Nursing home visit

I'm getting so tired of seeing the inside of my house! We got a TON of snow over the past two days, and the roads have been terrible, so I haven't left the house. Today, the expressway was even closed down for a little while because the conditions were so bad.

On Monday evening, I had some of my childhood friends come over. We grew up on the same block, and we used to play together all the time. Sarah was here from Arizona, along with Lance, Nathan (my little brother), Chris (I hadn't seen him since he moved away in middle school!), Chris's wife, Stacy, and Jerry.

We had a few drinks and chatted about the trouble we got into as kids, reminisced about the good old days, and played a couple of games. We played Cards Against Humanity, which was SO much fun. There were a few other friends that I was hoping would be able to come, but everyone has moved all over the country, so it's hard for us all to get together.

Lance, Sarah, Nathan, me, and Chris

On Tuesday, Jerry and I went to the nursing home to visit Mark. He's gotten a couple of Starbucks gift cards, and when I asked him if he wanted to try a "fancy coffee" (I described a few different things he could try), he ended up deciding on a vanilla cappuccino. Usually, he drinks black coffee, but I told him that with his gift cards, it was the perfect time to try something new. So Jerry and I stopped and got him a vanilla cappuccino on the way to the nursing home.

When we got to the nursing home, Mark was in a wheelchair in the hallway. He'd just gotten back from physical therapy, and there was a woman from food service asking him questions about his diet. I could tell she was frustrated with him, because he couldn't really understand what she was asking him (like what kind of milk he likes--he's never been given a choice of milk, so he doesn't even know that there is skim, 2%, whole, etc.). Also, Mark's speech is difficult to understand when you first meet him.

I stepped in as "interpreter", which made it go more quickly. I'm glad I showed up when I did, otherwise, who knows what would have happened with the diet they chose for him. There was an elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair next to Mark, and I could tell she definitely had some sort of dementia or Alzheimer's. She said she was there to apply for a membership, and that she had to get to Detroit, and some other stuff. I felt really bad for her, because she kept trying to wave down a nurse, but everyone was ignoring her! I said, "Excuse me, I think she's trying to get your attention" as a nurse came by. The nurse just said, "Oh, I already know what she's going to say. She has to get to Detroit. She doesn't know what she's talking about."

I still didn't think they should ignore her completely. My grandma had Alzheimer's for several years before she died, and I remember how scared and frustrated she was when people didn't understand what she was trying to tell them.

The only time I ever remember going to a nursing home prior to visiting Mark was when I was in Girl Scouts--maybe eight years old? It was terrible. We went there to sing Christmas carols, and the patients were so happy that they cried. I remember going home and sitting on my bed and just sobbing, because I felt so horrible for those people. I got the same feeling when I was there on Tuesday. It's just a sad place to visit.

Anyway, we waited around for a while, hoping someone would take Mark to his room. Finally, a nurse told us that we could just take him ourselves, so we pushed him down the hall. When we got to his room, Jerry and I helped him get out of the chair and onto his bed. As soon as he sat on the bed, some EMS workers arrived to transport him to the hospital for radiation. We thought his radiation was going to be later in the day, so I was disappointed that we didn't even get to visit with Mark. (He did love the cappuccino, though! Since he loves milkshakes, I think I may get him a frozen coffee drink next time.)

We didn't go out at all for New Year's Eve. Jerry had to work early the next morning, so we just called it a night by 9:30 pm--party animals, I know! I sat around and read a book all day yesterday. I only had like 2,500 steps on my Wii Fit U meter by the time I went to bed last night. It was nice to relax, but I felt lazy when I saw that number! It's been snowing almost non-stop, and I'm starting to go stir-crazy.

My Jeep is under there, somewhere

Today, the wind chill was a ridiculous -3. The roads still haven't been plowed, and even with IceSpikes, the snow was too deep to run in, so I ran on the treadmill. I watched Medium on Netflix, and ran four miles at an easy pace.

When I hit mile four, I was almost at the end of the Medium episode, so I just kept running an extra quarter-mile until the show ended. After I finished my run, I did my strength training routine on the Wii Fit U. I keep waiting for it to get easier, but it really hasn't. It's fun, though, so I don't dread doing it!

I was hoping to go visit Mark today, but with the roads being so bad, I decided not to. I really hope that the roads are better tomorrow! It's going to be bitterly cold, but hopefully, the roads will be plowed and salted. Regardless, I'll probably have to do my long run on the treadmill :/  Thankfully, it's only 8 miles, rather than 12, this week!

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Goals for 2014

I know that New Years' resolutions are incredibly cliche, and a lot of people don't make them anymore, but there is something about a clean slate that entices me to set some goals. The start of a new year is so motivating to make some changes! Last year, I didn't make any resolutions. This year, I hadn't planned on it, but Mark's cancer diagnosis has made me reevaluate my mindset on pretty much everything.

After the Chicago Marathon, I was trying really hard to come up with some new running goals for 2014. I'd reached all my time goals; I didn't have any particular race that I was itching to run; and I just wasn't sure which direction to go. I ended up setting some pretty steep goals to PR in the 5K, 10K, and half-marathon distances this spring, and I wrote out a hardcore training plan for it.

