Forgetting the numbers

Today was my long run day, and I had 12 miles on my schedule. The schedule I've been following is the one that I wrote for winter training, based on the running I did last winter. I felt good last winter, doing 12-mile long runs pretty much every week, but lately, I have been dreading every run over about eight miles--which is the main reason I reevaluated my goals for 2014.

As I mentioned on my New Year's post, my main running goal for 2014 is to enjoy running, and not set time goals--basically, to relieve the pressure that I'd put on myself. This morning, when I was thinking about doing another 12-miler on the treadmill (the kids' school was canceled, so they were home today), I stopped and thought, "WHY am I doing a 12-miler? My next race is the Ragnar Relay SoCal, which is in April. My longest run will be about 8 miles, so there is no reason whatsoever that I should "have" to run 12 today..."

When I changed my running goal, I should have also changed my training plan. After doing the Hansons' Marathon Method for Chicago, I felt really burnt out on the mileage. I ran SO much while training for Chicago, and I only took eight days off after the marathon before running six days a week again. I've since dropped down to five days, but I think I need to drop the mileage a bit.

I went to my trusty old pal, Hal Higdon's website, and chose to do a slightly-modified version of his intermediate half-marathon training plan. It's five days a week, and the long run starts at just five miles (building to 12 over 11 weeks). It made me feel nostalgic, because I followed his plans when I first started running. I would print them out, and check off each run as I did it. I liked looking at the schedule hanging on the kitchen bulletin board, and feeling good about it.

Somewhere along the way, I started to feel like my long runs had to be a certain mileage, and I'd feel guilty about not reaching it... even if there was no reason to run that far. Numbers can be a bad influence sometimes. Like pacing, for instance. The first time I ran a 10:00/mi pace, I was THRILLED. It was so exciting! Now, if I hit that pace, I feel disappointed, because I've gotten used to running miles in the 8:00's.

Jerry and I were watching The Biggest Loser this week, and something sparked a memory of when I first reached the 140's (the summer of 2010). I was SO SO SO excited to reach 149 pounds, because I had never in my adult life been lower than 152. And eventually, I saw the 130's, and even the 120's (briefly). After seeing the 130's, seeing my weight dip into the 140's is disappointing. Seeing the lower numbers changed my perception of the 140's from ecstatic to disappointed. (I hope this makes sense... it's hard to explain!)

Anyway, the whole point of all of this is that I'm going to try my best to do what feels right NOW, in the moment, rather than compare myself to where I was before. Right now, I'm happy with my weight, even though I'm not at "goal weight". As for my running schedule, I'm going to follow the Higdon plan and be happy with it, not thinking about the fact that I know I'm capable of running longer distances or more miles. Just because I can run 12 miles (or 16, or 20!) doesn't mean that running less than that makes me less of a runner. Likewise, just because I can run an 8:00/mi pace doesn't mean that running a 9:00 or 10:00 pace is a disappointment.

So today, I ran a long run of five miles. I really think my body needed this break in mileage, too. I mentioned yesterday that my heart rate was high, even at a slower pace; today, my goal was to keep my heart rate in the middle of Zone 3. I started at about a 9:30 pace, but my heart rate kept creeping up to Zone 3.9, so I would lower the speed of the treadmill to lower my heart rate. Each mile, I was going slower and slower, but my heart rate was continuing to climb.

Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could have finished out 12 miles today. I'm not sure what the problem was, but I think my body may feel overtrained or just fatigued. Usually when I finish an easy run (for example, 4 miles at a 9:15 pace), the "recovery advisor" on my Garmin reads about 20 hours. After today's run?

This was after a 5 mile run at a 10:07 average pace! Tomorrow is a rest day, and I'm definitely going to do just that.

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We went to my parents' house for dinner today to meet Nathan's girlfriend, Sara (Nathan is my younger brother). I think he's pretty smitten with her, because he was the one who requested that we all get together, and he wanted her to meet the family ;)  My mom cooked dinner, and my aunt and uncle went over there, too.

Sara is super nice, and I think she seems like a great fit for Nathan! I'm really happy for him. They met in the Army (he was her driver in Iraq, but they weren't allowed to date then), so they've known each other for 10 years. She lives in Indiana, and seems pretty well-established there. It's about a four hour drive, and this was the first time she's come here. She leaves Monday, so I hope I'll get to see her again before she goes home.

Usually, eating dinner at my parents' house is really hard for me not to overeat (or binge when I get home). But today, I kept in mind everything I'd read in the Brain Over Binge book, and I enjoyed the meal without eating too much. I even ate a piece of cake for dessert, and savored every bite. I felt really good about it, and didn't even have an urge to binge when I got home.

