Birthday cake

Today was a rest day, but it was far from restful. Tomorrow is Eli's birthday party, and he made a last-minute request for his cake. He had been saying that he wanted a cookie cake decorated like a bowling ball (his party is at the bowling alley), and since I did the same thing for Noah's birthday, it was pretty simple. I had planned to buy the stuff and make it today.

Last night over dinner, however, Eli decided that he wanted to have a fishing cake instead. I tried to think of a simple way of doing it, and decided we'd buy a 1/4 sheet cake with blue frosting (to look like water). We could buy a toy boat, and put a fisherman in there, and put Swedish Fish in the "water" around the boat.

Jerry was working this morning, so the kids and I went in search of a toy boat. We couldn't find one anywhere. We went to five different stores looking for a boat, and came up empty-handed. At the last store we were at, we didn't find any toy boats, but I had an idea to go look at the aquarium/fish supplies, because I thought maybe they'd have a boat for aquarium decor. It turned out that they did not; but they did have a bunch of cool SpongeBob stuff, and Eli really liked that.

We bought a few things, and then went to Kroger to see if we could order the cake. On the way there, Eli asked if we could make his cake instead of buy it, and I was thrilled with that idea ($4 instead of $20). The SpongeBob stuff was pretty expensive, so making the cake at least saved a little money. He chose a devil's food cake with white frosting (to color with blue food coloring).

When we got home, we went right to work. All things considered (I'm a terrible baker!), the cake turned out pretty cute!

Eli was happy with it, which is really all that matters ;)

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I haven't written much about my binge-free streak, because there really isn't much to write. I'm doing really well! And the best part is, I'm not worried about it, obsessing over it, or even thinking about it much. After reading Brain Over Binge, all of my binge habits made so much sense.

I always used to go through each day almost waiting for the moment I would binge. It was never a matter of "if", but "when". I just assumed it was a part of who I am, and that it was something I'd always have to deal with. After reading Brain Over Binge, I learned that the way I was thinking about it was actually making it worse. It had become a habit ingrained in my mind.

I'm not doing "intuitive eating", because that makes me obsessive--always wondering if I'm hungry, if I'm satisfied, what I really want most, etc. That never worked for me. Instead, I'm just not giving my food much thought at all--I eat my regular meals and snacks, and I just make sure I take (and eat) a "normal" sized portion. I haven't even had to use my Kitchen Safe, and I've bought several of my "trigger" foods without incident.

Yesterday, I felt so normal at dinner. First, when we were visiting Mark, I wasn't giving dinner a single thought. I was used to always thinking about my next meal, especially if we were going out to a restaurant. But I didn't hurry though our visit, even though I was starving. At the restaurant, when the server put chips and salsa on our table, I didn't have the ever-constant battle in my head about whether I should eat the chips or not, and if I do, how many, etc. I ate a few of them, but mostly, I was distracted from the chips by having conversation with Jerry. Usually, it's the other way around--I have a hard time focusing on conversation, because I'm thinking about the chips. Does that make sense? Am I the only one that has that problem?!

Anyway, yesterday's dinner made me feel really excited about all this. It gives me hope that I can get away from thinking about food all the time. I don't have to try and distract myself from the food, like I always felt like I was doing before. I just don't give much thought to it at all.

My weight hasn't budged in weeks now, and I'm happy with that. Yes, I wish I was maintaining about 7 pounds less than I am (I've been at 140), but if I can maintain my weight and stop worrying about food/weight all the time, I'll happily take 140 ;)

I still don't feel comfortable saying that this is it--the book totally changed my life and I'm cured from binge eating. I'm not sure at what point I'll be able to say that. But the book, as simple of an idea as it is, really made something click for me. I'm doing really well with it, and I'm very happy with the changes I'm seeing (and feeling)!

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Kind of a big deal!

Today was my long run for the week, and I think I'm starting to feel back to my old self! For the past couple of weeks, my heart rate was elevated much higher than normal when running, and I had no idea what it was from. Last week, I felt awful while running just five miles on the treadmill; mentally, I was feeling great, but my body just physically wanted nothing to do with running.

Anyway, we got several inches of snow yesterday, and the streets weren't plowed this morning. Instead of doing the treadmill (again), I decided to go to the Metropark. I called them first, to make sure that the paths were cleared of snow, and I headed out at around 11:00--kind of late to start my run, but I was doing a bunch of online banking stuff all morning.

When I got to the Metropark, I was disappointed to see that the paths weren't really all that clear. They'd been plowed, but there was still a lot of snow/ice on the path. Considering I'd just driven 20 minutes to get there, I decided to run anyway, and just take my time so I didn't slip.

