Causes of binge eating

I didn't wake up until 8:00 this morning! I never sleep that late. Last night, I took a sleeping pill so that I could sleep through the night--lately, I've been waking up constantly, feeling like I'm wide awake, and it drives me crazy. It worked like a charm, but I felt super tired when I woke up.

I sat and watched a movie on Lifetime for a little bit with a cup of tea. I am loving the David's Tea that I bought! I love all the flavors, and really can't choose a favorite. Today I had the Toasted Marshmallow flavor, and it was heavenly.

That's Phoebe in the background. She really likes Lifetime movies, and she sat and watched with me ;)

Once I got a little more energy, I got to work cleaning the house for my company tomorrow. It's funny, whenever I start doing the cleaning that I normally don't do very often (dust, for example) my kids always ask me, "Are your friends coming over?"

I was really in the mood to organize, so I ended up cleaning out the pantry. I have a really big pantry, and we somehow acquire a lot of food in there that I forget about. So I went through, checking the expiration dates of stuff, and throwing out things that have been forgotten. It looked much better when I was done.

This afternoon, I got to work on preparing the food for tomorrow. I chose to make things that I could do ahead of time, so that I don't have to be in the kitchen while my friends are over. I started by making the dessert. I've seen a million recipes for different desserts in a jar, and I thought that would be very convenient to make ahead of time. I decided to make a Boston Cream Pie version. They turned out pretty cute!

They are 11 PointsPlus each--not bad, for a decent-sized dessert. (I'll post links to all the recipes that I use when I post about my Oscars party--probably Monday).

I also made a Citrus Hummus, Roasted Red Pepper and Feta dip, and Olive Tapenade. Tomorrow, I'm going to make Guacamole Deviled Eggs. It was SO hard to make all this food today without eating it! I did a few tastes, and snacked on too many tortilla chips while I was making everything, but I counted the PointsPlus for it. The Red Pepper dip was so amazing that it's going to be my new go-to party dip.

Jerry posted this little cat chart on Facebook for me, and I thought it was hilarious, so I wanted to post it here. If you have a cat, you will probably get a kick out of it (click to enlarge it):

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I haven't posted a "reader question" in a while, but here is one that I got recently:

Q. What do you think causes your binges when they occur? Difficult emotions? Love of food? Both? Something else entirely?

I have been in binge mode lately. I am still maintaining because I binge, then eat healthfully, binge, etc. I can't figure out what is up with me all of a sudden! I know this is a slippery slope.

A. Well, I'm happy to say that my binge-free streak is now at 167 days and counting :) But, I really wish I knew the answer to this question! I've noticed that when I feel really anxious, binge eating usually makes me feel better, so that's one reason. Stress is another reason--if I feel stressed out for any number of reasons, binge eating relieves the stress. I've tried other ways to relieve stress and anxiety, but nothing works the way food does ;)  And since someone always asks how I define a binge, here is a post that explains it.

 

I do have other binge triggers, though--food blogs are one of them! I can't read/view food blogs or browse Pinterest because then I fixate on food and it almost always leads to a binge. Since I've started this binge-free streak, I've only used Pinterest to bookmark certain things I find online--I don't browse through it like I used to. 

 

And, there are certain binge-triggering foods that I can't have at home. Ice cream, graham crackers, regular sized chocolate chips (the mini ones are fine to have a home, but nothing bigger--strange, I know), Biscoff Spread/Cookie Butter, and Marshmallow Fluff, to name a few things. 

 

I think it's important to find out what your triggers are--maybe stress, boredom, food porn, any number of other things--and then find ways to eliminate them or make the best of them. If your problem is boredom, then maybe make a list of things you can do when you feel the urge to binge--play solitare, read a book, go shopping, whatever. If your problem is food porn (food blogs, Pinterest, etc.), maybe it's time to eliminate it, like I did. 

 

Binge eating is SUPER hard to overcome--I was binge-free for a whole year when I was losing weight, and then I started doing it again. This time around, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and hopefully I'll keep this streak going even longer than before. But it's a very tough road! 

 

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Great start to the weekend

Oh, Friday. My long run day. I tend to dread Fridays all day on Thursdays, because I just don't want to run long. But after I've done the run on Friday, I just feel SO great all weekend for doing it!

This morning, I woke up and checked the weather on my phone while I was roasting under the electric blanket.

Hmm... snowing, feels like 7 degrees, with 20 mph winds? I clicked on that little red alert button, which basically said, "Go back to sleep. You're stupid if you're thinking of running outside right now!"

