August 19, 2017

Fed up!

Quite literally, actually.

It was exactly eight years ago that I was completely fed up with being obese and miserable in my own body.

I hated waking up every day with a plan to lose the weight, and then caving before I even made it through dinner (or lunch... or breakfast...).

I hated feeling out of breath all the time, even when I was just talking on the phone or blow drying my hair.

I hated shopping, because it just reminded me of how big I was and that I would never be able to wear cute clothes.

I hated getting on the scale when I went to the doctor's office, knowing that the doctor would give me the same talk that I'd heard a thousand times before.

I hated that I couldn't be active with my boys.

I hated going to bed so full after a binge that I was in pain and swore I would never do it again.

I hated that I never felt worthy of doing my hair or make-up, and that I felt like there was no point to try to make myself look nice.

I hated that every single food decision was a battle.

I hated that I always lost the battle.

I hated that I could never get comfortable and that I would have to shift positions every minute to keep my limbs from falling asleep.

I hated that I avoided the camera at all costs and that there are so few pictures of me from that time.

I hated that I thought about food more than I thought about anything else.

I hated weighing more than my husband.

I hated that I couldn't cross my legs.

I hated struggling to tie my shoes, and eventually asking Jerry to help me.

I hated feeling like people were judging me for my weight every time I went in public.

I hated overhearing fat jokes about me, especially from a cousin at a family Christmas party.

Most of all, I hated myself for not having control of my own body and taking the initiative to lose the weight and be healthy.

All of these things finally reached a peak on August 19, 2009, and I was just done. Fed up! I made a very simple plan--to measure out and keep track of portions so that I didn't eat too much. That was it-- I didn't vow to change the foods I ate, or exercise (something I also hated), or anything else. The only change I was going to make was one I could live with: eat less food. I tried to make it as easy as possible.

It ended up being far from easy, but it worked. I dropped weight every week, and I was still eating my favorite foods. I made up my own rules as I went, modifying things to fit into my lifestyle.

Eight years ago, if you had asked me what I thought my life would be like in eight years, I would have said that it would be very much like it was that day, and all the days leading up to it. I never would have guessed that I would be where I am today!



It's kind of overwhelming to think of all the things that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't lost the weight. I wrote a list of the highlights since losing the weight, and it's just a small fraction of the impact my weight loss has had on my life. I also wrote a list of 100 things that changed after I lost 100 pounds. In addition to the all of the things that have happened, my weight loss played a part in meeting some of my very best friends.

One day, I tried to think of the actual magnitude of my weight loss. In just a small example: I lost the weight; I started writing Runs for Cookies; I formed a Ragnar Relay team made up of several of my blog readers who had lost an average of 100 pounds each; one of them was a filmmaker; she and her partner made a documentary about our team; the documentary and the team inspired people to start their own weight loss/running journeys; the Facebook group now has over 25,000 people; if any of those people inspired others (they certainly have!) then those people were affected as well. It's basically this huge snowball effect, and it's kind of mind-blowing.

All because I was fed up one day.

I was fed up enough that I made a small change by eating less food. And that change turned into more changes, which then had enormous impacts on myself and others.

I love that I am confident in myself.

I love not worrying about finding cute clothes in my size.

I love that I don't think about food all day.

I love that I feel sexy for my husband.

I love that I set a good example for my kids.

I love being able to run, bike, hike, swim, play, jump, stretch, and bend over.

I love not worrying about whether I will fit on an amusement park ride.

I love that I know what it feels like to be obese, and I have empathy for others.

I love being in photographs and not deleting them if they aren't flattering.

I love that my size doesn't hold me back from doing things I want to do.

I love that I am physically comfortable in my body.

I love not worrying about people judging me for my weight.

I love that my weight no longer stops me from being myself.



21 comments:

  1. Congratulations! You are so inspiring!

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  2. Congrats on losing the weight and maintaining it so long! Such a great accomplishment!!

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  3. You have done so much...who knew weight can hold one back so. I think this is true with any "extra amount of weight" any one is carrying which makes them feel less of themselves.

    ;-(

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  4. Love ALL of this, Katie! I'm so happy for you and your family.

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  5. "I love that I know what it feels like to be obese, and I have empathy for others." This right here is one of my top ones as well. I also love that I fit comfortably in an airplane seat AND I can actually use the bathroom on the plane. Woo hoo!

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  6. You are such an inspiration Katie... congratulations on all your fabulous accomplishments. One person CAN make a difference and you are proof!

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  7. I will celebrate my 8th anniversary of starting on this journey in four months. Life is completely different now and like you, I have done so many new and wonderful things since losing half of me! It continues to be a struggle but that's okay. I'm never going back.

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  8. Thank you for sharing your story. I never get tired of hearing about your journey. Congratulations for all you have accomplished since you got 'fed up'.

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  9. Woohoo!!! Happy 8 years of health and healthy living! Here's to many, many, MANY more.

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  10. You took your life back, one step at a time. Thank you for sharing that with us. :-).

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  11. Congratulations!! You really have been a huge inspiration for me. I am at the same starting weight you were 8 years ago. I stumbled across your blog about 3 years ago at a pretty sad time in life and thought you were quite impressive but I still lacked the confidence in myself. Finally I am feeling fed up. I am starting my weight loss journey, and I am fully planning on blogging my journey. I hope I can be an inspiration to at least a quarter of the number of people you have touched..I guess if I can help at least 1 person I'd honestly be happy (even if that one person is myself haha). I wanted to thank you because your blog has been in the back of my mind lately and feel it is what is keeping me inspired while I research health and blogging <3 congratulations again!

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  12. I'm with you 100% on this. I still have about 50 pounds to go (I'm 50 pounds down thus far, too), and I can tell you that being able to cross my legs was one of the greatest feelings I've ever had, seriously. Thank you for sharing your journey, and especially your mental health journey right now. I hope you continue for a long time to come, seriously:).

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  13. Hi Katie! Thanks for your blog. I have been fed up! many times and have usually reached out to a program such as Weight Watchers. I am at a point where nothing works. I think I have messed up my body's equilibrium or balance after all these years of yo-yo diets. I am going to try the simple route of portion control. Wish me luck. By the way, I am close to 265# at 5'7". What is your height, just curious.

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    1. I did a search on her blog and I think she's 5'4"

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    2. Yes! I'm 5'4". Sorry, I meant to respond to this earlier and forgot! Thanks, Louise :)

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  14. Love this post - You've come so far! Just think of what adventures lie ahead ! You're healthy and ready!

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  15. This is such an inspiring post and echoes so many of my own thoughts. Thank you for sharing so openly!

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  16. Great post!!! Have you seen the movie "Fed Up" on Netflix? While I think there is some bias in it (they overplay sugar's role in obesity that exaggerates the available science), I think it is an excellent documentary on the food industry and why obesity has become such an epidemic in our society, and how the "science" of weight loss is so confusing, and that its not just a simple case of calories in vs. calories out, there is so much more at play. I found it very enlightening.

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  17. Very insightful post...Kate has a gift for words! I especially liked the comment about, 'not thinking about food all day.' That didn't happen for me until I gave up diet soda and replaced it with seltzer water...90% of my cravings went away...amazing.

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I'd love to hear from you! I read all of my comments, and if you have a question, I do my best to respond; sometimes, however, I get busy and forget to go back to reply, so if it's important, just email me! :)