I had to stay really focused on my footing, so I didn't get to enjoy the scenery much. I wanted to keep my heart rate in Zone 3, and I was expecting my pace to be in the mid-10:00's in order to do that. But I was surprised to see that I could run a typical  "easy run" pace of mid-9:00's and my heart rate stayed put. 

I ran three miles out and then turned around. On the way back, I noticed that a lot of the snow/ice had been melting, so the way back to the car was much easier to find footing. My favorite part of the path is in the woods, and today it looked SO calm and peaceful, I had to stop and take a couple of pictures.

During the last three miles, I started to feel really happy and almost giddy to be running! The treadmill is certainly helpful in bad weather and when the kids are home, but it felt great to run on real ground today. The view of Lake Erie certainly didn't hurt.

My average heart rate was in Zone 3.6,  which was right where I wanted it to be. I felt really energetic on the way home, so I cranked up the radio and sang along really loudly. I was in one of those, "So happy to be alive!" moods.

This afternoon, I called the nursing home to talk to Mark. I told him that I was going to come visit, and asked if there was anything he wanted me to bring. He said he'd like KFC for dinner. Jerry said he wanted to go with me to visit Mark, so we waited until the kids got home from school, and then all four of us went. We stopped and got his mail, and then got his dinner from KFC, and went to the nursing home.

When we got to his room, Mark wasn't there, but his roommate told us that he was in the physical therapy room. The physical therapist happened to be going into Mark's room to grab something, so he took us to the therapy room and set up a place for us to visit with Mark in there. Mark looked really good today, and was very talkative! I gave him his hats, and then opened his cards for him. He also got a couple of packages, which are fun to open. Inside one, there was a big button with flashing lights that said, "I'm kind of a big deal!". I thought that was so appropriate! I pinned it to his jacket.

Mark told us that he had good news: He did his last radiation treatment today! It sounds like he'll be going home soon, probably within the next couple of weeks. He's really excited about going home, and I told him that we'd have a party with pizza and cake, just like he wanted.

I asked him about what kind of cake he wanted--chocolate or yellow? What kind of frosting? And then I said, "Do you like your cake with a lot of frosting, or just a little bit of frosting?" Since we're pretty much kindred spirits when it comes to sweets, I expected him to say "Lots of frosting!" But he said, "Just a little bit of frosting. Too much frosting is bad for you!" That made me laugh so hard. He loves junk food--candy, milkshakes, KFC... but too much frosting is not good ;)

And then he pretty much melted my heart when he followed with, "But we can get a lot of frosting. I want everyone to be happy and enjoy it!" I told him we could do one cake with a lot of frosting, and one cake with a little bit, to please everyone.

When we were getting ready to leave, we took Mark back to his room because he wanted to listen to a new CD my dad got him (Jackson Browne). I gave Mark a hug, and then when Jerry hugged him, Mark told him, "You keep her close, Jerry, don't ever let anyone take her away from you. She's a good girl!"

Today was a damn good day :)

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The FURminator

I had plans to get together with some friends this morning for coffee at Panera, so I basically just rolled out of bed and onto the treadmill at 6:30. I love this Hal Higdon schedule, because the mileage seems so minute compared to when I was training for Chicago! Today I only had three miles on the schedule, at half-marathon pace. I have no idea what my half-marathon pace is right now, but since it was only three miles, I figured I'd just try to do it at my ultimate goal pace for a 1:50 half-marathon.

Lately, all of my runs have felt hard, so I wasn't really sure if I'd even be able to do it. I set the treadmill at 7.2 mph and distracted myself with Medium on Netflix. I actually felt okay today; it was a tougher run, but I knew I'd be able to stick it out. My heart rate was in the mid- to high-Zone 4 range, which is fine for a tempo run, but it was still higher than it would have been a few weeks ago before the strange issue started.

As soon as my run was done, I hopped off the treadmill and into the shower so that I could get the kids ready for school. It felt good after walking them to the bus stop, knowing that I'd already done my run for the day! After breakfast, I headed out to stop at PetSmart before going to Panera. Paolo's fur has been getting matted in spots, even though I brush him every day, and I wanted to get a good brush.

After reading reviews about a brush called the FURminator, I was intrigued. I couldn't fathom spending $45 on a cat brush, but the reviews were all so great that I was convinced. With four cats, if it worked as well as people claimed, it would be worth it. So I went into PetSmart to buy that.

There were four to choose from: large cat with long hair, large cat with short hair, small cat with long hair, and small cat with short hair. (A "large" cat was defined as 10+ pounds). I have a small cat with long hair, an extra-large cat with short hair, and two small cats with short hair. There was no way I was going to buy three different brushes, so I ended up going with the small cat with long hair one.