I thought about putting it off until tomorrow, but then I would just dread it all day today and be mad that I was being such a baby about it, so I decided to just get up and run on the treadmill. All 12 miles. I put Sons of Anarchy on Netflix, set the treadmill to 6.8 mph, and just started running.

I really like Sons of Anarchy, so it certainly helped to pass the time, but I was still looking at the distance way too often. I made it through two full episodes and one partial episode of the show--that's a long time to be on a treadmill! But I was SO happy to be done, and I felt good.

My ActiveLink is still in the assessment phase right now, so my Weight Watchers account won't let me add my activity points. But when I run 12 miles, burning nearly 1,000 calories, you better believe I'm going to add some PointsPlus to my day! So I just looked up the points in the WW book, and I've been keeping track on a little notepad on my phone:

The book gives me more PP than the formula I was using (calories burned divided by 80)--but since my weight has dropped a little, I figured adding a few extras won't hurt. Once I run out of my weekly PointsPlus, I will start dipping into these. Tomorrow is the last day of assessment on the ActiveLink, so on Sunday, I should start to earn PP again.

Jerry was off work today, and the kids were off school (all week), so we wanted to take them somewhere fun for their last day of winter break. They wanted to go up to this jungle gym place, but it's an hour away, and the roads were really bad from the snow. Instead, I took them (and Jerry) to the ice skating rink and dropped them off. While they were skating, I went to the store to buy the groceries for Sunday (my Oscar's viewing party!). I'm trying out a few new recipes, so I have no idea how they will be, but I bought lots of wine, so it shouldn't matter ;)

I picked the boys up, and we ate lunch at Wendy's (a large chili is only 7 PP and very filling!). Then we went to Mrs. Fields so I could spend my activity PointsPlus on something fun. I earned it after 12 miles on a treadmill! I got the same thing as last time--the Peanut Butter Dream Bar.

I would be happy ditching the crust and just eating the peanut butter and chocolate ganache layer. I don't think there is a better match than chocolate and peanut butter... it was so good! When I brought the bar home, I weighed it on my kitchen scale just to see if the portion size was the same as it is for the nutritional information I was able to find. It was only one gram off (stats are for 134 grams, and mine weighed 133 grams), which is pretty impressive! Here are the stats, if you're interested:
Calories- 670
Fat- 42 g
Carbs- 70 g
Fiber- 3 g
Protein- 10 g
PointsPlus- 19

It's kind of amazing that they can pack so many calories and so much fat into one tiny little rectangle! I used to eat two of them back in the day.

I had the worst headache ever today, and I'm sure it was from dehydration--that usually happens when I run in the heat or run on the treadmill--I get overheated, dehydrated, and my head throbs all day.

Yesterday was my last day on call for Jury Duty--and thankfully, I never had to report! I had to call an 800 number every day after 6 PM, and they told me whether or not I'd have to report the next day. It was kind of nerve-wracking, wondering if I'd have to go, but yesterday I was told that I'm no longer on call. I think it would be kind of fun to serve on a jury, to learn more about the whole system, but I'm a little relieved I didn't have to go.

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The top is done!

Dinner at La Pita last night was so good--I was starving when we got there, however, which made it hard not to scarf down my food. Usually, I eat dinner early, at around 4:30. But Jerry got home from work at 6:30, and it's a 45 minute drive.

Our server brought over warm pita bread and deep-fried pita chips to snack on while we waited for our food. Normally, I have no problem resisting those, but I ate some of the pita chips because my stomach felt like it was going to start eating itself if I didn't eat something. Finally, my yummy dinner arrived:

That's the lunch portion chicken kabob--the dinner portion is twice as much food! I calculated that I ate 25 PointsPlus total (yes, I included the pita chips I snacked on). Totally worth every PP!

This morning, I decided to run on the treadmill instead of outside. I started a new series on Netflix (did I mention that I watched the first four seasons of Breaking Bad already? I swore I'd only watch it while I was running, but I got too sucked in one day, and it was all over then...). I started Sons of Anarchy a few days ago on the treadmill, and this time I am going to ONLY watch it while I run. So today I watched the second episode.

I was scheduled for 4 miles, so I just set the treadmill at 7.1 mph and didn't touch it. I was absorbed in the show, and the time passed quickly. I really wanted to finish watching the episode of Sons of Anarchy, so when I hit 4 miles, I just kept running. The episode was 45 minutes long, so I managed to get in a little over 5 miles. A little closer to my 100-miles-in-February goal.

