May 16, 2023

D.I.(WH)Y AM I DOING THESE THINGS

Well, Jerry didn't write his usual post today--probably because I was being super bitchy all afternoon and then he had to go to work. I've been SO FRUSTRATED--and it was terrible of me to take it out on him or anyone else--but I wanted to have a temper tantrum like a two-year old today when I was trying to hang our bathroom door.

There have been "little things" here and there that I've noticed need fixing or tweaking--things that I either didn't do correctly back in 2018 when I was first learning to DIY the home makeover (such as the interior doors) or just stuff that needs touching up (like paint).

I didn't even write a post yesterday because I had the same sort of day; frustration beyond comprehension. I'd noticed that one of the windowsills was bubbled up a bit in the corner, indicating that it had gotten wet (likely a leak from underneath). I wanted to make sure it wasn't a big problem that could be getting into the drywall and window framing, so I pulled up the sill a little to take a peek.

Sure enough, there was some water damage to the sill. Nothing serious--the frame wasn't rotted or anything like that--so I decided to just put a new sill on it (which is actually very simple--I made one with wood I already had). That went fine, and I sealed around the whole window just to be safe.

Next, I decided to take a look at the dishwasher. It wasn't washing properly half the time and we were getting really frustrated with it--we hate it, but we don't want to spend the money on a new one until we absolutely have to.

I took the drains out and cleaned them well--they weren't bad, because we clean them pretty frequently. I wondered if the drain tube underneath was kinked or something, so I decided to pull the dishwasher out a few inches and take a look. There are a couple of metal tabs that hold the dishwasher in place (secured to the counter) and naturally, they broke when I was pulling it out.

And so began all afternoon of trying to fix what wasn't even broken to begin with. Somehow, I managed to fix the draining problem (the drain tube was coiled and not working well) but then I had to figure out how to secure the dishwasher back to the countertop. (I could have driven to Lowe's and bought new tabs, and I should have, but I was just pissed off and decided to try to find a different way.)

My dad happened to have some of the tabs I needed (I didn't think to ask, but Jerry did). So Jerry saved my mistake--if only I had asked hours prior, I wouldn't have spent all day in frustration.

Today, I removed the bathroom door ONLY TO CHANGE OUT THE HINGES. The hinges were 20 years old and getting rusted, so changing them out would be easy. Right? Ha!

I was wondering why it was so difficult getting them to line up. I finally got out my six-foot long level and put it against the door jamb. It was not at all plumb! The top and bottom of the jamb both measured 30-1/8 across, but the middle was much wider--probably by 3/4 of an inch--all on the left side.

The bathroom door has always been wonky, and now I know why. I had made new trim that I was going to hang after switching out the hinges, but then I had to decide--do I use the trim to hide the big problem or do I remove all the casing and shim the jamb in order for it to be plumb?

At first, I was just going to go with the cosmetic solution and worry about the rest later. But then I realized I literally couldn't get the new hinges to work with such a big problem with the jamb. So, I had no choice but to remove the casing from both sides of the door, pry the jamb out a bit so that I could use shims to straighten it out, and only THEN could I put new hinges on. (Followed by cutting new casing and painting--AHHHH. I haven't gotten that far yet, so that will be tomorrow's headache.)

I won't go into even more boring details about all of this, but my entire weekend was just frustrating due stupid DIY things. I wasn't *trying* to take on new projects--I either caused new problems or just discovered things that needed more work than I anticipated.

It reminds me of the book I've been reading, "When Panic Attacks" (the one suggested by my psychiatrist--I've not been reading very much, so it's slow going). There are a list of cognitive distortions that we may apply to situations, and I've been applying pretty much all of them to all situations lately, haha.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: ("I'm a total failure because I can't do ANYTHING right")

2. Overgeneralization: ("I ALWAYS screw up every project I work on")

3. Mental Filters: ("It doesn't matter that I made over the entire house; I screwed up this dishwasher when there wasn't even anything wrong with it.")

