Today is the day!

For the past couple of weeks, I've been back in the habits I was in last year, when I was in a good routine and the weight seemed to come off easily. I wasn't really doing anything "special", but I was listening to my body and trusting it.

The trust has been key. In January, I was trying to eat healthier and I was getting in a ton of veggies, but my weight wasn't budging. I'm eating roughly the same amount of calories now that I was then, but I'm eating what I really want to eat instead of what I think I "should". Instead of trying to convince myself otherwise, I just eat what sounds best to me in the moment.

I no longer have weird aversions to particular foods, either. I ran out of the fish oil supplement I was taking, and about a week later, my normal appetite came back. I have no idea if it was the fish oil that caused the odd appetite changes, but the timing works out. Now, I've been back on the schedule that I liked so much before--eating four times a day at 8, 12, 4, and 8--and keeping my calories "reasonable". I don't set a limit, but I try to eat "normal"-sized portions.

And it's working! Today's weigh-in:

I was down 2.2 pounds this week, bringing me back into the 140's. I really noticed the weight loss this week, too--I was able to wear some jeans that had gotten too small on me, and I can visibly see that my "love handles" are shrinking (that's always where I notice weight gain the most!)

So far, I have not regretted the decision to cut back on running. If I run during the Indy Mini, it'll be a run/walk. I'm really looking forward to the race, and now I don't feel stressed about it. I did volunteer to run a 5K with a friend of mine in May, because she'd like to start running again, so I thought that would be fun. I think the reason I was feeling so burnt out on running was because of long runs--if my schedule only has 2-4 miles at a time on it, I don't dread it. I'm looking forward to nicer weather, too! Today is SO windy I feel like my house is going to blow away.

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I was super excited to share that Becky went into labor early this morning, so my post title is "Today is the day!" because my nephew would likely be born today. Well, as I was typing this out, my brother announced that he's HERE! It happened so so so quickly...

Becky woke up Brian at around 2:00 am, and said she thought it was time to go to the hospital. They went, her water broke, she had an epidural. I called Brian at 6:00, and he said they were both going to try to get some sleep, and that "no news from me means that nothing is happening." So, I was going CRAZY with wonder, but there was no news from Brian. And then at around 9:30, Brian announced that he was here!

His name is Lucas Charles, and he is 7 lbs. 1 oz, 19.5 inches. And seriously, how gorgeous does Becky look as a brand new mom?! (I looked nothing like that, haha)

I can't wait to meet Lucas! He looks absolutely perfect. :)

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Aviator baby

(I just had to update this post with a photo of Luke wearing the hat! Isn't he adorable?!)

Whew! What a busy morning. It feels nice to sit down to write :)

I do still plan on doing Motivational Monday posts on Mondays when I have stories to share. I haven't gotten any since that post a few weeks ago, so I'll just wait and share them if/when I do get them. So that's why there was no MM post yesterday.

I spent the weekend hanging out with the kids, which was nice. It was low-key, just hanging out at home, but it was fun to spend quality time with them. I also worked on a project for my nephew:

It's a baby aviator hat with goggles! Isn't it so cute?!

Becky sent me a photo of one that she'd seen online, so I searched for a pattern that looked similar, and just used different colors for it. It's not a very practical hat, because of the yarn I used, but it would be cute for photos :)  (Here is a link to the pattern, if anyone is interested.)

The due date for baby is March 20th--less than two weeks away! If I haven't mentioned it too much already, I am SO excited be an aunt. In the baby pool, my guess was that he'll arrive March 23rd. But if he happens to come early, while my brother is on a trip (he's a pilot), then I am Becky's back-up--so I certainly wouldn't complain about being there when he's born ;)  I can already picture my 1 Second Everyday video for the last week of March--instead of my pets, it will be my baby nephew! "This is him sleeping." "This is him sleeping in his carseat." "This is him with his eyes open" "This is him crying." "This is him looking at me." Hahaha, so exciting.

Also this weekend, Jerry and I went to Lowe's to pick out carpet for the bedrooms. The carpet we have in the bedrooms now is 14 years old and VERY ready to go. We got a nice tax return this year, so we decided to finally get some new carpet! My kids reacted as if we'd just won the lottery when I told them they were getting new bedroom carpet, lol.

My dad was admitted to the hospital yesterday. He's had some health issues over the past couple of years, but the doctors have had a very hard time diagnosing him. He gets some episodes of pain in his chest and back that are so bad they've even caused him to pass out. That's what happened yesterday morning, so my mom took him to the ER.

Thankfully, he wasn't having a heart attack. His heartbeat was irregular, so they got it back into a normal rhythm, but they still don't know what the problem is. They are going to be doing a ton of tests today, so hopefully, we'll get some answers soon! For now, though, he's doing okay at the hospital. I just feel bad because my kids worry about him. (Update: Just before posting this, my mom said that they are discharging him. Good news!)

Speaking of the kids, last night, Noah was eating a snack and one of his baby molars cracked in half, right down the center! It didn't fall out, but I knew it needed to come out after that. So, I just figured I'd call the dentist first thing in the morning. I never had a dental emergency before, so I wasn't sure if that was considered an emergency or not; Noah said as long as he didn't eat, it would be okay until morning.

I dropped the boys off at school, took Joey to Lucky Puppy (his doggy daycare) for the day. He was so excited to go! He hadn't been there in a while, and I'd like to start taking him every couple of weeks again so he can play with other dogs.

When I left there, I called the dentist as soon as they opened at 8:00. They were able to get Noah in at 8:50, so I drove straight from Lucky Puppy to the school, picked Noah up, and then went to the dentist. The dentist said that the broken tooth needed to come out, of course, but that the baby tooth right next to it was pretty loose as well. So, she ended up pulling both of them while he was numb. I'm glad it wasn't anything major.