This afternoon, Noah was complaining of not being able to eat his pear because his tooth was too loose. He freaked out when I mentioned pulling it, but I told him I had to do it. So we worked on wiggling it for a long time, and I sneaked in a few hard pulls, but it just wasn't coming out. I even used some lidocaine that I had from after my jaw surgery to numb it, but he complained that it still hurt.

I watched a couple of YouTube videos to see if there was an easy way to pull it, and I decided to try dental floss. I tied a little loop around his tooth, and then pulled on the ends. That sucker popped right out! Noah looked super cute with the gap in his teeth ;)

That was only his third tooth to come out. He's 8 1/2, so he's pretty far behind his classmates as far as missing teeth go. I was the same way when I was a kid. And Eli hasn't lost a single tooth yet--he's 7 years old. Eli desperately wants to lose a tooth, and he even asked me to ask the hygienist if she could pull one of his teeth out. He would have gladly traded places with Noah today!

After that drama, I spent the afternoon finishing up the quilt top. I actually got the whole top done!

It was hard to get a picture of the whole thing, because it's pretty big. Also, Estelle  couldn't stay off of it long enough for me to get a picture.

Now that the top is done, I have to do the hard part--backing it and then actually quilting it. The quilting is when you sew all the layers together, and I'm terrified to do that. In the other quilts I've done, I've tied them instead of quilting them, which is where you tie the layers together in random spots--you can see on this picture of my denim quilt. All the white ties are holding the thing together...

Anyway, I love how the top turned out, so I'm afraid of screwing it up! It may be a while before I'm brave enough to finish the thing.

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Quilt progress and Wed. Weigh-in

I woke up SO SORE this morning. My legs feel like they did after Pete's Bootcamp! Well, maybe that's a big exaggeration, but I couldn't believe how sore I was for no reason. I didn't start strength training or anything--the only reason they were so sore is because I was working on the t-shirt quilt for so long yesterday, which involved crawling around on my hands and knees, and sitting on the floor all day.

Phoebe was fascinated with the rotary cutter

The quilt is coming along... this morning, I tried to figure out how to piece the whole thing together. My squares and rectangles were all different sizes, and I planned to put black sashing in-between the squares, so just the thought of all that math made my head hurt. Someone should create an app that allows you to plug in the dimensions of all of your quilt blocks, and then the app will generate a pattern for you, piecing them together like Tetris. I would buy that app for sure!

Here is what I eventually came up with:

Those aren't sewn together--they're just lying on the floor, after my hundredth attempt at fitting them together. Once I got that figured out, I started with the sashing (a border that will go around each block, so the quilt won't look so busy).

This morning was my Wednesday Weigh-in, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that not only did I drop the pound I was up last week, I also lost another half-pound, bringing me to 130.5:

I'm getting used to the fluctuations--I don't get upset when it goes up, and I don't get all excited when it goes down. It just is what it is. I'm happy to be maintaining in a small window of wiggle room!

I didn't really do anything different this week. I ate all of my daily, weekly, and activity PointsPlus, like usual. It was a very tough week for me at the beginning, because I was feeling very binge-y, but thankfully, I didn't binge. A few people asked me to talk a little more about my history with depression/antidepressants. I've been pretty open about it here before, and it's not something I'm ashamed of.

I've had clinical depression since I was a child--probably around 8-9 years old? It wasn't "caused by" some event or anything in my life--I believe that it's physiological, which is why I take antidepressants. I didn't start taking them until I was 20. I've gone off of them a few times, trying to "naturally"cure depression with exercise, but that doesn't work for me.

Depression makes me extremely sensitive and I cry at the drop of a dime. I also lose interest in anything and everything that I like to do. Basically, I'm like one of those people you see on the antidepressant commercials, hahaha. The pills don't turn me into a zombie or anything--they just make me feel what I think normal feels like...?

So anyway, that's the story behind the depression. Most of the time, I feel totally normal, but sometimes I go through bad spells. I know now that the bad spells eventually go away, and I just have to get though it until they do. Moving on...

Last night, I walked into my bedroom, and caught Chandler in the most awkward, funny position. I hissed at Jerry, "Bring me my phone!" I was afraid to move, because I didn't want Chandler to move. He gave me the funniest look:

Naturally, I posted it to Instagram, because it was begging for a funny caption; but I couldn't come up with anything clever, so I asked for suggestions. I genuinely laughed out loud when I read some of these responses:

 

The funny thing is, he was actually facing the TV like that, although it wasn't turned on.

