An intuitive eating experiment

My August goal is to eat only at the dining table, and not anywhere else in the house--and eight days in, I'm still going strong on it. This was a tough one for me, because I usually eat while reading email or blogs, reading a book, or watching TV. We eat dinner together as a family, but the rest of the day, I'm on my own, and I find it really hard to just sit at the table at eat, without anything else going on at the same time.

It just so happened that the day I started doing the August challenge, I got an email from a reader who suggested a book to me called How to Have Your Cake and Your Skinny Jeans Too, by Josie Spinardi. It's a book about intuitive eating, which didn't appeal to me at first--I've read probably a dozen books on the subject, and I've tried intuitive eating several times in the past, but was never successful with it. I started reading some of the reviews, though, and because I was doing the eating-only-at-the-dining-table-challenge for August (a common intuitive eating practice), I figured it wouldn't hurt to read it. So I bought the Kindle version on Amazon and read it right away.

I was very pleasantly surprised to see that it was completely unlike all the other intuitive eating books I've read. It doesn't just explain what intuitive eating is--eat when hungry! Stop when satisfied (not full)! Eat what you want most!--it explains HOW TO DO all of those things. By the time I was done reading the book, there was almost no reason NOT to give it a try, because it made so much sense, and there wasn't any question about, "But how do I know when I'm satisfied? How do I trust this process?" etc.

I had been counting Weight Watchers Points, but I hadn't been 100% on-board with it. I would count for a few days and then binge, or just be very unhappy with having to measure and count everything. But, we all know, I'm not good at NOT counting. That's the only thing that's ever worked longterm for me before! But obviously the counting and bingeing wasn't working either, because I would lose a couple of pounds and gain them right back, so my weight hasn't really budged in several months.

I started doing the intuitive eating techniques right away after reading the book (actually, the day of Noah's birthday party), and I finally feel like I "get it". The book explained it all SO well. In the past, when I tried intuitive eating, if I would binge, then I'd say, "See? It didn't work." and I'd quit. After reading the book, I discovered that if I binge, it's likely because I either didn't eat what I really wanted, or I was unknowingly restricting food (even eating to just slightly less than satisfaction could cause a binge, because I'd still be hungry).

In the past, I found that all I wanted was junk food when I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, but the book explained that it's normal at first to eat all the things you typically restrict. Eventually, you'll stop craving them, and your body will start craving healthier foods, but at first, you may want nothing but ice cream and pizza.

I discovered the strangest thing--I haven't wanted ice cream even once since I started this whole thing. It's probably because when I do binge, it usually includes ice cream, so I really never feel "deprived" of ice cream. I've had some unusual cravings (homemade fettuccine alfredo, which is something I NEVER had on Weight Watchers, because it contains approximately 739 points per half cup*), and I've fed them.

*That's an exaggeration, but probably not too far off ;)

I've really been paying attention to how I feel after eating a particular food, too (the fettuccine alfredo was SO heavenly tasting, but it gave me a stomachache for the rest of the evening). I've also been noticing that a lot of times when I think I really want something, I actually don't want it at all. When doing Weight Watchers, I (now) notice that I did a ton of what the book calls "Eating cuz I ate"--meaning that once I ate something off-plan, I'd just start eating a bunch of things that I restricted because I had intentions of "getting back on track tomorrow". But now that I've given myself permission to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I want, I don't feel like it's super urgent to have it now. I actually haven't eaten ice cream at all in the past week, because I haven't really wanted it.

I am giving this 100% effort to see how I do with it. I really hope that it works for me, because so far I really like this way of eating. It requires SO much less thinking and planning than counting points or calories. I've only been doing it for a week, but already, my jeans are looser and I haven't binged at all. I've eaten whatever sounds good to me, and I make sure to eat until I'm truly satisfied (or even a little over, so that I don't under eat, causing a binge).

One of the main reasons I wanted to try this now is because in Punta Cana, I don't want to have to be worrying about counting everything I eat; but I don't want it to be a big week-long binge, either. I'd like to try the intuitive eating techniques on vacation, and hopefully not gain any weight while I'm gone.