Eli's been doing good with his physical therapy. I'm picking the kids up after school in a little while and we'll go to his second appointment. We've been doing the exercises at home twice a day, so hopefully the therapist will be able to see a little progress.

Well, I have a lot to get done before I pick up the kids! I will write more tomorrow for my Wednesday Weigh-in. :)

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Tortitude

Brr! It is a cold morning in Michigan today. We woke up to a dusting of snow and 20 degrees, with a wind chill of 10 degrees. Quite a bit different than the 70+ degree weather we had last week!

Yesterday, I picked up Eli from school and took him to his first physical therapy appointment. I really like his therapist, and I wish I'd gone there when I had physical therapy in 2015. At the time, I didn't realize that I could choose any physical therapist I wanted; I just went to the one that my doctor recommended, which was over an hour away. (My therapist was fantastic, but it was a long drive)

I was surprised at just how tight Eli's calves and hamstrings are. The therapist measured his range of motion, particularly in his ankles (where he has the most pain), and his range of motion is much less than normal. We learned exercises to do at home twice a day, and he'll have to go to physical therapy twice a week for a while until we can get his muscles stretched out.

Eli really enjoyed his session, and he actually loves doing the exercises at home. It was the first thing he asked me about when he woke up this morning, haha. I'm glad he liked it, though! I really hope that this will help his legs get a good range of motion so he's able to be more active without pain. The therapist doesn't seem worried, and thinks that this will do the trick as long as we keep up with it.

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While we were there, I got a Facebook message from my friend Sarah's mom. Sarah is my friend who passed away in 2014 a few weeks before Mark did. She had a long battle with melanoma. Our lives went separate directions after high school, so we didn't see each other much; but we were very close in high school. Sarah's mom discovered this sticker that was stuck to Sarah's dresser, and she sent me a picture yesterday. It totally made my day!

Yes, camera quality was a little poorer back then! haha

Sarah and I had these little stickers made at the mall when we were in high school. I always wondered (particularly after she died) whatever happened to them. I love that this one was stuck on her dresser all these years! It was really nice to chat with her mom, too. I think about Sarah every single day at some point (there are lots of things that remind me of her), so it felt good to talk about her.

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After putting way too much thought into it, we decided to decline going to the Ariana Grande concert this month. I really struggled with this, but after reading more about her online, I think it's for the best. I was kind of shocked by the surveillance video of her at a doughnut shop (I remember seeing that when it went viral, but I had no idea who she was). That video really bothers me, because I think it shows her true colors. I really disliked the way she treated the employee at the doughnut shop. (Licking the doughnut was gross, but I was most bothered by the way she treated the employee.) Yes, everybody does stupid stuff sometimes, but she was 22 years old at the time, and clearly knew right from wrong.

So, I showed the video to my kids, and they agreed that as cool as it would be to go to a concert, they didn't want to go see her. I was very proud of them for that! At their age, it's easy to get googley-eyed over a celebrity; but I think our values are more important. I know it won't make any difference to Ariana if we go or not; but I like to think that my kids will remember that people notice when you treat others badly, and it's not okay to treat people that way (even if you're a celebrity!). So, Jerry and I decided to plan something else to do with them that will be just as fun (I'm not sure what yet, but maybe we'll go to a local indoor water park or something over spring break).

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I saw THIS at the store yesterday:

I'm not a beer person, but I do love Shandy--and this box has ALL of the best flavors! My favorite is orange, but Leinenkugel's quit making it a couple of years ago. Suddenly, it's back--and packaged with Grapefruit, Summer, and Watermelon Shandy! I was very tempted to buy the sampler, but I'm going to try to stay away from the Shandy this year (or at least until summer time!). It's too easy to drink hundreds of calories worth, so I need to be careful.

This is the time of year where things usually start getting tough for me. Summer drinks and summer foods are my favorite, and they start showing up at the beginning of March. This year, I feel a little differently, though. Instead of telling myself "no" to certain things, I'm really considering if it's worth it in the moment. Yes, those Shandies would taste AWESOME when the temps are 90 degrees and I'm cleaning up the yard. But today, it's 20 degrees outside--and that same beer wouldn't taste nearly as good.

So, I'm going to try and decide what's worth it and what isn't, and be a little choosier about what I think is worth it. If something is worth it, then I will enjoy it!

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Monica and Estelle made me laugh yesterday. Estelle doesn't like the other pets very much, and she's extremely bossy. If she is sitting somewhere she doesn't let anyone else lie down near her. But when one of the other pets chooses a spot that she wants, she plays nice in order to be able to lie down there, too.

Monica was lying on a blanket on the couch yesterday, and Estelle clearly wanted the same spot. She was pacing back and forth, giving Monica the stink eye. If I hadn't been right there, she probably would have swatted Monica to make her leave. Instead, she finally just swallowed her pride and carefully made her way up there next to Monica. I was so sure a fight would break out, but Monica gave her a little glance and then Estelle settled in and got comfy. They stayed like this for a long time!

I sometimes wonder if Estelle is more tolerant of Monica because Monica is a tortie, too. Probably ridiculous, but I can't help but wonder! ;)

Have a great weekend, Friends!

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Hello, March!

Happy March!

There is something about February that I just don't enjoy (probably because it's usually the coldest month here in Michigan), and I'm always relieved when it's over. The highlight of my March was definitely the spontaneous trip to San Diego to visit John. It lifted my mood a lot, and helped me to start picking myself up from this depression. I was inspired to make plans with people and meet new friends. I decided that I'm going to start planning a trip to someplace warm every year around my birthday in January so that I have a get-away to look forward to. (Sunshine and margaritas with a good friend are just what I needed!)

I will get to my Wednesday Weigh-in in a moment, but for now, I just wanted to post my 1 Second Everyday video for February. It's not anything very exciting, but most of my life isn't exciting--it's just normal.