Jerry sent me a text from work today, asking me if I want to go to La Pita for dinner--it was very random, because we never just go out to dinner for no reason. Of course I said YES. Yummmm.

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A new project

Yesterday morning, I had intervals on the running schedule--but since I really want to hit 100 miles in February, I decided to skip the intervals (which would only have totaled two miles) and run 4-5 miles instead, at a tempo pace (push myself a little harder than usual). That turned out to be a good choice! I waited until almost 10:00 to head out, because it was supposed to just keep getting warmer through the day. It was about 25 degrees when I went out to run.

The sun was shining, and I just felt happy to be out there. Usually, I grumble about it and just go get it done, but I actually tried to enjoy the moments of my run yesterday.

I ended up going out just shy of three miles before turning around (if I was to keep going in order to hit three, I would have had to cross a busy road).

At mile 3.11, I looked at my Garmin to check on my pace--I had hit a new PR for 5K distance, with my time at 25:40 (previous best was 25:44). I still had almost three miles to go, and I still felt good. I pushed myself pretty hard, and certainly wanted to slow down, but I felt good.

I reached home at mile 5.67. The "type A" in me wanted to run around the block and call it an even 6 miles, but I restrained myself and just called it what it was. ;)

An 8:15/mi pace for almost 6 miles?! I'll take it! I'm excited to get some new PR's--I just need to start racing. I'm supposed to be doing a 10K next month, so I'll be going for my PR then. I have a half-marathon in April, where I can (hopefully) make my sub-2:00 "official".

After my run and shower, Jerry and I took the boys and went out for a little bit. We stopped at a house that my parents have been working on. This is a long story in itself, but here it is in a nutshell: My dad's friend was stricken with Guillain-Barre Syndrome several years ago, and it was (is) really severe. He's been a quadriplegic ever since. Anyway, the caretakers at his house were horribly unprofessional, and trashed the house. There was graffiti everywhere, garbage, clutter, and just STUFF. The house was completely trashed, and he had to be moved to the hospital because of his living conditions.

My parents asked their church and some friends to help them clean up this house so that it's liveable again. So my parents, along with the members of the church, and some friends who are great carpenters, have been putting LOTS of time into painting, redoing wood floors, replacing cabinets and appliances. The carpenter-friends even bought brand new appliances with their own money!

The whole thing has just grown to be really awesome. So yesterday, Jerry and I stopped over at the house to take a look, and it looks great! I saw the before pictures, and it looks like a completely different house.

While we were out, Jerry got pulled over for speeding. He hasn't been pulled over in years! The cop wrote him a ticket for impeding traffic, which has a fine but no points on his license. Not as good as a warning, but the ticket was deserved, because Jerry was speeding. It was a small section of road that was 25 mph, and he was going 39--the cop said if he wrote the ticket that way, it would have been 3 points!

After that, we went to JoAnn Fabrics so I could pick up a couple of things. My mom gave me a gift card for my birthday, and I decided on a fun project--so I needed the supplies. I've acquired way too many race t-shirts, and I rarely wear them; so I've decided to make a quilt out of them! I spent the afternoon cutting them up (it was SO very hard to make that first cut!) I've cut them ALL except for two sweatshirts, which I wear all the time.

This is just a few of them... I think I have 20-25 altogether!

So far, I've gotten them all cut and backed with interfacing to keep them from stretching. Some of the tech shirts would have been hard to work with otherwise. Now I just have to figure out how to lay them out, and start sewing. I'm going to put black sashing in-between each block. I love that there is a story behind each shirt, and I will love looking at them rather than having them sit on a shelf like they have been!

Last night, I went to the CPR/AED/First Aid certification training class. It was a breeze! I had to take a first aid course in college, where we spent ALL SEMESTER learning the same stuff in great detail. In that college course, we had to master our rescue breathing down to the breaths per minute (we had to hit exactly 100--not 99, not 101--100. If we didn't, we failed). We were certified after that course, but I never kept my certification current.

Yesterday's class was so relaxed and basic (considering it was only 3 hours, versus the entire semester in college). So anyway, now I'm certified again, and ready for RRCA coaching certification next month!

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Motivational Monday #3

I hope everyone has had a great week working on personal goals! I had a very tough week as far as food goes--I've been having binge urges due to depression, but thankfully, managed to keep my binge-free streak. Since I'm an emotional eater, feeling depressed is practically a surefire bet that I'm going to binge!

