July 30, 2014

Ice cream battle

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support about Paolo. Even though I know we made the right decision, it still just feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. This year has been a challenge for me, that's for sure! With Sarah dying from melanoma, seeing Mark deteriorate and finally pass away, my emotional eating taking a toll on my weight, and now Paolo--it's been a lot to handle. But I have some really great things going on this summer and fall that can hopefully turn things around, starting with Punta Cana in a few weeks!

I thought the other three cats might act differently without Paolo around, but they don't seem to notice. Eli told me today that he bets that Paolo is in Heaven and annoying God with his constant meowing and begging to turn on the water faucet ;) It's funny what goes through kids' minds!

I took a rest day today, not only because I felt like I needed it, but also because my knee is still giving me issues after that 12-mile run on Friday. It seemed okay when I ran/walked with Noah on Saturday, and hadn't been a bother during Monday or Tuesday's runs. Then, I did strength training yesterday, and ever since then, I can really feel it. It's definitely something I could run through if I wanted, but after my past experience with knee injury, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to rest it completely until it's 100% better. My next race isn't until October, so there isn't any rush at all.

Based on the location of the pain, I'm pretty sure it's my IT band; so today, I used the foam roller and rested most of the day. I really wanted to go for a long walk this morning, but I could feel the twinge in my knee just walking around the house, so I figured it would be best not to. Better safe than sorry!

Eli asked me if we could go miniature golfing, so I said sure. I think he's getting bored without Noah around! We went and played a round of mini golf, and it was nice spending time with him.

When we got in the car to go home, he asked if we could go out for ice cream. This started a big battle in my head--of course I wanted ice cream! I love ice cream. But I am trying really hard to stay on track, and I couldn't afford to fit a flurry into my calories today, especially since I can't run right now. As I was driving home, this battle in my head was going back and forth, back and forth. (Of course, I could have just told Eli no to the ice cream, but now that he's able to eat after his surgery, I didn't see anything wrong with him having an ice cream). It went something like this:

"Just get one. This is your special time with Eli, and that's what he wants to do."
"But you gave up ice cream for all of July."
"Just eat it, and pretend you didn't."
"You've been doing really well staying on track lately, don't blow it."
"You can always start over tomorrow."
"You have to fit into a bridesmaids' dress in less than a month. You can't afford to gain."
"You can just be extra strict tomorrow to make up for it."

...and on and on. Crazy, right? All that over a stupid flurry.

I pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream place, and just sat there, debating. I know this sounds ridiculous, but this situation was SO tempting for me. It would be like asking a recovering alcoholic to go buy his favorite drink for a friend, pay for it, and carry it over and hand it to him--without getting one himself.

I called Jerry, and I thought, "If he doesn't answer, I'm just going to order one". He answered just before his voicemail picked up. I told him the situation, and he tried to be helpful, but in my mind, I think I already knew what the answer was. Ultimately, I decided to get Eli his flurry, and I didn't get anything for myself.

It's interesting, because when I was losing weight, I did things like this all the time, and it wasn't nearly this difficult. I was used to going to parties and turning down food; taking the kids out for ice cream, and not getting anything myself; sorting Halloween candy with the kids, and not eating so much as an M&M (unless I'd planned it out first and counted the calories for it). I was so stubborn, and so determined. For the past year or so, however, I've somehow developed this "you only live once" attitude, and I've been choosing the instant gratification (food) over my long term goals (staying at a healthy weight).

I kind of feel like today was a big step in the right direction. I faced my biggest temptation, and I overcame it. After Eli had finished his ice cream, I was really glad that I hadn't gotten any. If I had, I'm sure it wouldn't have stopped with the ice cream--it would have put me over my calories for the day, so I would likely have said, "Oh, well, might as well have this, too..." and then, "I'll just start over tomorrow". I swear, those five words, "I'll just start over tomorrow", should be banished from existence! ;)

Noah comes home on Friday, and he has no idea that we are planning a surprise birthday party for him. We had celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago with my family, but we told him we'd have to plan his "friends party" in August, because of the timing and Jerry's work schedule. So on Friday, Jerry will go pick him up from the church, and I'll stay here with his friends. And then they'll surprise him when he comes home after being at camp for a week.

