Admitting Defeat

Something I'm starting to get better at over the years is admitting when my plans and/or goals don't go my way. The biggest example has been my Wednesday Weigh-Ins. While I was losing weight over the past year and a half, I continued my weigh-ins every single week, regardless of whether I'd gained weight or not. Previously, I would just stop posting them because it was embarrassing to share that I'd "failed" or just plain not met a goal. I felt like gaining weight meant I didn't try hard enough. 

Over time, I realize how stupid this mentality was. Nobody *really* cares about whether I reach my goals. Nobody *really* cares about whether I gained weight. They don't think about it all day--or even think about it at all--except for the moment they are reading my blog.

This really changed my attitude about running, too. One day I just realized that NOBODY CARES what my finish times are at races or what my training pace is. The only person that even thinks about it is me! When other people tell me their race times, I don't think anything of it--and I certainly don't judge them. I simply don't care how long it took them to run 5K or 13.1 or 26.2 miles. Unless they run a ridiculously fast finish time, it doesn't even really register. I used to think that it was important--that I had to run "respectable" times--but would anyone even remember what my finish time was, even 60 seconds after I told them? I'm guessing nope.

Did I reach my goal in this race? It was a half-marathon, but I don't know if I finished in 1:50-something or 2:30-something or a number in between. No clue!

I've heard a LOT of people's finishing times over the years since I started running, and I can honestly tell you that I don't remember a single one of them.

The other day, I was trying to think of what my finish time was in my first marathon, in Cleveland. I honestly couldn't remember! I knew it was around 5:30, but if even *I* can't remember, why would I think anyone else would?

When I worked at Curves years ago, we would weigh and measure women. I weighed people so often that the number would never even register in my brain; I just looked at the number and copied it down in their file. It was kind of like when you drive a familiar route every day, you don't really remember the drive because it's so automatic. The number could have been 120 pounds or 350 pounds and I wouldn't have given it any thought, let alone remember what it was. It was sad that a lot of the women felt like they had to explain or maybe worried that I was judging them; in reality, their weight meant absolutely nothing to me.

When I finally had this "aha!" moment that NOBODY CARES but me, it was freeing in a way. I felt so much less pressure--pressure that I had put on myself--and I stopped trying to be perfect all the time. I have failed at a lot of things in my life, and I'm going to fail at a lot more. Anybody who says that they've never failed is lying.

I'm ambitious when I set goals, probably to a fault. I dream big and plan out everything and expect it to go perfectly. Once in a while it does, but most of the time it doesn't. And when I do succeed, it very rarely goes according to plan. One of the hardest parts of blogging about my life is that my goals and failures are out there for everyone to see. If I fail or I quit or I just change my mind about what I'm working toward, it's hard to admit! It's hard not to think about people judging me from behind their computer screens.

Having the "nobody cares but me" attitude has helped with that so much. I'm the only one putting the pressure on myself to reach goals--whether it's weigh loss or running or something else entirely--and now, admitting defeat is getting so much easier.

So what is it that inspired this post? Three days ago, I quit 75 Hard. I didn't just fail at a goal. I quit! Plain and simple. I decided it wasn't a good time for me to take on such a huge challenge--I had SO much going on over the past few months and I need a mental break. A mental toughness challenge is literally the exact the opposite of what I want or need right now.

I know that I was really excited going into it, and I had made up my mind that I was going to finish it, no matter what. I would not quit. I would be "perfect" for 75 days.

Quitting 75 Hard was prompted by my having to stop working on finishing the bathroom/bedroom project to go work out for 45 minutes, only to work on the bathroom again, only to then exercise another 45 minutes. Meanwhile, I was still doing all of the other stuff I had to do during the day. I was hating it! I was in the zone while drywalling and then I found it really difficult to work on it it again after exercising.

And yes, this is the whole point of 75 Hard--it's *supposed* to be inconvenient and hard--but I'm not mentally tough right now. I want to finish the bathroom because it's been weighing on me for three months. I know I could do both if I was feeling mentally tough, but I want a break. I want things to be easy for a little while.

Despite admitting defeat, I feel really good about quitting. I don't feel bad about myself, and I don't feel like I "failed". I just feel like I am doing what is best for me. Maybe I'll try again down the road, maybe I won't... but I am not going to beat myself up over this attempt. I've failed and succeeded in tons of goals or challenges throughout my lifetime--and interestingly, the ones I remember are the successes. 

