Two more days

I leave for Arizona on Wednesday. It's coming up so fast! I'm a total nervous wreck about flying. When we were driving to the race yesterday, I was asking my brother (the pilot) some questions. The thing that causes panic attacks more than anything is not the take-off or landing (I'm fine for those) but the whole middle section. I flip out every time I hear the noise of the engines change--whether they get louder or quieter. I hate that noise change!

So I asked Brian what it's caused from, and he told me it's a number of things: as the plane burns more fuel, it goes faster and higher, basically running more efficiently, so the pilots make the engines "slower" (these are MY words, not exactly pilot-speak); if there is some turbulence, the pilots might change altitude to make it smoother, so that will change the noise of the engines; when the plane starts to descend for landing, the noise changes.

So now that I know that, I'm going to keep those things in mind on the flight when I hear the noise change. I'm also going to make it a point to talk to the pilots before the flight, because that will ease my mind a little. Brian told me that the other day, a woman went up to talk to him because she was a nervous flier, and he showed her the foot rests that the pilots use while flying. He pointed out how worn out the paint is on them, because while people in the back are nervous about the bumps, the pilots are sitting with their feet up, drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Hahaha, I don't think that makes me feel any better!

I'm hoping that I'll be able to sit Indian-style in my seat--because when my feet are up off the floor, I don't feel the little bumps. But holding them up is some serious ab-work! I'm going to take Xanax before the flight, but meds never help me when I'm THIS nervous.

This was my last flight (Aug 2010). I'm only smiling because I was drunk.

The temperature in Arizona is supposed to be over 100 degrees most of the time we're there. It RARELY reaches 100 degrees in Michigan in the middle of summer! So I'll be packing some sundresses and shorts.  I bought a luggage set at Goodwill today for $20. It came with 3 nesting suitcases--the outer one is HUGE, and at first I thought it was $20 for just that suitcase. I decided to buy it, and when I opened it up, there was another suitcase inside. I opened that, and there was another. So I thought it was an awesome deal.

Tomorrow I need to finalize all the details for my kids. My sister is coming in on Wednesday to take care of them until Sunday. Our plane doesn't arrive until 6 pm Sunday. My kids are going to have a blast with my sister, of course!

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Big House Big Heart 10-K Race Report

Well, it's OVER. I'm so glad!  I've been anticipating/dreading this race all summer. Since I wasn't able to run a half marathon this fall like I'd wanted, I decided to do this 10-K... and do it right! I followed an intermediate training program right to the tee, hoping to PR at this race. All last week, I kept thinking, "What if I did all this training and I don't PR?" It was such a huge deal to me to PR at this race! My last 10-K finish time was 55:05, so I was hoping for anything less than that. I figured if I try to keep an 8:50/mi pace, that will get me in under 55:05. (I later realized I was wrong about that)

My cousin Kaitlin actually organized a "team" of us to run either the 5-K or 10-K in honor of her mom, Kim. Kim died 5 years ago from adrenal cancer--she was WAY too young to die, and she left behind three teenage girls. A portion of our race fee went to charity, and Kaitlin did a lot of fundraising on her own to donate to adrenal cancer research. Anyway, my brother Brian and I were the only ones from our group to run the 10-K.

Some of our team after the race

We got to the starting line at about 7:30 (race started at 8:00). There were signs designating where to line up, based on pace. We went between the 8:00/mi and 9:00/mi signs. There were a lot of people running, so it was kind of crowded the first mile, and I didn't get to go as fast as I would have liked. The first mile went by SO SLOWLY. I kept waiting to hear the beep on my Garmin, signaling the end of the first mile.

At about the 1 mile mark, there was a steep hill. My legs were on fire while I ran up, and I know that slowed me down a little. And the worst part was knowing that I was going to have to do that hill AGAIN, because the course loops around. I kind of just made up my mind to not try for a PR at this point. My lungs and legs were killing me from the hill.

After another mile, I looked at my Garmin, and I was actually on pace for a PR, so I decided just to keep trying it.  Because the course looped back on itself, it seemed to be sooo long. I wanted to quit so badly. I was exhausted. I felt like I was running in circles and it would never end.