I just haven't been able to get excited about it, though, probably because those goals really didn't have meaning to me. I just came up with them because I couldn't think of anything else. After my first hospital visit with Mark, I felt something change inside of me. I wanted to truly enjoy life! The exact moment it hit me was when Mark offered me a piece of his chocolate. I said no, and thanked him anyway. I started to explain--I asked him if he remembered when I was very heavy, and explained that I lost the weight and that I have to be very careful about what I eat...

And I stopped speaking mid-sentence, because I realized how ridiculous I sounded. Mark wasn't asking me to eat an entire chocolate cake; he asked me if I'd like a piece of chocolate! And whether that was in my "plan" or not, eating a piece of chocolate with Mark wasn't going to make me fat again. I said, "You know what, Mark? I'd love a piece!" and we each ate a piece of chocolate, while he talked about how excited he was to go to Heaven to be with his family.

Mark and I hadn't been very close; until his diagnosis, I only saw him a few times a year, when my dad brought him fishing or on Halloween for Mark's birthday. I never expected that his illness would affect me the way it has. I drive 45 minutes each way to visit him every other day, and on the days I don't go, I am excited to talk to my parents to ask how he's doing (they usually visit on the days I don't). I feel like I've really gotten to know him through these visits, and I look forward to each one. I try to think of ways I can bring him some joy, like with a strawberry milkshake or the hush puppies he was craving.

It's because of him that I have this urge to enjoy everything that I do. And that's why I revised my running goal for 2014. I don't want to focus on numbers, or trying to reach a particular time goal. Instead, I want to run for the pure enjoyment of it. Sometimes I enjoy running fast, but sometimes I want to slog through the whole thing, stopping to take pictures or chat with a friend. I no longer have any goal races for this spring, and that makes me happy! If I feel like running a race, I'll do it for the scenery, or to pace a friend to her goal, or just be around other runners. If I feel like racing hard, I may do that, too. But for now, my running goal is to not have any running goals--just have fun :)

Another goal that I want to focus hard on this year is being binge-free. The chocolate-incident with Mark inspired me to stop counting everything and work on eating "normally" without bingeing. I'm happy with how it's going! My weight has stayed pretty steady, which I'm fine with, because my BMI is in the normal range.

The third goal I want to focus on is to do one random act of kindness every day, big or small. I was inspired to do this when I saw just how many people were sending Mark kind cards, letters, pictures, and gifts. I got a warm feeling inside, and thought about just how nice everybody is! I would love to pay it forward by doing something nice for someone else each and every day.

So, my main three goals for 2014 are:

1) Be binge-free.
2) Try to find enjoyment in everything that I do.
3) Do a random act of kindness each day, big or small.

I didn't want to make my list too long, because that gets overwhelming... but something else that I hope to accomplish this year is to stick with strength training all year (two days per week). I've done it for a few weeks now, so I'd like to make it a habit. I guess if I "officially" mark this as #4, I'm committed ;)

Anyone else making some New Years' resolutions goals for this year?

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Top 13 of 2013

Last year on December 31st, I wrote a post that highlighted my favorite events of 2012. I like looking back at that post and reminiscing, so I decided to do another for 2013. Here are some of my most memorable moments of the year, in chronological order:

1. When I'm an old woman, this first event of 2013 will probably still be on my list of top 5 favorite events of my entire life: meeting up with my Ragnar Relay team in Miami and running to Key West! There is no way to write about this entire thing in a nutshell, but the whole story can be found here, with links to the posts about it. Here is the gist, captured by the Today Show:

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2. The first Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K on my birthday! I couldn't believe how many people participated. I absolutely loved reading the race reports, seeing the photos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and being completely inspired by all who participated from around the world. (I realize I still haven't posted the sign-up for the second annual Virtual 5K, but I promise to get that done within the next week! Just mark your calendar for January 25.)

3. Getting to host an Oscars party at my house. My girlfriends came over, dressed in black tie attire (well, except for Jessica--I told her she was welcome to wear pajamas, because she'd had a long day!). We had some yummy food and wine, and watched the Oscars together. It was so much fun!

4. I got my RRCA certification as a running coach! I drove down to Dayton for the class, and stayed at Carly's while I was there. It was a very long couple of days of learning about running, but I loved it! And it was fun to be able to see Carly.

5. I went on my first (and only, so far) blogging trip--to St. Louis! It was my first time in St. Louis, and I was only there for a mere 24 hours, but I loved every minute of it. I was there to learn about one of my favorite topics--cats. And what better place to learn about cats than the Purina ONE headquarters in St. Louis?!

6. Running (completely by accident) a sub-50:00 10K! I went into the race hoping for a PR of 55:04 or better, and I assumed I'd finish in about 53:00, maybe 52:00 if I really pushed myself. I never, ever could have even imagined that I'd run a 7:57/mi pace for a 10K race! It blew my mind, and that race made me a believer that anything can happen. It's funny, the pace of my current 10K personal record (this particular race) is faster than my current 5K personal record!

7. I finally got my long-sought-after sub-2:00 half-marathon finish time! I ran the Martian Half-Marathon in April, and felt fantastic as I ran an 8:34/mi pace to finish in 1:52:07!

I would love this picture if only my eyes
weren't closed!