I'm not claiming that this is it--I'm doing this forever!--because we all know that things and situations change. But for now, at least until after I get home from Punta Cana, I really want to give this intuitive eating thing a second eighth tenth shot ;) The worst that can happen is that I find it's not for me, and I'm back to square one. I've been so unsure about writing about this whole thing, because what if it fails? But my entire reason for starting this blog back in 2011 was to document everything--all the good AND bad, the successes AND failures, to see what works and what doesn't (for me). So we'll see how it goes! :)

Do any of you regularly practice intuitive eating? How do you like it?

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A morning with Oliver

I had absolutely nothing to write about yesterday. I feel like I'm always just saying the same things over and over again, so I decided not to try and come up with something just for the sake of writing.

Today, Jerry was off work, and we decided to go for a walk this morning. Jerry had gone for a run through the woods on the access road that I've written about before, and he told me that it had gotten really overgrown again. He said the path was very narrow, which I just couldn't believe. Last time I walked out there, in the spring, it was really wide. So I wanted to go check it out.

We obviously didn't leave the kids at home, so all four of us headed out on the trail. Jerry was right--it was very overgrown with weeds, which was a bummer. 

We headed down by the water and saw a TON of snails, though--from teeny tiny ones to really big ones. I've never seen so many snails in my life. It was interesting to watch them.

We kept going on the trail, and I told the kids that the trail would end near Oliver's house. Oliver is a Brittany Spaniel that we got in 2007, when we were stupid enough to think we could manage two toddlers, two cats, AND a dog. We had him for three years, and he was the most hyper dog you could ever imagine. He used to jump all over the place when someone would come over, peeing as he jumped. Hahaha, I think I was the only one who really liked him. 

Here he is modeling a scarf I crocheted

Anyway, we found a great home for him with a man who reminds me of Cesar Milan, in that he's AMAZING with dogs. He told me he'd love to train Oliver, and he lives about a mile from us, so we could visit anytime. Oliver was really happy there, and trained pretty well within a month of living there, so we knew it was best for him to stay. 

I've seen him a couple of times over the past few years, but the kids hadn't seen him since he left; so I was surprised today when they said they really wanted to go see him. I didn't want to just show up unannounced, but I figured we could walk by and see if Ollie was outside. And sure enough, he was! Along with his "brothers", an enormous Great Dane and a Siberian Husky. Oliver got really excited when he saw us, and ran over to us. His owner was outside, so we chatted with him for about half an hour. 

When we were ready to leave, he said that he was just about to take Ollie out for a run on the path we'd just walked, so he came with us, along with the Great Dane. I couldn't believe how well Oliver listened to his commands. He was off-leash, and he stayed right at the left side of his owner until he got the "okay" to run. He took off through the weeds and marsh, chasing after the Great Dane (and vice versa). Every time his owner whistled (one short whistle), Ollie would be back at his side in three seconds flat. I was completely amazed. 

It was so fun to watch the dogs running through the super tall weeds and grass in the marsh, because you couldn't actually see the dogs--just the weeds moving around. It reminded me and Jerry of Jurassic Park, when you can see the trees rustle when a T-Rex is moving. Then suddenly, one of the dogs would pop out into the path. 

I love this pic of the Great Dane jumping out of the weeds and grass

We stopped at the water for about half an hour and chatted while the dogs played and got completely soaked and muddy. It was nice to see Oliver have so much fun!

I loved hearing about how he managed to train Oliver. Sometimes I really wish we had a dog, because I'd love to take a dog with me for a run (or just long walks), but right now, we have too many cats to think about ;) Oliver's owner said if we ever do get another dog, he'd be happy to help us train it. 

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When I got home, I spent quite a bit of the afternoon folding origami out of dollar bills. I took out $300 in ones from the bank to take to Punta Cana for tips, and I thought it would be fun to fold them in different shapes. I know how to make a few of them by heart, and they're pretty simple (like a frog, elephant, ring, and bow tie). But when I started looking up other instructions for more complicated things online, my head was starting to spin. Most of the instructions weren't very explanatory! 

Elephant and frog

A collared t-shirt

I think this is supposed to be a bull...?

I'll probably just stick to the ones I know well and fold a bunch of those!

When I was a kid, and my family would go out to a restaurant for dinner, I remember my dad always used to fold the tip into a bow tie. The servers got a big kick out of it, and I always thought it was a fun idea. Before everybody started using credit and debit cards, and I actually paid with cash, I used to continue the tradition, and fold a bow tie tip at restaurants. At my parents' house recently, I found a book of dollar bill origami that I'd bought as a kid, and had the idea to fold different shaped tips for Punta Cana. 