After that, I went to Panera to meet up with friends: Renee, Jessica, Andrea, Courtney, and Alicia. Andrea just did the Dopey challenge at Disney World (a 5K, 10K, half-marathon, and full-marathon in four days), so we were there to hear about her experience (all of us are runners, and we love talking about/hearing about running!). It was SO nice to have some adult conversation after spending three weeks at home with the kids for their Christmas break.

I planned to go right to the nursing home to see Mark, but on the way there, I called to make sure he was done with his treatment at the hospital. They said he was still at the hospital, and to call back at around 1:00. I couldn't go that late, because the kids get out of school at 3:30. I decided to just go home, and then take the kids (and Jerry) with me after dinner to visit.

When I got home, I FURminated Paolo and Chandler. The comb worked good, but it wasn't mind-blowing, like I'd hoped. I'm not really sure what to think yet. Chandler definitely liked this comb better than the brush I usually use. Paolo always likes being groomed, but it didn't get a ton of hair off of him. I'll try it again tomorrow.

While I was FURminating Chandler, FedEx dropped off a package for me. From Runner's World! I knew they were sending me some clothes to wear during my photo shoot on Tuesday, but I had NO idea just how many clothes they were going to send... my mind was blown when I opened the box.

There were SO many things to choose from! I was told to put together a few outfits, and whatever I ended up wearing for the shoot, was mine to keep. I spent all afternoon trying everything on, mixing and matching, and trying to put together some outfits. I ended up putting together four(!) different outfits.

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It started snowing pretty hard this afternoon, which put a damper on my plans of going to visit Mark. Jerry said the roads were really slippery on his way home from work, so we decided not to go out after all. I will definitely go tomorrow, though. I just wish his treatment at the hospital didn't last all morning! That's the easiest time for me to go, because the kids are in school.

Tomorrow is my long run day, and for the first time in a very long time, I'm not dreading it. I only have six miles on the schedule! I might try to go to the Metropark to run, for a change of scenery.

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Hats for Mark

Today was a rest day, and my day felt so much longer than usual! It was really nice. I walked with the kids to the bus stop this morning, and it was super cold (the "feels like" temp was -9). The kids have been wanting to walk a lot more lately, because I bought them each a Wii U Fit Meter. I'm so glad I bought those! The kids have been getting in a lot more activity, and have been looking for excuses to move around. They think it's fun to compete with each other, like Jerry and I have been competing with each other, to see who can log the most steps.

I wanted to go buy Mark a hat today, because he sounded really interested when I asked him if he'd like one. I couldn't really find what I was looking for, though. I wanted to get him a very lightweight, comfortable, snug-fitting cap just to keep his head covered while he's indoors. So I ended up going to Hobby Lobby and buying some knit fabric to make him a couple of hats. I also bought a small piece of fleece to make a warmer hat.

I was pretty sure I could just wing a pattern, but I found one online that was exactly what I was looking for. It was super easy and fast to make. I made him a brown one and a blue one (there weren't many knit fabrics to choose from, and most of them were really girly). I also made one with the fleece. They turned out pretty well!

That bottom one looks red, but it's actually brown. I'm going to go visit Mark tomorrow, so I'll bring the hats with me, and hopefully he likes them.

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Yesterday, my sister sent me a text saying, "Did you know that you're quoted in Good Housekeeping this month?" I had actually completely forgotten about that. A few months ago, someone from the magazine contacted me for a quote.

And speaking of magazines, on Tuesday, I have a photo shoot for the Runner's World magazine article about my Ragnar Relay team. I have a photo shoot for Runner's World magazine! Runner's World magazine is going to take pictures of ME.  I never, in a million years, would have imagined that I would one day type (or say) those words.

I've been subscribed to Runner's World ever since I started running. I love that magazine! Four years ago, I was obese, had never run a mile in my life, and believed that running was just for a special breed of people. Since then, I've run almost 4,000 miles, including three full marathons. When the heck did that happen?!

I'm SO incredibly excited about the Runner's World story, but I keep doubting myself... asking "Why me? What makes me worthy of being in Runner's World?" I don't feel like I've done anything that most other people can't do, if they want it badly enough. I certainly worked really hard to get where I am today, though! My hope is just that our story inspires people to pursue what they once felt was impossible. All of my teammates felt like running was impossible at some point. And now all of us are runners!

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Slippery speed work

I ran outside yesterday! Our neighborhood still has a lot of slush and ice, so I couldn't run here, but I drove to the State Park in the hopes that their paved trail was clear. Yesterday was speed work, according to the Higdon schedule that I'm following now, and it was simply 5 x 400 at 5K pace. (Basically, that means running a quarter-mile at 5K race-pace, and then jogging for a quarter-mile, and repeating for a total of 5 times).