Today is the third installment of Motivational Monday, and (again) there were LOTS of awesome goals and accomplishments that people have been proud of this week. Congrats to all of you that posted about your week!

Here are a few I'd like to share:

Desiree and Trinity (9 years old) did a 5K together on Saturday! It was a bit cold for Texas (40 degrees) but they had fun:

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 Amelia started running again, and ran/walked 1.23 miles!

 

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Amy wrote this e-mail about a big non-scale victory regarding her jeans:

You have been a huge inspiration to me.  I started reading your blog early last year when I started my own weightloss journey.  You remind me of me, and when I read about how you became a runner it gave me the confidence to try it myself.  In my old size 20, 250 pound, completely sedentary world, the only time I believed running was necessary would have involved zombies!  

Last September I started a C25K program at my local running store.  It was rough.  I never thought I could run 1 mile let alone 3.1!  But I did it!  I ran my first 5K on Thanksgiving day 2012.

This weekend I ran 5 miles (yes 5!!) around the lake at the local park.   It took me an hour, but I did it!  I came home, showered, and went shopping for some new jeans.  The size 14 I'd been wearing were getting a little baggy, so I went in for a size 12.  I also brought in a size 10 to see how far away I was from those fitting.  I pulled them up and ziiiippp... they fit!!  I couldn't believe it.  I've NEVER been a size 10 in my life, and I honestly never thought I could be.  

I'm not done yet.  I'm down 75 pounds in the last year.  Still have 40 pounds to get to my goal weight, but those size 10's are huge in motivating me to keep going.  

You inspired me to get started, but these size 10's are keeping me going!

--Amy

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Elizabeth wrote this along with her picture: "My proud moment this week was being able to fit into a size 12!  :)  I have been hanging onto this Nautica skirt a family member gave me since the fall hoping to fit into it by spring, and I can!  I have never been in a 12.  The smallest size I wore even in high school was a 14.  I am down 149 pounds (from 325 to 176)."

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Suzanne reached her goal weight this week! "My Motivational Monday this week is making it to goal at Weight Watchers on Thursday. It took almost a year of hard work & sheer determination, but I'm finally in my healthy weight range. I've lost 21.8kg (48 pounds), over 27% of my starting weight, & gone from a size 16 to 10. More important to me though is what I've gained: health, fitness, & self confidence."

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Teggin powered through a long run in the cold: "I signed up for my first ever marathon and then had a really cold long run yesterday.  I wanted to email you a picture of myself with all of my cold weather running gear.  You probably run in weather this cold all the time, but it was a very tough ten miles for me."

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Blanca completed her first race on Saturday: "Saturday I "walked/ran" my very first race--1 mile fun run--and this picture was taken when I crossed the finish line. My daughter was waiting for me and you can see how proud she is of her mommy. She is my only girl and she loves running, but I have never been able to run with her because I was not in a good shape, now this is something that we are going to practice together and most of all, I want to set an example for her of what it is to stay committed to your dreams until you make them true" 

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Here is a small snippet of what was posted on Facebook for Motivational Monday:

  

You can read the whole Facebook post for more inspiration!

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Learning lessons the hard way

I learned a harsh lesson yesterday! Always calculate the nutritional info (or PointsPlus in my case) before eating a treat.

Noah has been begging me for months to make what we named "Sloppy Brownies". In the summer, amidst my marathon training and weight gain, the kids and I were inspired by Pinterest to make an insanely rich dessert. First we spread a layer of cookie dough in a 8x8 pan, then topped that with mini Reese's Cups, and then poured brownie batter over the whole thing and baked it. The result was a very rich, very messy brownie, and we called them Sloppy Brownies.

Noah hasn't stopped talking about them ever since. And the kids have all next week off of school, so I told him maybe we'd make them for a treat then. But yesterday, we had nothing going on, and he was begging, so we went to the store to get the ingredients.

Noah and I put the brownies together and threw them in the oven. When they were done, they looked really good, so I decided to have a small piece. It was extremely rich, and I didn't even want much more than that piece. I estimated it as 10 PP.

A few hours later, instead of making dinner like I'd planned, I had another small piece of the brownie mess. Again, I didn't eat a lot, but it was so rich--I almost immediately had a stomachache. I became extremely nauseous, and I thought for sure I was going to vomit. I laid on the floor for about 20 minutes, just feeling like crap.

I took this picture to remind myself in the future of how crappy I felt, so that I wouldn't make the mistake again--so flattering, right?!