We leave in two and a half weeks!

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Stepping out of my comfort zone (and Runner's World race discount codes)

Poor Noah has bronchitis. It started as just a hoarse voice when he got home from camp, and I figured it was from yelling and playing at camp. But the next day, he started coughing. A couple of days later, we took him to the doctor, and it turned out to be bronchitis and a sinus infection. I had bronchitis a few years ago that lasted a long time--about 5 weeks--and it was awful. My kids have had it before, and it doesn't last nearly as long with them, so I hope he's better soon.

This morning, the kids had basketball camp, but Noah obviously didn't go. I decided to get in a short run before taking Eli to camp, so I ran three miles on the treadmill. It felt harder than a couple of days ago, but of course I felt great when I was done.

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I have some big news that has me about to burst with excitement. Runner's World has invited me to the Runner's World Half & Festival this October! It's very similar to the one in June that I attended in Newton, MA., only it's held in the city of Runner's World headquarters, Bethlehem, PA.

I absolutely loved my experience at the Heartbreak Hill Half & Festival, and I am doubly excited about going to Bethlehem. I remember reading about other bloggers' experiences at the RW Half last year, and I thought, "I really want to do that next year!"

When I discovered that the RW Half is the same weekend as the Detroit Marathon, I was bummed, because my younger brother, Nathan, is running his first full marathon in Detroit this year. Of course I want to be there for him, so I was thinking that I'd have to make a choice between the two. But I came up with a solution--it's going to involve a very busy weekend, but totally worth it!

I'll head to Bethlehem on Thursday, as planned, and instead of doing the Hat Trick (5K, 10K, and Half Marathon) like I did in June, I'll do the 5 & Dime (5K and 10K on Saturday morning). Then I can stay for a couple of seminars before heading home on Saturday afternoon. The seminars were one of my favorite parts of the weekend at the Heartbreak Hill Half! If you are in the area for this race, even if you're not running the races, you should definitely check out the (free) seminars. Bart Yasso's "My Life on the Run" is fascinating--I could listen to his stories all day long!

If all goes according to plan, I'll be back in Detroit just in time to pick up my race packet... for the Detroit Half the following day (so essentially, I am doing a Hat Trick, just in two difference cities). Race packets have to be picked up in person by 7:00 pm on Saturday. I'd like to run the first half of the marathon with my brother, then go cheer him on at around mile 20, and see him cross the finish line. So, the race weekend in October is going to be crazy, but definitely the good kind of crazy. I can't wait!

Like last time, Runner's World gave me some discount codes for anyone to use for 10% off the race registration:

Once again, I'm going to take it easy and run these races for enjoyment, not a PR. I love that this race is in October--gorgeous fall colors and perfect running weather. If any of you are going, and would like some company during the 5K or 10K, just let me know! When the time gets closer, I'm going to try to create a specific meet-up plan, also, if anyone is interested. Now that I know what to expect, hopefully I can come up with something more specific than "I'll be wearing a bright orange shirt" ;)

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I've been thinking about something for a while, ever since reading an article called "I Wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened", and today, I finally decided I'm going to just do it. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but for me, it's huge--WAY out of my comfort zone! Today, I bought a bikini. My first bikini.

I am in no way delusional enough to think that my body is even comparable to those in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, but I'm tired of being so self-conscious of my flaws. There are tons of people who have loose skin, stretch marks, and other things that I feel self-conscious about (including being 15 pounds over my goal weight right now), and I see them in bikinis all the time.

When I was younger, I always wanted to wear a bikini just like all my friends, but I was too self-conscious of my weight. Then in my late 20's, I lost the weight, but was conscious of my loose skin and stretch marks. I even had skin removal surgery from my stomach, but I still can't imagine wearing a bikini. So, buying a bikini is a way for me to get over it already.

I love the title of that article, "I Wore a Bikini and Nothing Happened". I don't know what I expect to happen--people averting their eyes, pointing and laughing, or talking behind my back? The truth is that most likely, nothing will happen. Nobody cares what I look like in a bikini!

I'm not brave enough to post a photo here (yet). I'm going to wear it in public in Punta Cana, and hopefully I'll see that it's no big deal. Then maybe I'll post a picture here ;)

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Motivational Monday #72

I hope everyone has had a great week--it's time for Motivational Monday! The thing I am most proud of this week is that I recognized that there was a problem with my knee, and instead of running through the pain, I took time off until I was 100% back to normal. In the past, I would have continued running, hoping the pain would just go away (and instead, it would have gotten worse--which is how I spent all of 2012 with knee injuries!). So as odd as it sounds, I am proud of myself for NOT running for three days :)

What have you done this week to make you feel proud?