I realize I tend to rely on my pets for entertainment in my videos, and I use them probably too frequently! This month, I'm going to try to use the pets sparingly. They're just easy targets, I guess, because they're cute and funny ;)

I love love love using the 1 Second Everyday app. It's so fun to watch the entire month each day after I add a new clip.

Onward... today is Wednesday, so that means Wednesday Weigh-in. I had a very big drop on the scale this week!

I was at 158.0 last week (and for several weeks in a row), so I am down 6.4 pounds. Of course, this is mainly due to water weight, as I made some changes this week: increased my carbs significantly, quit drinking alcohol, started a new antidepressant, stopped running, and increased my walking.

I decided to quit drinking alcohol for a while as my body gets used to the new antidepressant. I also haven't run since Friday, and running always makes me retain a certain amount of water weight in my muscles--so, when I don't run for several days in a row, I drop quite a bit of water weight. If I start running again, it'll come back on. It's just a pattern I've noticed over the years, and it doesn't bother me any.

It could just be a placebo effect, but I feel like maybe my new antidepressant is helping even out my moods a bit, which also means less emotional eating. I've only been taking it for a week though, so I could just be imagining that. Anyways, I'm thrilled to finally see some progress! I was starting to feel discouraged, because I felt like I was doing everything "right" but I wasn't seeing any progress on the scale. I'm glad I kept at it, though, because today's weigh-in was nice :)

If you may remember, I chose to challenge myself to eat a salad every day in February. I have to say, I am quite glad it's over now. I was getting so tired of salad! All things in moderation... including salad ;)  Here is a collage of some of them through the month...

There were only a few days that I skipped, and it wasn't necessarily on purpose (I missed a day in California, and over the last week I missed a couple).

My very favorite salad of the month was with black beans, corn, cheese, avocado, and tortilla chips with buttermilk ranch dressing. I felt like I could just eat that one every day and be happy. I tried a very unusual salad with leftover spaghetti on top--I was not a fan of that one! haha. I also tried making a "Big Mac" type salad, with a veggie burger patty, thousand island dressing, pickles, and cheese. I really liked that one! If I had to choose just ONE topping to be my favorite, it would (surprisingly) be corn! Corn is one of my favorite foods anyway, but I never expected it to be so good on a salad.

Anyway, the experiment was fun, but I'm totally ready to move on. For March, I had already decided (at the beginning of the year) that I was going to challenge myself to get 10,000 steps per day. This will be VERY challenging if I'm not running, but I think the timing of this challenge is great, considering my last blog post. This will make sure that if I don't run much, I will at least be active enough to get in 10,000 steps. I did this challenge a few years ago, and it was very difficult, but I remember it fondly. I would play silly games around the house with the kids in order to get in all my steps.

This time, I'm going to alter the goal to be 10,000+ steps on 5+ days per week. Ideally, I would aim for every single day, but there are some days where it's just not going to happen. (In retrospect, I probably should have done the same thing with the salad challenge--five days a week instead of all seven.) Maybe I'll give myself a reward if I can get in 10,000 steps every day--like a new set of sheets! I've been wanting a set of Brooklinen sheets for a long time, so that would be a great incentive.

I have a few things fun things on the calendar this month: I have the RRCA Level II certification; Ariana Grande concert; local From Fat to Finish Line meet-up; and a game night with friends (I'm hosting at my house). The MOST exciting thing of all will be the arrival of my nephew!! (He is due to arrive on the 20th). I cannot wait to be an aunt! March is looking good :)

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Questioning my identity as a runner

Lately, Michigan weather has been CRAZY. We had a couple of days last week that were up to 73 degrees and sunny! I was able to drive with my windows down and wear short sleeves... in February. And then it got down to 30 degrees, overcast, and windy. And yesterday, we had some freezing rain in the morning.

A week of Michigan weather (not sure who to credit for this cartoon!
If you know, please let me know so I can give credit)

So, my last post was my Wednesday Weigh-in. I feel like I've been writing so much about my depression lately that I've just been avoiding writing any more because I'm tired of talking about it. After several hours of phones calls to the doctor's office and the insurance company, and jumping through many hoops, I was able to get my insurance to approve my new antidepressant. I am going to stay on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist, though, just in case this new med doesn't work out.

I'll keep this brief, and then hopefully as this new med kicks in, I will be feeling better and depression won't be such a huge part of my life at the moment--and I'll write about happier things! ;)

I started taking the new med on Thursday, and the initial side effects are a little annoying. I've found this to be the case with other antidepressants as well, though, and the side effects usually go away after a couple of weeks; so, I'm not really worried about them. Right now, I'm just having a lot of ups and downs with my energy level (sometimes I have lots of energy, other times I have zero), and I am having a hard time sleeping at night.

The hardest part for me has been when I'm lacking energy, especially because I'm training for Indy right now. Yesterday, I was supposed to do an eight mile long run, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't blame the medication entirely, because I still haven't gotten back my running mojo, so it's been hard to make myself run at all for the past several months.

I did bundle up for a walk with Andrea at the State Park yesterday, though, and I realized just how much I love walking. Running is something that I love when it's over with--it gives me that "runner's high" and that's a great feeling. I usually don't get the runner's high anymore unless I'm doing a really tough workout. But walking... I actually really enjoy going for walks.

I don't want to make any decisions yet, but I was thinking that if my running mojo doesn't come back, I might choose to walk the Indy Mini instead of run it (or maybe do a run/walk method). I think I feel like my identity is tied to being a runner, especially considering the title of my blog; but I've declared the year of 2017 my year of giving "zero fucks" about what others think of me and doing what makes me happy. So, if I would be happier walking the half, then that's what I'll do. But if my energy picks up in a couple of weeks, I may still choose to run it--we'll see.