After running up the big hill for the second time, my lungs were on fire. Normally, I don't need water for at least 10 miles, but the hill did me in. I kept expecting to see a water station around each corner (and there were LOTS of corners), but it was probably a mile after the hill. I gulped down a cup and kept running.

After mile 5, the course does about 1/4 mile out and back. I saw my brother as I started heading out (he was almost done with the O&B part, so he was facing me). At this point, I really started thinking that I might puke. I don't think I've ever run this hard before. Then I really felt like I was going to pee my pants, which would be even worse than puking. I took the speed down a notch, and just said, "Fuck it" as far as a PR goes. I just wanted to be done!

I was so tempted to just walk the last mile in, but when I saw I was still on track for a PR (8:49/mi pace at this point), I just kept willing myself to keep going. We entered the stadium with just a couple hundred yards to go. We ran down the tunnel that the U of M football players run down, and then we ran onto the football field. As soon as I hit the grass, I saw that I just had to run to the end of the football field, turn, and run across the 50-yard line.

The final few yards (not me, I took this afterward)

The finish line

The big screen showing the runners as they finished

 I felt slow as molasses when I made the turn, but after that, I was flying. My pace was 5:41/mi for the last thirty yards or so ;)  When I crossed the finish line, I stopped the Garmin and saw that my average pace was 8:50/mi, which is what I calculated that I'd need to PR. However... my finish time (according to my Garmin) was 55:11 (6 seconds too slow to PR).

The reason for the discrepancy is because of the course length. When they measure the route for a race, they measure the shortest way to run it (the inside part of the course). So if you take wide turns, zig-zag, etc, then you might run farther than the actual race distance. This race ended up having me run 0.05 miles farther than the last one. So while I planned on an 8:50/mi pace, I forgot to account for the longer distance.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, I did NOT set a PR today. I was bummed, but not terribly. I know I ran my hardest, I hit my target pace, and I ran HILLS this time. There were no hills in the last 10-K I did. So even though it sucks not to PR, I am happy with my time.

Here are my splits:

My average heart rate was more than 90% of my maximum heart rate...yikes!

My Garmin (a.k.a. "unofficial" results)

Brian and me, post-race (obviously)

After the race, I grabbed some water and caught my breath on the bleachers. Brian and I walked down by the 50-yard line to take pictures, and while I was walking, who should I run into but Rose from Hacker Half Marathon!!  She recognized me first, and I knew she was going to be there, so I was excited to actually bump into her among 14,000 runners! This was my first time ever meeting a fellow blogger in person--I'm sure I was completely awkward ;)  She's going to be running her first marathon next weekend, so make sure you wish her luck!

See how packed it was?!

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So, my final "official" results were:

Chip time:  55:13.7 (8:54/mi pace)
Placement overall:  1,010/2,299
Placement age group: 74/223
Placement females:  364/1,236

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NuNaturals Giveaway Winners Announced!

Hey everyone! Thanks so much for the interest on the NuNaturals Giveaway. I wrote down everyone's names on a piece of paper, and put them in a bowl. Then I let my kids each pick two names from the bowl.

And the winners are:

 

Congrats to all four of you!!  Please e-mail me (SlimKatie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com) your full name and address no later than Sunday night (tomorrow). I will give it to Ron at NuNaturals, and he will get the goodies to you!

To everyone else, remember that you can send for FREE SAMPLES right now--you can find instructions how to do so here.

NuNaturals is also offering a discount when you order from their website--At the checkout page, you should enter this code :  BLG1211, and you will receive a discount of  -15% on your total order.  And, you will also get FREE SHIPPING to the Continental U.S. on all orders totaling $35.00+, after the special discount. This offer ends December 31, 2011.

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Pre-Op Appointment for Lower Body Lift Surgery

So I went back to the plastic surgeon today, to finalize details for the surgery. After asking her a bunch of questions, I decided that I am going to go ahead with the lower body lift (rather than just the tummy tuck). There was good news and bad news--apparently my insurance is going to cover a panniculectomy only, which is removal of the abdominal skin.

This does NOT include the tightening of the abdominal muscles or the replacement of the belly button (which, the surgeon told me, would mean my belly button would be down near my pubic area afterward!)