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After an on-again-off-again bout of running over a few years, Jen decided to get serious this summer, and signed up for three local races. The first was a 5K, and she was very nervous going into the race--it was in the evening, and she was used to running in the mornings; it was humid and rained on the way there; and the terrain was on a trail, so the rain + dirt = mud. She was filled with self-doubt throughout the entire race, and just before the finish line, a woman came up to run with the older man behind her. The woman (presumably his daughter) ran with him, encouraging him the whole way. Jen thought it was awesome to witness, and at the very end, they sprinted past her. After the finish line, the man went up to Jen and said, "I watched your butt the whole race. I thought I would never catch you!" ;) While it came out sounding a little odd, she knew what he meant; and despite being filled with self-doubt, she'd motivated him to keep going! (Jen's race report)

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After losing 70 pounds on Weight Watchers, Jenn just completed her first 5K race! She followed a Couch to 5K-like program for about eight weeks, and her only goal was to run the entire race (no walking). She reached her goal, and celebrated by buying a treadmill! She enjoys running outside, but didn't want to have any excuses not to run during Oregon's rainy months.

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On Saturday, Lisa (second from left in photo) stepped WAY out of her comfort zone to do the Boston R.O.C. (Ridiculous Obstacle Challenge) race. She was really nervous, and afraid of getting hurt, especially when she saw it was cold and rainy the day of the race. She was pleasantly surprised to see that some of the obstacles that intimidated her the most turned out to be the most fun! She and her group of friends were freezing, but they had a blast, and got to play like kids at the finish line foam party.

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Sarah is very proud to announce that she is an IRON(WO)MAN! She completed the Lake Placid Ironman triathlon (a 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike ride, and 26.2 mile run--to be completed under 17 hours in order to be considered an Ironman). The photo below shows Sarah before training for the Ironman, and then at the finish line--she lost 55 pounds during training for this race!

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Don't forget to check out the Motivational Monday Facebook post for more stories!

If you have a photo you'd like to share for Motivational Monday, just email it to me (subject: Motivational Monday) along with a short description, and I may include on a future MM post!

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Treadmill vs. outdoor run comparison

Last night, the kids ended up staying the night at my parents' house, so Jerry and I had an impromptu date night. We've had free movie tickets for the longest time that we just haven't used, so we decided to go see the movie Lucy.

First, we had dinner at Olga's in the mall. We joked about how old we've become, because we were out to dinner on a Saturday evening at barely 5:00, and then we went to a 5:45 pm show. We were probably the youngest people in the theater. ;)  Our theater recently got new seats, and they are AMAZING. They recline, so you can put your feet up, and they're really spacious. They're seriously as comfortable as watching a movie on the couch at home.

Unfortunately, neither of us liked the movie. I wish I'd have asked whether it was worth seeing, because afterward, I heard from several people that it was bad. Oh, well, they were free tickets and we had a good time!

When we got home, it wasn't even 8:00 yet, so we decided to walk to a bar that is about half a mile away to have a drink and play Keno. Normally, I have beer, but beer is so easy to have another and another, and before you know it, you've consumed hundreds of calories worth. I wanted something I could slowly sip the whole time we were there, so I didn't do too much caloric damage. I decided to try something new to me: a gin and tonic. I really liked it, and it lasted me through 20 drawings of Keno. I think that will be my new go-to drink when I'm out. We didn't have any luck at Keno, but we laughed a lot and had fun!

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This morning, Noah was sick with a head cold, so he didn't go to church. Instead of waiting for Jerry to get off work so I could run outside, I decided to dust off the treadmill and get in a quick three-miler. I hadn't used the treadmill in a couple of months. I had the idea to try to imitate yesterday's outdoor run so that I could compare the two. I was curious how my heart rate and other stats compared between running on the treadmill and running outside.