I don't remember the races that I failed to hit my time goal; but I do remember the ones that I succeeded. And I think that's a good thing! Nobody wants to dwell on their failures.

This photo is a from a race that I remember. I worked SO HARD for months to run a PR in the 10K. I trained my ass off. And I beat my goal time by 19 seconds! 

I do still have the goal of Michael Goggins' 4x4x48 challenge, though--I'd really like to do that one day. And the past week and a half has sparked an excitement about running again. Not because I have to, but because I want to. So I'll continue to run, and if/when I feel ready, I'll take on the 4x4x48!

Now, I'm off to work on the bathroom... and I won't be taking an exercise break ;) 

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 76

(Damnit! This was supposed to post on 11/9, and I forgot to click "publish"; so it probably won't get delivered via email.)

I'm so excited I can wear this shirt! (It's a size XS, so I'm sure it's supposed to be big like that. Probably not wrinkled, though.) I've had it in my "sewing pile" for months.  The sides were split (intentionally) and the back of the shirt was longer than the front. I didn't like that, but the shirt was SO COZY and soft and I love the design, so I bought it (at Goodwill). Then it sat with other clothes that I needed to alter for the longest time. Finally, I removed the ribbed hem and cut the shirt so that it was symmetrical, then reattached the hem. It's the most comfortable shirt I own. Too bad I can't wear it anywhere because there will be black Duck fur all over it!

Well, I have Day 1 of 75 Hard under my belt (again). I went for a run this morning to kickstart my challenge; running gives me a big mental boost when I'm done. I wanted to work on the bathroom and I almost put off starting Day 1 until tomorrow, but I am just sick of overthinking *everything* about the stupid bathroom and I just want a break from it. I'm the worst when it comes to overthinking. It's a terrible habit (personality trait?) and it makes decision-making take forever.

I had a pretty good week, considering I was doing 75 Hard until I had to restart. I got in a ton of exercise, felt very hydrated, and I was still eating healthy vegan food. However, I did too much snacking after dinner--another bad habit--which inspired me to add a "rule" to my diet while doing 75 Hard. After dinner, I can have 300 calories in snacks. That way, I can eat what I'm craving, but I won't overdo it.

I was worried I'd gain weight again this week, but maybe the extra exercise canceled out a lot of the snacking, because I saw my weight was exactly the same as last week: 132.6.

So, that becomes my official starting weight for 75 Hard as well. The challenge isn't about weight loss, so my weight doesn't really matter, but I am curious to see what happens over the 75-day period. I took my body fat percentage as well. My body fat is considered normal (21.1%) so I'm not necessarily trying to lower it; but again, it will be interesting to watch it over the challenge. If my weight goes up and body fat goes down, that will show I'm building muscle. I should take a few body measurements, too--it's been a long time since I did that.

The non-fiction book I decided to read is 'Finding Ultra' by Rich Roll. I read it before, years ago, and I really liked it. I don't remember very much about it but I held onto the book because I liked it so much. It's a memoir, and not necessarily a "self-development" book, but I think this is acceptable for 75 Hard--written in the publisher's description is: 

"Finding Ultra is a beautifully written portrait of what willpower can accomplish. It challenges all of us to rethink what we're capable of, and urges us, implicitly and explicitly, to 'go for it.'"

I remember how inspired I felt when I read it before. And now that I feel excited about running again, I think reading this is good timing! (Edit: After reading my 10 pages today, I think I may have been referring to 'Ultramarathon Man' by Dean Karnazes. 'Finding Ultra' is starting very slowly, so I'm not sure I'll continue it. Gah!)

After my post yesterday where I mentioned missing my Kindle, Jeanie (my sister) told me that in a later interview, Andy Frisella said that Kindles/e-readers were okay. I still want to read 'Finding Ultra', and my library doesn't have the Kindle version, so I'm going to have to read the paperback after all!

Overall, I'd consider this week to be a win. Like I said before, I'm not sure how long I should do my Wednesday Weigh-Ins, because I'm not looking to drop more weight; but after having gained the last three weeks, I definitely don't feel like I want to quit the accountability yet. So my progress may be pretty boring from here forward, but I think of that as a good thing--I've never truly gotten the hang of weight maintenance--and my plan is to try to maintain my weight between 125 and 135. If I can do that, I'll be thrilled!