So if I wanted her to do those things, it would not be covered by insurance--it would cost roughly $2,000 out of pocket to add that. Of course, I told her that the belly button replacement is a MUST, so adding that and the muscle repair wasn't even optional for me.

We also talked about my hips and butt, and she said that if we did the lower body lift, the cost out of pocket would be $4,300. She showed me the results I can expect, and even though the hips and butt are a cosmetic procedure and not medical (like my abdomen), I decided that I really want to just do it all. I don't think I'll have a problem financing it--but I'll definitely need to consider getting a job next year to help pay for it. (This is when I wish I had a big enough blog to make money for blogging!)

Anyway, my mom went with me to the appointment this time, and asked a few questions too. She liked the surgeon and she thinks I made the right decision about the procedure. She kept saying, "You've EARNED this!"  And I guess that's true. But my body wouldn't look like this right now if I had taken care of it from the beginning.

All of the pre-op paperwork was filled out, and the doctor gave me prescriptions for antibiotics and pain meds to get filled before surgery. She gave me two bars of soap that she wants me to use--one the night before surgery, and one the morning of surgery.

And then, for the big surprise... She actually asked me if I would be willing to let a film crew record a video of the surgery itself. At first, I just laughed, like, "Um, NO". But she said my face would not be in it, and it's would be used for medical students. I decided to say yes. Because when I think about it, she is probably going to make damn sure to do her best job possible if she is being filmed. Also, I will know that everyone in the surgery room will be on their best behavior as well, and there will be less of a chance for something to go wrong ;)

I asked why she chose ME to film, and the reason was because she said I have a "tiny little body under there" and that I'm going to have great results from this. Most of the weight loss patients she works on are post-bariatric surgery, and they are still overweight; they also don't do much exercise (particularly not strenuous exercise like running). My body is very fit underneath my saggy skin, so she knows I will have good results worth using in a video, apparently. The film crew is actually working on a series of videos of different procedures.

The doctor stressed how important it is for me to eat a lot of protein post-op. This is going to be very difficult for me, but I'm going to follow all instructions right to the tee to make sure I heal as fast as possible. Losing weight, I felt best on a lower-protein, higher-carb, higher-fat diet.

I always feel kind of crappy when I eat a lot of protein or especially when I limit carbs. I think I'll get some non-dairy protein powders and I'll make shakes for breakfast and lunch, and then I'll try to have meat with dinner every day. She wants me to get upwards of 100 grams of protein per day, which is going to be challenging. And she wants me to start doing this soon.

My recovery is going to suck for about 10 days. I will not be able to sit up at all--I can only lie down on my side or stand (this is to avoid stretching the incision on my back). This means I won't be able to even go anywhere, because I'd have to sit in the car. I'm hoping that my friends will come visit me and keep me company! I was hoping to be able to blog often, but I don't know how I'll do that, unless I'm standing. Or maybe I'll do video blogs ;)

So from now until the surgery, all I have to do is prepare for my recovery; get financing for the surgery; buy 2 compression garments; and fill my prescriptions. The doctor wants me to stay overnight in the hospital, so I will be having the surgery on a Monday instead of Friday the 11th, like I thought. Right now, it looks like November 14th--but they are waiting to get confirmation that the the team will be available overnight (or something like that). I'll let you know when the date is for-sure, but it looks like it'll be the 14th!

Some of you have asked me if I'm going to show pictures from before and after. I haven't decided yet. If you had asked me this before the weight loss, I would have said sure, of course I'd want to show it off! However, I get so many questions about excess skin that I have become extremely self-conscious of it; and the last thing I want to do is draw attention to it and feel like a freak show. I was thinking that maybe I'll make a private photo album for my "loyal" readers, people that I feel comfortable sharing the pics with.

I'm so excited to just do this already!!

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Last interval run, and Garmin update

Because I ran 8 miles Monday and 7 miles yesterday, I decided to make today a rest day. Then tomorrow and Saturday would also be rest days before the 10-K race on Sunday, giving me 3 whole days off! However, I was reading my new Runner's World magazine this morning, and it said that when tapering for a 10-K, you should do one last interval run when you are 3 days out from the race. Since I am 3 days out, I figured I should just do it. Then truly rest Friday and Saturday.