It wasn't at all a scientific comparison, but I tried to mock the same pace each mile from yesterday. The splits weren't perfect, but they were very close. Overall, though, I ran the same distance in the same time, so my overall pace was nearly identical (I stopped my Garmin one second too soon). Here is a really nerdy comparison chart:

Running on the treadmill always feels much easier to me than running outside, so I really expected my heart rate to be lower on the treadmill, even though I was running the same pace. (It's probably worth noting that the incline was at 0% today). I was VERY surprised, then, when I looked at the comparison, and just how similar the two runs were! In addition to the distance, time, and average pace being the same, the calories were only off by 1, my average heart rate was identical at 155, my average cadence (steps per minute) was identical at 170, and my average stride length was identical at 1.02 meters.

The biggest relevant difference was in my maximum heart rate, which was 165 on the treadmill, but 170 outside. That was probably due to sprinting across a street, or a dog barking at me, or something like that. Even though this was only three miles, it made me much more confident in treadmill running--even though it feels easier, my stats were pretty much the same. I just found it really interesting!

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Don't forget, tomorrow is Motivational Monday, so if you have anything to submit, the sooner you can email it to me, the better!

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Empty Glass City

Last night, Jerry and I told Noah about Paolo. The kids at the party kept asking where the fourth cat was, and I just kept changing the subject. Once all the kids went home, and we settled down for the evening, we told him what happened. He was very upset, which is what I expected. Noah takes after me in that he's really sensitive, and he really loved Paolo. We talked about it for a little while, and he's okay now.

This morning was pretty relaxing, which felt good after all the chaos of the birthday party yesterday. It was thunder storming all morning, so I read a book for a while, and then I really had the urge to go for a run. It was perfect running weather (for August, anyway)--65 degrees and overcast. Yesterday, my knee felt completely fine all day, so I decided to try an easy three-miler.

I stayed close to home, just in case my knee gave me trouble. I started running, and my knee felt 100% back to normal! I was so excited.

I was surprised to see that my first mile was 9:23, because I was expecting to see 10:30-ish. I decided to aim for negative splits without trying too hard. Second mile was 9:20, and then third was 9:09. My knee didn't give me any trouble at all, and I felt fantastic!

I always write about how I hate running (only half-jokingly), but the truth is, I would be lost without it. After only three days, I was really itching to go for a run! I love how good it makes me feel, and when I'm taking it easy, it's actually enjoyable. It took a long time to get to that point, though--I was running for about a year before I felt like I was hooked on it.

I used to think it would be detrimental to my training if I took time off, which is why I stupidly kept marathon training when I had a knee injury in 2012. On Tuesday, when I knew something was wrong with me knee, I decided to take time off of running until it felt back to normal. Luckily, that was only three days! If I had kept running on it, I'm sure it would have taken much longer.

This afternoon, we went to Sam's Club, and it was CRAZY in there. People were leaving the store with carts piled high with bottled water. We saw one person who had an entire U-Haul van packed full of cases of water. There were people rushing to the back of the store, where the water is shelved, shoving past people, and practically running us over with their carts.

It turns out that Toledo is under a state of emergency with an alert not to drink (or use, in any way) their water, because it's contaminated (and boiling it would only increase the toxins). I live about 20 minutes north of Toledo, and there were a few cities just south of us that were affected as well. Luckily, our city isn't affected, but that could change, depending on what the cause of this whole thing was.

All of the stores around here are completely sold out of bottled water, because it just flew off the shelves. Sam's Club is about 30 minutes north of here, and there were people driving up there to stock up. Sam's had a TON of water, but at the rate people were buying it, they'll probably sell out today or tomorrow. I was just in awe of the whole situation at Sam's. Hopefully the issue doesn't last long--I can't imagine not being able to use any tap water! I feel bad for the people in Toledo.

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4 Minute Mile, and Noah's party

The past couple of days have been so boring that I really don't have much to write. I haven't been running, because I want to make sure my knee is 100% back to normal before I try running again. Yesterday, I could still really feel it, but today it seems a lot better, so I'm hoping by Monday it will be good enough to go for a run.

I've been trying to rest it as much as possible, and consequently, I haven't gotten much activity at all since Tuesday. On Wednesday and Thursday, I only had about 3,500 steps each day, and today, I'll only have about 6,000. I'm actually really itching to go for a run!

Jerry didn't have to get up early for work today, so last night, we watched a movie called "4 Minute Mile", which was available OnDemand. I hadn't heard of it until I saw a tweet about it by Runner's World. It's a movie about a kid who runs track, and he's super fast. He had a troubled childhood, and his brother is into the drug scene, which he tries to avoid. He starts training to run a sub-4:00 mile under a pretty tough coach, and running becomes his "outlet". It's a really good movie, and made me want to go for a run!