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75 Hard: Week 0 Recap

No, that's not a typo--the first week of 75 Hard goes in the books as Week 0. Ugh!

The 75 Hard challenge is not at all lenient in its rules, which is part of what makes it enticing; it's hard! You have to follow the rules right down to the letter, and if you break any of them, you have to start over at Day 1. Even if you just forget to take a progress photo on one of the days, it's back to Day 1. As a reminder, these are the rules (excerpted from this article on Today); I like the way they are written here, because Frisella (the person who came up with the challenge) tells you WHY the rules are the way they are.

Frisella says the rules of 75 Hard are simple, but that doesn't mean the plan is easy. There are daily tasks which much be executed consistently for the entire 75 days:

1. If you skip a day, you must start over. If you miss a task, you must start over at day one. "You cant tweak the program to your liking ... it's supposed to be inconvenient and it's supposed to be hard," said Frisella. "In life, conditions are never going to be perfect; you're always going to have to do things that you don't want to do and the minute you start tweaking or compromising, that's what opens the door to quitting."

2. Pick a diet to follow, with no alcohol or cheat meals. You must choose a diet based on your goals and stick to it. But there's a second caveat to the rule: No cheat meals and no alcohol. In a culture that depends on after-work drinks or wine once the kids are in bed, Frisella acknowledges the difficulty of this task. "Not a drop. Not a beer. Not a wine. Not a glass when you get home. Nothing for at least 75 days," he said. "There's a number of reasons for this: Empty calories, psychological addiction, physical addiction. Also, we’re talking about detoxing your body for 75 days ... You don’t understand how foggy you are because of this (alcohol-drinking) lifestyle."

3. Drink a gallon of water daily. "Make sure you start early and be consistent throughout the day so that you're not chugging a gallon of water before you go to bed," Frisella said, which, he admits, he had to do a few times himself.

4. Complete 2 daily workouts. One of the most time-consuming parts of 75 Hard is the workouts: Two 45-minute workouts of your choice must be completed per day and one of those workouts must be done outside, regardless of the weather. "This is the point of the program — conditions are never perfect," said Frisella. "And one of the reasons that most people can’t get through life in an effective way is because the minute conditions are tough, they throw the towel in on their plan."

5. Read 10 pages per day of a non-fiction book. "This is not entertainment time, this is not 'Harry Potter' time, this is learn new stuff time," Frisella explained. "The book has to be a self-development book of some kind and it has to be for personal growth." He also stresses that it needs to be a physical book, not an e-book you read on your phone or tablet.

6. Take a progress photo every day. "This is not just to show your physical transformation ... once you start getting some progress, fitness or business or anywhere else, you start to forget the little details as you go," said Frisella. These photos will help you remember the daily progress of your journey, he said. He also encourages people to take photos that show their body, recognizing that this may be difficult, but that these photos are for you only and don't need to be posted.

It's actually kind of a funny story how I got bumped back to Day 1. On Sunday, I wrote about the power going out Saturday night; I said I was so glad that I had already finished my second workout for the day, because if I hadn't, I'd have to walk in the wind storm or march in place in my living room, depending on whether it was an indoor or outdoor workout that I had left.

Even as I wrote that, IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME that I'd done both of my workouts indoors that day! I don't know what I was thinking. When you do two workouts a day, they all kind of blur together. I'd done both workouts outside on Saturday (I ran for the first one and walked for the second) and then Sunday, I did two workouts on the Wii Fit U.

The Wii Fit U is no joke--this is how good I am at yoga, hahahaha. I have zero balance and zero coordination. Flexibility? What's that? (I forget what this yoga pose was called, but I had to stand on one leg and hold my balance.) The scribbly lines show how my balance was distributed for each leg; ideally, the scribbly line would just be a small dot in the center of the yellow circle. My legs were so shaky and my balance was terrible! The spots where the line goes out of the circle completely is where I literally toppled over:

At around 11:30 PM on Sunday, I was lying in bed trying to sleep, and it hit me that I hadn't done an outdoor workout. I wasn't going to get out of bed at 11:30 to do it (if I had been on Day 46 or even Day 16, sure; but on Day 6, I just decided that I'd count the first week as a lesson learned). I definitely won't make that mistake again!