8. Surprising my sister by showing up at her house in Illinois to run her first half-marathon with her! My brother-in-law, Shawn, and I schemed about this, and he generously paid for my trip out there to surprise Jeanie. I threw her off track, so she had no idea I was coming. It was a super fun surprise! She ran a fantastic first half-marathon, and I was so excited that I got to be there with her.

9. Doing a "goal weight" photoshoot with my friend Stephanie! I wanted some nice pictures of myself at my goal weight, so that I could always be reminded of how happy I was to be there, and, if I'm being honest, how good I look while I'm still young enough to enjoy it ;)  Stephanie did an awesome job, and I love the photos. She got some of our family, too, which turned out better than any "professional" photographer would have captured.

10. Going on an overnight trip to Cedar Point with Jerry and the kids. It ended up pouring rain at the amusement park, and the entire park was flooded up to our ankles, and even our calves in a lot of spots. It was like a scene from an apocalyptic movie! The rain ended up being the most fun we had all day--we ran (well, waded) through the park, and were completely drenched. We went back to the hotel and had some delicious pizza and watched a movie. It was a great family time!

11. Jerry and I reached 10 years of marriage in August! I simply cannot believe that we've been married that long. We've had good days and bad days, but he's still my very best friend.

12. Traveling to Chicago and running the Chicago Marathon! Despite everything about this trip falling through, I still decided to go and make the best of it. I'm SO glad I went, because I got to meet Caitlin and Cat from my Ragnar SoCal team (the rest of whom I'll meet in April). I had a blast meeting up with and getting to know them, and on top of that, I had an AMAZING race. The Hansons' Marathon Method really pulled through, and I felt better than ever during the marathon. My legs never quit, and the only issue that held me back (only slightly) toward the end was a stomach upset from eating too much Gu. But I finished in 4:16:38, a 35-minute PR!

13. Last, but not least, I've loved seeing the overwhelming response to my request for Mark. He's gotten about 400 cards (maybe more, and they're still coming!), and he's loved every single one of them. I'm so used to seeing on the news all of the bad things that people do, but seeing how kind everyone has been in supporting Mark (a complete stranger to all of you), through his terminal lung cancer diagnosis, has made me see so much good. Nobody should ever have to die alone, or with very little support, and I love showing Mark each time I visit just how many people care for him. He loves to tell all the nurses and doctors he meets, "I got SO MANY people that care about me! Hundreds of people!" They just kind of nod and smile, until they see all of his cards--then their eyes get huge as they realize he's not exaggerating. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for every single card, picture, letter, and gift you've sent him!!

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Some fun stats about 2013:

• I ran 1,558.5 miles (up from 1,186.5 miles in 2012)--a total of 236 hours, 1 minutes, and 5 seconds. 
• My longest run was 26.6 miles (the Chicago Marathon).
• The month that I had the highest mileage was September, with 205.1 miles.
• My average pace for the whole year was 9:06/mi (down from 10:08/mi in 2012).
• I burned 133,639 calories from running... that's equivalent to over 38 pounds of fat (or 2,265 chocolate chip cookies)!
• The food I consumed the most of was probably ice cream; followed closely by eggs (I was never an egg person, but I've eaten them nearly every day all year).
• My most memorable meal was Mahi Mahi Matecumbe at a restaurant called The Fish House in Key Largo, Florida. Words can't even describe it. I've tried to replicate, but it doesn't even compare.
• My current favorite breakfast is two eggs, scrambled, with cheese, and an orange or English muffin.
• My current favorite lunch is a tuna salad sandwich and fruit.
• My current favorite evening snack is a glass of red wine and popcorn.
• The thing I am most looking forward to in 2014? Meeting my Ragnar Relay SoCal team in San Diego on April 4th!

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As evidenced above, 2013 has been one AMAZING year!! I'm so grateful for this blog, all who read it, the opportunities I've gotten from it, and having a place to write about these things as they happen in my life. I can't imagine that 2014 can even compare, but I'm willing to try! :)

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Everyday Runners

I completely dropped the ball on Motivational Monday this week! I didn't get any submissions to post today, likely because I forgot to post a reminder yesterday. I know this time of year is super busy for everyone anyway, so I'm going to skip today's MM post. But I did post on Facebook, so you can read about everyone's accomplishments there (and share your own)!

Today, I went to weigh in at Weight Watchers in Toledo (it's kind of far, but they had morning hours, and my regular WW center did not). Thankfully, my weight was still under goal, even though I haven't been tracking. I've really enjoyed letting go of the planning and tracking, and I've stayed binge-free. My weight has been staying pretty steady--not gaining or losing--and I'm good with that :)

Tonight I have some of my childhood friends coming over for drinks, games, and just chatting about the good old days. I'm trying to get my house cleaned and ready, so I'm going to have to keep this short. But, if you're interested, Matt from the Runner Academy podcast has started an additional podcast called Everyday Runners. The Runner Academy podcasts tend to focus on elite runners, coaches, runners that do, say 365 marathons in a year, etc. Everyday Runners is a new podcast to focus on people like most of us... just normal, "everyday" runners.

I met Matt a couple of times: first, the day before the Detroit Marathon last year, when Rik and I had lunch with him; and then again when I discovered he was in my RRCA coaching class. A couple of weeks ago, Matt interviewed me for the podcast, and the episode with my interview went live on the second episode of Everyday Runners today. I haven't listened to it, because I was kicking myself after the interview for sounding so flustered! Maybe (hopefully) it doesn't sound as bad as I am imagining in my head ;)  Regardless, you're welcome to listen to it, and it can be found here.