4. Discounting the Positive: ("The door is plumb now, but who cares? It should have been in the first place.")

5. Jumping to Conclusions/Fortune Telling: ("Now I'm just going to cause even more problems and Jerry is going to be super annoyed that I can't leave anything alone.")

6. Magnification: ("I really do suck at DIY'ing--this weekend is proof.")

7. Emotional Reasoning: ("Why do I even try doing these things? I'm terrible at them and I'm just not good at anything.")

8. "Should" Statements: ("If I don't fix this door, the house is going to start falling apart; I really should do this now.")

9. Labeling: ("I'm a failure.")

10. Personalization and Blame: ("I'm not good at fixing things, [even though I didn't cause the problems with the door or the dishwasher or the window] and I ruin the things I try to fix.")

While typing these out, I can clearly see that they are unreasonable; but in the moment, when I'm super frustrated and can't figure out a problem (or I cause new ones while trying to fix something else), I have a lot of these kinds of distortions.

The book, "When Panic Attacks" gives you exercises to do and write down. You have to have a specific situation in mind to do the exercise, and my anxiety is so generalized that I haven't been able to do it. I can't think of a specific situation. But after all of this stuff going on over the weekend, I think it's perfect to use for the exercise in the book.

Anyway, I'm done working on everything for today--I need to put it out of my mind and look at it with fresh eyes tomorrow. (I always tell my kids to do this when they are frustrated about something--I need to listen to my own advice sometimes!)

Even though this is "fortune telling", I already know that tomorrow's weigh-in isn't going to be good. My weekend was terrible and my eating was just as bad!

Noah is going to be home soon and I think we're going to watch a movie. I've been hanging out with him a lot lately, and it's been nice :) 

17 comments:

  1. Aw Katie. Sometimes I wish I had the power to make you see that you are good enough. I'm sorry that you had those setbacks, but as any diy-er will attest to, that frustration is just part of the "process." Now if only we could have as many Home Improvement stores as we do Starbucks franchises, we'd all be better off. 😉

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    1. Yes! I wish there were more home improvement stores--Lowe's is 20 minutes away, which isn't super far, but when DIY'ing, it seems like we need to get "just one thing"--over and over and over again, haha.

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  2. My husband will tell you anytime you start a DIY home project, be prepared to take on 2 more additional projects that always snowball from the first project ;) I'm sorry you had such a crummy weekend! I hope this week gets better for you. I'm going to try my first "construction" project this weekend! I got an old metal patio table for free but it's all rusty and needs to be re-painted so my husband is going to teach me how to grind off the old paint and then we can re-paint it! I'm excited to tackle this!

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    1. Haha! He is so right. I don't know that I've ever done "just one project" as intended. It's like cleaning the house--I'll start a load of dishes, then realize that the stove really needs to be cleaned and while doing that, I can see that one of cupboard doors needs to be tightened, and then I go out to the garage to get a screwdriver and see that the garage is a mess... and so on!

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  3. So you identified what you could have done better with the dishwasher issue after the fact...stop, go to the hardware store,and get what you needed it. Unexpected things out of our control happen everyday, not just with DIY projects. I see how it can be easy to panic and spiral, but can you identify some coping strategies that will help you the next time something like this comes up? You give good advice to your kids to step away so maybe it would be helpful to you to have some concrete plan in place when you feel that overwhelm and panic set in. I'll use a baseball story since you are a baseball mom. You know how a batter gets in an 0-2 hole. Some kids panic and freeze and take the 3rd strike. Other kids reset and keep battling. My son's coach told him to develop a physical reset button so that you can focus on moving forward. The kids step out of the box and adjust their gloves or tap their cleats or touch their helmet. Something that is physical that is a cue to reset. Maybe yours could be to go for a walk, go out in the yard for a few minutes, take Joey out, feed the squirrels, whatever...just something to physically reset, clear your mind, and allow you to get out of the panic thinking and come back to the issue fresh. Hope the door goes well today.