Since I had to start over, I took yesterday and today off. I ran into an issue with the bathroom remodel and I spent time working on that. I could have started Day 1 today, but I figured that since I've always started my week on Wednesdays (my "Wednesday Weigh-In" day), I would just start 75 Hard on Wednesday.

The week wasn't a waste, however, in any way. I got in twelve 45+ minute workouts, including two 4+ mile runs! It made me excited about running again. During my second run, my fourth mile was actually sub-10:00 and I didn't even realize it. I used to run all through the winter until I became a big baby about the cold. Now that I'll have to do a workout outdoors every day, it'd be nice to get back to running outside, even when it's freezing.

I still feel like I snacked too much, so I am going to adjust my "diet" plan. Before, my plan was just do continue to eat a vegan diet. Since I'm having a hard time with the mindless snacking, I'm going to make a simple rule: if I snack after dinner, it has to be 300 calories or less. I'm not going back to counting calories, but I didn't want to eliminate snacking altogether, or eliminate certain foods, so I think the 300 calorie rule will help a lot.

I was really good about drinking a gallon of water a day. I spread it into four quarts: one when I wake up, one after my first workout, one after lunch, and one after my second workout.

The non-fiction book is hard for me--you would think that would be the easiest task! But I was incredibly bored with Running & Being (there were a few interesting tidbits, but I had SUCH a hard time reading it. I only read the minimum 10 pages each day, so I didn't finish it.

I'm going to read something different tomorrow for Day 1. I'll have to dig around and see what I can find as far as a self-development book goes! I don't want to buy a physical book, knowing I'll never read it again, I may end up going to the library. It was SO hard not using my Kindle to read this week--I missed being able to look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary by just tapping them, I missed how lightweight it is, and I especially missed the fact that it lies flat so that I could eat breakfast while reading! I think I have a couple of physical books that I could read, but I might just have to request some at the library.

Anyway, I'm bummed that all of the six days I did don't count, but I learned from them so they weren't wasted. The biggest being that I need to control my snacking. I'm hoping I don't see yet another gain on the scale tomorrow. I've been eating healthy vegan food... just too much of it! And I certainly won't forget to get in an outdoor workout ;) 

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And Then There Was Light

Shortly after I wrote my "wordless" post yesterday, we had a huge windstorm. It was loud--I knew it was supposed to be windy, but I didn't expect it to be so windy that our electricity would go out! It was only about 7:00 PM, but it was dark outside. And for some reason, the moon just wasn't giving us any moonlight, so it was pitch black inside the house.

I waited expectantly for the power to come back on, like it usually does, but after a few minutes I wondered if it was going to be out for a while. I felt my way into the living room for a flashlight, then used that to find my phone (I never know where my phone is). I had about 40% battery left on my phone, so I didn't want to mess around by playing a game or something and drain the battery.

I was SO glad I had already done my second workout (I finished it--just a walk--about 30 minutes before the windstorm). If I hadn't already done it, I'd had to have walked in the windstorm or, I don't know, marched in place in the dark living room? One of my workouts has to be outside, so if I had done an indoor workout in the morning, planning to do the treadmill or something in the evening, I would have been totally out of luck. I chose to run yesterday morning, and I did that outside. (I'll recap my workouts tomorrow).

I remembered that I could read my Kindle in the dark if I turned on the backlight; the Kindle battery lasts forever, so I figured I'd just read in bed for a while. I started a book called 'The Quarry Girls' by Jess Lourey, a murder-mystery inspired by a true crime, that I got for free via Amazon's First Reads. I really like it! I'm only about a quarter of the way into it, but I'm going to read some more tonight.

I read for a couple of hours (still no electricity) and decided it was probably a good time to try to go to sleep early. One of my goals with 75 Hard is to get into a good routine so that I can hopefully sleep better. I fell asleep on and off for a few hours, and then at 1:00, I just couldn't do it anymore. I got up and read my book again, ate some pretzels (*sigh*), and kept checking the electric company's app to watch for an update.

Duck joined me--he draped himself across my chest, which made it hard to read, but he was so cozy and warm that I actually started getting tired again.

I fell asleep again for a little while, but was wide awake at 4:00. Why does my body not let me sleep?! I have had insomnia problems since I was a kid, and I've tried all of the tips for getting a good night's sleep, but my brain just has such a hard time turning off. Melatonin and over-the-counter sleep aids do nothing for me. On the rare occasion that I get four hours of uninterrupted sleep, that's a *great* night for me. But usually it's tossing and turning with an hour here and an hour there. So frustrating.