The magazine said I should do 2-3 800m repeats with 400m-800m recovery in-between (which means run 1/2 mile at race pace--for me, that means about 8:50/mile--then jog lightly for 1/4 mile... and repeat this 1-2 more times). I decided to do 3 repeats, and add on a warm-up and cool-down.

I have no idea why, but I was SO nervous! I felt nervous like I was going to race or something. I ran very lightly for 1/4 mile, then fast for the first 1/2 mile interval--turns out it was too fast. I kept glancing at the Garmin and seeing 7:xx/mi, and I needed to be seeing 8:50ish per mile. I find it so hard to find and maintain a steady pace. I either go too fast or too slow. Anyway, when all was said and done, my "fast" interval times were:

*4:03 (8:06/mi pace)
*4:12 (8:25/mi pace)
*4:13 (8:27/mi pace)

I'm happy with those, because in order to PR on Sunday, I just have to do faster than 8:50/mile. However, I know that I cannot run that fast for 6.2 miles! I'm going to really have to focus on Sunday to go at a steady, sustainable pace.

I'm a total nervous wreck about this stupid race. I've been working so hard for 10 weeks to see if all the training really does pay off in the end. And I'm just so skeptical. I've been doing most of my running at a 10:xx/mi pace. I've never trained this way before--I've always just tried to go fast, all the time. I'm seriously thinking about just running slowly for enjoyment rather than to PR--because I'll be so disappointed if I don't PR.

I swear, between this race and the upcoming flight, I am beginning to wonder if one can die from anxiety?!

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I've been meaning to post this for a while, and I keep forgetting... some of you have been asking about the Garmin and where it is now. First, it went to New York. Then it went to Quebec, Canada. And now it's on the way to Tennessee. Linda, from Frickin' Fabulous at 40, was first--and she wrote a review to share with you:

"I was lucky enough to receive Katie's Garmin as a loaner for two weeks and I loved it right off the bat. I read over the instructions that Katie spent time writing up (brought them to the track with me) and figured things out soon enough. I did have to wait a little while for the watch to locate a satellite, but that's the only negative thing I have to say about it. Katie had it set up to monitor pace, calories, distance and time, so I left well enough alone!

'G' came with me to the track, on walks with the little ones I babysit and even to see the Atlantic Ocean from Smith Point! Keeping track of my distance and pace really helped keep me motivated and it somehow made the run or walk more enjoyable. I seem to be fascinated with numbers lately, so this was right up my alley. I could walk farther or faster because of the input I was getting from the Garmin. It was so enjoyable that I decided that was going to be my 40th birthday present and so I went and bought the Forerunner 110 last week. I'm so glad I did because I wore it in the 10k I did this weekend and it totally helped me to beat the goal I had in mind! I highly recommend these gadgets to anyone looking to boost their training by increasing speed or distance. Thank you Katie for the loaner!"

'G' on the beach in New York :)

Make sure you check out Linda's blog, too! She just turned 40, and has lost over 80 pounds--seriously looking fabulous! ;)

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My food log from yesterday:

Breakfast- oatmeal with banana and brown sugar; coffee
Lunch- leftover Baked Ziti
Dinner- Kielbasa and Corn Hash
Snacks- pistachios, Dove Promise, dried fruit, Ezekiel bread with almond butter

TOTAL:  1,406 calories

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An unexpectedly fun morning!

I stepped out of my comfort zone today, especially considering the lump in my throat right now. Normally, when feeling depressed, I turn down offers to get together with friends, choosing instead to stay at home alone. I know it's not what I should do, but I have a hard time being social when I'm just not feeling social.

Anyway, I was drinking my coffee this morning (in my pj's) and my friend Jessica sent me a text asking if I wanted to go for a run with her. I almost said no, because I was comfy and I always run alone--but I had no real reason to say no, so I said sure.  Her friend Alicia was going too--I've met her and talked with her before, but didn't know her very well.

I'm so glad that I ended up going! I only had 3 miles on the schedule, but we ran 7 (Jessica is running a half-marathon in two weeks). We were going at a nice, slow pace, though, so I didn't feel like I was doing too much. We ran through the State Park, and guess what flew right over us? The helicopters. At one point, they swooped down so low that it looked like they were going to hit us. We were talking the entire time, and I actually forgot that I was running--it was great! The time flew by, and it definitely made me want to run with other people more often.