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    1. Yes I do something like this. At work, doing software I often run into an issue or 2 and decide to take a drink break. It gives me time to think of a fresh approach to the problem. But my husband in a similar situation just keeps at it until he get it working and that sometimes winds me up a lot when I know overall it would be quicker if he took a short break. So I have seen both approaches. My choice -give yourself a break physically and mentally but my husband doesn't listen to me so I don't expect you to! Good luck

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    2. I really like the baseball analogy! And you're right--it would be super helpful to have a specific task to do whenever I feel frustrated in a situation like that. I like the idea of taking Joey for a walk (or throwing his ball for him). Joey is always so excited, it's hard to be in a bad mood around him when he's like that! ;)

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    3. Hazel, I agree with you--it would definitely be quicker if I would just stop being stubborn and take a break, hahaha. I had a much better day today--just sleeping on it was super helpful. Next time, I need to take a break before my frustration gets out of hand!

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  4. Wow! You obviously can see yourself in those cognitive distortions, but I can totally see myself doing that, too! I'm glad you posted them - food for thought. I hope these projects wrap up well for you.

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    1. Thank you! I was much more productive today after taking a break last night and sleeping on it. I find the cognitive distortions so interesting; Noah said some things yesterday that I could see were distorted thoughts, so I explained it to him as well. He said he could definitely see how his thoughts play out that way in a lot of situations. I think it's helpful just to recognize those thoughts when they're happening!

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  5. What Im said. And no, it doesn't help because your brain is your brain, but you are really doing so much, taking on so much, and frankly, IN OUR EYES, doing it all so well. I'm sad that there is a part of you that is so self-critical. Please know how much you are loved and appreciated by so many. And thanks for that list. OOF!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Thank you, Nita! I'm very self-critical, and always have been. I've actually gotten better about it as I've gotten older, but sometimes I can't help but have thoughts like those. xo

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  6. You tried to pull your dishwasher out without taking the screws out? How did you think it was held in there? If all this "DIY" home improvement stuff is turning you into a person that your husband doesn't like, and is causing your "generalized anxiety" to go off the charts, I really don't understand why you continue with it. We have built custom residential homes for over 35 years, and on occasion when the husband decides to do renovation work, we charge extra if the home owner has already screwed with it. Home renovation really isn't something you want to do if you don't have a huge amount of patience.

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    1. I unscrewed the tabs, but as I'm sure you know, they are scored--they break easily because they're supposed to when you're getting the right fit. And if I didn't love DIY'ing, I wouldn't do it! I'm pretty sure everyone gets frustrated sometimes when doing ANY sort of project. If you haven't had a bad day and gotten frustrated in 35 years of building houses, I'd love to know your secret!

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    2. I can say this, with total honesty, my wife never turns into someone I don't like. It's perfectly normal for people to get frustrated when they can't figure something out right and sometimes it may come off as bitchy or whatever. I see the frustration and I try to help relieve any of that. Some people would call that being a supportive spouse. Katie does the same thing for me as well. It should also be noted that this woman pretty much renovated our entire house singlehandedly... she has an incredible amount of patience.

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    3. This just seems like such a totally uncalled for comment, and I think really shows that you aren't a regular reader here. Anyone who is a regular reader would know that Katie really enjoys the DIY projects and has gained so much satisfaction, joy, and confidence through the journey of renovating their house. Getting super frustrated about something that goes wrong doesn't mean you should just never do it, that's absurd. Also, putting quotes around generalized anxiety makes it sound like you don't think this is a real thing, or are mocking it. Whether intended or not, it reads that way, so maybe take a second thought next time.

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  7. I know about cognitive distortions from my therapy, but I'm still at the point in my life where I see that list and think it all sounds like a very normal internal monologue to me! But there's also that perspective that you would never talk to a friend like that (i.e. I'd never want you to have that internal monologue!!) but it's totally ok for me to have that going on in my head 24/7. I'm still massively impressed with all you've done around the house all while taking such good care of your family. You're doing great!

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I used to publish ALL comments (even the mean ones) but I recently chose not to publish those. I always welcome constructive comments/criticism, but there is no need for unnecessary rudeness/hate. But please--I love reading what you have to say! (This comment form is super finicky, so I apologize if you're unable to comment)

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