It's August, and this month has a special meaning to me. The anniversary of the start of my weight loss journey is coming up--on August 19th, 2009, I saw 253 pounds on the scale, and that is the day I started losing the weight. A week from tomorrow will be SIX YEARS since that day! I cannot believe it was so long ago; but then again, it feels like another lifetime.
Anyway, the anniversary is bittersweet for me. I have successfully kept off most of the weight I lost, and I'm a much healthier person than I was back then. On the other hand, I'm not where I'd like to be. I'm always striving to get back to my official goal weight of 133, but I think my "happy weight" is anything under 143. Once I hit 143, my clothes get uncomfortably tight, and I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin.
Right now, at 156, I am not happy with my body. Yes, I am a thousand times happier with my body than I was six years ago; but I know I will feel much better if I lose 10-20 pounds.
This same thing happened in 2012--on September 10, 2012, I joined Weight Watchers again because my weight had reached 156. I did great with the program, and reached my goal weight of 133 on December 12, 2012. Here is a "before and after" from the 2012 weight loss with Weight Watchers:
If you've read my blog, you know the rest of the story: I maintained 130-135 for an entire year. After Mark died in March 2014 is when I really started the emotional eating again, and I gained back the weight I'd taken off in 2012. I've been struggling ever since to stay committed long enough to get back to goal.
[Side note]: I'm not happy to see that I'm back to where I started in 2012; but, I still don't consider myself a "failure". I've kept off a huge chunk of weight for a long time now! Recently, a reader pointed out to me that I am too hard on myself sometimes, and that lots of people would love to have my body as it is now. I never really thought of that, but that comment was eye-opening for me. It's true: when I first started losing weight, my "happy weight" was 185; and I would have KILLED to be under 160! At that time, I had no idea that it was even possible for me to see a number less than that.
What I'm getting at is that I know I am definitely too hard on myself sometimes, and I'd like to try to stop that attitude. I tend to focus on my flaws, which will make me feel bad about myself no matter what. I want to lose the weight because I know I looked better and felt better at a lower weight; but at the same time, I do look good now. I think I'm pretty, actually (something that's hard to say out loud no matter what my weight is). And according to all the numbers at my recent physical, I am healthy. Dropping the extra weight would just be a nice bonus.
Sorry--these thoughts are all over the place, and I almost can't type them fast enough! Thinking about how well I did in 2012 has been really motivating me to do it again--giving it 100% effort, like I did before. The problem is, I'm getting burned out on Weight Watchers. In 2012, I started the new WW program, and it was refreshing to me! But now that I've been doing it on and off for three years, I really feel like I want a change.
Last year, I experimented with intuitive eating. It worked well for maintaining my weight, but I wasn't able to lose weight doing it. I think I do much better with structure...which leads me to calorie counting. I've done it in the past with SparkPeople, and it works just as well as Weight Watchers did. And it's really the same concept (eating less food); it would just be a new, refreshing way for me to hopefully lose this weight.
SparkPeople recommends that I eat 1200-1550 calories per day. I know from past experiences that I have to eat on the higher end of that--more like 1500-1800--to be happy and not feel deprived. On the days that I exercise, I'll add some extra calories, too.
Since I like to set goals and challenges for myself, I'd like to challenge myself to give the calorie counting 100% effort for six weeks. After that, I can reevaluate and see how I like it and how it's working. But for now, I'll focus on the next six weeks. I'd really love to drop 10 pounds before the marathon in October, which is about 9 weeks away. And I'd be over the moon to be back at my goal weight in 2015. The weight doesn't come off as quickly as it used to, but all I can do is my best effort and see what happens!
| 253 pounds (size 24) versus 133 pounds (size 4) |
Right now, at 156, I am not happy with my body. Yes, I am a thousand times happier with my body than I was six years ago; but I know I will feel much better if I lose 10-20 pounds.
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| A recent full-body shot: 156 pounds (size 8) |
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| August 2012 and November 2012 (those last 10-20 pounds make a big difference) |
[Side note]: I'm not happy to see that I'm back to where I started in 2012; but, I still don't consider myself a "failure". I've kept off a huge chunk of weight for a long time now! Recently, a reader pointed out to me that I am too hard on myself sometimes, and that lots of people would love to have my body as it is now. I never really thought of that, but that comment was eye-opening for me. It's true: when I first started losing weight, my "happy weight" was 185; and I would have KILLED to be under 160! At that time, I had no idea that it was even possible for me to see a number less than that.
| Then at 253 versus now at 156 |
Sorry--these thoughts are all over the place, and I almost can't type them fast enough! Thinking about how well I did in 2012 has been really motivating me to do it again--giving it 100% effort, like I did before. The problem is, I'm getting burned out on Weight Watchers. In 2012, I started the new WW program, and it was refreshing to me! But now that I've been doing it on and off for three years, I really feel like I want a change.
Last year, I experimented with intuitive eating. It worked well for maintaining my weight, but I wasn't able to lose weight doing it. I think I do much better with structure...which leads me to calorie counting. I've done it in the past with SparkPeople, and it works just as well as Weight Watchers did. And it's really the same concept (eating less food); it would just be a new, refreshing way for me to hopefully lose this weight.
SparkPeople recommends that I eat 1200-1550 calories per day. I know from past experiences that I have to eat on the higher end of that--more like 1500-1800--to be happy and not feel deprived. On the days that I exercise, I'll add some extra calories, too.
Since I like to set goals and challenges for myself, I'd like to challenge myself to give the calorie counting 100% effort for six weeks. After that, I can reevaluate and see how I like it and how it's working. But for now, I'll focus on the next six weeks. I'd really love to drop 10 pounds before the marathon in October, which is about 9 weeks away. And I'd be over the moon to be back at my goal weight in 2015. The weight doesn't come off as quickly as it used to, but all I can do is my best effort and see what happens!





