It's interesting how much my running lifestyle has changed in the last seven years:

Beginning: Didn't feel like a "real" runner, but was getting there. Excited once I ran my first race.
Then: After my first race, I was hooked and couldn't get enough. I wanted to keep increasing my distance and my pace.
Next: Run ALL the races, get ALL the medals.
Then: Focus on one distance or one race, to become a better runner overall.
Next: Burnt out, deciding to try running "for fun".
Finally: Feeling like maybe there is more to life than just running, and it's okay to do other things ;)

Recently, I've been thinking how nice it would be to really expand the different activities I do, and focus much less on one particular exercise (running). My friend Andrea really likes to do water aerobics and aqua jogging, so I'd like to do that with her at least once a week; I miss riding my bike, so it'd be fun to do that 1-2 times a week, when the weather is a little warmer; running is an efficient way to keep in shape, so I could do that 1-3 times a week; and then I can use walking or other activities to fill in the other days.

When I told Jerry about possibly walking the Indy Mini instead of running it, I felt almost ashamed for a minute; then I realized how ridiculous that is. I remember reading Andie Mitchell's story about how she just gave up running one day because she really didn't want to do it anymore, and you know what? Her life went on and she was happy. I don't want to give it up completely, but to cut back significantly (at least for a while) sounds nice.

Basically, my overall fitness goal is to stay active and healthy doing things I enjoy. The activities I enjoy:

• Walking (especially with a friend)
• Running 2-4 miles at an easy pace on a nice day
• Leisurely riding my bike
• Hiking (I've only gone a few times, but I LOVED it)
• Kickboxing (I used to do this in college, and it was super fun)
• Strength training with machines (again, I used to do this in college, and I actually took a course to become a certified personal trainer; I'm not crazy about free weights, but I do like machines)
• Racquetball 
• Yard work with the family on a nice day
• Cleaning the house with loud music playing
• Kayaking (I've only tried it once, but it was fun and I'd like to do it again)

Some of those are a stretch (like cleaning) but for the most part, I wouldn't have to talk myself into doing any of those things. The things I don't enjoy:

• Forcing myself to follow a training schedule on days that I just don't want to do it
• Long runs (occasionally, I do enjoy them; but I don't like making myself do it to follow a schedule)
• Riding my bike solely for exercise (trying to get my heart rate up high)
• Aerobics classes
• Swimming (although, I'm learning to like it more now... I'd like to keep trying it)
• Body weight exercises like squats, plank, push-ups, etc.
• Sports like tennis, volleyball, basketball, etc.

This year, and possibly last year, has been kind of odd for me because I am liking the cold weather less and less. I used to LIVE for the cold weather for my runs, but now it's very hard to make myself go run when it's cold. 

I've very aware that my attitude toward running right now could simply be my depression talking--and maybe once this antidepressant starts working, my mood and ideas will change. That's one of the reasons I've been avoiding writing--because "Depressed Katie" is not the same as "Normal Katie". I'm more pessimistic, and I don't find joy in things that I used to (including running). I think this is the longest depression episode I've ever dealt with, and it's been frustrating. I just want to feel normal again! I am feeling better than I was a couple of months ago, so I'm hoping that trend continues.

I'm also being more proactive at feeling better. I've been making tons of plans with friends and family so that I get out of the house and be social. This weekend was super busy, and I had a lot of fun! Friday, I spent the day with Andrea; Saturday, I had a fun afternoon date with Jerry; and yesterday, Jerry and I took the kids bowling with Brian and Becky. I always enjoy getting together with them, and I love that they live just 30 minutes away now (as opposed to Minnesota). 

I got the most random email yesterday from someone who coordinates Ariana Grande's tour, and she invited Jerry, the boys, and me to Ariana's concert on March 12 (including a backstage tour)! How crazy is that?! I'm really looking forward to it, because I've actually NEVER been to a concert in my life. My kids haven't either, so this will be quite the experience. Jerry screamed like a 12-year old girl when I told him, hahaha. 

Another thing I'm looking forward to is a local meet-up that I planned for From Fat to Finish Line peeps on March 18. Of course, any of you reading this are more than welcome to come as well! We are going to go for a 5K walk/run at the State Park and then go to Cracker Barrel for brunch afterward. I was expecting maybe 2-3 people to respond, but surprisingly, there are 12 people who said yes, and 6 more who said maybe! After having met so many nice people in California, this was something I really wanted to plan. 

The following weekend, I'm hosting a game night with friends at my house. I expect my belly to hurt from laughing so much as it usually does when I hang out with these people, so I can't wait for that!

Overall, outwardly, things are looking good... and I hope my mood will soon follow suit! Hoping all of you are doing well :)  (Did I say I was going to keep this brief? Haha!)

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Wednesday Weigh-in: Starting Anew

This week has felt so messed up. My kids didn't have school on Monday for Presidents' Day, so that made yesterday feel like Monday. I was so sure it was Monday all day long! But today feels like it should be Friday ;)

Eli had an appointment at Children's Hospital in Detroit yesterday, so he got to play hooky from school. I was concerned about his legs, because he has joint pain, so I took him to a pediatric orthopedist. The doctor said he has tight hamstrings and cords, and pronated feet, so he's going to do physical therapy and get orthotics. Thankfully, it wasn't anything serious. 

I'm still battling with insurance to get started on another antidepressant. I'm amazed at how much of a process this is. The main problem is that I'm not under the care of a psychiatrist right now--my general practitioner has always prescribed my medication. So, my insurance company apparently wants me to see a psychiatrist, which is fine--I'd like to see one! The problem is, after calling literally a DOZEN psychiatrists, I still can't get an appointment. 

They either want me to quit my current therapist and establish a therapist under their practice before deciding if I even need to see a psychiatrist; or they are not taking new patients; or, there is a nine-month waiting list. I know I need to be on an antidepressant, and I really like my current therapist. Why would I quit after having built a relationship with her? I'm supposed to hear from my doctor today about what to do next.