I got to the State Park, and started with a half-mile warm-up. I was disappointed to see that the trail wasn't entirely clear. I was dodging patches of ice, which is the worst when it comes to speed work. I decided to just do my best in the circumstances, knowing that I may have to stop at walk mid-interval.

And sure enough, that's exactly what happened. I spent a lot of time staring at the ground and hopping back and fourth over ice patches, but a couple of times, I came across a spot where I literally had to walk very carefully...

Needless to say, my split times were all over the place by the time I finished the three-mile run.

My "fast" interval paces were 8:37, 8:03, 7:41, 8:13, and 7:59... hahaha, very consistent. The only one that was unhindered by the ice was the third.

But I was mostly curious about my heart rate outside, because it's been so high lately on the treadmill. Turns out that it was higher than usual during the interval run also, even during the recovery. A few people have mentioned that I may want to get my iron/ferritin levels checked, because that could be why I'm feeling so drained on my runs even though my heart rate shows I'm working hard. Our insurance kicks in next week, so I'm going to make an appointment for a check-up and the blood work.

This morning, I went back to the State Park for a three-mile easy run. I was bummed to see that I forgot my heart rate monitor, but I didn't go home to get it. I definitely felt like I was working harder than usual, even though I was running at a slower pace. But it was so nice to get outside and run!

I'll probably be going to the State Park quite a bit until the streets in my neighborhood are clear. We need one really warm day to melt all this snow!

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My mom talked to Mark's nephew today to get an update on what's going on with Mark. He's going to be staying at the nursing home for three more weeks while he continues his physical therapy, and then he'll have to leave. Since Mark is doing so well with the physical therapy, and may even be walking with a walker by the time he leaves, he's going to be able to go back to his group home. This is really great news!

Mark has been asking to go "home" to his group foster home ever since he was admitted to the hospital; and when they saw how advanced his cancer was, it didn't look like he'd be going back home at all. My parents are still hoping that when Mark has to leave his group home for hospice care, that he'll be able to go to their house, but the fact that he can go to his group home again, at least temporarily, is exciting.

Remember how I wrote when Mark got some money here and there in his cards, I put it in an envelope with his name on it, and asked him what he'd like to do with it? I told him he could just tell me what he wants to buy and I'll go buy it for him. He thought about it, but the only thing he could come up with was to have a pizza party at the group home. He wanted to spend his money on pizza and cake for everyone. Now, it looks like he'll actually be able to do that!

In a couple of weeks, once he's a little more mobile, we'll take him to the group home and have a little party for him there, complete with pizza and cake. I'm so excited for him! Not only for the party, but that he gets to go home for a little while, where he's comfortable (and it's only a 20-minute drive to go see him there, rather than 45 minutes to the nursing home).

His nephew is going to visit him tomorrow, so I'm going to go on Thursday. I asked Mark if there was anything he wanted me to bring, but he couldn't really think of anything (other than a milkshake and/or coffee). I suggested a comfortable hat, because he lost his hair, and he really liked that idea. So tomorrow, I'm going to see if I can find a thin, comfortable hat for him.

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This month is going by way too fast! The Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K is a week from Saturday, on the 25th (my 32nd birthday). If you haven't signed up already, you can check out this post with the details and sign-up form. Right now, there are 454 people signed up! Remember, you can run OR walk, or a combination of both. Even if you think you can't do it, give it a try! You may surprise yourself :)

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Motivational Monday #48

Happy Motivational Monday! It was so hard to get back in the swing of things with the kids going back to school today, but it was nice to have some peace and quiet this morning. I sat with a cup of tea and watched an entire show on TV without getting interrupted... strange! ;)

I've had a great week: staying binge-free, eating very well, getting my runs in (even though my energy feels zapped), and yesterday, I was pretty proud when I jumped on that box at the rec center. I'm hoping for a week just like it, and today was off to a good start.

Here are a few readers' accomplishments for some Monday motivation...

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Laurel just completed Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge at Disney World--a half-marathon on Saturday, and a full marathon on Sunday--a total of 39.3 miles! This race was especially monumental for her, because she tried to run it last year, and was "swept" (removed from the course) during the marathon. She hadn't trained well, but certainly learned what to expect for this year. She trained hard all fall, and along with her husband, she did it! (Laurel's race report)

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Last January, Martha heard about a challenge at her weight loss center (after losing 40 pounds!) and decided to join in. The goal? To complete a mile (or more) a day, every day, for a year. She never honestly thought she'd make it past the first month, but she kept going... despite having some busy days and weeks, a few colds, crazy weather, and even a kidney infection, Martha managed to get in her mile. Every. Single. Day. Today, she celebrated one year on her streak! In the meantime, she's lost 60 more pounds, bringing her total to 100 pounds lost. I'm super excited that I'm going to be meeting up with Martha in person in April, because she is on my Ragnar SoCal team :)  (Martha's blog post about the streak)