A lot of the snow melted today (woo hoo!) and it's actually raining right now. Tomorrow, I'm going to go visit Mark for sure, now that the roads have to be cleared up. Other than the two-thirds of a mile drive to my parents' house, I haven't driven anywhere in a week! I'm excited to go to the post office and get Mark's mail, and then go visit him.

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Brain Over Binge

The temp was -7 this morning, so I really didn't have any hope that all of the ice had miraculously melted overnight. Today was another day inside :/

I was SO SORE when I woke up today, thanks to the Ripped in 30 DVD I did yesterday. My whole body aches, but my legs... oh, my legs! I was more sore this morning than I was after running the Chicago Marathon--honest. I briefly thought of skipping my run, but I thought maybe running would actually help with the soreness, so I decided to just take it really easy.

I had four miles on the schedule, and since my treadmill and I have become BFF's over the past three weeks, I got to watch some more of Medium while I ran today. I ended up running an extra half-mile so that I could finish the episode.

I was surprised to see that I burned over 100 calories per mile again! Other than my aching body, the run didn't feel too hard, but my heart rate was up higher than typical for an easy run. I may end up taking it really easy for tomorrow's 12-miler.

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As I mentioned in my New Year's post, one of my goals for 2014 is to really work on resolving my binge eating. I've read dozens of books on it over the years, but I never really felt like they were directed at ME... until now. I read a book called Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen (Amazon affiliate link), and it was very different from all the other binge eating books I've read.

It's not about discovering all the triggers and things that cause you to binge (which is what most of the books I've read have been about--I learned that pretty much everything can be a trigger for me!). Instead, it separates binge eating from other issues, and just looks at binge eating in and of itself, separate from your feelings. I didn't really read anything that I didn't already know, but the way the author wrote it all out and explained things really made sense to me.

The author was bulimic for a long time (she didn't vomit, but instead purged by overexercising). She binged several times a week, and the binge eating took over her whole life. One day, she read a book about the brain that was geared toward substance addiction, but made a lot of sense in regards to binge eating. She started looking at her binge urges in at totally different way, and she stopped binge eating cold turkey.

I only just read this book a couple of weeks ago, so I can't say that it's "life changing" or anything just yet. But since finishing the book, I've been binge-free, and I feel really good about it. I still have urges to binge, and have had several opportunities to, but I started looking at the urges differently, and I haven't acted on them. And best of all, I don't feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid a binge, knowing it's coming at any moment.

I've been hesitant to write about the book here, because who knows if I'll still be binge-free in a month, a week, or even a couple of days? But it will be interesting to see how it all plays out. I'll update periodically about how it's going. As I was typing this post, I discovered the the author actually has a blog, so I'll be reading some more over there. Here is a link to her blog: The Brain Over Binge Blog. I've read some really positive feedback on this book (from a few of my blog readers), and I wish I'd read it sooner! I think I just never checked it out because I assumed it was geared toward bulimia, and I'm not bulimic. But it's definitely geared toward binge eating, which is a part of bulimia (as the author explains).

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The kids' school was canceled AGAIN for tomorrow. A whole extra week of vacation! Can you believe it? That never happened when I was a kid ;)  The high temp tomorrow is supposed to be 36, so I'm praying that it melts all this ice. I'd like to go visit Mark tomorrow.

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Activities to keep from going stir-crazy

I was really hoping that today would be the day to venture out, but the roads are still terrible, so we had another day at home. The temp was up to 16 today, but the ice obviously isn't melting. We did go for a walk to the mailbox (a quarter mile away), so that was about as interesting as our day got. But I'm so sick of my house, I'll take it!

Today was a rest day, but I was feeling really antsy this morning. I didn't run, but decided to torture myself with a Jillian Michaels DVD. I've only attempted her DVD's a couple of times before, and they nearly made me cry, so they've been collecting dust for a long time. But I got out the Ripped in 30 DVD, put on some workout clothes, and gave it my all.

The hardest part for me was the push-ups. I can only do seven push-ups max, so I had to modify by doing the push-ups on my knees instead of my toes. Even that was hard! My legs were still sore from the lunges I did a couple of days ago, so that didn't make it any easier. But I survived. It was kind of fun to do something different, and it was definitely a great workout.

I was so disappointed when I looked at my Wii U Fit Meter to see how many steps I'd accumulated. I noticed that the Mii on the meter looked like a boy, and then I realized that I'd been wearing Jerry's meter the entire time! So I was racking up a whole bunch of steps for him, while my meter sat on my dresser. I guess I can be grateful that I didn't do a 12-mile run or something ;)

I'm surprised at how much it takes to get in the recommended 10,000 steps per day. Even on the days that I run, I have to move a LOT to get to 10,000. I've found the step counter on the Fit Meter to be very accurate, but the distance is not at all accurate when I run. That's because you can't calibrate the stride length; it just uses an average stride. When I run, my stride lengthens quite a bit from my typical walking stride, so the distance shown on my Fit Meter is always much shorter than I actually moved. Regardless, it's been a fun little gadget to use, and I've been trying to get in more steps wherever I can.