Source

It really reminded me of the movie "8 Mile" with Eminem, right down to the fact that Kim Basinger plays the mom; only instead of rap, the main character uses running as his outlet. I think it's supposed to be available in select theaters starting today, but usually the closest theater to me that plays "select" movies like this is Chicago, a five-hour drive. So Jerry and I watched it OnDemand, and we both really liked it.

This morning, we got everything ready for Noah's surprise birthday party. I found a bunch of water balloons in a cupboard, so we thought the kids would have fun throwing them at each other. Jerry spent a good amount of time filling up two big tubs full of water balloons. A couple of hours later, we noticed that they had ALL popped in the tubs! They were old balloons, and I'm guessing being in the sun didn't help.

Water balloon fail

I didn't want to make a cake, because I usually screw up cakes somehow (even from a mix), so I figured cupcakes would be safer. I made red velvet cupcakes, and Eli added sprinkles.

Once everything was ready, Jerry stayed at home with Eli to wait for the kids to show up, and I went to the church to meet Noah, who was riding home from camp in the church van. Once he showed up, and I got the go-ahead from Jerry, we headed home. Noah said he really missed us and the cats while he was gone, and I didn't want to tell him about Paolo until after his party.

When we got home, he walked in the door ahead of me, and his friends were all hiding behind the couch. They jumped out and yelled "Surprise!". Noah had no clue they were here, but his reaction wasn't quite as exciting as I'd been picturing. I think he just wasn't sure what to make of everything. Once he settled in the house, though, our house became as loud and rambunctious as you'd expect a house full of 10-year old boys to be ;)

All 10 candles on his cupcake

The party turned out successful, and Noah was happy. It's nice having him home--that was the longest we've ever gone without being in contact.

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I didn't realize until this morning that it's August 1st already, and that means a new monthly goal. For July, my goal was to give up ice cream for the month. I did pretty well--I made an exception on National Ice Cream Day, because, well, it was National Ice Cream Day! I can't really say that giving it up for a month killed my cravings for it completely, but I definitely don't think about it constantly like I did all of June. I actually passed up on the ice cream at Noah's party today, because I was full from dinner. That never happens!

I had a hard time coming up with a good goal for August. We're leaving for Punta Cana on the 24th, so I'm only going to keep my goal in effect until then, but for this month, my goal is going to be to eat all of my meals at the dining table. I tend to eat breakfast and lunch in the living room, and I'd like to get out of that habit. I can still eat snacks elsewhere, but all of my meals will be at the dining table.

Anyone else have a goal for August?

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Ice cream battle

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support about Paolo. Even though I know we made the right decision, it still just feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. This year has been a challenge for me, that's for sure! With Sarah dying from melanoma, seeing Mark deteriorate and finally pass away, my emotional eating taking a toll on my weight, and now Paolo--it's been a lot to handle. But I have some really great things going on this summer and fall that can hopefully turn things around, starting with Punta Cana in a few weeks!

I thought the other three cats might act differently without Paolo around, but they don't seem to notice. Eli told me today that he bets that Paolo is in Heaven and annoying God with his constant meowing and begging to turn on the water faucet ;) It's funny what goes through kids' minds!

I took a rest day today, not only because I felt like I needed it, but also because my knee is still giving me issues after that 12-mile run on Friday. It seemed okay when I ran/walked with Noah on Saturday, and hadn't been a bother during Monday or Tuesday's runs. Then, I did strength training yesterday, and ever since then, I can really feel it. It's definitely something I could run through if I wanted, but after my past experience with knee injury, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to rest it completely until it's 100% better. My next race isn't until October, so there isn't any rush at all.

Based on the location of the pain, I'm pretty sure it's my IT band; so today, I used the foam roller and rested most of the day. I really wanted to go for a long walk this morning, but I could feel the twinge in my knee just walking around the house, so I figured it would be best not to. Better safe than sorry!

Eli asked me if we could go miniature golfing, so I said sure. I think he's getting bored without Noah around! We went and played a round of mini golf, and it was nice spending time with him.