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Amanda just completed her first Disney race this weekend--the Minnie 10K! Disney has a minimum pace requirement of 16:00/mi, and if you aren't able to keep that pace, then you are "swept" from the course. In February 2012, Amanda was at mile 5 of the Disney Princess Half-Marathon when she was swept. That made her extra-determined to finish this 10K, and she trained hard for it. She was very nervous going into it, but she maintained a good pace and finished the race! Now that she's proven to herself that she can maintain the pace, she plans to tackle the Princess Half next February as a redemption race from 2012. In looking back at her 2012 race, she likes to think of this quote from Theodore Roosevelt: "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed."

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Just four years ago, Bergen weighed 320 pounds--she was also sad, overwhelmed, and didn't believe in herself. She read "The Spark" book, and started to take small steps toward losing the weight and being healthier. In July 2012, at 260 pounds, she started the Couch to 5K program. She continued to run, and just ran her first full marathon! It certainly wasn't easy for her, but she had a mantra. Here is what she wrote in her e-mail:

"'This isn’t hard, being 320 pounds was hard!'. It’s true. As hard as running the last few miles of a marathon was, it was hard it a way that made me feel alive. It was hard in a way that showed me what I was capable of. It was hard in a way that made me feel completely in touch with my body. When I was 320 pounds, it hurt so much to live with that weight every day, and yet, I was also so numb inside. Yesterday, what I experienced the last few miles of my marathon felt like the absolute polar opposite of that. The other thing that really pulled me through the last few miles was looking down at my wrist because I wore the stop watch that I used when I started Couch to 5k and bracelets my daughters made me. Looking at my wrist reminded me of how far I’ve come and who I was doing this for.

Crossing the finish line, looking up and seeing my family cheering for me was amazing! I cried. They put a metal around my neck and I was proud of myself! Sometimes I have a hard time being proud of myself and seeing how far I have come, but yesterday I felt like I was going to burst with pride!"

Bergen shared her story on the podcast Half Size Me (episode 87).

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Allison has not only lost over 100 pounds, she also just completed her first half-marathon! Her daughter ran her second 5K, and she and her son ran the half-marathon together. She's been running for two years now, and her son wanted to start running with her. At seven years old, he ran his first 5K last year, a 10K in the spring, and then begged to do a half-marathon with his mom. They had a great race! Allison said her favorite thing is to stay fit with her kids.

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Don't forget to check out the Motivational Monday Facebook post for more stories (and to post your own accomplishments)!

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The big jump

Noah spent the night at a friend's house last night, and Jerry was working, so it was just Eli and me. I can't think of a better person to spend a Saturday night with! ;)  We went out to dinner, and then came home, laid in my bed, and watched Free Willy together.

In the morning, I got in my three miles on the treadmill (I was sure I was scheduled for four, and then was pleasantly surprised when I saw it was only three this morning). My heart rate was still much higher than normal while running. I wish I knew what was going on! I started out at an 8:30-ish pace, because that should have been a piece of cake for just 3 miles. But my heart rate jumped up to the top of Zone 4, which normally doesn't happen unless I'm running a 7:45-ish pace. 

I slowed the pace to 9:13, and left it there for the rest of the run, but my heart rate was still in the middle of Zone 4, which is technically a tempo run (it should have been mid-Zone 3). I'm hoping this is just from my body being fatigued now that I'm doing strength training, but I don't know. My diet has been really good lately, and my weight has been steady, so that's not the problem. It's just strange. I'm really curious to see what happens when I run outside again--hopefully tomorrow! There is still way too much ice and slush in my neighborhood, but I'm hoping that the path at the State Park is clear.

After my run, I took a quick shower, ate breakfast, and then Jerry, Eli, and I went to visit Mark. I was just there yesterday, but I wanted to go again today. In one of his cards, Mark had gotten a McDonald's gift card, so we stopped at McD's on the way to the nursing home to get him a treat. Since he loves milkshakes, and he loves coffee, I ended up choosing the most decadent coffee drink on the menu... a large chocolate chip frappe. Complete with whipped cream, chocolate drizzle, caramel drizzle, and chocolate chips, it's 760 calories of creamy, sugary, goodness. Mark has always been very thin, and has lost some weight since his diagnosis, so he definitely needs the extra calories right now. And if I were sick with terminal cancer, this is totally what I would want someone to bring me from McDonald's.

He was grateful, as usual, and told us (well, he actually whispered, because he didn't want to hurt any feelings) that the food in the nursing home wasn't very good. 