Afterward, Jessica said she was meeting Renee (my good friend that I write about sometimes) for coffee, and asked if I wanted to go too.

So I came home, showered, and rushed to dry my hair and get dressed. I met them for coffee and we chatted for about an hour and a half. I'm really happy that I went--both running and for coffee.

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Today was the first Wednesday Weigh-In that I've done in a looong time. I wasn't very happy with it. I definitely proved that eating less does not always equal a bigger loss. I ate 1,179 calories yesterday, and 1,196 the day before... and I gained a pound since I started counting calories a couple of days ago :(  Usually, I eat much more than that--roughly 1,500 calories per day--and I drop 4-5 pounds of water weight the first couple of days.  So today I'm going to make sure that I eat more, and I'm going to try and stick with 1400-1600 calories per day. Anyway, the results:

Yeah, I should have cleaned my scale... and painted my toenails. Next week!

25.4% body fat  :(  BMI=overweight

Waist size= 28 inches

I hate posting all of that!!  At my lowest weight (December 2010), I was 128 pounds, 17% body fat, with a 26" waist. Oh well, I am going to consider this my starting point for the next 4 months. Hopefully I can get back to my previous numbers by my birthday.  My first goal is to get under 144 pounds, which makes me a "normal" weight again.

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So as I said, I had another low-calorie day yesterday. Not that it helped!

Breakfast- english muffin with pb & j; coffee
Lunch- Blueberry Muffin Smoothie
Dinner- Baked Ziti
Snacks- pistachios, Dove Promise, dried fruit

TOTAL:  1,179 calories

I loved the message on the wrapper of my Dove Promise. It was very appropriate for me, considering I love Sparkpeople! 

Sometimes I actually feel like I lit a fire instead of a spark... because I get lots of comments and e-mails from people saying they were inspired by my weight loss story. I think it's awesome if I can motivate even one person to change his/her life for the better. So anyway, I loved finding that on my Dove Promise!

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The story of our couch

This is the first weekday that I haven't run in about 10 weeks... it feels strange!  However, since I did 8 miles yesterday when I should have done 3, I don't feel the least bit guilty about not running today. I did feel a little guilty for watching a Lifetime movie this morning, but I plan on cleaning out my refrigerator today, so that should make up for it. I hate cleaning out the fridge. I take everything out and then scrub it all down and put all of the (non-spoiled) food back in.

I colored my hair today. I've been trying to get it back to my natural color. When I got highlights done a little over a year ago, I loved the way they looked--but my hair felt sooo dry and gross. And I'm too cheap to fork over hundreds of dollars a year to color my hair, so I just want it back to my normal super dark brown color. I colored it a couple of months ago, but my highlights were showing through again, so I decided to do it again today. Now, it's black--and it feels a little better after I cut it a few days ago.

Is it just me, or do I look 100 years old in this pic?

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So last night, Jerry and I torched our couch. Let me tell you the story of our couch... When we got married in 2003, we used the money we got for wedding gifts to buy furniture for our house (we didn't live together until we got married). We bought this big, comfy, 3-piece sectional couch for the living room.

A couple of years later, we decided we didn't want a sectional, because there were only two ways to arrange the furniture in the living room. So we sold it to Jerry's parents, and then bought a leather couch and love seat. About nine months after we bought it, I sat down too hard and broke it (the fact that I was 253 pounds might have something to do with that too!) 

We returned the couches for a full refund from Sam's Club, and bought a microfiber couch. It was AWFUL. Microfiber shows every single stain and it's impossible to clean. So we sold that one to Jerry's sister. We decided that we really wished we had our original couch back, and we went to the same furniture store that we bought it from. They no longer sold that particular one, but we looked through books until we found one similar to it. We selected a fabric and then ordered the couch.

When the delivery truck came, I was cooking dinner and didn't watch the guys set up the couch. When they left, I went into the living room and didn't know whether to laugh or cry... the couch was hideous! Jerry and I sat on it and burst out laughing because it was so small and SO uncomfortable and stiff. I was half-laughing, half-crying as I asked Jerry to call the furniture store and see if we could return it. They said no, since it was a special order (I should've gotten one from Sam's, they'd have let me return it!!) so we were stuck with the ugly couch.