Jerry is crushing me on the altitude challenge, though, because he goes up and down stairs all day at work. We don't have any stairs at our house, and my running routes are completely pancake-flat. It's kind of pathetic how far behind I am!

I'm only at 725 feet (the challenge started Dec. 18th), and Jerry is at least three times that far. Mine would actually be a lot less if I hadn't taken the stairs at the hospital when I visited Mark.

I wanted to take Eli out for a birthday dinner today, and he was too impatient to wait another day or two, but I felt like it was too dangerous to take the kids out on the roads when they are solid sheets of ice. So we compromised and ordered pizza, which Jerry went to pick up. Eli was very happy with that.

The kids' school is already canceled for tomorrow, due to the poor condition of the roads. This has turned into a SUPER long Christmas break! The kids are thrilled, of course, and I'm happy that I don't have to worry about them getting there safely. But I'm definitely ready for some warmer days to melt this ice.

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BRRRR!

Now, I know that none of you are aware of how cold it's been all over the country the past couple of days (I mean, it's not like it's all over the news and social media or anything), but it's been a little chilly here in Michigan. I'm not going to lie, it was hard getting out of bed this morning...

The kids' school was canceled yesterday, and I got a phone call this afternoon saying that school is canceled tomorrow as well. The roads are absolutely terrible! They've even closed down a lot of them, including parts of the expressway. They're all thick with ice.

Today is Eli's eighth birthday, and I feel awful that we didn't get to go out. But the city even requested that people stay off the roads so that they can work on clearing them. I told Eli I'd cook him anything he wanted for dinner, as long as we had the groceries for it. You know what he asked for? Turkey bacon. Hahaha, so I cooked a whole package of turkey bacon, and he ate about half of it. We also made his very favorite special dessert: sloppy brownies. I sucked on a mint while making them, so that I wouldn't eat the cookie dough, or lick the spoons or anything, and it worked well. As soon as the roads are safe (I really hope by tomorrow evening), we're going to take Eli out to dinner for his birthday.

Today was supposed to be a three-mile tempo run, but that sounded boring (three miles at a fast pace on the treadmill--no way was I running outside today!), so I changed up my plan. I decided to do a four-mile "pyramid" run. Here's what it looked like:

The pace graph shows why it's called a "pyramid":

I always run with an incline of 1%, to make it feel more like running outside, but adding a little more incline makes a big difference in my heart rate! For the middle couple of miles, my heart rate got into Zone 4, which is the goal for a tempo run. Doing this run, instead of the tempo, made the time go by so much faster! I was only focused on each quarter-mile, because I got to press a button to change the speed or incline. It was a good workout, and much more fun than a tempo!

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My legs are SO sore today. I've been playing the Wii Fit U quite a bit lately, not only because of the challenge I'm participating in, but to try and stay active while it's so cold outside. We've actually been playing it as a family in the evenings sometimes, too. Anyway, I set up a new strength training routine on it yesterday, because I was getting kind of bored with the one I've been doing, and I included just legs and abs work.

Holy cow, it was totally obvious I haven't done lunges in a long time, because my legs felt like Jello today! I never would have guessed I'd get such a good workout from the Wii, but my soreness proves otherwise. I worked on my arms today, so I expect they'll be super sore tomorrow; but tomorrow is a rest day, and I definitely need it ;)

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I feel bad that I haven't gone to see Mark in a few days. I'm a nervous driver as it is, and with the roads being so bad, I just haven't wanted to go anywhere. Jerry is off work tomorrow, so if the roads are decent, we'll go up to visit Mark and we'll take Eli out for his birthday.

My dad visited Mark today. He said that Mark's hair is falling out now, because of the radiation. The past couple of times that my dad has visited, the nursing home has had Bingo games going for the patients and their visitors. So my dad took Mark down to play Bingo, and he won (they get some sort of "credits" to spend a prize if they win). Mark is definitely using his hand more, so I think that means the radiation on his brain is working. It's not a cure for his cancer, but it will make him more comfortable. Before the radiation, his hand was so numb that he couldn't use it at all.

I think he only has a couple of radiation treatments left. I have no idea what's going to happen after that. His nephew hasn't visited him at the nursing home, and the course of treatment (or, hopefully, hospice) is up to him. I just hope that he sees how much my family cares about Mark! It would be great if Mark could finally go "home".