Mark was very tired and slow today, which makes me think that they probably gave him his pain pill right before we got there. He was actually sleeping when we walked in, and when he woke up, I said, "Mark, if you're tired, we can come back another time. Do you want us to leave?" and he responded, "Helllllll no!" Hahaha.

We took him in the wheelchair to the cafeteria, which is actually a really nice room with comfy chairs and some windows, and we sat there to talk. We stayed about 45 minutes, and he started to nod off a few times, so we asked if he was ready for a nap and he finally admitted defeat. We took him back to his room, got him comfortable, and then left.

We picked up Noah and his friend on the way home, and we went straight to the rec center. Noah had been asking me about racquetball for a while, and for Christmas, we bought him a couple of racquets and balls. I told him that I'd take him to the rec center and teach him to play. I actually took a racquetball class in high school, and I was really good at it. I loved playing, but I hadn't played since.

Jerry and I went first, to show the kids how to play, and it was so much fun!

When the kids were playing, Jerry was just outside of the racquetball court, stacking these wooden boxes on each other, and jumping on them. I've seen contestants on The Biggest Loser do this, and they always make it seem like it's so challenging and scary. When I watch, I just think, "Come on already! Jump!" because it doesn't look that hard.

Ha! That's because I'd never tried it. Jumping on one box was easy, but then Jerry stacked a smaller box on top of it, and I stood in front of it for the longest time, trying to work up the nerve to jump. I would squat down, and then chicken out... over and over.

I finally jumped, and made it! For some reason, Blogger will not let me upload the seven-second video, so if you want to see, you can see it on Instagram. But it's very anticlimactic, trust me.

I did it a few more times after that. I think I could probably even add another small box and make the jump, but I was too chicken to try that. Maybe next time. I was blown away at how high Jerry could jump, though. He ended up being able to jump half of his height and land on the box! I think he would even impress Bob. ;)

Playing racquetball was super fun, and Jerry and I thought it would make a good date night. The next time we have some time to ourselves, we're going to head to the rec center and play. It's been a long (but nice) day, and I'm ready to go to bed!

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Tomorrow is Motivational Monday, so if you have a photo of a health/fitness accomplishment that you want to share, you can email it to me at SlimKatie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com, with subject "Motivational Monday", and a short description. I may include it on tomorrow's post!

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Experiencing the "little" things

I had the worst night's sleep last night, likely due to the weird dreams I was having. I kept waking up, but in a state that was still semi-dreaming. I was thinking about the computer, and iPhone, and Xbox, and all the stuff that has a camera in it, and I was dreaming that people were watching me sleep. Even when I woke up, I was thinking to myself, "I have to remember to cover those cameras in the morning, so my sleeping isn't all over the internet..."

Weird, right? Funny how it made so much sense in the middle of the night ;)

I finally got to go visit Mark today! It felt really good to get out of the house. On the way to the nursing home, I stopped at the post office to pick up Mark's mail--he had probably 40 more cards!--and then I stopped at Starbucks to get him a latte. I probably spent a good five minutes driving around parking lots and side roads trying to find the driveway into Starbucks. It was so odd that there wasn't an easy access!

Whenever I've asked Mark how he likes his coffee, he's always said black, without sugar. But he's gotten a few Starbucks gift cards, so I thought it would be fun for him to try some "fancy" coffee drinks ;)  I got him a vanilla latte today.

When I went to his room, the door was partially closed, and the curtain around Mark's bed was pulled, so I assumed he was going to the bathroom or something. I called through the door, "Mark? It's Katie. You in there?" and he said, "Yeah, come on in!" so I went in, and I noticed that he had a roommate. I said hello to the roommate, and then asked Mark if he was decent, could I open the curtain? He said, "Yeah, sure!"

I pulled the curtain open, and then a nurse came in and said, "Hun, um, he's (nodding at the roommate) going to the bathroom, would you mind waiting outside?" I was horrified. I hadn't even noticed that Mark's roommate was sitting on a portable toilet! I apologized profusely, and stood outside feeling like a jackass while the nurse helped the roommate finish up. How embarrassing! The poor guy.

Anyway, Mark was thrilled to see me. Last time I saw him, he had a full head of hair, but today, it was all gone.

When I mentioned it, he just said, "Yeah, it'll grow back!" He said he was combing his hair earlier this week, and it all started coming out. It scared him, but the nurse told him that it was normal, and it was because of his treatment.