I'm really excited about the Everyday Runners podcast! I love to listen to stories of how people got into the sport, and hear how far they've come since they started running. It's fun to hear on the Runner Academy podcast about the elite runners, and runners who do things I would never imagine doing, but I think most people can really relate to Everyday Runners.

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I'm assuming most of you won't be sitting down to read my post tomorrow evening (being New Year's Eve and all--hope you have fun plans!), so I want to wish you a safe and happy New Year!

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A fartlek run

Sunday = speed work. Speed work is always torturous while I do it, but I always feel fantastic when I'm done, and it really does work in getting faster. But just the thought of it today was filling me with dread.

Mark's illness has really made me think about everything I do, and my attitude toward it. I've shifted my running goals for 2014 to reflect this (which I'll write about later), but I've really tried to make everything that I do enjoyable. Mark is always so positive and so happy, even though he has terminal cancer. If he can maintain such a positive attitude, I'm certainly capable of it, too. I even feel ashamed for feeling down about petty things (like speed work!).

So today, I decided that I was going to enjoy my speed work. I chose not to do intervals, and instead, I went for my first-ever fartlek run. A fartlek run is similar to intervals, but there isn't any structure to the length or duration of each interval. You might run hard to that fire hydrant, jog to the corner, run hard to the telephone pole, etc. I've been running for nearly four years, and I've never done a fartlek run!

The temp has been pretty warm here the past couple of days--today it was 34 when I headed out, which felt really nice. I wore my Garmin, just because I thought it would be fun to look at the graphs later, but I didn't set it for any sort of intervals (that would defeat the purpose of a fartlek run). I just started running one of my three-mile routes, and then started picking out small landmarks to run hard to, and then do a recovery jog to. I did some really short, really hard sprints, some at a semi-hard pace, and recovery at an easy jog. None of it was thought out ahead of time, and it wasn't at all structured.

The time went by so quickly, and I knew I'd gotten a good, tough workout. I even burned over 100 calories per mile, which hardly EVER happens! And sure enough, it was fun to see the graphs :)

The blue chart is my pace, and the red chart is my heart rate. There were a couple of super short sprints where my pace got into the 5:00's! I really enjoyed my speed work today, and I definitely plan to do fartleks more often.

I hit a big milestone halfway through my run today, too. In January, I set a goal to run 100+ miles per month, every single month this year. I did it! There were a few months where I just barely made it, but there were also a couple of months where I ran over 200 miles.

The chart shows my totals for each month. I'm running tomorrow and Tuesday, so I'm not done with December yet, but I did reach 100+ miles today, so I hit my goal.

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This afternoon, I went to the nursing home to visit Mark. I stopped at KFC to get him some chicken (he requested Popeye's, but there wasn't one anywhere near there). He also asked for 7Up, so I got him that as well. Parking at the nursing home is definitely easier than at the hospital. There's only one floor, so I didn't get to run up 10 flights of stairs--darn ;)

When I walked in, Mark was sleeping, but he woke up when I set down his food. He seemed like he was doing really well--he didn't seem like he was in pain at all, and he was pretty talkative for a little while. He started physical therapy today, to hopefully gain the use of his hand (his left hand is now completely numb--he can't use it at all). He said he's going to be there for nine weeks, but I'm not sure where he got that information or how accurate it is.

Ultimately, we're hoping that he can go "home" to my parents' house under hospice care once he's done with radiation, but because we aren't family, it's not up to us. His only living relative is his nephew, who has to make all the decisions, and it doesn't sound like he wants to do that. But for now, it sounds like Mark will be at the nursing home for several weeks at least, so we'll see what happens when the time comes.

Anyway, Mark was super tired today, and after about 15 minutes of chatting, he kept dozing off. I read him some cards, but he kept falling asleep, so I kept the visit short. I got out his CD player for him so that he could listen to music while he napped (the call lights make the most annoying beeping noise throughout the entire building; I don't know how they can stand it!).

One thing that really melted my heart during our visit today was when I asked him how he wanted to spend his (what he calls) "pocket money". He got a little bit of money in a few cards, and I told him that he could tell me what he wants to spend it on, and I'll go buy it for him. He thought about it for a minute, and then he said he wanted to buy pizza, cake, and ice cream for all the people that live in his group home (where he lived for so long, before going into the hospital). Isn't that so sweet?!

I was going through some pictures yesterday, and I found a really nice one of Mark from a couple of years ago. This was at my parents' house for his birthday:

Cancer just sucks. It always seems to affect the most kind, caring people.

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Skin Removal Surgery Questions and Answers (2 years post-op)

I get a lot of emails with questions about my lower body lift, and recently, a woman named Andrea sent me a list of questions that she asked me to post about. I had nothing to write about today (it was a very nice rest day!), so I figured I'd answer those questions. Hopefully other people will find this helpful, too!

(For further reference, I have a TON of details on my Skin Removal Surgery page)

Q. How long was it until the swelling was completely gone from your abdomen? Did you  "know" when the swelling was completely gone?

