear.
We removed the smaller 7 bottle holder in the middle section and replaced it with easier to use shelves for 12 bottles. A little time and effort, some 'Florida' color paint and new hardware and the look and function is exactly what we needed.
- Lisa, Florida
Lisa, the new color is STUNNING. I love the shelves that you added in the middle--it looks so much classier! What a great find at the consignment shop. It's perfect for a bar cabinet! And a big congrats on buying the new home in Florida :) - Katie
This is my art area that got way out of control but is much better now. :)
- Rebecca
Rebecca, holy smokes! What an awesome difference. I *love* organizing, so that picture on the left looks like a dream come true for me, hahaha. It looks so great and I'm sure it's a million times easier to find stuff now. (Although, sometimes I know exactly where everything is when it's disorganized and then I have a hard time finding things when I organize it, haha). Anyway, it looks awesome! I'd love to see some of your art, if you'd like to share it :)
Thank you so much once again for sharing your fun transformations! This is the time of year that I get really into organizing; I love cleaning out closets and cabinets. So hopefully I'll have some pics to share once I get some serious work done!
If any of you have a transformation to share, please send a before photo and an after photo to me at: katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com, along with your name and a description of your transformation.
Also, I'd love to work on the Reader Email series, so please send me pictures of crafts you've done, thrift items you've found, something unique you own, or any exciting news you want to share or brag about!
Once again, this is going to be a very vulnerable post that I really have to post when I'm feeling brave and mentally stable (not depressed). I wasn't planning to ever write about this so candidly, but recently something happened and I feel compelled to write my thoughts. (This is a SUPER long post, by the way.)
Someone that I am close to (let's call this person "Charlie"--a gender-neutral name--to maintain privacy. I'll also use they/them pronouns for the same reason.) Charlie and I have always been close; we deal with a lot of the same issues surrounding mental health--particularly anxiety.
I've known for a long time that Charlie has had a problem with alcohol, but it wasn't to the point where most people would consider it "rock bottom"--things like DUI's, losing family, losing jobs, losing houses and cars and spending all available money on alcohol.
Charlie likes to drink in certain situations--downing drinks during the days/nights off work. I won't get into those details in order to keep Charlie anonymous. However, Charlie was also able to show some restraint--no drinking on work nights. In this sense, you wouldn't think of Charlie as a Frank Gallagher-type alcoholic (Frank Gallagher is a character on the show Shameless--a stereotypical "drunk"). Charlie is a functioning frequent-binge-drinker whose problem has been getting worse over the years by using alcohol to self-medicate.
(For clarity, "alcoholism" is no longer the preferred label; it is now called "alcohol use disorder"--AUD for short. And it is more of a spectrum--from occasional binge drinking to drinking all day and all night.)
Last week, Charlie shared with close friends and family what was going on and that they'd decided to go to a treatment center for 30 days. I expressed just how proud I was and I REALLY admired their vulnerability in sharing such a personal struggle. I never had the guts to be *that* open and detailed about my relationship with alcohol. It's because of Charlie that I decided to write this post, actually.
On Thursday, Charlie entered detox/rehab in California (far from home). The people who'd learned what was going on were surprised--they didn't realize how bad the drinking problem had gotten (or that it was a problem at all). I talk with Charlie frequently and I felt it was only a matter of time for them to seek help. (I quit drinking in February 2021, but I never pushed them to quit; they knew that alcohol was a problem and I knew that nothing I said was going to push them into quitting. I never judge anyone with an addiction.)
Problem drinking is more of a spectrum than a yes or no whether one has Alcohol Use Disorder. I would be willing to bet that a LOT of people fall into the spectrum and don't really realize it. The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition) that is used to diagnose mental illnesses considers these symptoms for Alcohol Use Disorder:
For AUD to be diagnosed in the U.S., the individual must meet the criteria laid out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association (APS).
The criteria include having a pattern of consumption that leads to considerable impairment or distress.
At least three of the following criteria should have been present during the past 12 months:
Alcohol tolerance: The person needs a large quantity of alcohol to feel intoxicated. However, when the liver is damaged and cannot metabolize the alcohol so well, this tolerance may drop. Damage to the central nervous system may also reduce tolerance levels.