When we got in the car to go home, he asked if we could go out for ice cream. This started a big battle in my head--of course I wanted ice cream! I love ice cream. But I am trying really hard to stay on track, and I couldn't afford to fit a flurry into my calories today, especially since I can't run right now. As I was driving home, this battle in my head was going back and forth, back and forth. (Of course, I could have just told Eli no to the ice cream, but now that he's able to eat after his surgery, I didn't see anything wrong with him having an ice cream). It went something like this:

"Just get one. This is your special time with Eli, and that's what he wants to do."
"But you gave up ice cream for all of July."
"Just eat it, and pretend you didn't."
"You've been doing really well staying on track lately, don't blow it."
"You can always start over tomorrow."
"You have to fit into a bridesmaids' dress in less than a month. You can't afford to gain."
"You can just be extra strict tomorrow to make up for it."

...and on and on. Crazy, right? All that over a stupid flurry.

I pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream place, and just sat there, debating. I know this sounds ridiculous, but this situation was SO tempting for me. It would be like asking a recovering alcoholic to go buy his favorite drink for a friend, pay for it, and carry it over and hand it to him--without getting one himself.

I called Jerry, and I thought, "If he doesn't answer, I'm just going to order one". He answered just before his voicemail picked up. I told him the situation, and he tried to be helpful, but in my mind, I think I already knew what the answer was. Ultimately, I decided to get Eli his flurry, and I didn't get anything for myself.

It's interesting, because when I was losing weight, I did things like this all the time, and it wasn't nearly this difficult. I was used to going to parties and turning down food; taking the kids out for ice cream, and not getting anything myself; sorting Halloween candy with the kids, and not eating so much as an M&M (unless I'd planned it out first and counted the calories for it). I was so stubborn, and so determined. For the past year or so, however, I've somehow developed this "you only live once" attitude, and I've been choosing the instant gratification (food) over my long term goals (staying at a healthy weight).

I kind of feel like today was a big step in the right direction. I faced my biggest temptation, and I overcame it. After Eli had finished his ice cream, I was really glad that I hadn't gotten any. If I had, I'm sure it wouldn't have stopped with the ice cream--it would have put me over my calories for the day, so I would likely have said, "Oh, well, might as well have this, too..." and then, "I'll just start over tomorrow". I swear, those five words, "I'll just start over tomorrow", should be banished from existence! ;)

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Noah comes home on Friday, and he has no idea that we are planning a surprise birthday party for him. We had celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago with my family, but we told him we'd have to plan his "friends party" in August, because of the timing and Jerry's work schedule. So on Friday, Jerry will go pick him up from the church, and I'll stay here with his friends. And then they'll surprise him when he comes home after being at camp for a week.

Noah is going to be SO excited, I'm sure of it. So tomorrow, we have to get everything ready for the big surprise on Friday. I can't wait!

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The One Where Paolo Crossed The Rainbow Bridge

I didn't want to post about it on Motivational Monday, but yesterday was a very sad day for us. We had to say good-bye to Paolo.

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, then you remember when we first found Paolo living in our shed. He was SO skinny, but a truly beautiful Himalayan cat.

I didn't want four cats, however, so instead of bringing him inside, I started trying to find a home for him. One of the moms I knew from the kids' preschool said she would take him, and that ended up being a disaster. She lied about a lot of things, and ended up dumping Paolo back at my house.

I refused to have a fourth cat, so I kept trying to find him a home. But one night, it was raining, and the poor cat was huddled in the cat carrier that I set outside for him. My heart broke for him, so I let him in. And he really hasn't been outside ever since! I never did find him a home, so he became our fourth cat, and we named him Paolo (going with the Friends theme in naming our pets).

Paolo was a quirky cat--very snobby, but to the point where it was humorous. When we'd set food in front of him, he'd sniff it and then turn his nose in the air like, "You really expect me to eat that? Where's my tuna tartare?"

He was very lovable, though, and adored to be petted and fussed over. When I'd get out his brush, he was right at my feet, waiting for me to groom him, while the other cats ran and hid. Whenever anyone would pet him, he'd spread his toes wide and then curl them back in, like he was trying to grab onto you and not let go.

He had an obsession with water, and he would only drink water that was pouring from the faucet. When he was thirsty, he'd run to the bathtub and start meowing until we'd turn it on for him (yes, he trained us). Eventually, I bought him a cat drinking fountain, so he'd always have running water to drink. Even then, he still liked the actual faucet.