A. Before my surgery, I read a lot about the swelling, and I was expecting the worst. I thought I would going to look like a giant water balloon. But I actually didn't notice it much on a day-to-day basis. I could definitely see that I looked swollen when I compared pictures from one day to the next, but I really just felt a little puffy in my abdomen. There was never a day where I woke up and thought, "Ahhh, relief! The swelling is gone!" I noticed in pictures of my stomach that I looked less puffy. I think the worst of the swelling was on Day 12, and looking at it now, I don't think it was all that bad!

Q. Was it difficult to maintain eating healthy/not gaining weight without the exercise (in that burning calories from running allows one to add calories back into his/her diet)?

A. I actually dropped about 10 pounds after the surgery, which I think is due to the fact that I took my doctor's dietary instructions very seriously. She told me to eat a TON of protein to help my body heal, so I focused on nothing but protein after surgery. I wasn't counting calories or Points, or anything; I just tried to eat as much protein as possible. I didn't limit my carbs at all, but because I was eating so much protein, I probably didn't eat as many carbs as I was used to.

From my experience, I believe that weight loss comes mainly from diet, and very little from exercise. I can train for a marathon and gain 20 pounds (as evidenced while training for my first 26.2!). I wasn't worried about gaining weight due to lack of exercise after surgery, and I focused my diet on healing my body rather than losing weight, so it worked out well :)

Q. Was it easier to notice weight loss (i.e. the last 15 lbs or so you lost post-surgery) after the surgery, because of the lack of excess skin, or did it not really make a difference in that respect?

A. I think the surgery made a huge difference in the last bit of weight loss. My doctor only removed about two and a half pounds of tissue, but after surgery, I think the decrease in size around my abdomen was very noticeable. Even now, when I gain a couple of pounds, I find it very noticeable! I get love handles if my weight gets to 138-ish, but below that, they're gone. It's so weird! Before the surgery, I never would have noticed a weight gain there, because there was so much skin hiding my form.

Q. Did you wear a compression garment and a binder, or was it a single item?

A. It was just a single item, like a huge (very tight) pair of granny panties. There were hooks along the side (like the hooks on a bra) as well as the crotch, so it didn't have to be removed to go to the bathroom. It was actually very comfortable, and I felt weird when I took the compression garment off to shower. Here is a link to the exact one that I had. It was the one my doctor told me to get; different doctors prefer different garments, though.

Q. Do you think that the surgery produced a visible change for people who just see you every day in regular clothes (i.e., should I expect that people who I have not told about the surgery may notice it)?

A. I don't think the change was hugely visible in my clothing, but I always tried to hide the excess skin before my surgery. I didn't wear tight jeans and form-fitting shirts; I could wear tight jeans and a loose sweatshirt, or jeans that would hide my skin and a more form-fitting shirt. After the surgery, I didn't want ANY baggy clothing! I wore tight jeans and fitted shirts, and I still do a lot of the time. But I don't think that people who I saw from time to time would've noticed that I had skin removal surgery. Here is a photo from before surgery and after surgery in the same clothes:

You can see a difference if you're looking for it, but I don't think anyone would have noticed if they hadn't known about my surgery. Without clothes, however, is a completely different story! ;)

Q. How long after the surgery did you start training for your marathon? Did you have any time after you started running when you were just running "for fun," or did you go right into it? 

A. I had the surgery on November 14, 2011, and I "officially" started training for my first marathon on January 16, 2012. I started running again just shy of four weeks after surgery, and I took it very easy for a couple of weeks while I continued to heal from surgery. My doctor actually cleared me to run on Day 8 post-op! But I wasn't much in the mood to run, which I'm sure she expected ;)  By the time I started marathon training, I felt 100% back to my normal self. I still continued to wear my compression garment when I ran, just because I felt more secure, but it wasn't necessary.

Q. About how many post-op appointments did you have in total?

A. I spent one night in the hospital, and my doctor came to see me before I left. Then there was the embarrassing trip to the emergency room about five days post-op. My first "real" post-op appointment was on Day 8, when I had three of my drains removed. My second post-op appointment was on Day 17, when I had the last drain removed (my doctor told me to come in when my drain was producing less than 30 cc's a day).

I had one more post-op visit after six weeks. There was a tiny spot on my incision that needed a minor revision (the skin had folded over slightly as it healed). I went in for an appointment where my doctor fixed that in the office, which only took about 10-15 minutes. I made another appointment for her to check out that spot later, but it healed really well, so I just called her and she said there was no need to come in. That was the last appointment.

Q. Do you remember about how long it was until you stopped feeling any real ab pain, and only felt some soreness, or felt nothing at all?

A. The ab pain was terrible for the first couple of days, but it got much better as the days went on. I can't remember exactly when there was NO muscular soreness, because it continued to get better and better each day, but I think I was pretty much pain-free after a couple of weeks. The worst of it was over after a couple of days post-op, though.

Q. How long was your longest drain in for?

A. I had four drains, two in front (left and right) and two over each hip. I had three of the drains removed on Day 8 post-op, but the last one was in for 17 days! My doctor didn't want to remove it until it was producing less than 30 cc's of drainage per day. I couldn't wait to get that thing out! Even though my body was feeling much better, and I was wanting to try on new clothes and all that, the stupid drain was in the way. I felt much more like myself after the last drain was pulled. And I could sleep on my stomach again! :)

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I'm now a little over two years post-op, and I am still SO SO SO glad that I had the surgery! My scar isn't nearly as bad as I imagined it would be, and across my butt, it's practically invisible. Clothing is much more comfortable, without having to push and poke my skin around to fit into my pants.