The ugly couch, right after we got it

Not only was it ugly and uncomfortable, it looked completely worn out after a couple of months. The fabric was too thin and the cushions flattened out in certain spots. That was about two years ago.

A month ago, Jerry's parents told us that they were getting new furniture, so they were going to get rid of the couch we sold them back in 2005. We told them we wanted it, so they gave it back to us! And now, 8 years after we bought it, it's back in our living room... and we couldn't be happier :)

At first I was afraid we wouldn't be able to keep it, because apparently Jerry's parents' cat peed in one corner of it--and it smelled like cat pee. After much scrubbing and then buying some special cat-urine-smell-remover-stuff, the smell is no longer there. This couch is so much more comfortable and a lot bigger.

Back to the burning of the couch last night... Jerry and I tore apart the ugly couch and burned it!! We cut up and tore off the ugly fabric, and then used a hammer to break up the wood (and let me tell you, couches are built like STEEL--I don't know how I managed to break one by sitting on it!)  We made a fire in the backyard and torched the ugly couch piece by piece.

Lighting the ugly cushions...

The ugly cushions burned FAST

And they created some really ugly smoke

The ugly base and ugly springs

Mission: Destroy the Ugly Couch--accomplished!

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Food log from yesterday:

Breakfast: banana and coffee
Lunch: pumpkin smoothie, toast with peanut butter
Dinner: General Tsao's Chicken with brown Jasmine rice
Snacks: hot cocoa, Dove Promise (just one!), pistachios

Total calories:  1,196  (Yes, that's very low, especially since I ran 8 miles... but I wasn't hungry AT ALL yesterday. Probably because I ate about a quart and a half of frozen yogurt on Sunday).

Tomorrow is Wednesday Weigh-In!

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Logging my food

Thanks for all the great feedback on my last entry (make sure you check it out if you haven't already... it's a giveaway!). I always thought I was boring you to death when I wrote about running, but it turns out quite a few of you enjoy reading about that--who'd have thunk it?!

For those of you that e-mailed me with requests for the cardiac special Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies, I ended up posting the recipe. You can find it here.

I've been feeling so discouraged about my weight lately. I've been sitting between 145 and 150 for MONTHS. I haven't seen the 130's since before I went to Tennessee in April. I've been thinking about when I was actively losing the weight, and what I was doing then that I'm not doing now. I know it seems I'm always whining about this, but I WANT TO GET BACK TO GOAL. I don't know why it's so damn hard for me to just do it! I lost 125 pounds in 16 months... so certainly I should be able to lose the 20 I put back on. Right?!

I know that MANY of you can relate to this "Why can't I just effing DO IT ALREADY?!" feeling... I just wish we could come up with an answer!  Anyway, some differences between when I was actively losing and now:
*I was logging my food EVERY DAY. No matter what I had going on, I tracked my calories. No exceptions. And I stayed within my calorie limits--ALWAYS.
*I wasn't binge eating.
*I wasn't running as much as I am now (then: about 10 miles/week; now: 20+ miles/week)
*I was having much more dairy then (now I only consume dairy through cheese, and that's not very often). I think dairy is what caused me to get adult acne (or at least make it worse).
*I weighed in and posted that weigh-in every single Wednesday.

I think it's very clear to see what I was doing differently. But the part that I just cannot seem to get back into is my mindset. I'm having such a hard time with the same thing that so many of you ask for advice on: How to STAY motivated and follow through.  Anyone can count calories and eat right for a few days. It's the staying consistent part that trips 99% of us up!

The main difference in my mindset now vs. then is that I used to have two major goals: 1) To be PROUD of my pictures from the Indy 500 Festival Mini-Marathon (after 2008's and 2009's horrible "fat" photos); and 2) To lose 100 pounds in a year.

To be honest, the thing that kept me the most motivated was my annual Indy trip for the half-marathon. I kept remembering how awful it felt to be the fattest person in our group, to be one of the fattest people doing the race, to see guys checking out my friends and completely ignoring me. As vain as it sounds, I wanted to FIT IN and look like I belonged. THAT was my motivation for all the times that I wanted to quit and binge.