Noah is going to be SO excited, I'm sure of it. So tomorrow, we have to get everything ready for the big surprise on Friday. I can't wait!


  1. I cannot tell you how many times I've had pretty much this exact conversation with myself!! You are so honest I love it. I also remember the first time I decline ice cream at my mom's house because I really just didn't want it!! It's a turning point for sure! Flex that willpower muscle!

  2. Colleen MJuly 30, 2014

    YAY! Katie! I'm proud of you! It sucks, but there will be flurries tomorrow- McDonald's isn't going out of business any time soon. When I'm struggling, I always tell myself- this is not the last X in the world. Plenty of more opportunities to eat a treat in the future when it's worth it! Congrats!

  3. I have tight IT band issues and this stretch video from DoYogaWithMe.com (free videos! WOO HOO!) was incredibly helpful two weeks ago when I could barely walk due to my IT bands and I was 90% better the next day! Hopefully it can help you too!


  4. AnonymousJuly 30, 2014

    I think you should let yourself have some ice cream every once in a while! Don't restrict yourself, because that could lead to a binge. I am proud of your for sticking to your guns though! I just hope that once this no ice cream July is over, you will take your boys out for ice cream. Yes, losing weight is important, but so is making memories with your kids! :) They love you regardless of a few extra pounds, and a flurry won't change anything.

    1. But you're still making memories with your kids even if you abstain! The memory is "going out to ice cream" not, what mom consumed when we went out to ice cream. They'll remember the trip, not what you ordered.

    2. Pfft, as long as Mom let ME have an ice cream, she could stand there and sing "Little Red Corvette" for all I cared. As long as we were together and I got my treat, it's all good!

  5. AnonymousJuly 31, 2014

    Wow Katie. Same issues here. Why is it losing weight is often easier than maintaining weight. Ugh. Thanks for writing about this. It really helps to know I am not alone.


  6. Sorry for your loss Katie. I have two kitties and when the time comes for me to say good-bye to them.... oh man, I'll want to binge on more than just ice cream! Good for you for saying no though.

  7. That sounds like it was SO hard! Good job for sticking to your goals. I'm having the same problem lately...unfortunately, I'm justifying it with, "Eh, I'll eat healthier next week."

  8. SOOO glad you didn't get the ice cream. I was reading thinking "don't do it!" I know the guilt that comes with that kind of decision and the ultimate mistakes that follow since you "already screwed up". It's crazy the thoughts that go through our heads. Good for you!

  9. I feel your pain with the ice cream dilemma. I know how you love it. You could probably change your blog title to "Runs for Ice Cream," and be more accurate. Although ice cream isn't as big a temptation to me as say, potato chips, I can understand how hard it is to be around it, buy it, give it to someone else, and HAVE NONE YOURSELF!! It never gets any easier. I too used to be able to resist those temptations better it seems. It's a mind-set of determination that is sometimes tough to find again, after you lose it. I feel like I've found it again myself, after losing it for a good 6 months and gaining 30 pounds. I'm now down 10 of those 30 pounds and have been good for over a month now, cutting way back on my snacking (which was my BIGGEST problem), and for the last three days, I've even tracked my food again. I swear....if we could bottle that determined mind-set for weight-loss, we'd get rich. Noah's birthday party will be such FUN! Be sure to get a picture of his "surprised" face!

  10. I didn't get to reply yesterday but wanted to say I'm sorry about Paolo. We had to put our dog down a little over a year ago and it was so hard. I still miss her today.

    On a more positive note, great job on the ice cream. I resonated with every word you said about talking yourself in and out of it. I hate the mind games I play with myself and sometimes get frustrated when I think about how I'll have these issues forever. Why can't I just be like other people who have a splurge occasionally and know when it's time to watch it without all these ridiculous mind games.