Anyway. Jerry was off work on Monday, and since the kids were off school, we decided to do something together. We had planned to go to Canada for the day, but the weather wasn't great, and I was hoping to do the riverwalk. So, we decided to put off that day trip for another time when we have better weather, and we took the kids to Barnes & Noble. Doesn't sound very exciting, but considering there aren't many real book stores around anymore, we don't go often. When Jerry and I were dating, wandering around the book store was one of our favorite things to do.

We spent about an hour in there, and I never even made it out of the bargain books section (clearance books)! Haha, I could browse all day. When we got home, I realized how funny Jerry's and my book picks were...

I don't think I have to explain that Jerry's are on top ;)

I'm excited to read The Happiness Project! I started it once before, but in my usual fashion, abandoned it after a chapter or two. My attention span is terrible when it comes to books! That's why I made it a goal to read one book a month. I really need to get moving on February, because I just haven't felt like reading.

So, today was my Wednesday Weigh-in. I hoped for any number other than 158.0, because that's what I've been seeing for over a month now. And the result?

Seriously! I started thinking hard about what is so different about what I'm doing now versus what I was doing a year ago. My diet is actually a lot healthier now than it was then. I did notice one big difference, though--I'm eating much fewer carbs now than before. It's not intentional (I love carbs!); but, I haven't been wanting anything sweet in the mornings, and it's hard to find a non-sweet breakfast with carbs. And then I've been doing my salad challenge for lunch (eat a salad every day for February), and the salads aren't exactly loaded with carbs, either.

So, my carb intake is a lot lower than before; and from experience, I've learned that my body functions best with a high amount of carbs. This could contribute to why I haven't had any energy recently, too. So, I'm going to start making sure that I increase my carbs this week, particularly for breakfast and lunch. I'm curious to see if that will make the scale move. I would be thrilled to see anything under 158 next week.

From Fat to Finish Line recently started a series called "Start Anew Sundays" for people just like me--who have lost weight, gained some back, and are getting back on track. I don't want to put pressure on myself to get it off in a certain amount of time, but I am motivated right now to work on it. My food tastes have changed so much recently--I can't even stomach the thought of eating the same things I ate last year when I got back down to goal. So, I'm just going to do some experimenting and see if I can find what works. Basically, I'm going to follow my own advice ;)

It's been helpful to see others who have gone through or are going through the same thing with their weight. Angela, the producer of the documentary, shared her story the other day, and it was such a great post! You can find it here: Saying Goodbye to Idealistic Expectations. It's a very nice read!

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Motivational Monday #138

Happy Motivational Monday!

It's been a long time since I've done a Motivational Monday post, so I'm excited to bring it back today. For a while, I wasn't getting many submissions anymore, even though I was getting a ton of feedback from people saying they loved Motivational Mondays. So, I made the decision to stop doing it (I didn't enjoy scrambling to put something together each week). So, we'll see how this goes...

I was excited to kick off today's post with three very motivating stories! I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did :)

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This first email is from Theresa--she and her daughter Lindsey reached a pretty impressive goal!

"Ever since my first marathon at  age 53 in 2011, my daughter and I had toyed with the idea of running an ultra. It was on my daughter’s bucket list and I wanted to help her out, so I suggested to her in May 2016 that there would be no “good” time – we needed to just do it!  

It was the culmination of 21 weeks of training (500 running + 147 walking miles). We ran and ran all summer, but didn’t see the course until 3 weeks before the race. We intended to do our last long training run there, but were so unprepared for the hills! After only 3 miles, we felt defeated and walked most of the way back. We expected some hills, but nothing like that! We live on the flats, so had NO hill training. My butt was so sore from only 3 miles… how in the world would I ever survive 35 miles of hills?  

When race day arrived, we were nervous, we were excited, but mostly terrified! The weather was gorgeous, but the hills were killers (lots of them and many were HUGE) along with the other obstacles of some narrow, bumpy and rutted paths, twigs under all the leaves, many low, mud-filled areas that muddied up our shoes and took some maneuvering to cross. We stumbled, but never fell; not even on the log balancing act! We were determined to finish even if we ended up last. We weren’t last, but at 10.5 hours we definitely got our money’s worth from our entry fee!"

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Pam, below, has been on her weight loss journey for about the same time as I have, and she's gone through several ups and downs, too. She has been "following" me since SparkPeople in 2010, and I just adore her! I am super proud of her (how many people in their 60's take control of their weight and lose 168 pounds with good old diet and exercise?!! She's the only one that I know.) :)

"On April 15, 2011, I hit my original goal weight of 160 lbs. which was a loss of 168 lbs. from my all-time high weight of 328 lbs. in July of 2009. I maintained at around 150 lbs. for several years before a 35 lb. gain starting in late 2013. I got that gain back off by Christmas 2014, but ended up going off-track once again, and before I stopped I had gained over 50 lbs. back, topping out at 203 lbs. in October 2015.

Your talk about goals really hits home with me. My son was getting married in October 2016, so with that GOAL in mind (I'm with you--goals are GOOD!), I joined Weight Watchers online in April 2016, weighing in at 185 pounds (my half-hearted attempts had led to an almost 20-pound loss in the months between October and April), and by that wedding last October, I weighed in at 149.4! I consider 150 my "happy weight," and felt so good about myself. I had taken a picture of myself in the dress I bought for the wedding when I got it in April. Then I took another picture at my goal weight and was amazed at the difference that 35 lbs. made. After losing 178 lbs., I really thought 35 pounds didn't make that much difference. but it sure does!! The dress still fit okay, but it looked so much better at 150 lbs., than it did at 185 lbs.  That is the picture I attached..... 

Now I need to find another goal, because once again I have regained a few pounds.  Like you, coming to the realization that summer is your regain time, I have decided the holidays and winter is my regain time. Hopefully I can continue to get back on track once again and get back to my happy weight. I need to set a new goal--obviously!!!"

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Finally, this last email is from Rhonda, who I am looking forward to meeting in Vegas! (I love your husband's comment from the starting line, by the way--haha!)