Anyway, it's kind of pathetic how much I rely on electricity. It's funny how even when the power is out, I flip light switches from room to room out of habit.

Murphy's law when the electricity goes out:

Naturally, the portable chargers for USB things (like charging phones) aren't charged. The battery in our super-powerful flashlight has about 10% battery remaining. And of course, I always have a load of dishes going or a load of laundry in the washer when the power goes out. I'm surprised I didn't have dinner in the crockpot, too!

Oh, and let's add in Daylight Saving Time--we had to set the clocks back an hour at 2:00 this morning.

In the morning, Jerry texted me to say that they were estimating the power to come back on at 11:00 PM tonight (Sunday)! I was bummed it was going to take so long. One of the big benefits to being vegan now, though, is that I didn't have to worry about meat spoiling; the majority of our fridge contains vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, condiments, soy milk, and leftovers from dinner. (And tofu... there is always a block or two of tofu waiting to be cooked into something yummy.)

My day today was all screwed up. It didn't *have* to be, but I was totally out of my element without electricity! And the "extra" hour when we set the clocks back messed with my brain, too. I went in the living room to read and when Jerry got home, we used "the" flashlight (it's a stupid thing to get excited over, but I seriously LOVE this flashlight--it's super bright) to sit and talk for a little bit.

I noticed Duck and Joey's shadows on the wall; and if you look closely, Chick noticed the shadows, too! (He's in front of the TV lying on his nail scratcher, staring up at Duck's shadow).

I went to Lowe's super early to get some stuff I needed to work on the bathroom. I figured that if it was light enough outside, I could at least get some stuff done in the bathroom today.

I bought primer, but I have NO idea what color to paint the walls. I want to do something different--we might as well, since we have to repaint the whole bedroom and bathroom anyway--but I'm having such a hard time deciding what colors I want to use. Jerry wants to do something really dark, and I like that idea (which I realize is ironic, considering the electricity situation). I've looked at some cool color schemes but I just don't think they'd work in our bedroom.

I worked in the bathroom for a couple of hours and then I heard the sound of the furnace kicking on. The electricity was back! I think it was about noon. We were only out of electricity for about 17 hours, but it's crazy how much that affects our daily routine and tasks:

Eli had drained his phone battery last night (of course) and he couldn't stand not having it, so he went to my parents' house really early this morning. Noah was excited to have friends come over last night to play the Xbox in the "man cave" in the garage; but his friends showed up right before the power went out. Still, they ended up ordering food and hanging out anyway. Jerry had electricity at work, but he also had a 13-hour shift, thanks to setting the clocks back!

Now I'm going to do my reading for 75 Hard, as well as take my daily progress photo; I usually do those things in the morning. I feel like I'm forgetting something else, too. Basically, I just need to complete my checklist for the day. And hopefully get some actual sleep tonight!

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Three Things Thursday

Today is day three of 75 Hard and also Three Things Thursday... so I thought I'd write about three things that I hope to accomplish by doing the 75 Hard challenge. I have to say, it's been harder than I expected! Not necessarily physically, but mentally (which is the whole point of the challenge in the first place--a mental toughness challenge). I can definitely see how this builds discipline; it invalidates any excuses I might come up with.

The last time I started 75 Hard was in 2020 during the pandemic. When we were on lockdown, I obviously had a lot of free time on my hands--so it was perfect timing for a challenge like this. Now, being busy, it's definitely tougher. Which is a good thing! If it was easy, there really wouldn't be a point to doing it.

Anyway, here are three things I hope to accomplish within the next 72 days:

1. Get back into a running routine.

While I don't have particular running plans right now, I do want to get back to running at least three days a week--preferably five. If my body is cool with it, I'd like to build up my mileage again, too. Reading 'Running & Being' by Dr. George Sheehan has started to make me remember what I felt like when I was running 10 miles with ease, or disciplined enough to run six days a week (200 miles a month) when marathon training for Chicago in 2013.

Being older now and not really interested in racing, I would like to run for the "high" of it. To feel really damn good after running. I remember what it was like to go for a cold 10-mile run and be home by 8:00 in the morning, showered and ready for the day by 8:30. It was awesome!

I don't have the desire to run a marathon or even half-marathon (I'm not saying "never"--because who knows what will happen later on?--but I don't have interest in it right now.

However.