Indy 2009; Just in case you can't see me, I'm on the far left ;)

 I think that now, I'm having a hard time finding something like that to hold on to. I know that I look decent as a size 6, so what is the motivation to get back to a comfy 4? I'm the same size as a lot of my friends, so I "fit in". I can meet my running goals at this size. So where is the motivation to get back to goal??

Indy 2011

The ONE thing I can think of is that I want to be in People magazine's Half Their Size issue. Long before I started losing the weight, that was something I dreamed of. Remember when Oprah did those shows about that book The Secret? And everyone made those "vision boards" or whatever they were called? Well, I actually bought a small bulletin board, and the ONLY THING that I posted to it was the cover of People magazine's Half Their Size issue. Seriously. The ONLY thing.

Earlier this year, the PR Director of Sparkpeople asked me if I was close to reaching the half-my-size goal, because he wanted to recommend my story to People. The deadline came and went, and I wasn't there yet. However, he said I can always do it for next year--meaning I'd have to lose the weight by July 2012. Seeing as how I'm turning 30 in January, how awesome would it be to reach my goal weight and be selected for my wildest goal EVER (People magazine) to kick off my 30's?!

So I think I need to really focus on that, and do whatever I need to do to reach that goal. I need to keep in mind that I want THAT to happen much more than I want to eat _____ (fill in the blank). I have almost 4 months until my birthday, and I think it'd be awesome to reach goal weight by that time. Roughly 5 pounds a month is totally do-able. I just need to stay consistent and focus on my goal!

To accomplish this goal, I am going to have to go back to logging my food every single day. I'm also going to weigh-in every Wednesday and post a scale picture, like I did when I was losing the weight. If you notice that I don't do it, PLEASE call me out on it! I need to feel accountable to someone.

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Okay, so I started today with a run. I only had 3 miles planned (taper week because I'm doing the 10-K race on Sunday). However, once I was out and running, I was feeling SO good, and the weather was SO nice, I decided to keep going... and I wound up doing 8 miles! I actually wanted to keep going, but I didn't want to do too much before my race. Let me be clear that it is VERY RARE that I truly enjoy running like that. I think I'll take tomorrow or Wednesday off to get an extra rest day in this week.

I came home and made a pumpkin smoothie for lunch, which turned out gross--I'm sure it's because I put yogurt in it, and you know how much I hate yogurt. I thought the other ingredients would cancel out the taste, but they didn't. The reason I was using yogurt in the first place was because I accidentally froze my almond milk. It was in the way back of the fridge, which is cold enough to freeze almond milk, apparently. I thawed it out, and it looked nasty--curdled and like water with chunks of white in it.

Yep, I went grocery shopping after that.

And I even carried all 14 bags of groceries and a gallon of milk from the car to the house in one trip. I totally felt like a rock star when I did that. I was bummed that nobody was here to clap for me.

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Do you try your damnedest to carry all your groceries into the house in one trip? Jerry always tells me that it would just be faster to just take three separate trips, because I spend so much time meticulously placing bags on my arms and figuring out how to carry it all at once without breaking the eggs or smashing the bread.

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My first giveaway! (NuNaturals)

You guys, I'm so excited to be hosting a giveaway! As I mentioned, NuNaturals generously sent me some Stevia products to try out. As someone who despises sugar substitutes, I was very skeptical about whether I would like these products; in fact, I actually tried Stevia before (years ago) and wasn't crazy about it.

But after trying out these products in tea, cookies, smoothies, and oatmeal, I was pleasantly surprised at how good it is!

I am really psyched to be able to host a giveaway, courtesy of NuNaturals. Not just one, but FOUR of my readers will be randomly selected to win the following:

1 (50 count) box of NuStevia Packets

AND

One (2 oz) bottle of Vanilla Stevia liquid

I've been using the Stevia packets in tea, and adding the Vanilla Stevia liquid to smoothies and oatmeal.