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Motivational Monday #47

Happy Motivational Monday! I was happy to see lots of MM email today. I was getting a little worried the last two weeks, when there wasn't much to report. I'll assume it was the holidays ;)

My kids' school was canceled today, due to extremely cold temperatures (and let's not forget the shit-ton of snow we got). Before I started running, I never used to pay attention to the temperature outside, but now I like to check it periodically. I was shocked when I saw the numbers today--the temp was -3, but the windchill was -30! The kids were thrilled, of course, that school was canceled. They're hoping tomorrow is canceled as well, because the temps are supposed to get even colder... and it's Eli's eighth birthday tomorrow!

Anyway, this week I am most proud of the fact that I've stuck with my resolution to find joy in everything I do. Because of that, I even changed up a couple of my runs to make them more fun and less work. I thought it would be hard to let go of my goals to PR this spring, but I am much happier running for fun than I would be to get a new PR.

Despite the cold and snow, lots of you had a great week! Let's check out some of your accomplishments...

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Despite an autoimmune illness, Chris decided in October that she wanted to start running. Her ultimate goal is to run a Disney race, but she chose a local 5K on New Year's Day to start with. She trained using Jeff Galloway's Easy 5K method (which he highly recommends), and January 1st was the big day. She had a very difficult race because of her autoimmune issues, but she was determined to finish. One of her worries was that she was going to finish last, and and some point in the race, she realized that she was, in fact, last. But (and reading this part made me cry!), her husband was running with her, and knew she didn't want to be last; so he made sure that she crossed the finish line just before he did, making himself finish last. After finishing her first race ever, Chris is thrilled to see what her body CAN do, rather than what it CAN'T! (Chris's race report)

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Erin and her husband, Josh, spent the first day of 2014 running a 5K race--and Erin PR'ed with a  time of 31:28! She was thrilled to see her training pay off, so she decided to go for a half-marathon this year--she registered for the Capital City Half in May, and is using Hal Higdon's plan to start training.  (Erin's blog)

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In July, Julie shared on Motivational Monday that her husband, who was battling cancer, had just weeks to live, and she was proud that she wasn't using food to cope with his illness. Sadly, Julie's husband passed away in September, and Julie had a very tough time coping with the loss. She turned to food for a while, falling into old binge habits, but today, she is proud to say that she has more resolve than ever. She is binge-free and she just ran her longest run ever--10 miles!

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Laura has had one heck of a successful year! In 2012, she walked a turkey trot 5K; in 2013, she ran the turkey trot 10K. She ran over 630 miles and lost 85 pounds in 2013! This year, she and her sister are going to do two half-marathons a week apart: the Disney World Princess Half, and the Seaside Half.

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Tamara had a rough half-marathon at the end of October, despite training very hard for it, and she was feeling discouraged in her running after that. After such a bad race, she even felt like she wanted to give up running altogether. After a few days of wallowing, she signed up for the Minneapolis Polar Dash 10K. Just a week into training, she wound up in the emergency room with pleurisy (I had to google this--it's inflammation of the lungs that leads to chest pain when you take a breath or cough). Her doctor determined it was likely due to stress, but her training was derailed. Because of the setback, she only had four weeks to train for the 10K. She didn't have high hopes for the race, but she still showed up on New Year's Day, ready to give it her best. She ended up having a GREAT race, and even finished with a PR. Her typical training pace had been 12:30-13:00/mi, but she completed the race with an 11:52/mi pace! She said it made her fall in love with running all over again, and she's excited to keep going. (Tamara's blog)

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Sara challenged herself to complete 1,000 miles this year--500 walking, and 500 running. On December 31st, she ran that 500th mile, and completed her 1,000 mile challenge! On December 23, she was very close to her goal when she had a surprise medical issue come up--she needed to have her gall bladder removed. She thought that would be the end of her challenge, but because her surgery was laparoscopic, the recovery time was just three days. After her recovery, she squeezed in the last miles just in time to complete her challenge!

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After being sidelined for nearly 3 months with a stress fracture, Tara took on the Runner's World Holiday Running Streak Challenge to get back into running (the challenge is to run a minimum of one mile every day from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day). She enjoyed it so much that she was a little sad when New Year's came and the challenge was officially over, so she decided to keep up the streak! It was a lot easier than she'd imagined to find time for at least one mile each day, even though she has a job, four kids, and a man that works a swing shift. It was important to her, so she MADE time to do it. In the 35 days of the official streak, she ran a total of 96 miles and renewed her love of running! (Tara's blog about the streak)

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Theresa and her daughter, Lindsey, ran the 14-mile Polar Dash in Minnesota on New Year's Day! They've run several races together, including two marathons, but this was the coldest. The temp was -10 at the start (-20 windchill), but the pair managed to have a great race (and enjoy HOT hot chocolate at the finish line)! They were extremely grateful to the volunteers at the race, who braved the frigid temps to make this a great race.

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Yesterday, Crystal celebrated her one-year anniversary of when she decided to lose some weight and get healthy. She lost 60 pounds in 2013, and has just 25 more to go until she reaches her goal weight. She also took a big leap and registered to run her first half-marathon in March!