I always enjoyed the Motivational Monday postings so am excited to see you bringing that back to the blog.  Like you, I also do best when having goals “Out there”.  I set a goal a few years ago to run a Half Marathon every month.  I felt this goal would keep me focused on my running and training consistently.  I don’t necessarily set speed goals for myself as speed work tends to bother my hips… so I’m basically a turtle and am in it just to finish.  This past weekend, I ran the Heart Breaker Half in Hillsboro, Oregon and that was my 24^th consecutive month running at least one Half.  There are a few months in there where I ran two!  The weather was cold at the start (30 degrees) but fortunately no wind.  My husband (my biggest supporter) walked with me to the start line, and as we were shivering, he turned to me and said, “Why can’t you have a normal hobby like knitting or something like other women?”  I’m still laughing over that one.

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Ladies, thank you SO much for sharing your accomplishments! I love seeing stuff like this in my inbox again :)

If you have a story you'd like to submit for next Monday, you can check out how to do so here. Thanks!

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TUTORIAL: How To Design and Hand Paint a Wooden Sign

I promise to try to get started next week with posting more regularly--the themed posts I mentioned in my last blog post. Now that I've been feeling better, I've been trying to catch up on things that I had lost focus of for a while. It's been nice getting back into the groove, and feeling excited about things again, but I've been busy! I've put the blog on the back burner, but I hope to put more focus on it soon.

I recently made a gift for John and Ric (whose house I stayed at in San Diego) as a thank you for hosting me.

John and Ric host people a lot, and they are truly just the kindest people. A few years ago, their friend broke her leg, and couldn't drive back home to L.A., so she ended up staying with John and Ric for several weeks. She told her mom that she was at the "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center" (Sanchez is Ric's last name, and Hulsey is John's). Even though it was a joke, her mom then sent a care package addressed to the recovery center.

Since then, John and Ric "check in" to their house on social media as the "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center". And it was very fitting for me, then, when I went there to take a breather from my depression. I literally felt like I was going there to recover--like rehab, but without the addiction part. So, you can see why I made this gift, then:

It's just a simple wooden sign that I painted blue and then lettered in "Sanchez Hulsey Brothers of Mercy Recovery Center" with white. I love how it turned out!

Making it wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped it would be. My original thought was that I would use stencils and spray paint. But I would have to make a stencil first, which would be the hard part. I watched a couple of YouTube tutorials, and was totally overwhelmed. I bought the stuff to make the stencil, and it wasn't working out very well. First, I had to design it in a Photoshop-like program (I use one called Gimp). I had to adjust it to be just the right size, which was harder than anticipated, because the sign was larger than your average 8.5x11 sheet of paper.

Once I started cutting out the stencil, I had so many problems with it that I just gave up. I started researching ordering a sign online, but I knew it would mean more to John if it was handmade. I looked up how to paint a wood sign on YouTube, and watched several tutorials. I finally decided to try one that seemed really hokey, but I was desperate. And it actually worked!

You need just a few simple things to make it:

• Computer and printer (you could freestyle it, but my writing isn't that neat)
• Scissors
• Pencil and sharpener
• Piece of wood for the sign (I bought a plain piece that was shaped already, but not painted or stained or anything like that).
• Spray paint for the background
• Small bottle of acrylic paint for the lettering
• A tiny paintbrush (I had to use a very small one in order to keep the letters from blending together)
• Masking tape, or other gentle tape

First, use the spray paint to paint the entire board. I set my board on a piece of cardboard and brought it outside. I sprayed two coats, and it was dry within minutes.

Next, you need to measure your sign and make a template on the computer. You could use Word or some program like it, but I chose to use Gimp. Design on the computer to make it look how you want it on the sign. When choosing a font, you might want to think about how easy it will be to paint. If there is a ton of very tiny detail, it'll be more difficult than a font like Impact, for example.

Once your template looks how you want it, then print it out. If necessary, you can cut the words out to arrange them on the board. Just make sure you leave enough space around each word to work with.

When it all fits on the board how you want it, turn the papers over and scribble with the pencil all over where the words would be. You don't need to cover the entire back side of the paper; but make sure that the pencil covers the whole back surface of each letter. (You may have to sharpen your pencil a few times). It doesn't have to be dark scribbling--a light touch worked surprisingly well.

Once the backside of the template is covered with pencil, flip it back over and set it on the board in the exact spot that you want it to be. Use a few pieces of masking tape to keep it in place.

Using a sharp pencil, trace the outline of each letter (again, you don't have to press hard). What this does is use the lead scribbling as a "transfer paper"--so, when you trace those letters with your pencil, the lead from the scribbling gets transferred to the board.

When you are done tracing the letters, you can take the papers off of the board. You'll notice that you have the outline of each letter on the board!

From there, you can take your time dipping the paint brush in a little bit of paint, and carefully tracing and filling in the letters with paint. If you have a steady hand, this will be no problem at all (my hand is terribly shaky, but even I managed to keep the paint in the lines). It took me a couple of hours, but I was thrilled with how good the lettering turned out! I NEVER could have done that freehand.

This was actually much easier than using stencils, and I enjoyed it more, too. I sat down and watched a movie on Netflix while taking my time painting. I am thrilled with how it turned out. And it was so fun that it makes me want to make more now, too! haha.

I've been excited for John to get it so that I could post about it here. Thankfully, John and Ric really liked it, so I'm happy :)

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Big goals and plans!

Why, oh why, is the time going by so quickly?! I cannot believe that it's been a week since I've been home from California. I don't feel like I've been insanely busy, but looking back over the week, I guess I have been.

I've been doing really well as far as my depression goes. I still feel the effects of it, but I am actively working on making plans and doing things that will make me happier in the long run. I know I've been writing a lot about my depression lately, but it felt like it was all-consuming for a while. There are a lot of people who have expressed that they are grateful that I've been openly discussing it, so I wanted to write candidly about it. Now, I am hoping that I'll be writing more and more about feeling better and getting back to the "normal" groove I strive for.

