I shouldn't have done it. My weight was down, which was good--but only by three pounds.
Now, if any of you were to email me and tell me this same scenario, I would have said, "Three pounds is great! The scale is going in the right direction, and your clothes are looser. Keep doing what you're doing, because it's working!" However, I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I've been at this for three and a half weeks, and when I was losing weight before, I would have lost at least three times this much by now. Ever since I turned 30, the weight just seems to come off much slower, even when I'm doing the same things I did before.
I wish I could say I handled it well today, but I didn't. I had a short-term "Screw it!" mentality, and binged. I regretted it from the very first handful of almonds, but I didn't stop myself. Afterward, I felt sick and full and just pissed at myself.
When I was in Pennsylvania last week, I had a conversation with Dani (from Weight Off My Shoulders) about tracking food, and she mentioned that she tracks EVERYTHING, even if she ends up 100+ points in the negative for the week. Usually, a binge will throw me off for the whole week, because I don't tend to track it. So today, I thought about the conversation with Dani, and I decided to track the food and just see what the damage was (hopefully not as bad as I imagined).
My week starts over on Wednesday, so I am now 31 PointsPlus in the hole for the week, with three more days to go. It's bad, but not as bad as I was imagining. In my mind, it might as well have been 400 PointsPlus in the hole ;) I don't know if I'll be able to get out of the negative (I'd have to earn 10+ activity points per day, and only eat my minimum daily target, which is extremely difficult for me); but even if I don't get out of the hole, I am going to try to keep the damage to a minimum. If I hadn't tracked today, I would have just let myself get further and further into the negative until my week starts over.
Now that I know the weight isn't going to come off as fast as it did before, I think I'm just going to keep off the scale as long as possible, until I drop a jeans size or something drastic like that. I'm normally pretty good about not letting the scale get to me, but I think I was expecting so much because I've been 100% on-plan all month.
Even though I'm now starting over with Day 1 of being binge-free, this month hasn't been a total waste! I've been feeling really good and in control (until today), and my weight was going in the right direction. I'm bummed that I ruined my streak, but I am more determined than ever to get back to goal. It may not happen before I go to Portland in March, but it's still possible, and I'm going to try my best!
Tomorrow is Noah's big day--he's going to attempt to run an entire 5K! The farthest he's run in practice at one time is about 2-2.5 miles. Yesterday, he ran 2 miles at a fairly slow pace, and seemed like he could have gone another mile or two, so hopefully he'll feel the same way tomorrow. I'm going to make sure to pace him to stay at a slow pace for at least the first two miles. If he's feeling good, and wants to pick it up for the last mile, then he can go for it! We'll see if I can keep up with him ;)