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Joyce celebrated the first of the New Year by running a 5K race! She said it felt great to get an award for not partying the night before ;)

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Don't forget to check out all the motivational stories on the Motivational Monday Facebook post as well!

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Teaser video

On Friday evening, after we had gotten home from visiting Mark, Jerry and I were sitting around and chatting in the living room. Eli came up to me and handed me a note that was all folded up. He does this sometimes when he wants to ask me if we can go out for ice cream, or walk to the corner store. As soon as I took the note, I was already thinking of how I was going to tell him no, we're not going out for ice cream today.

I unfolded it, and was surprised by what his note actually said:

I asked him why he wanted to go see Mark, and he said because he really liked visiting him. I kept thinking there had to be an ulterior motive, but Eli said that it made him feel good, he just wasn't sure why. My dad was planning to go visit Mark yesterday, so Eli ended up going along with him. I'm just so proud that he understands how important it is for us to visit, and that it makes him feel good to go see Mark. He's such a sweet kid.

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Today was supposed to be my speed work day, but the thought of running repeats on the treadmill was dreadful. And since one of my goals for 2014 is to try and enjoy everything, I decided that I was going to do the opposite of speed work today. It was snowing really hard--big, fat, wet snow--and the plows hadn't even been out. The temp was about 30, which sounded fantastic for a leisurely, snowy run!

I wore my Garmin, but quickly gave up on it, because I decided to stop and take lots of pictures along the way. Also, I encountered not one, but FOUR unleashed dogs (not at the same time) who ran up and jumped on me, so I had to wait for the owners to put on their coats and shoes and come get their dogs. Running on the really wet snow was much harder than I anticipated, even while wearing my IceSpikes. The IceSpikes work great on ice and packed snow, but the really wet, loose snow is hard to run on.

I obviously wasn't worried about pace at all; I just wanted to run for enjoyment and see how pretty everything was! 

Isn't that gorgeous? I only ended up running a little over two miles, because my ankles were actually getting pretty tired from keeping my balance. I didn't realize how tiring it would be, but it felt similar to running in sand--you know that heavy feeling? I was pleasantly surprised to see I burned about 107 calories per mile, even though my pace was very slow! Usually I burn between 80-90. I'm sure it's because I was working so hard to run/hike through the snow.

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Right around the time this post goes live, it will have been exactly one year since my From Fat to Finish Line Ragnar Relay team crossed the finish line in Key West. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been that long! If you've been following my blog for a while, then you know that the whole thing was filmed for an inspirational documentary. One of the producers, Angela, put together a short teaser video, and when I watched it, it got the tears rolling for sure!

When you watch this, keep in mind that everybody on our team had been significantly heavier at some point (our team lost a collective 1200 pounds), and none of us ever dreamed we'd be runners someday! 



I've probably watched it eight times, and I still cry each time ;)  I just feel like I'm bursting with pride for each person on that team, and how hard they'd worked to get there. Seeing how emotional this short clip made me, I can't even imagine watching the whole film! (The producers/film crew are still working hard on editing the video, and they are hoping that it will be ready for screening by spring).

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If you missed yesterday's post about the Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K yesterday, make sure you check it out and sign up to run or walk "with" me on my birthday! :)

And don't forget, tomorrow is Motivational Monday! If you have a photo of a health/fitness accomplishment you'd like to share, you can e-mail it to me at SlimKatie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com with the subject "Motivational Monday" and a short description. I may include it on tomorrow's blog post!

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2nd Annual Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K

Last year, for my 31st birthday, I thought it would be fun to host a virtual 5K (3.1 miles for 31 years old). I never expected the turn-out to be so huge! It was absolutely amazing and inspiring to see so many people run or walk 5K on my birthday.

I wasn't planning to make in an annual thing, but a lot of people asked if I'd do it again, and my birthday happens to fall on a Saturday this year, so it worked out well. I'm inviting anyone who wants to participate!

What is a "virtual" race? It's a race that you do completely on your own, and then report the results when you're done. You can do it outside or on a treadmill, run or walk, whatever time of day you'd like! The 2nd annual Runs for Cookies Virtual 5K will take place on Saturday, January 25. If you choose to participate, then you just have to run or walk 3.1 miles that day, and report the results by Sunday evening.

The purpose of signing up (at the bottom of this post) is just to show your commitment. If you say you're going to do something, you're more likely to actually follow through ;)  I'll have a separate form to fill out after the race, so that you can report your finish time, and I'll post the results on my blog.

Please do not feel like you have to be fast! The purpose of this isn't for competition, but to set a goal to be active that day, by walking or running 3.1 miles. Whether it takes you 2 hours or 15 minutes, you're awesome for doing it!