I wanted nothing to do with food after that--I didn't eat dinner, or even have my nightly wine. I just felt sick. Before bed, I decided to see how accurate I was with estimating the PointsPlus. I laid out the ingredients, added up all the nutrition info, divided by the number of servings and all that to calculate how many PP I had actually eaten.

34.

I spent 34 goddamned PP on that crap!! No wonder I felt so sick! There was so much sugar and fat in that dessert, and I've been eating really well for months, that my body just couldn't take it.

So I wasted all of the rest of my weekly PP, and all but 4 of my activity PP for the week. (I was going to count it as 18 until I actually calculated it--I honestly didn't eat much!) I was bummed, but really glad I calculated the PP to see the accuracy. I'll never eat those things again! Totally not worth it, even if I hadn't felt sick from them. Lesson learned.

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This morning was freezing cold outside. When I saw this...

...I decided that I was doing the treadmill. Feels like 1 degree? No thank you. But I started thinking, "It would be pretty cool to say I ran in it!" Hahaha, like anyone but ME really cares?!

I dressed warm--a turtleneck tech shirt underneath a fleece, with an actual hat (not just a headband), and MITTENS. I've never worn mittens on a run! But my fingers have been freezing lately when I run, so I opted for the mittens over gloves.

For the first mile, I thought maybe I made a mistake. My body felt great, but my face was so cold from the wind--I was actually worried about getting frostbite! But I knew once I turned around and had a tailwind, I'd be much better. The sun came out then, and that helped with my face a lot. It was still cold, but having the mittens helped tremendously. My hands were actually sweaty, which I normally can't stand, but I would choose that over frostbite any day. From my shadow, it looked like I was running with boxing gloves on, because my mittens were so huge.

I turned around two mile in, and headed home. The way home was much better than the way out. I finished in a little over 34 minutes and felt great!

Today I've been eating really well to make up for yesterday's disaster to my digestive system. I had bran flakes with blueberries and almond milk for breakfast, and leftover cabbage casserole for lunch. Not sure what I'm making for dinner, but I'm going to keep it light.

I'm a little annoyed with the ActiveLink already, because I discovered that I can't manually add my activity PointsPlus for the next seven days while it's "assessing" my activity. So even though I ran this morning, there is no way to add those PP earned to my total. I'm just going to add them to my paper journal, because there is no way that I'm not going to count them. I rely on the PP that I earn to get me through each week! Where I normally enter my activity on the website, is this message:

Weight Watchers really ought to give the option to add PP manually, even after the assessment phase is over--because what if I forget to wear the ActiveLink one day, and I run 10 miles?

I wish I could see my assessment so far, but it won't show me anything until after the assessment period is over.

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Anxiety run

I went for an unscheduled run today--very unusual! I was actually in the mood to run, even though it was freezing outside, so I just went for a quick 3-miler. I was feeling really anxious this morning. When I started running, I could feel my heart rate jump up, like it does for about the first mile of a race, because of the anxiety.

I tried to just calm myself down while I was running, and after a couple of miles, it was better. But I hate that feeling while it lasts! I pushed myself pretty hard the last mile, and finished it under eight minutes--a great run. And thankfully, it cured my anxiety.

I'm glad I got that done when I did, because it started snowing really hard after that...

We had absolutely zero snow when I ran, and this happened in minutes! It was crazy.

This afternoon, I got a package in the mail from a woman named Sara, a reader of my blog. She had written me and asked if I would like her Active Link (a Weight Watchers product similar to a FitBit), because she didn't want it. That was super generous of her, and I said sure! I'd love to try it out.

Does that box not look like a pregnancy test box?!

My sister has one and loves it, and I've heard good things about them. I've also heard that they give you less activity PointsPlus than the calculator would give, so I'm really curious about that. On today's run, for example, I earned 4 PointsPlus. However, once I am able to use the Active Link, that run may not earn so many PP.

First, I have to wear it for eight days so that it can come up with my "baseline" activity. I'm supposed to wear it at all times, and just go about my normal activities. After the eight days are up, then it will give me a goal to aim toward each day for activity.

The way it works is that you have to get in a certain amount of activity before your exercise will earn you PP. So if I run first thing in the morning, it might not show that I've earned anything--but then each step I take during the day will "count" toward my goal. This should be very interesting, because other than my running, I'm not a very active person. I (obviously) spend quite a bit of time on the computer. I'm hoping that using this Active Link will push me to get moving some more! I'll continue to write about it as I use it.