Running is more comfortable, because I don't have to worry about the skin bouncing (that used to hurt!). And even though the outward change, while I'm wearing clothing, isn't drastically huge, I feel a million times more confident in how I look. I used to be so self-conscious of my saggy skin, and I hated always trying to hide it. I would do the surgery again in a heartbeat!

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Medium

I woke up sometime in the night last night, and thought, "Oh, yay, tomorrow is a rest day!" and then I realized that it was actually my long run--12 miles. With the kids being home from school, I knew I was going to have to do it on the treadmill, and I was totally dreading that.

I did find a new show on Netflix to keep me occupied for a while, though--Medium. I never, ever would have thought that I'd like that show, because I don't believe in paranormal stuff. But it's another crime-drama, like CSI or Law & Order, only the main character is a suburban-mom-medium (she can communicate with the dead). I watched one episode and was hooked!

This morning, however, I just wanted to relax. I decided I'd just use today as a rest day, and run my 12-miler tomorrow. I took a shower and got dressed to go visit Mark at the hospital. I've been going every other day, which seems to work out well; my parents go on the days that I don't, so that he has someone there every day.

My mom watched the kids for me today so that I could go up without them. I stopped to pick up Mark's cards from the post office (about a hundred more!) and bought him a strawberry milkshake from McDonald's before heading to the hospital. Mark was still at his radiation therapy downstairs, but he came in about 10 minutes after I got there. He was in a really good mood, and very happy to see me (especially when he saw that I brought him a milkshake, of course).

I brought a map of the United States this time, something I'd been meaning to do for a while, so that I could show him where his cards were coming from. I brought some star-shaped stickers to stick on each state as we read a card from that state. I sat and read him all of his cards, and by the time I was done, there were very few states that weren't covered! There were a few cards from other countries, too: Canada, New Zealand, Australia, and England.

As I got toward the end of the bunch, Mark was fighting to stay awake. They usually give him morphine right after his treatment, which makes him really drowsy. So I got his CD player set up for him to listen to, and I went home. He didn't seem to be in a lot of pain today, so it was a nice visit!

I left the hospital at around 1:30, and I found out later than at 4:30, they moved Mark to a nursing home. Nobody had any idea they were discharging him today! He'll be staying at a nursing home near the hospital, so that an ambulance can transport him to and from the hospital for his radiation treatments. He has six more treatments, and then hopefully the doctors will know more about where to go from there--likely hospice care, but his nephew may choose to go with chemotherapy. I just really hope that he's treated well at the nursing home. My parents are going to visit him tomorrow, so they'll see how he's doing.

On the way home, I was thinking about how I should just do my long run today, so that I could relax all day tomorrow. After I picked up the kids from my mom's house and came home, it was 3:00; I hardly ever run in the afternoons, but I wanted to watch Medium, so I figured I might as well get my run done while I watched.

I set the speed and 6.5 mph and didn't touch it until I hit 12 miles. It felt like forever! I kept thinking, "Maybe I'll just quit at 8 miles..." but I knew I'd be mad at myself if I cut it short for no "real" reason. I got through two and a half episodes of Medium, and as soon as I hit 12 miles, I stopped the treadmill. I was so happy to be done!

Running for nearly two hours just seems kind of crazy, doesn't it? When I think of 12 miles, it really doesn't seem terribly long; but when I think of it in time, it feels like an eternity. I felt really good when I was done, though, and I'm happy I did it today. I really hope I'm able to run outside next Friday, but the kids are off school all week, so I'm not sure if it'll work out.

When I got off the treadmill, I was starving. I had eaten breakfast, but I was at the hospital during lunch time, and all I had was a couple of pieces of candy from Mark. I heated up some leftover lasagna for dinner, because I wasn't in the mood to cook. It was only 5:00, but I changed into my most comfy pajamas and plopped on the couch.

No plans tomorrow, so I'm hoping to have a pretty low-key day!

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Letting it go

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! We had a pretty casual (although kind of busy) day. When we woke up, my parents came over to watch the kids open presents. The boys were thrilled with their gifts, and after they opened presents, we had homemade caramel sticky rolls. I prepped them the night before, so all I had to do was throw them in the oven. They were delicious!

After breakfast, Jerry and I wanted to go to the hospital to see Mark, so my parents watched the kids (the kids both have coughs, and I didn't want them to get Mark sick, so we didn't bring them with us). It was SO eerie to be driving on the expressway without any other cars around! We drove probably 10 miles before there was another car going north.

Mark had asked for another strawberry milkshake, so I was hoping that McDonald's would be open, but no such luck. We drove to a couple of gas stations looking for coffee, so I got him a coffee instead. We hiked up 10 flights of stairs to Mark's room, and he was really happy to see us. We gave him a couple of gifts: headphones (he was having a really hard time using earbuds, because his hands are numb, so I got him the old school headphones), some gospel music, and a tin of popcorn.