    Hope the surprise party for Noah is a blast!

  11. I loved this post. I can so relate to what you went through with the ice cream decision. Think of it as you flexing a muscle, maybe an anti-anxiety muscle, and it will get stronger the more you try. It's like when people with OCD or anxiety are exposed to the thing that stresses them out--the therapist has the patient sit in the anxiety, lets it build and build until it reaches a peak, and then the anxiety begins to dissipate. I think the ice cream situation is just like that. Great job.

  12. I can sooo relate to this kind of internal debate. I always used to tell myself, "Go ahead. You deserve it after what you've been through." Now I'm trying to retrain my thoughts to something more along the lines of "You're too upset right now to make a good decision. Doing something you'll regret will only add to the problem."

  13. I can TOTALLY relate to the "oh, well, I'll just start over tomorrow!" I'm getting married soon and we went to a food tasting with the caterer the other day. While I had eaten a lighter lunch to compensate for the tasting (which was basically dinner because they brought out so much stuff to try and sent us home with leftovers!), there were things that were off-plan and I started getting those 'I'm already off-plan today, might as well eat everything tonight and start over tomorrow!!' thoughts. I had some pretzels (which are not on plan) but managed to stop at just a couple instead of tearing through the bag like I wanted. Then I made myself get out of the kitchen! It's definitely a struggle sometimes!

    Also I listened to your interview on the Half Size Me podcast. It was my first time listening to that podcast which I heard about because of your blog post when the interview came out and you did a great job! I really like listening to health-related podcasts while I walk but some of the interviewees are not very well-spoken or the podcasters include too much unrelated stuff. (Like there was one I used to listen to which SHOULD have been good but inevitably the first 20-30 minutes (if not longer) was back and forth between the two hosts about what their kids did, how a house remodel was going, what they watched on TV over the weekend...by the time they got to the health-related stuff I was interested in, I was already tuned out!) I listened to some other episodes of the HSM podcast and really enjoy the 'style' so thanks for introducing me to a good pocast! :)

  14. AnonymousJuly 31, 2014

    Good for you and not eating the ice cream. I have this problem all the time...when I started losing I was not going to let anything stop be. I dropped like 25lbs in 1yr which was really hard with a new born and toddler at home. I gain almost all back and can't seem to get motivated to get back down. I'm good to remember this for next time.

  15. I recently read a book called "I Deserve a Donut" by Barb Raveling. It's really good and touches on this thought we have that we deserve foods that we don't need. There are many bible verses to get you through these tough times (which may or may not be your thing), but it also addresses why do we feel bored/anxious/entitled/stressed and how to deal with it other than food.

  16. AnonymousJuly 31, 2014

    I can totally relate to the ice-cream dilemma! As a suggestion – have you tried Heather’s new app called the Half Size Me Coach? There are two good options – one is that you listen to a short motivational talk from Heather to help you through the moment or you can do your own voice recording (after a splurge) talking yourself out of the next one. So far I feel like I got my $4 worth!

  17. Thanks for this. I just finished eating dinner and I am definitely not still hungry but I really want to eat a chocolate chip cookie. I was sitting here trying to convince myself not to eat it because I have no points left to eat today and I was leaning towards 'who cares, I really want to eat it' and then I read this and now I've decided not to eat it. (and by 'it' i mean 'them' because I know I would have eaten more than one!)

  18. COLOR ME IMPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow - way to go with the ice cream internal debate!!!!!! Been there, done that only about a gazillion times... Congrats on the great NSV!!!

    I hope Noah's surprise party is amazing! What a cool idea.

  19. Way to go!! I know how you feel, I just now am starting to have the willpower again in some of my own food-related situations. It can be SO HARD. But, like you pointed out...once the temptation is past and your craving subsides, you feel SO much better afterwards. You go, woman!! :D

  20. So, so, so proud of you!! Thanks so much for sharing this-it is a great reminder that every little decision does make a big impact!!


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