Paolo never really learned his name. The other three cats come when we call their names, but Paolo would come when we'd call ANY of the cats' names. All you had to do was make a ticking noise with your tongue or call one of the cats' names, and Paolo would be there, thinking you wanted to shower him with attention.

We knew Paolo was old, but we weren't sure just HOW old. Over the past year, I started to think that maybe he was even older than than the 10-12 years we'd originally guessed, because he started to act differently. He started showing all the signs of feline dementia, and for the past few months, the symptoms were getting much worse. We took him to the vet to rule out disease or something curable, and learned that sure enough, he was "normal"--just getting old.

A couple of nights ago, Paolo was really agitated, and was meowing really loudly and pacing around the house. If a cat can "look" confused, he most certainly did. He was finding spots to hide, he wasn't eating, he was sleeping almost constantly, he didn't enjoy being groomed or even petted much anymore, and he'd gotten even skinnier than he already was (you could see all of his bones). His fur looked terrible, and his eyes were glazed over.

Jerry and I started to think that it was time to make a decision about euthanizing him. I felt horrible about it, but Paolo really seemed miserable. I looked up symptoms of a dying cat, and Paolo pretty much had the entire checklist. I couldn't bear the thought of taking him to the vet, so Jerry did it. The vet checked out Paolo, and said he agreed that Paolo's time had come. I don't want to write about the rest, but Jerry stayed with Paolo the whole time, and said it was peaceful.

We only had Paolo for three years, but I had gotten attached to him. Jerry and I liked to poke fun at his little quirks, and we always joked, "Oh, we're still looking for a home for him!" when someone would ask, but we knew that he had become our cat. The house seems different without him now.

Even though I didn't want four cats in the beginning, it turned out to be a blessing that things didn't work out with the home I'd found for him. Having him here turned out to be better for him AND us, and we will definitely miss him!

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Motivational Monday #71

Happy Motivational Monday! I can't believe it's almost August already. This summer is just flying by! I did really well with tracking my food this week. There were a few days that I didn't track, because of Eli's surgery, but I wasn't pigging out, either. I'm really happy with how the week went as far as my food.

I think what I am actually most proud of this week, though, is recognizing that the MAF heart rate training just wasn't the right fit for me, and choosing not to continue with it. I ran three miles this morning at a 9:03/mi pace, which gave me an average heart rate of 167 (my MAF range was 138-148). It felt really good to push myself, and feel out of breath when I was done. My knee feels totally fine, so I'm glad that it doesn't seem to be injured from the 12-mile MAF run on Friday night. Anyway, the whole point of all this is that I am happy with my decision to stop the MAF training, and I think it was best for me.

What have you all done this week to make you feel proud?

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Alicia is VERY excited to have reached a huge milestone this week--she reached her Weight Watchers goal weight!! She struggled with her weight her entire life, and even joined WW at age 15. She rejoined several times through the years, but never saw it through to reach her goal weight. She rejoined last July for the final time, and has lost 60 pounds since. She also started to run, and her first 5K was my Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K in January. Sadly, Alicia recently lost a dear friend, Joy, to ALS. And now she runs for Joy, because Joy spent three years in a wheelchair, and couldn't do all of the amazing things that Alicia's body was capable of doing. When all she wanted to do was eat to numb the pain, she ran for Joy instead :)

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This weekend, Sam ran her first half-marathon! She has lost 80 pounds, and says that this race was the hardest and most rewarding thing she's ever done. The best part of the race was seeing her mom's face as she crossed the finish line. Her mom told her how proud she was, and said that she was feeling inspired to sign up for a 5K so she could earn a cool medal, too ;)

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Pam (center) just completed her first triathlon! She and her friends embarked on a race that consisted of a 200-yard swim, 12-mile bike ride, and 2-mile run. Pam has run 2 marathons, 11 half-marathons, and dozens of shorter races, but she said the swim was the most challenging for her. She's proud she didn't drown! ;) (Pam's race report)

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Hilary (my "Sole Mate" from my Ragnar SoCal team) just completed her first triathlon! She did a 900-yard swim, 15-mile bike ride, and a 5K run (which included 468 feet of elevation gain!). It turned out to be tougher than anticipated, because she had some hydration issues. She was least looking-forward to the bike, but it turned out to be her strongest sport during the race. She is very proud of herself for finishing, and is already planning another triathlon this year! (Hilary's blog)

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Don't forget to check out more stories on the Motivational Monday Facebook post!

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