I've been thinking a lot about what exactly caused this tailspin last year. I felt on top of the world a year ago, and everything took such a drastic turn. I was at my lowest weight (about 121 pounds) a year ago, and I was training SO hard for my 10K. I was regularly running sub-8:00 miles, and feeling fantastic about it.

I don't write this now to dwell on the changes, but rather to hopefully see what happened to cause the change. I've finally narrowed it down to my first therapist. I started therapy last spring, because I was having panic attacks almost daily and my anxiety was terrible (the depression was almost nonexistent a year ago). I ran my 10K in April, crushing my goal and finishing in 49:03. Then, I had no idea what to do next.

I did it!! Now what?!

I mentioned to the therapist that I have always been a goal-oriented person. I set a goal, and do my best to complete it--and I love setting goals! The therapist told me that I should try to be content with my life without always having a goal. She said that I needed to learn how to just be content as-is, because what if I can't set goals one day--would it send me into a tailspin?

Well, in retrospect, I should have listened to my gut feeling and continued to do what worked for me for so long. There is nothing wrong with having goals! By not setting any new goals, I felt lost and unmotivated. I started skipping more and more runs, simply because I wasn't training for a race or anything.

I kept hoping that I would eventually feel motivated to take care of myself even without having a goal of some sort, but it never happened. I put on a lot of weight very quickly last summer, but without a goal in the fall, I had no plan in place to take the weight back off.

One thing that I am very grateful for is that I had an epiphany about my summer weight gain. I no longer feel ashamed of it, and I don't panic about it. I'm not embarrassed to to post photos of myself at this weight anymore. I don't enjoy being a higher weight, of course, and I'm actively trying to take it off; but, I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed anymore, either. I'd say that's a big improvement!

Anyway, I think the therapist's advice to stop making goals was definitely the wrong plan for me. I know what she was going for, and she had good intentions, but my personality thrives on goals. So, I started a bullet journal for my goals and to track my way back to goal weight and being in shape. (My current therapist agrees that goals are the way I get things done, and I thrive that way).

Since I am SUPER excited about going to Vegas in November to meet up with a ton of From Fat to Finish Line fans, my main focus is to be happy with my appearance and my physical condition when I go on the trip. There are 38 weeks until the Vegas trip, which is plenty of time to accomplish this. Ideally, I'd like to weigh about 125 for that race (I'll be running the half-marathon, and while I don't care to set a time goal, I'd like to feel great during the race).

I weighed in on my fancy new scale Wednesday:

I've been at this weight for about a month now, I think. (In case anyone is wondering, the new scale is the Health O Meter Professional 349KLX digital floor scale (Amazon affiliate link). It was definitely a splurge, as it was pretty expensive--but considering how much I use it, and that having a nice one would make me more motivated, it was worth it. I love it! And I'll never have to buy a scale again.)

So, my "if all the stars align" goal is to weigh 125 by November 9th. That would mean losing about 0.87 pounds per week, which is totally do-able. Of course, all the medication changes lately could have any number of consequences on my weight, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. My actual goal weight is 133, and not 125, but I've realized that I do better when I aim bigger than when I aim smaller. So, even if I "only" get down to 140 or 135, I will still be very happy with that.

Right now, I am training for the Indy Mini (13.1) in May. Once I finish that, I will pick another race to train for, just to keep myself going with goals. Indy is 12 weeks away, and training starts today! I'm following my own "Finish Strong" plan, which is a good choice for my current goal and situation.

I set up some pages in my bullet journal to get me started and motivate me to focus on my goals.

A little visual to see as I lose weight--I'll color in each
square as I reach that weight

To keep track of my weigh-ins, I like to do something that I did when I was losing the weight in 2009-2010. I calculate how much I need to lose each week in order to hit a goal by a certain time frame. Then, when I weigh in, I look to see how close I am to that goal number. I would ideally like the difference to be 0 or a negative number each week. On March 1, for example, if I weigh in at 154, the difference would be -1, because the goal for that date is 155 (meaning I'd be a pound below my goal for that date). Anyway, this is where I'll track that. I am also going to keep track of my weekly calories again. That was helpful last year when I needed to make adjustments. 

This is for a loss of one pound per week

Another reason I like to list a goal for each week ahead of time is so that I can see, "Hey, if I stay on track, I can be in the 130's by June 21!" or things like that. It helps to look ahead--kind of like on My Fitness Pal, when they tell you what you would weigh in five weeks if every day were like the current day.

I also wrote out my entire training plan for Indy, so I can color in the squares as I finish each workout. The goal is to have ALL the squares colored in, with the exception of four days that I'm allowing myself to play hooky.

Finally, I'd like to maybe do a couple of consistent blog posts each week as well. Would anyone be interested in the Motivational Monday posts again? I miss seeing all of the success stories in my inbox! If you're unfamiliar, I used to do a series on my blog called Motivational Monday. Each Monday, I would share a paragraph or two from someone who wanted to brag about a race they completed, a new PR, weight loss, trying a new activity, eating better, etc. Anything at all (health or fitness related) that someone wanted to share was fair game.

So, if you'd like to share, please send in a submission to me at MM@runsforcookies.com (MM for Motivational Monday). Please send one photo of your accomplishment, as well as 1-2 paragraphs telling us what you're proud of accomplishing. Depending on the response, I'd like to start next Monday, so please get them submitted soon! (Here is another explanation for submissions)

In addition to doing the Motivational Mondays again, I'd like to pick a couple of other consistent posts to do each week. On Wednesdays, it would be nice to get back to Wednesday Weigh-ins and a weekly recap of weight loss related stuff. I was thinking on Sundays, I could post a recap of my training/exercise for the week. Finally, I thought of doing something called "Foodie Friday" or something like that, where I will share a new recipe or food product and write a little about that.