Withdrawal symptoms: When the individual abstains from alcohol or cuts down, they experience tremors, insomnia, nausea, or anxiety. They may drink more to avoid these symptoms.
Beyond intentions: The person drinks more alcohol, or over a longer period, than they intended.
Unsuccessful attempts to cut down: The person is continuously trying to cut down alcohol consumption but does not succeed. They may have a persistent desire to cut down.
Time consumed: The person spends a lot of time obtaining, using, or recovering from alcohol consumption.
Withdrawal: The individual withdraws from recreational, social, or occupational activities that they previously participated in.
Persistence: The person continues consuming alcohol, even though they know it is harming them physically and psychologically.
I'd written before that I felt the need to quit drinking. However, my life hadn't spiraled out of control from it: I wasn't losing my family or friends; I would never drink and drive; and I never became angry or mean when drinking alcohol. In fact, I was probably more pleasant! However, I knew that it was a problem, especially considering that I used alcohol to alleviate my anxiety (self-medicate). And I definitely downplayed it, including here on my blog.
I really started to worry about it in 2018 and in 2020. (If you may remember, I quit drinking for 2019 as an experiment to see if/how it would change my health/life.) In 2020, I thought maybe I could go back to having a small glass of wine now and then, or even a small glass of wine in the evenings like I did for many years (4-5 ounces of red wine) with no problem whatsoever. Well, that lasted all of a few days. Within a short period of time, it was right back to the 2018 problems with alcohol.
One glass turned into two, and then two into a whole bottle throughout the evening. When one bottle eventually turned into two, I was really concerned. I also hated waking up feeling like crap.
It's extremely common for people with bipolar disorder to have addiction issues--alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, shopping, etc. Personally, alcohol was my way of coping with anxiety. I have generalized anxiety disorder and if you don't know what that feels like, it's horrible. This short video will make you feel the anxiety that people with generalized anxiety disorder feel pretty much all the time...
Hahaha! I laugh, but it's a good example of the knot in your stomach when anxiety takes over. (Which is exactly what is happening to me right now at the thought of actually publishing this post!)
Anyway, alcohol always eased my anxiety (at least temporarily). It made me a funner person, more social, more talkative, and generally happier! (I want to stress that these feelings were temporary; once the alcohol wore off, I felt terrible about myself.)
Luckily, I was able to quit drinking on my own. (I was afraid someone would recognize me if I did something in a group setting.)
I even remember my last time buying alcohol: I went to the party store (which is called a convenience store or liquor store or other things in different areas--in Michigan, a party store is basically a convenience store that sells snacks, alcohol, cigarettes, and a few essential groceries). The owner always kept "my" wine in the back cooler so when I walked into the store, I would head right into the back and get it. On that day--the day before I quit drinking--when I came out of the cooler, there was a man trying to pick out something his girlfriend would like to drink. I asked what kind of things she liked and then suggested a couple of things to him. He got into line to pay and I was in line behind him. He apologized to me and said he thought I worked there which is why he was asking me questions! Hahaha. He, the owner, and I all shared a laugh.
It was funny at the time, but later I realized how sad the whole situation was. Being on a first-name basis with the owner, the fact that he kept my wine in the back cooler for me, the fact that I was able to suggest drinks for someone's girlfriend and he thought I worked there... and I decided to quit. That day was Valentine's Day, so my first day of sobriety was February 15, 2021.
The last time I mentioned being "sober" on my blog, a couple of people commented that I shouldn't use that word because I quit drinking on my own without a support group and because my life hadn't fallen to pieces--a.k.a. "hit rock bottom"--and the comments kind of bothered me. It wasn't easy to quit! It was actually harder to quit drinking than it was to lose 125+ pounds.
When you lose weight, people compliment you and notice as you get smaller. They ask questions about how you're doing and praise you for a "good job". But when you quit drinking--for whatever reason--it's more internal. Once you make that decision, you have to do it without the external motivation. People certainly watch you at get-togethers, maybe to hope to catch you drinking, but nobody says anything about your abstinence in settings that may be triggering.
One thing I discovered that was really important was acknowledging sober milestones. To someone who quits drinking, a simple, "Hey, congrats on 90 days! That must be super challenging for you. I'm proud of you for sticking to it when I am sure it must not be easy," goes a long way.