When you're done with the 5K, I'd love for you to take a photo and post it to my Facebook page, along with a couple of sentences about your race. You can tell us where you did it, what the temperature was, who you did it with, how you felt, whatever you'd like. It's just fun to go through and see all the different people from around the world who did a 5K on the same day.

I spent all day wanting to shoot myself making a bib and t-shirt download. You can print the bib to wear while you complete the 5K (and take a picture!); and some people asked about getting a t-shirt made, so I have that image as well. (Last year, Stephanie did the hard work for me, but this year, I tried my best to recreate the logo part myself, and holy cow, I have so much respect for people that use Photoshop!)

Here is what they look like (the only difference is that the bib has a border around it; the t-shirt does not:

Bib

Shirt logo

Here is a link to download the bib.
Here is a link to download the shirt logo.

So, if you're up for it (you know you can do it!), you can sign up below by filling out the form--just your name (whatever you'd like it to be publicly, because others will be able to see this), whether you're walking or running (or walk/run), and if you have a time goal, you can declare that as well. I always find that when I make a goal public, I tend to work harder for it, so if that motivates you, go for it :)

I'll post a reminder as the day gets closer. Hope to have lots of you running with me on my first day as a 32-year old!

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Another visit with Mark

My kids stayed the night at my parents' house last night, and this morning when I got up, I briefly thought about attempting my long run outside...

It would have been "fun" to run in that temp, just to say I did (it would definitely have been my coldest run ever), but there was SO MUCH SNOW that I honestly couldn't. So, unfortunately, I had to run my long run on the treadmill for the third week in a row. I wasn't dreading it, though, because it was only eight miles today. I was actually looking forward to watching another episode of Medium.

It ended up being a terrible run, though. Ever since I started strength training, my shoulders hurt when I run, and today it was awful. The only way to get relief was to hold the handrails of the treadmill, but I didn't want to throw off my form, so I only did it once in a while. I wanted to quit early so badly because I was in a lot of pain, but I just pushed through and finished it out. If I had been aiming for 12 miles, there is no way that I would have finished today.

I finished running eight miles, and then got ready to go see Mark. I decided to take my kids with me today, and I figured we'd keep the visit short so that they wouldn't get bored. I just really wanted them to see him, because I knew it'd be a good learning experience. I even promised we'd stop at McDonald's for lunch (something we NEVER do); I wanted to get Mark a strawberry shake anyway.

After we ate lunch (I got a Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad, which wasn't too bad), we went down the road to the nursing home. I'd called before we left home to make sure that Mark would be done with his radiation; I didn't want to get there and have to sit around and wait with the kids. They told me to come after 12:00 to be safe, and we got there at 12:30.

When we went to his room, Mark wasn't there. He'd already done his physical therapy, and they took him to the hospital at 10:00 for his radiation (the treatment takes five minutes, tops--transportation is another story). The nurse told us we could sit in his room and wait, so that's what we did. We waited. And waited. And waited. I had driven 45 minutes to get there, and I didn't want to leave without seeing him, but I felt bad for the kids! They were being angels, though, probably because they knew how much it meant to me to see him.

I asked one of the nurses if I could have some tape, so that I could tape some of Mark's cards around his room. That helped pass the time a little, and I liked that it didn't look so bare in there.

postcards

Mark's closet

These were just the cards from the last two batches. When Mark's nephew moved him to the nursing home, he didn't leave Mark's cards--and he hasn't been there to visit him at all or to bring the cards back. My mom has asked him to drop off the cards, at least, and he said he would. I just hope that he does, because those were special to Mark. If he brings them, I'll hang up all of them as well.

A doctor came in, and I told him who I was. He said he'd been hoping to speak with Mark's family about the benefits of an organic, whole foods diet, and how it can increase longevity. He gave me a list of foods to avoid and foods Mark should eat--basically, all organic fruits, vegetables, organic free-range meats, etc. I know he meant well, and if Mark's cancer wasn't at Stage IV, maybe I wouldn't bring him so much junk. But the one thing Mark can really enjoy and look forward to right now is junk food! I could never take away his one pleasure. When I'm on my deathbed, I certainly hope I'm not eating organic this or that instead of ice cream! ;)

Finally, Mark ended up arriving at around 2:45--two hours and fifteen minutes after we arrived! He loved what I did with the cards, and he was really upbeat and happy today. He was telling me about his physical therapy, how he scored "85" on his "bad" hand--I'm not sure what the 85 means, but he's definitely able to grip much better than he was before. From what the doctor told me, that probably means the radiation shrank the tumor on his brain, so it's not causing the numbness so much. I'm hoping that the radiation on his spine will relieve the pain in his legs next.