I read him some of his cards while he drank his latte, and I asked him if he liked his trusty black coffee or the latte better. He said he likes the latte better, and that he never knew what he was missing. This whole thing has made me wish that I'd gotten closer to Mark before his diagnosis. There are so many things that I would love to do with him, so that he could experience the little things that most of us take for granted--like a latte from Starbucks. One of the cards that he got had pictures of a bunch of zoo animals, and I asked him if he'd ever been to the zoo. He said he went once, a LONG time ago, when he was a kid. I wish I'd have thought to take him to the zoo when he was still healthy.

Before his diagnosis, I only saw Mark a few times a year, and I always enjoyed seeing him; but I never really gave much thought to how he spent his days when he wasn't with my family. It makes me feel bad that I didn't think to do more for him or with him when he was healthy. He even introduces me to the doctors and nurses as his sister. (He calls my parents his "adoptive mom and dad", even though he's only a few years younger than they are). I never really realized how important my family was to him.

A woman came in and told Mark that the pastor was coming in to do a church service at 11:30, and asked if he wanted to go. I said I'd go with him, and he was looking forward to it. Well, at 11:40, the woman came back and said the pastor didn't show up for the second week in a row. How disappointing for the patients who were looking forward to that! Bingo was scheduled for 2:30, and my dad went up there when I was on my way home so he could play Bingo with Mark.

Today was a great visit, and I'm planning to go back tomorrow. Jerry really wants to go, and he's off tomorrow, so we'll head up there to see him.

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Today was a rest day, and I definitely took it easy. I only had a little over 3,000 steps on my Fit Meter today. It actually felt really good to relax. Hopefully tomorrow's four-miler will feel much better than yesterday's five-mile run!

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Forgetting the numbers

Today was my long run day, and I had 12 miles on my schedule. The schedule I've been following is the one that I wrote for winter training, based on the running I did last winter. I felt good last winter, doing 12-mile long runs pretty much every week, but lately, I have been dreading every run over about eight miles--which is the main reason I reevaluated my goals for 2014.

As I mentioned on my New Year's post, my main running goal for 2014 is to enjoy running, and not set time goals--basically, to relieve the pressure that I'd put on myself. This morning, when I was thinking about doing another 12-miler on the treadmill (the kids' school was canceled, so they were home today), I stopped and thought, "WHY am I doing a 12-miler? My next race is the Ragnar Relay SoCal, which is in April. My longest run will be about 8 miles, so there is no reason whatsoever that I should "have" to run 12 today..."

When I changed my running goal, I should have also changed my training plan. After doing the Hansons' Marathon Method for Chicago, I felt really burnt out on the mileage. I ran SO much while training for Chicago, and I only took eight days off after the marathon before running six days a week again. I've since dropped down to five days, but I think I need to drop the mileage a bit.

I went to my trusty old pal, Hal Higdon's website, and chose to do a slightly-modified version of his intermediate half-marathon training plan. It's five days a week, and the long run starts at just five miles (building to 12 over 11 weeks). It made me feel nostalgic, because I followed his plans when I first started running. I would print them out, and check off each run as I did it. I liked looking at the schedule hanging on the kitchen bulletin board, and feeling good about it.

Somewhere along the way, I started to feel like my long runs had to be a certain mileage, and I'd feel guilty about not reaching it... even if there was no reason to run that far. Numbers can be a bad influence sometimes. Like pacing, for instance. The first time I ran a 10:00/mi pace, I was THRILLED. It was so exciting! Now, if I hit that pace, I feel disappointed, because I've gotten used to running miles in the 8:00's.

Jerry and I were watching The Biggest Loser this week, and something sparked a memory of when I first reached the 140's (the summer of 2010). I was SO SO SO excited to reach 149 pounds, because I had never in my adult life been lower than 152. And eventually, I saw the 130's, and even the 120's (briefly). After seeing the 130's, seeing my weight dip into the 140's is disappointing. Seeing the lower numbers changed my perception of the 140's from ecstatic to disappointed. (I hope this makes sense... it's hard to explain!)

Anyway, the whole point of all of this is that I'm going to try my best to do what feels right NOW, in the moment, rather than compare myself to where I was before. Right now, I'm happy with my weight, even though I'm not at "goal weight". As for my running schedule, I'm going to follow the Higdon plan and be happy with it, not thinking about the fact that I know I'm capable of running longer distances or more miles. Just because I can run 12 miles (or 16, or 20!) doesn't mean that running less than that makes me less of a runner. Likewise, just because I can run an 8:00/mi pace doesn't mean that running a 9:00 or 10:00 pace is a disappointment.

So today, I ran a long run of five miles. I really think my body needed this break in mileage, too. I mentioned yesterday that my heart rate was high, even at a slower pace; today, my goal was to keep my heart rate in the middle of Zone 3. I started at about a 9:30 pace, but my heart rate kept creeping up to Zone 3.9, so I would lower the speed of the treadmill to lower my heart rate. Each mile, I was going slower and slower, but my heart rate was continuing to climb.

Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could have finished out 12 miles today. I'm not sure what the problem was, but I think my body may feel overtrained or just fatigued. Usually when I finish an easy run (for example, 4 miles at a 9:15 pace), the "recovery advisor" on my Garmin reads about 20 hours. After today's run?

This was after a 5 mile run at a 10:07 average pace! Tomorrow is a rest day, and I'm definitely going to do just that.

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We went to my parents' house for dinner today to meet Nathan's girlfriend, Sara (Nathan is my younger brother). I think he's pretty smitten with her, because he was the one who requested that we all get together, and he wanted her to meet the family ;)  My mom cooked dinner, and my aunt and uncle went over there, too.

Sara is super nice, and I think she seems like a great fit for Nathan! I'm really happy for him. They met in the Army (he was her driver in Iraq, but they weren't allowed to date then), so they've known each other for 10 years. She lives in Indiana, and seems pretty well-established there. It's about a four hour drive, and this was the first time she's come here. She leaves Monday, so I hope I'll get to see her again before she goes home.

Usually, eating dinner at my parents' house is really hard for me not to overeat (or binge when I get home). But today, I kept in mind everything I'd read in the Brain Over Binge book, and I enjoyed the meal without eating too much. I even ate a piece of cake for dessert, and savored every bite. I felt really good about it, and didn't even have an urge to binge when I got home.

A lot of the snow melted today (woo hoo!) and it's actually raining right now. Tomorrow, I'm going to go visit Mark for sure, now that the roads have to be cleared up. Other than the two-thirds of a mile drive to my parents' house, I haven't driven anywhere in a week! I'm excited to go to the post office and get Mark's mail, and then go visit him.

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Brain Over Binge

The temp was -7 this morning, so I really didn't have any hope that all of the ice had miraculously melted overnight. Today was another day inside :/

I was SO SORE when I woke up today, thanks to the Ripped in 30 DVD I did yesterday. My whole body aches, but my legs... oh, my legs! I was more sore this morning than I was after running the Chicago Marathon--honest. I briefly thought of skipping my run, but I thought maybe running would actually help with the soreness, so I decided to just take it really easy.

I had four miles on the schedule, and since my treadmill and I have become BFF's over the past three weeks, I got to watch some more of Medium while I ran today. I ended up running an extra half-mile so that I could finish the episode.

I was surprised to see that I burned over 100 calories per mile again! Other than my aching body, the run didn't feel too hard, but my heart rate was up higher than typical for an easy run. I may end up taking it really easy for tomorrow's 12-miler.

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As I mentioned in my New Year's post, one of my goals for 2014 is to really work on resolving my binge eating. I've read dozens of books on it over the years, but I never really felt like they were directed at ME... until now. I read a book called Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen (Amazon affiliate link), and it was very different from all the other binge eating books I've read.

It's not about discovering all the triggers and things that cause you to binge (which is what most of the books I've read have been about--I learned that pretty much everything can be a trigger for me!). Instead, it separates binge eating from other issues, and just looks at binge eating in and of itself, separate from your feelings. I didn't really read anything that I didn't already know, but the way the author wrote it all out and explained things really made sense to me.

The author was bulimic for a long time (she didn't vomit, but instead purged by overexercising). She binged several times a week, and the binge eating took over her whole life. One day, she read a book about the brain that was geared toward substance addiction, but made a lot of sense in regards to binge eating. She started looking at her binge urges in at totally different way, and she stopped binge eating cold turkey.

I only just read this book a couple of weeks ago, so I can't say that it's "life changing" or anything just yet. But since finishing the book, I've been binge-free, and I feel really good about it. I still have urges to binge, and have had several opportunities to, but I started looking at the urges differently, and I haven't acted on them. And best of all, I don't feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid a binge, knowing it's coming at any moment.

I've been hesitant to write about the book here, because who knows if I'll still be binge-free in a month, a week, or even a couple of days? But it will be interesting to see how it all plays out. I'll update periodically about how it's going. As I was typing this post, I discovered the the author actually has a blog, so I'll be reading some more over there. Here is a link to her blog: The Brain Over Binge Blog. I've read some really positive feedback on this book (from a few of my blog readers), and I wish I'd read it sooner! I think I just never checked it out because I assumed it was geared toward bulimia, and I'm not bulimic. But it's definitely geared toward binge eating, which is a part of bulimia (as the author explains).

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The kids' school was canceled AGAIN for tomorrow. A whole extra week of vacation! Can you believe it? That never happened when I was a kid ;)  The high temp tomorrow is supposed to be 36, so I'm praying that it melts all this ice. I'd like to go visit Mark tomorrow.

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