I was very excited about milestones, but I only celebrated them in my head. Maybe people thought that because my life hadn't fallen to shit before I quit drinking, it didn't mean that much; or that it wasn't hard for me to quit. (I do have a friend who became sober on May 1st and I hope to share his story as he approaches the one-year anniversary. He made sure to text me for my own important milestones and it meant a lot to me! I did the same for him--and still do.)
If there is one piece of advice I can offer to loved ones of those with alcohol use disorder (AUD) who became sober (no matter how they did it) it's this: Acknowledge their efforts, even long after they quit drinking. Something that would go a long way is saying something like, "Hey, I know this must be so hard for you being around all these people who are drinking. I just want to let you know that *I notice* your effort and I am really proud of you." Sober people can make abstinence look really easy! But they may be struggling inside and a little acknowledgment could be just what they need to hear.
When people do something hard--take an important final exam for a class or a job, lose a lot of weight, run a marathon, pay off thousands in debt, etc, they usually get a lot of praise and/or congrats. When someone gets sober, they are much less likely to receive that because they weren't doing something "above and beyond" in life; they were "fixing a problem". I hope this makes sense.
I'm not exactly sure where I fell on the alcohol use disorder spectrum, but I know I was on there somewhere. Once I saw how brave Charlie was by being SO vulnerable--Charlie has terrible anxiety just like me--I started thinking about how maybe I should be more open about it. When my friend who became sober nearly a year ago admitted it to our group of friends, he learned that several other people we know have problems with alcohol as well. It just feels shameful to admit it, so people keep it to themselves. It would be so refreshing if everyone would talk about it!
By his speaking out, and Charlie speaking out, and now *me* speaking out, I'm hoping that others will be less ashamed of admitting it to themselves or others. I think it helps so much to have people around you who know what you're going through and they may be able to relate.
Well! Since Charlie will be in rehab for 30 days, I told Jerry that I'd like to give up something for 30 days in solidarity. My sister decided to do the same. I've chosen to quit snacking after dinner--which is when I tend to consume way too many calories in nuts or nut butter. For at least 30 days, I'll have tea or La Croix after dinner, but no snacks. That's a tough one for me! But when I find it hard, I know that Charlie is probably facing the most difficult challenge of their life. And theirs doesn't stop after 30 days.
Something I told Charlie before they left for rehab made a big impact in their mentality of quitting alcohol. So here is what I said:
When thinking of quitting, the first thing our minds go to is "forever". Rather than thinking of the good things that are bound to happen, we think of forever--we can never sit around a campfire and drink beer with friends; we can never get together for wine with our girlfriends; we can never have margaritas for a fun Cinco de Mayo party; we can never share a bottle of wine with our partner during a romantic dinner date; and so on. That's when a lot of people dismiss the idea of quitting drinking.
I told Charlie that those thoughts are "romanticizing" drinking alcohol. We romanticize those ideas in our minds and all we can focus on is that we can never do them again. I said that we shouldn't focus on "forever" and what we can "never do again"--we need to stop romanticizing the drinking because how often do those situations actually give you those feelings you imagine? And it's not that we can never do them again--it's just that we have to adapt to doing them without alcohol.
A lot of people quit before they even start simply because they think of all the things they can never do again. But since I quit drinking, I've done several things where I normally would have had drinks: sitting around a campfire, flying on an airplane (flying sober was terrifying), parties/get-togethers, dealing with stress after a long/exhausting day, etc.
This photo below was shortly after I got off of my first sober flight. (This was in 2019 when I quit drinking for a year; I haven't flown anywhere since!) Flying is a huge trigger for me because I have SO MUCH ANXIETY around it, and alcohol calmed my nerves. I "celebrated" by getting some overpriced frou-frou coffee drink from Starbucks. I just remember feeling so relaxed and GOOD in this photo. I took the selfie to capture that moment.
My dad had a drinking problem (I was too young to really remember) but he went to rehab and got sober when he was about my age. And he hasn't had a drink in over 40 years! There are a couple of other important people in my life that I really hope will make the decision to quit drinking someday soon--I really worry about them.
If I wasn't sober, I'd think I was drunk while writing this post because I feel like I'm totally spilling my guts here and it's something that I feel like I will be very judged for! But Charlie's honesty really inspired me. And if I'm judged harshly, so what? I am continually growing and learning and changing to hopefully be a better version of myself. :)