Jerry and I sat and read some cards to him. While I was reading, Mark cut me off and said that he wants Jerry to read, because Jerry has a nice voice. Hahaha! So I sat and listened. Mark was really tired, and kept falling asleep for a second or two before popping his eyes open again. I asked if he wanted to nap, but he kept saying he wasn't tired. I think he just didn't want us to leave.

His doctor came in, and I spoke with him for a few minutes. He said the numbness in Mark's hands is likely from the tumors on his brain (I was hoping it was just from the morphine). Mark gets really frustrated when he tries to pick things up, and the past couple of times I've visited, he's asked me to help feed him, because it's hard to grasp his utensils. He's been doing radiation treatments on his brain to shrink the tumors and relieve those symptoms, so I hope that it works. We know it's not a cure, but we are hoping it will preserve some quality of life.

When the food service worker came around to see what Mark wanted for lunch, she heard me tell Mark that I was sorry that I couldn't get him a strawberry shake today, and she offered to make a special one for him. That was SO kind of her! So when his lunch came, he had a strawberry shake that she'd made especially for him.

After his lunch, he was really drowsy, so I set up his CD player with his new headphones and got him settled in with those, and then Jerry and I left. We picked up the kids from my parents house, and then we decided to go out for dinner. My brother was supposed to come over, and I was going to make lasagna, but he was in Indiana later than planned, so he canceled. There is a Chinese restaurant about 30 minutes away that is pretty much the only restaurant open on Christmas, so we went there. We ordered two meals and shared it between the four of us, and it was the perfect amount of food. The kids loved it, and asked if we could go back there again soon.

After dinner, we stopped by Jerry's parents' house to exchange gifts with them. We'd been planning to do that today, but since our plans with my brother changed, it worked out that we could do it yesterday. We stayed there for a couple of hours, and by then I was really tired. I just wanted to go home and put my pajamas on. Jerry and I started to watch a show on Netflix, but I fell asleep less than 10 minutes in. It was a nice, but tiring, Christmas!

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For the past week or so (ever since my first hospital visit with Mark), I've had such a different outlook on everything. It started with eating dinner at my Aunt Mickey's house, even though it wasn't "on plan". I feel really grateful to be healthy and active, and I started thinking about how I put way too much energy into worrying about a particular number on the scale. I don't want to do that anymore!

This past week, it's like my entire mindset did a 180. I haven't counted Weight Watchers PointsPlus, or eaten only specific foods. I've been eating "normally", or what I perceive "normal" to be like. I haven't binged at all, and I just keep doing what will make me happy. This is all kind of hard to explain, and I'm not sure I understand it myself, but I have just been trying to stop wasting so much energy and thought about my diet. I've been eating pretty healthy for most meals, but I've also indulged a little (like the sticky buns, and going out to dinner). The key is, I didn't OVERindulge. It's always been so hard for me to find that middle area, where I'm not overindulging, but I'm not restricting... and I think I finally found that sweet spot.

I wouldn't call it "intuitive eating", because when I've tried that in the past, I put WAY too much thought into it. I would always wonder, "Am I hungry now? How about now? Do I feel satisfied yet?" and it would make me crazy. My ultimate goal is to not put much thought into it at all; just to eat "normally". I'm not even focused on getting back to my "goal weight". I was 140 yesterday, which means I didn't gain anything all week, even though I wasn't counting anything, and I was fine with that number.

I feel this huge sense of relief since I let go of that "must stay on track, must get back to goal" mindset. I'm not swearing off counting PointsPlus or calories forever... if I start to overindulge regularly, then that's just something I might have to do again. But for now, I think as long as my BMI is normal, I am active, healthy, and happy, then there is no reason to worry so much about the details :)

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Christmas Eve

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already! I feel totally unprepared for Christmas, but I *think* that we're ready. I did some last minute shopping today (I didn't even have wrapping paper), because I've been focusing so much on Mark this week that I haven't really given much thought to getting prepared for Christmas.

Our Christmas is going to be pretty low-key, for which I am grateful. Jerry is off work for the first time in about 10 Christmases, so I'm looking forward to spending the day with him and the boys. We're going to open presents in the morning, of course, and shortly after that, we'll head up to the hospital to visit Mark for a couple of hours. Then tomorrow evening, my little brother, Nathan, is supposed to come over for a little bit.

I went up to the hospital yesterday. First, I stopped and picked up Mark's cards from the box, then I got a gift card to Starbucks for the nursing assistant who hung up the cards. Mark had requested that I bring him Cheetos and a strawberry McDonald's milkshake, so I stopped to get those, also. I was carrying a bunch of stuff, but when I got to the hospital, I decided to take the stairs again (Mark's room is on the tenth floor). I took a different stairway than last time, and halfway up, the stairway ended. So I went all the way back down to the first floor, found the correct stairway, and then hiked up 10 flights of stairs while carrying a ton of stuff. Fun!

I got there at around 11:00, and Mark had just been taken down to radiation. The treatment only takes a few minutes, but by 1:00, he still wasn't in his room. I asked about him at the nurse's station, and they said that he'd been ready for a long time, but they were waiting for transportation to bring him back to his room. Good grief! I know that they are busy, but that's a long time for him to be waiting in a hallway, with nothing to do (while his milkshake was melting in his room).