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Peanuts

Thank you all for the advice yesterday. I think I'm going to bring the situation up with my leader the next time I go to weigh in, and see what she says about it. I hope that I didn't come across as sounding like the receptionist was outright mean to me, because she wasn't--she just seems annoyed with me whenever I go in there.  I have no idea why she'd be annoyed with me, since I am very quiet when I go there! But after thinking about it all day yesterday, and talking to Jerry about it some more, I'm done letting it bother me.

I had a bad eating day yesterday. Still no binge, but I came really close again. I don't know what is with me lately! My Weight Watchers week just started on Wednesday, and in two days, I blew through 38 of my weekly PP. Yesterday, I kept picking at a can of peanuts, and I ended up eating 3/4 of a cup of them--that's 17 PP!

This morning, my weight was up a couple of pounds since my weigh-in on Wednesday even though I haven't technically gone off plan, so I'm going to be extra careful the rest of the week. I drank a lot of water today to hopefully flush out some of this retained water from all the sodium.

Today was my long run day. Since I've basically been running on a very informal schedule, the definition of "long run" lately has been 8+ miles. Last week, I did 13.1 at a great pace, so I figured I'd take it easy this week and just do 8 miles.

When I looked at my mileage for the month yesterday, I saw that I'd run less than 50 miles so far this month. I didn't state this goal out loud (or in writing), but at the beginning of January, I looked at the previous year's distances per month:

When I saw how close I was to 100 miles each month, I set a little goal for this year to try and run 100+ miles a month. In January, I came in at 107.2 miles. Since February is a short month, and I had less than 50 miles as of yesterday, I figured I'd better get a move on it, and do a little extra here and there.

Today was really cold outside. I should have dressed a little warmer than I did, but I survived. I was running right into the wind for the first half of the run, and it took my breath away at times. My face was freezing, and I tucked my fingers into the palm of my gloves to stay a little warmer. I thought about turning around at mile four, but since I really wanted to get in a little extra, I ran until I'd reached five miles before turning around, to get in an even 10.

I LOVE my Ragnar jacket! So cozy on my run today.

It was a relief to turn around and run with a tail wind, but I still felt like I was struggling. I was thinking maybe the fact that I haven't eaten so well the past couple of days probably had something to do with it. It was too cold to pull up my sleeve and look at my Garmin, so I didn't have a clue what my pace was the entire run. When I got back home, I saw that my pace wasn't terrible, but certainly not as good as it's been lately.

According to the WW app, I earned 13 PP. If I was to divide my calories by 80, like I'd been doing, I'd only get 10 PP. I'm going by what the app says this week, just to see what happens, so 13 it is :)

I've been itching to do another strength training challenge--remember when I did the Wii Active 30-Day Challenge? After that, I pretty much stopped strength training. After I did Pete's Boot Camp class, I tried doing his program for a little bit, but wasn't very disciplined. We have a Kinect for the Xbox now, so I think I may look into getting a game for that, something similar to the Wii Active. Any suggestions for games?

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WW meeting

I had a really bad Weight Watchers experience this morning. I actually left in tears. Remember how I said I was just going to start weighing in once a month, so I didn't have to listen to the commentary, "Well, at least you didn't gain!" or "You're up a little this week, Katie" or whatever while I'm on maintenance? Well, I weighed in last week, so according to WW, I don't have to weigh in again until March.

As a Lifetime Member, weighing in is only necessary once a month to keep your membership, but you can go to as many meetings as you like (assuming your weight is not more than two pounds above goal). So last week, I decided that I would just weigh in the first week of each month, but still attend my Thursday meetings.

Today, I walked in and said to the receptionist, "I already weighed in this month, but I'd like to come to the meeting. I haven't done this before--do you need my book, or my membership card, or anything?" She got the annoyed look on her face that I've gotten used to, and said, "Let me look at your book." So she looked at my weight record and saw that I was, in fact, under my goal weight and a free Lifetime Member. So she waved me toward the meeting, and off I went.

I wasn't feeling very good about the way she reacted, but I thought maybe I was just too sensitive and misread the whole thing, so I tried to forget about it. Then I noticed that she hadn't given me the little weekly pamphlet that they hand out when you weigh in. I decided to pick one up on the way out.

I stayed for the meeting, but the whole time, I was just feeling really uneasy. After the meeting was over, I walked out into the lobby area and there were two women at the desk--the receptionist who had checked my card, and a woman who always gives a rude impression (she's the one who I had issues with in the past, years ago). I'm not sure if she's like that with just me, or with everyone, but I think maybe it's just her personality? I don't know. Anyway...