Anyway, this contest is open to Continental U.S. residents only (sorry!), and I'm making it very simple for you to enter. As I've mentioned before, I'm not desperately trying to increase the number of readers of my blog or anything, so I'm not requiring you to post about this on your blog or on Facebook or Twitter (I don't even have a Twitter, actually). Of course you are welcome to share this giveaway any way that you wish, but it's not required to enter.  I would love to see some loyal readers win this stuff ;)  All you have to do is:

*Leave me a comment on this entry, telling me what you enjoy reading about on my blog or what you'd like to read more about (I'm looking for feedback so I can have some direction on future blog posts).  If this is your first time seeing my blog, please tell me how you found me!

The contest will run starting now through October 7, 2011 (that's this Friday) at 11:59 PM.  I'll randomly select the winners and announce them on Saturday, and I will need you to e-mail me your info, so I can pass it along to NuNaturals.

Regardless of the giveaway, you can send for FREE SAMPLES right now--you can find instructions how to do so here.

NuNaturals is also offering a discount when you order from their website--At the checkout page, you should enter this code :  BLG1211, and you will receive a discount of  -15% on your total order.  And, you will also get FREE SHIPPING to the Continental U.S. on all orders totaling $35.00+, after the special discount. This offer ends December 31, 2011.

Keep in mind that there are FOUR winners and I don't exactly have a huge following of readers, so your chances of winning are pretty good ;) 

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A relaxing Saturday... to the 10th power

My main goal for today was to do absolutely nothing. I've been feeling crappy lately (mood-wise, not health-wise) and I just wanted a day to have nothing planned. We had no plans of going anywhere, so I took a couple of Xanax (I couldn't sleep much last night because I was so anxious--about nothing, as usual). After playing what felt like a hundred games of Go Fish with Eli all morning, I actually felt like doing some housework.

I tackled a big task--cleaning my pantry. I have a really big pantry--it's 12 feet by 4-1/2 feet. When we chose the layout of our house, there was a room between the kitchen and the master bedroom called a "sunroom". I thought that was really stupid--what the heck does one do with a sunroom?! So I had them split it down the middle, and half became a pantry, and the other half became a walk-in closet for the master bedroom.

Lately, we've been throwing all kinds of stuff in there--the vacuum cleaners (why we have two, I don't know), broom, mop, recycling bin, etc. And Paolo has been sleeping in there. So today, with Eminem for company, I cleared it all out, swept and mopped the floor, and kept most everything off the floor. Now it looks like this:

I know it's not entirely organized, but it looks MUCH better than it did before--and of course I didn't think to take a before picture.

While I was doing all this, I decided to have a glass (or two) of Chardonnay, which just made the task more fun. ;)  I also may or may not have made a batch of chocolate peanut butter cookies... that look like THIS:

That may or may not be a layer of peanut butter filling inside of a chocolate/peanut butter cookie. And that plate may or may not hold what is left of a batch of 20 or so cookies. For the record, I chose to count said cookies as my dinner--not that it minimizes the damage. My kids may have eaten some too!

It would be really wrong to post this hypothetical recipe on my "healthy" recipes blog, so I won't. But if you really want to clog your arteries, I can e-mail it to you.

While I was cleaning out the pantry, I came across this soup that has been there for nearly a year:

Now, I won't mention any brands (ahem, Healthy Choice)... but THAT SOUP is the reason I refuse to eat canned soup anymore. When I broke my jaw last November, a church was super nice to give us a bunch of food (since Jerry took a few weeks off work to care for me, and money was tight). There were two containers of this soup. When I ate the first one, I found something that made me decide that I was never again going to eat canned soup:

Yep, that would be a piece of "chicken" in the chicken noodle soup. I'm kind of repulsed by chicken as it is, but seeing that just confirmed that it truly is disgusting.  On the rare occasion that I make chicken, I "trim" it so much that I probably waste about half of the meat--but I make sure to get rid of every speck of fat and connective tissue.

I also decided to do something about my hair today, that has been in desperate need of a haircut for, oh, eight months now. Instead of dragging my kids to a salon, I just watched some youtube videos and cut my own hair. It was much easier than I expected, and I think it looks decent--you really can't tell that I cut it, which is what I was going for. My hair is super thick, so I can't just cut straight across--I have to cut layers. I really just wanted to get rid of the split ends. I think I may go to a salon sometime before Sarah's wedding. I'd like to get a couple of pink hair extensions to match my dress ;)

I'm going to be posting my first giveaway soon (possibly tomorrow!) so make sure you check back for that.

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