He got a few packages today (some of his beloved junk food, which he was thrilled to see; a book about old cars, something he's interested in and knows quite a bit about; and a package from Hawaii with cookies and a medal. Seeing the medal and reading the card made me get teary-eyed. Someone had run the Honolulu Marathon last month and sent Mark the finisher's medal, saying that "Mark deserves it more for being such a wonderful guy".

Mark with his medal

While I was there, I got a phone call from an editor at Runner's World magazine (did I mention Runner's World is writing a story about my From Fat to Finish Line team?! It will be in the April issue. So exciting!). I chatted with her while the boys had a visit with Mark. I saw Eli go help Mark open his milk carton, and that made me happy. Later, Eli said he was really proud of himself for helping, and he said it made him feel good.

Mark chatted quite a bit about his past today, and it's always interesting to learn about him. I had always assumed he was born with special needs, but his nephew recently told my dad that Mark was born very healthy. When he was seven years old, he was run over by a car, and suffered brain damage. Today, Mark said he didn't remember accident, but that the driver "took off like a bat out of hell". I asked him if he has any memories of his parents, and he said they went to the state fair one time. It was his first time going on a ride, and he ended up throwing up! It was fun to listen to him tell the story.

I ended up leaving at 4:30, and I was so proud of both of the kids for being so patient. They never complained or asked to leave, even though I knew they were bored. The day went by SO fast, between my long run and the visit with Mark. I'm thinking of going to visit again on Sunday, but we'll see what this weather does. We're supposed to get 10 more inches of snow this weekend!!

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Nursing home visit

I'm getting so tired of seeing the inside of my house! We got a TON of snow over the past two days, and the roads have been terrible, so I haven't left the house. Today, the expressway was even closed down for a little while because the conditions were so bad.

On Monday evening, I had some of my childhood friends come over. We grew up on the same block, and we used to play together all the time. Sarah was here from Arizona, along with Lance, Nathan (my little brother), Chris (I hadn't seen him since he moved away in middle school!), Chris's wife, Stacy, and Jerry.

We had a few drinks and chatted about the trouble we got into as kids, reminisced about the good old days, and played a couple of games. We played Cards Against Humanity, which was SO much fun. There were a few other friends that I was hoping would be able to come, but everyone has moved all over the country, so it's hard for us all to get together.

Lance, Sarah, Nathan, me, and Chris

On Tuesday, Jerry and I went to the nursing home to visit Mark. He's gotten a couple of Starbucks gift cards, and when I asked him if he wanted to try a "fancy coffee" (I described a few different things he could try), he ended up deciding on a vanilla cappuccino. Usually, he drinks black coffee, but I told him that with his gift cards, it was the perfect time to try something new. So Jerry and I stopped and got him a vanilla cappuccino on the way to the nursing home.

When we got to the nursing home, Mark was in a wheelchair in the hallway. He'd just gotten back from physical therapy, and there was a woman from food service asking him questions about his diet. I could tell she was frustrated with him, because he couldn't really understand what she was asking him (like what kind of milk he likes--he's never been given a choice of milk, so he doesn't even know that there is skim, 2%, whole, etc.). Also, Mark's speech is difficult to understand when you first meet him.

I stepped in as "interpreter", which made it go more quickly. I'm glad I showed up when I did, otherwise, who knows what would have happened with the diet they chose for him. There was an elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair next to Mark, and I could tell she definitely had some sort of dementia or Alzheimer's. She said she was there to apply for a membership, and that she had to get to Detroit, and some other stuff. I felt really bad for her, because she kept trying to wave down a nurse, but everyone was ignoring her! I said, "Excuse me, I think she's trying to get your attention" as a nurse came by. The nurse just said, "Oh, I already know what she's going to say. She has to get to Detroit. She doesn't know what she's talking about."

I still didn't think they should ignore her completely. My grandma had Alzheimer's for several years before she died, and I remember how scared and frustrated she was when people didn't understand what she was trying to tell them.

The only time I ever remember going to a nursing home prior to visiting Mark was when I was in Girl Scouts--maybe eight years old? It was terrible. We went there to sing Christmas carols, and the patients were so happy that they cried. I remember going home and sitting on my bed and just sobbing, because I felt so horrible for those people. I got the same feeling when I was there on Tuesday. It's just a sad place to visit.

Anyway, we waited around for a while, hoping someone would take Mark to his room. Finally, a nurse told us that we could just take him ourselves, so we pushed him down the hall. When we got to his room, Jerry and I helped him get out of the chair and onto his bed. As soon as he sat on the bed, some EMS workers arrived to transport him to the hospital for radiation. We thought his radiation was going to be later in the day, so I was disappointed that we didn't even get to visit with Mark. (He did love the cappuccino, though! Since he loves milkshakes, I think I may get him a frozen coffee drink next time.)