I said, "Excuse me, could I get one of the weekly booklets? I didn't get one when I came in," and the rude-impression woman said, "Did you weigh in when you came in?" and I told her, "No, I weighed in last week, so I just came for the meeting today. But I showed my book to her (meaning the other woman)  and--"

As I was talking, she wouldn't even look at me, or let me finish my sentence. She just kept saying "Okay" over and over while I was trying to talk. Not in a, "Okay, I understand" kind of way, but a "Okay, now stop talking, I got it" kind of way. This is really hard to describe. I was stunned at the tone in her voice, and I didn't know what to say. I stood there for a minute, trying to make sense of it, but then I just thanked her for the book that she handed me, and then I left, tears burning my eyes.

When I got in the car, I called Jerry and started crying as I described what happened. I feel SO unwelcome there, and I don't know what I did to deserve it! All I want is to go to a weekly meeting for accountability, and to really get to know the other people in the meeting.

My leader is the only one there who actually makes me feel comfortable and welcome, out of the 3-4 women working there on Thursday mornings. I'm sure if I told my leader the problem, she'd probably tell me to just go have her weigh me in and then I wouldn't have to deal with anyone else. But I hate that this is a problem in the first place--if I feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, I'm sure the chances of others feeling that way are likely also.

I've realized that this is NOT the norm for WW centers. Most people I've talked to have never had a problem like this, and they love their centers and their leaders. So I keep wondering if I'm just being overly sensitive, or if this really is a problem; after today, I really do think that it's a problem.

A big problem I've noticed there is that nobody seems to know much about maintenance and Lifetime Membership. Members spend so much time, energy, dedication, and money getting to maintenance, and achieving that Lifetime status... but when we get there, it's like we're just forgotten. The meetings are aimed at people who are losing weight (which is totally understandable); but I think it would be awesome to have one or two meetings a month that are just for Lifetime Members, to discuss maintenance.

Another problem I've noticed is that everybody who works there seems to be on a different page for everything. It's very inconsistent when I weigh-in, for example. If I worked there, I would look at the book, see that I'm weighing a Lifetimer who is below goal, and I would congratulate them for maintaining rather than saying something like, "Well, at least you didn't gain." They all seem to think that I should be striving to lose more weight, and I'm not.

After today, I just don't have any desire to go to another meeting. I'll weigh-in once a month to keep my membership active and to keep my free e-tools; and when I go, I'll make sure it's my leader that weighs me, and no one else. I may tell her what happened today, but I don't know what good that will do. I don't feel like the meetings are necessary in my weight maintenance, so I'll be fine without them, but I was excited about them because I finally reached that Lifetime status! I've honestly found all the support I need from SparkPeople and my blog, so not attending meetings isn't that big of a deal.

Another option would be to go to a different WW center. It would be inconvenient, but I'm sure my experience would be better.

I want to make it clear that I'm not ranting about Weight Watchers in general. I really like their new program, and I'm sure that most centers are fantastic--I just feel very unwelcome at the center nearest to my house.

Anyway, I don't want to leave this post on a sour note! Today was obviously Valentine's Day, but Jerry and I never celebrate it, so it was just a normal day for us. He was off work, so we went to the kids' school to volunteer at their classroom parties.

Eli's Valentine's Day project

I can't believe all the junk food that they get! I could understand the candy, but Noah's classroom had a huge ice cream sundae bar, a billion cupcakes, cookies, and candy. Eli's class had pizza (this was after lunch), cookies, and candy. And that's what all of the holiday parties are like! I was totally tempted by the ice cream bar, but it's easy to turn down when kids have their sticky hands all over everything ;)

After school, we came home and spent some quality time with the kids. We played the board game Sorry, and then I read a few chapters of a book out loud to Eli. 

I had to call the court at 6:00 regarding jury duty. I've gotten lucky so far, in that I haven't had to go in. As of Monday, I've been "on call", which means I have to call every night after 6:00 to find out whether I'll have to go in the next day. I would much rather just have a confirmed date than to wonder each day, but so far, I haven't had to go in. I'm on call until a week from tomorrow.

I'm reeeally hoping that I don't have to go in next week, because my kids are off school for winter break. My mom is on a cruise, and Jerry will be working, so I have no idea what I will do about childcare if I have to go in.

I really need to plan some adventures to do with the kids next week, so they don't drive me crazy with their constant bickering over break. ;)

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