 |
| This picture is old (2020?) but I don't have that shirt anymore |
Like I said yesterday, I'm not going to weigh in today. After being gone for a week and totally out of my comfort zone, it wouldn't even be a fair representation of my weight. I'll continue my Wednesday Weigh-Ins next week.
I want to write about something that I always assumed was pretty obvious, but perhaps it's not to some people: I don't write *everything* about me or my life on my blog. There are a LOT of personal things that I just choose not to write about for whatever reason. I do share quite a bit (probably too much) here, which is why I'm sure some people feel like they know me (and I love that! I feel like I know a lot of you, too.)
However, when I'm going through a tough time, sometimes I don't want to write about it (or it's not my story to tell). And I don't feel like I owe an explanation to anyone (even if I want to "defend" myself from the criticism). I've been going through a very rough patch over the last year or so and some things I choose to share, while others I choose not to. I experienced something rather traumatic last year and it's not something I feel comfortable opening up about. I am still working on getting past it, but that is one reason I have been feeling so emotional.
When people don't have the full picture, it's hurtful when I am judged for simply what I choose to write about. I write about all sorts of things--good and bad--so it's not like I'm cherry-picking only the best parts of my life to share. (That's for people to do on Facebook, hahaha)
This is a personal blog, and I'm aware that I open myself up to criticism for posting it publicly (and constructive criticism is fine!) but I also ask that the rude judgment be reserved for the whole picture and not just snippets of my life. I do downplay a lot of my emotions here because I try to "stay positive!" and "look at the bright side!". However, when I do write vulnerable posts such as this, I am always honest in what I choose to share.
My blog has changed so much, especially over the last eight years or so. I used to be very candid and I wrote lots of personal things; but over time, my writing has become more and more vanilla. I try to avoid certain topics that I know people will read too deeply into; I don't write much about mental health anymore, even though it's a huge part of my life; I quit writing about budgeting, because people don't know our whole financial picture. I could write a whole post about why I don't share food logs anymore! And parenting? That's just opening a huge can of worms.

I don't have thick skin--I never have--and perhaps blogging was the wrong choice for me. I never thought my blog would gain so many readers; when I started writing, there were a handful of people who had been reading my "online journal" for a decade. (I started blogging in 2000, only it was on a different platform; I switched to Blogger simply because it was easier to share pictures in posts! I didn't realize how much more exposed it would be.)
When people are mean to me, it hurts! Even when they are complete strangers. I wish I could "brush it off" like all of my friends and family tell me to do, but it's not that simple for someone like me. I take everything to heart; when I do my best to be kind and it's received poorly, I feel like there is something wrong with me. Then I overthink it to death.
Over the last several years, people (not necessarily my blog readers, but just people in general) have gotten so sensitive to everything--I constantly wonder if I'm saying something that might offend people. Or using a word that is no longer politically correct. Or making a joke that people may not realize is a joke. I always have good intentions when I write and I never mean to offend people. Most of the time, it's easier to avoid certain topics altogether.
People that know me in real life know that I'm a genuinely NICE person. I'm shy, but I'm always polite and I do my best to make people feel comfortable. I try to see the best in people, even the ones who don't like me. I'm generous--with friends, family, and strangers--and I don't post about those things because I don't do them for recognition. I just like to make people happy!
Not everybody is going to like me, just like I'm not going to like everybody I meet. However, I do my best not to judge people (and if I do, I usually catch myself quickly and change that thinking). I'm extremely empathic (to a fault, for sure) and I always try to put myself in someone else's shoes before judging.
I recognize that everybody is different and I respect others' opinions (even though I don't always agree). I don't think there is a "one size fits all" for a multitude of topics--diet, exercise, parenting, financial decisions, etc.--and I make sure to keep that in mind when chatting with others.
So, when I say that I feel overwhelmed (and have felt this way for going on a year now), I'm keeping quite a bit of it to myself. Sometimes I don't want to open myself up to criticism about certain topics and sometimes there are some things that I'd just like to keep personal.
Because of my hyper-empathy and that I always want to make sure people are happy, I put a LOT of pressure on myself. And when people aren't happy for some reason, even if it's something that has nothing to do with me, I blame myself for it. (I know this isn't logical, and it's something I've discussed multiple times in therapy, but I think it's just a part of who I am.)
I want to do what I can to "fix" it and make everything all better so that people are happy again. Since I don't actually have the power to do that, I feel like I've failed--as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a niece, an in-law, a blogger, a pet-mom, a neighbor, and probably other hats I fill.
It really saddens me when I see some of the comments that people leave for each other on social media. I no longer use Facebook (well, maybe I'll look through the feed about every 2-3 weeks); I rarely use Instagram, although I do find it to be more positive than Facebook; and I don't use Twitter, Snapchat, TikTok, or any of the other platforms that people use to say mean things. I know of at least two teens (through my kids) that recently took their own lives, and the comments they received on social media played a huge role in their suicides.
Wow--I didn't intend to make myself quite so vulnerable in this post, or make it this somber. The short version is that none of us knows the whole story of what other people are going through. Judging someone based on a short snippet of their life isn't fair to them. In a perfect world, we would all be kind to each other and if we didn't have something nice to say, we wouldn't say anything at all.
It's obviously not a perfect world, but it doesn't hurt to do what we have the power to do. We have the choice to decide how to treat others and I think the way we choose to do that speaks volumes of ourselves. As much as I want to rant about a comment I may get on occasion, I choose not to engage in that sort of behavior. To be a genuinely kind person, I have to act like one--and if more people did that, maybe we'd be on our way to a perfect world. Hey, I can dream ;)
Note: I want to make sure that those of you who have been kind to me in some way--whether through comments, cards, gifts, emails, phone calls, texts, donations, well-wishes, or in-persons--I appreciate every last one of you. I would have quit blogging eight years ago if I didn't fall in love with so many nice people! I want you to feel this very heartfelt thank you <3