I think by having series of different posts, I won't feel so lost as to what to write about. Having been blogging for so long, I feel like I've said everything there is to say! So, by having a consistent topic, I won't feel like I'm being redundant.

Wow, this post is much longer than I anticipated! I am feeling very excited about setting new goals and making plans for reaching them, though. I think this will help my depression a lot. Now, I'm going to head out to do my 40-minute run. I think I'll go to the state park. It's nice and sunny today!

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Plans for the year

Okay, so now that I am back home from California and I've had a few days to settle in, I need to make a plan for this year. Going on the trip made me feel excited about things again--and I haven't felt excited in a long time. I'm not saying that the trip totally cured my depression (I've done a fair share of crying the last couple of days), but it gave me hope and that's what I needed more than anything.

I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss medication again. As I wrote about a month ago, I started an additional antidepressant. I really didn't feel any different after three weeks of taking it twice a day. I was really questioning if the medication I was on for the last 15 years was even working, so I decided to stop all medication and see how I felt (fully expecting to feel worse before getting better).

I quit cold turkey, and I thought I'd have a terrible time with it, but I honestly didn't notice any change. I felt exactly the same! So, it seems that it quit working some time ago, probably because I was on it for so long.

My doctor agreed that it was time to try something new. So, as soon as it gets approved by my insurance, I'll be trying another medication. (Last time I wrote about trying something new, I got a lot of emails asking what medication I'm taking... I'd prefer not to share that, simply because I don't want people to think they should take what I'm taking. Medication is so individualized that it should really be up to our doctors to decide what we should try. Also, I don't even know if it's going to work yet.)

Anyway, going to to San Diego and hanging out with lots of From Fat to Finish Line peeps made me change my attitude a bit about running. I'm not really interested in getting faster right now, and I want to enjoy running as much as I can (for as long as I can). I did Hansons' Half-Marathon Method for a couple of weeks to start training for Indy, and I was already feeling burnt out.

I decided that I'm going to follow my own half-marathon plan (the "Finish Strong" plan). It's perfect to prepare for a half-marathon, but the training isn't crazy intense and it doesn't have so many miles that I will lose my mojo. And it starts this Monday (12 weeks out from Indy).

I changed the days of the week, so that I'll have Wednesdays and Saturdays off (I'm used to always having those two days off). So, the weekly runs will look like this:

Monday- Easy run (30-45 min)
Tuesday- Speed work (1-5 min intervals)
Wednesday- Rest
Thursday- Easy run (30-45 min)
Friday- Easy run (30-60 min)
Saturday- Rest
Sunday- Long run (4-12 miles)

I think this will be good to get me back in the routine I prefer (running five days a week, with Wednesdays and Saturdays off, and having some short runs in there). The training plan is 12 weeks, and I'm going to allow myself four "free days"--where I can decide not to run for whatever reason and not feel guilty about it. I just can't use it to skip a long run! (I have to be prepared for Indy).

As far as racing plans for the year, I don't have many. I plan to make Indy my "comeback" half-marathon, but I'm not going to be racing it hard. I want to just run for fun, maybe with a couple of people who I'm meeting, and just enjoy the race.

I would like to do more local racing or join in on some group runs. We just got a running store in my hometown, and they have group runs on Wednesdays and Saturdays (ha! My two rest days). I'd like to step out of my comfort zone and go.

I also want to focus less on numbers. Obviously, I still need to get in mileage to train, but I'm not going to worry so much about heart rate or pace. I'll just run "slow" when my schedule calls for an easy run, and "faster" when it calls for speed work. Simple!

Going to California also made me really want to travel some more. I'm going to start cutting back on unnecessary spending in order to save up money to travel more. This year is already pretty booked.
April 21: Boston to visit Caitlin
May 5: Indianapolis with Jerry and to meet up with about 15 blog readers!
May 26: Portland to visit Thomas
June 30: Upper Peninsula of Michigan with my parents and siblings
November 9: Las Vegas with Jerry and From Fat to Finish Line!

All of Jerry's vacation time is already in the books, so there won't be other trips (not that five isn't more than enough already). My sister owns some property in the far northwest part of Michigan, so we're going to stay there with her over the fourth of July. I'm really excited about it, because I love spending time with my family. And, Joey gets to come with us! Jeanie's got an enormous area (several acres, I believe) that is fenced off for her dogs, so Joey can come and hang with us.

Thinking about traveling and visiting friends has been very helpful in improving my mood. Whenever I start feeling down, I've been trying to think about a trip that I'm excited about, and it helps so much. It's funny, because I used to HATE traveling before I got over my fear of flying; and now, I look forward to it!

As far as my weight and diet, I haven't really changed plans. I'd like to get back down to my goal weight, but it's not at the top of my priority list. I'm pretty happy with how I look and feel right now, and when I saw the pictures of me in San Diego, I wasn't horrified or embarrassed ;) This is totally new to me--I always used to feel like a failure when my weight was up, but something happened this past summer that made me realize that my weight just isn't that damn important (assuming I'm still healthy and not gaining 10 pounds a month or anything! ha).

Basically, I don't want to always feel like I'm waiting to start my life until I'm at goal weight. I can do everything at this weight that I could when I was 30 pounds lighter (well, except fit into size 2 jeans!), so I might as well just live my life now. Hopefully that makes sense.

This week has flown by. I was working on a project as a gift for someone, and the time went by so quickly. I'm hoping to get it mailed out tomorrow, so once the person receives it, I will post a photo. I'm pretty excited about how it turned out! (I had to watch YouTube tutorials to figure out how to do it).

Jerry's off work tomorrow, and we are going to see a comedy show at our favorite dive bar. They've never done a show there, so I'm interested to see how it goes ;) Have a great weekend, everyone!

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