We didn't go out at all for New Year's Eve. Jerry had to work early the next morning, so we just called it a night by 9:30 pm--party animals, I know! I sat around and read a book all day yesterday. I only had like 2,500 steps on my Wii Fit U meter by the time I went to bed last night. It was nice to relax, but I felt lazy when I saw that number! It's been snowing almost non-stop, and I'm starting to go stir-crazy.

My Jeep is under there, somewhere

Today, the wind chill was a ridiculous -3. The roads still haven't been plowed, and even with IceSpikes, the snow was too deep to run in, so I ran on the treadmill. I watched Medium on Netflix, and ran four miles at an easy pace.

When I hit mile four, I was almost at the end of the Medium episode, so I just kept running an extra quarter-mile until the show ended. After I finished my run, I did my strength training routine on the Wii Fit U. I keep waiting for it to get easier, but it really hasn't. It's fun, though, so I don't dread doing it!

I was hoping to go visit Mark today, but with the roads being so bad, I decided not to. I really hope that the roads are better tomorrow! It's going to be bitterly cold, but hopefully, the roads will be plowed and salted. Regardless, I'll probably have to do my long run on the treadmill :/  Thankfully, it's only 8 miles, rather than 12, this week!

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Goals for 2014

I know that New Years' resolutions are incredibly cliche, and a lot of people don't make them anymore, but there is something about a clean slate that entices me to set some goals. The start of a new year is so motivating to make some changes! Last year, I didn't make any resolutions. This year, I hadn't planned on it, but Mark's cancer diagnosis has made me reevaluate my mindset on pretty much everything.

After the Chicago Marathon, I was trying really hard to come up with some new running goals for 2014. I'd reached all my time goals; I didn't have any particular race that I was itching to run; and I just wasn't sure which direction to go. I ended up setting some pretty steep goals to PR in the 5K, 10K, and half-marathon distances this spring, and I wrote out a hardcore training plan for it.

I just haven't been able to get excited about it, though, probably because those goals really didn't have meaning to me. I just came up with them because I couldn't think of anything else. After my first hospital visit with Mark, I felt something change inside of me. I wanted to truly enjoy life! The exact moment it hit me was when Mark offered me a piece of his chocolate. I said no, and thanked him anyway. I started to explain--I asked him if he remembered when I was very heavy, and explained that I lost the weight and that I have to be very careful about what I eat...

And I stopped speaking mid-sentence, because I realized how ridiculous I sounded. Mark wasn't asking me to eat an entire chocolate cake; he asked me if I'd like a piece of chocolate! And whether that was in my "plan" or not, eating a piece of chocolate with Mark wasn't going to make me fat again. I said, "You know what, Mark? I'd love a piece!" and we each ate a piece of chocolate, while he talked about how excited he was to go to Heaven to be with his family.

Mark and I hadn't been very close; until his diagnosis, I only saw him a few times a year, when my dad brought him fishing or on Halloween for Mark's birthday. I never expected that his illness would affect me the way it has. I drive 45 minutes each way to visit him every other day, and on the days I don't go, I am excited to talk to my parents to ask how he's doing (they usually visit on the days I don't). I feel like I've really gotten to know him through these visits, and I look forward to each one. I try to think of ways I can bring him some joy, like with a strawberry milkshake or the hush puppies he was craving.

It's because of him that I have this urge to enjoy everything that I do. And that's why I revised my running goal for 2014. I don't want to focus on numbers, or trying to reach a particular time goal. Instead, I want to run for the pure enjoyment of it. Sometimes I enjoy running fast, but sometimes I want to slog through the whole thing, stopping to take pictures or chat with a friend. I no longer have any goal races for this spring, and that makes me happy! If I feel like running a race, I'll do it for the scenery, or to pace a friend to her goal, or just be around other runners. If I feel like racing hard, I may do that, too. But for now, my running goal is to not have any running goals--just have fun :)

Another goal that I want to focus hard on this year is being binge-free. The chocolate-incident with Mark inspired me to stop counting everything and work on eating "normally" without bingeing. I'm happy with how it's going! My weight has stayed pretty steady, which I'm fine with, because my BMI is in the normal range.

The third goal I want to focus on is to do one random act of kindness every day, big or small. I was inspired to do this when I saw just how many people were sending Mark kind cards, letters, pictures, and gifts. I got a warm feeling inside, and thought about just how nice everybody is! I would love to pay it forward by doing something nice for someone else each and every day.

So, my main three goals for 2014 are:

1) Be binge-free.
2) Try to find enjoyment in everything that I do.
3) Do a random act of kindness each day, big or small.

I didn't want to make my list too long, because that gets overwhelming... but something else that I hope to accomplish this year is to stick with strength training all year (two days per week). I've done it for a few weeks now, so I'd like to make it a habit. I guess if I "officially" mark this as #4, I'm committed ;)

Anyone else making some New Years' resolutions goals for this year?

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