Finally, at around 1:15, they brought him to his room. Things got a little hectic then, because his nephew, Dan, showed up, along with Dan's six-year old son, Daniel. A few minutes later, my dad showed up. Mark was thrilled to see everyone, of course, particularly Daniel. We chatted for a little while, and then a couple of more people showed up: Santa and Mrs. Claus ;)  They sang some Christmas songs, did a couple of magic tricks, and read a Christmas story.

Santa gave Mark some sort of "Christmas cheer" on his lungs--he pressed his thumb to Mark's chest, and his thumb lit up red.

Later, after Santa had left, we were just sitting around talking. Any time there is a lapse in conversation, Mark says, "Keep talking, keep talking!" My dad told him, "Mark, it's your turn--you talk to us." And Mark's choice of conversation made me burst out laughing. He thought for a second, and then exclaimed (while looking at me): "Remember when you broke down and cried?!" like it was this big event, as if I'd gotten married. And then he told Dan and my dad, "She broke down and cried. I cried too, because I was in a lot of pain, and I just want to go home." We all laughed at his honesty :)

Anyway, it was a good visit, and Mark was really tired when we left. I told him I'd be back on Christmas. I bought him a couple of gifts while I was out today. I just hope that he's feeling good tomorrow!

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This morning, I wasn't feeling great, probably because I didn't get any sleep last night. I have no idea why, but I had the hardest time falling asleep, and then I got up way too early (much thanks to Paolo). I had three miles at tempo pace on the schedule, but I put it off until the afternoon. I took the boys shopping with me this morning, and then came home and wrapped presents for a couple of hours. Finally, I decided to get it done.

The roads are solid ice right now, so I had to run on the treadmill. I set the pace at 7.8 mph, up just a touch from the last tempo run, and just left it there while I ran the whole three miles. I wanted to slow down, but I knew I was perfectly capable of finishing, so I just kept going. I always feel so good after a hard run!

My spring goal for a 5K is 23:59, so that would be a 7:43/mi pace. Now I just have to practice running this pace outdoors, which is definitely harder!

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So... it's hard to admit this, but after reading that one book on Noah's Kindle, I find that I definitely prefer the Kindle to an actual book now. I was so resistant to go electronic when it comes to books, but it really is so convenient! I am reading a book right now (an actual book, not on the Kindle) and I find myself not even wanting to pick it up to read.

I like to read while I eat breakfast or lunch, but holding the book open is really difficult, and I miss the ease of the Kindle. I think once I'm done reading this book ("The Survivor's Club" by Lisa Gardner), I'll just start looking at the electronic resource library. My library has a ton of books that are available for download, and a lot of older books are only available electronically. I never thought I'd convert to electronic!

I wish everyone a safe and happy Christmas tomorrow! If I have some time, I'll write a post, but I may take a break from the computer altogether tomorrow.

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Motivational Monday #46

I have a short but sweet Motivational Monday today, which I hope just means that everyone is having too much fun during the holiday season to send in some pictures ;)  I've had a completely draining week, and as long as Mark is fighting this cancer, I'm sure it's going to be hard on me emotionally. I visited him again today, and he was doing better than Saturday as far as pain management. There were 100 more cards in the P.O. box for him this morning! I know I keep saying this, but I am SO grateful to everyone who has shown support for him. There are so many good people in this world, and I thank you all for reminding me of that :)

Anyway, I've had an emotional week, but I have NOT used food to make me feel better, and for that, I'm very proud of myself. I'll write more about this on Wednesday, but food has been put on the back burner in my mind this week, which has been helpful. I also managed to get through an 11-mile run on the treadmill Friday, which is definitely something to be proud of ;)

Here are a few motivational stories just in time for Christmas...

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Stacey and her girlfriend, Kaitlin, started counting calories early this year and have now lost a combined 70 pounds! Stacey has also gotten Kaitlin interested in running, and Kaitlin ran her first half-marathon in October, finishing in 2:06. Stacey didn't even start running herself until joining the Air Force, and then she realized she was a natural-born runner. She ran her first half-marathon in 1:57, and has since PR'ed with a 1:43 finish; she ran her first marathon in 3:56, and has even run a 50K! 

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Forty days ago, Shelley joined a fitness challenge at her gym that had a big incentive: lose 20 pounds in 40 days by going to the gym 5-6 days a week and eating clean, and get your money back! At her Day 40 weigh-in, she'd dropped 21.6 pounds, several inches (two dress sizes), gained muscle, and made some great friends. She received her money back--$359! Now her goal is to run and set some new PR's.

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About five years ago, Emily started doing the Couch to 5K program, and lost some weight during that; however, she injured her knee so badly that her doctor told her she should never run again. In August, she moved out of state for school, and there wasn't a local dog park for her beagle, so she started to take him on walks instead. She started with just a mile, and then two, and then four... building her way up. One day, she jogged up one of the hills out of impatience. And then she started jogging up all of the hills, and she hasn't felt a single twinge in her knee. She started out with 22-23 minute miles, and today she ran a mile in 11:54! She's thrilled with her progress, and she said that she heard Santa was going to bring her a Garmin to track her runs ;)  (Emily's blog)

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Don't forget to check out some more motivating stories (and share your own) on the Motivational Monday Facebook post!

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