I have this really crazy goal in mind that I'm hesitant to post here because I could very well change my mind and admit to myself just how ridiculous it sounds. David Goggins has this challenge called 4x4x48... which means running 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours. It's not a speed challenge--you can definitely take walk breaks or run really slowly (or even do another exercise entirely); but the point is to go 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours straight. Crazy, right?!

When you do the math, it adds up to a LOT of miles--if you were to do a 15:00/mile pace, for instance, you'd go 48 miles in 48 hours. I'm familiar with running on tired legs with little to no sleep from doing three Ragnar races--but those don't even compare to this. Even mentally, this will be a lot tougher because you don't have a team cheering for you or the excitement of a race or anything like that.

Anyway, if I'm serious about this, I have to start training for it NOW. So I'm going to run a few times this week and see how I feel about it. I went for a run today and I didn't hate it ;) 

2. Get in the habit of a good daily routine.

It's hard to follow that first one, because that's such a huge goal! But on a much easier scale, another thing I'd like to accomplish by the end of this challenge is to get in a good daily routine--waking up at the same time every day, eating at roughly the same time when possible, exercise (whatever my choice may be) in the mornings, read a book before bed, and then lights out at a particular time.

Right now I'm still figuring out the best routine for me, but over the next couple of months, I hope to see what my body likes best. It would be especially nice if I could figure out a good sleeping pattern to combat my insomnia. Maybe if my body gets used to lying down a particular time every night and getting up at the same time every morning, it will allow me to sleep!

3. I'd like to start doing strength training exercises.

I just don't like them and I've avoided them for years! When I was in college, I loved using the weight machines in the gym. I even took an ACE certification class to be a personal trainer (although, like with my running coach certification, I never intended to take on clients--it was more for my own knowledge and credibility). I worked at Curves for a couple of years and I loved doing the machines there as well. Curves was actually a really good cardio + strength program now that I look back on it.

Anyway, I don't have interest in joining a gym--it would take me just as long to drive to and from than it would to do a workout--but I know a ton of strength exercises I can do at home. Even just doing a short body-weight strength routine would be better than nothing. (I could go to the rec center if I really wanted, but it's at the high school and full of teen boys--as far from ideal as I could get, haha.)

I'm not going to dive in with a big routine, but over the next 72 days, I can do strength workouts here and there until I figure out what I enjoy the most. Ever since turning 40, I've been thinking more and more about my health--and I *know* how important strength training is. I just need to quit the excuses for not doing it!

So, there you have it--three things I hope to accomplish over the next 72 days:

1) Get back in a good running routine, possibly build up mileage and do a (super-crazy) goal of completing a 4x4x48 challenge.
2) Develop a good daily routine for my body.
3) Start strength training.

Aside from the 4x4x48 challenge, I think those are very doable things to work toward and accomplish by the end of the 75 Hard challenge (January 14, 2023). Maybe I'll aim to do the 4x4x48 on my birthday--January 25th. But I'm getting way ahead of myself--it's only day three. We'll see how I feel on day 30 or 40 or 50... haha!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 75

This photo is from Halloween night, but I just wanted to show my costume to *someone*--I usually don't dress up for Halloween because we don't go anywhere. This year, we still stayed home and passed out candy, but Jerry has been a huge Ghostbusters nerd for the last couple of years and I figured I'd join in on his fun. (By "fun", I mean he actually thinks he's a Ghostbuster when he wears his costume, haha.)

Anyway, my weigh-in today was mildly alarming (is that an oxymoron?) but I feel okay with it because I'm still within my goal weight range (125-135 pounds), and I started 75 Hard yesterday, which I'm sure will help keep me from gaining more. Still, this is the third week in a row that I've gained, so I want to keep that in check.

I got out of my routine of eating an afternoon snack and a late dinner--the late dinner helped keep me from snacking at night--and I know it's the reason my weight has gone up again. I've been eating dinner early (at around 4:00) and then snacking too much at night. Pretzels and hummus isn't the worst thing to snack on, but it could be better (red peppers and hummus sounds delicious, actually!).

I'm going to make it a point to eat a late dinner when I can, and if I have to eat early, then my back-up plan will be a healthier, lower-calorie snack. I also need to go to bed earlier. I don't think I'll ever "cure" my insomnia, but if I read before bed instead of watch TV or play a game on my phone or something else, I can usually fall asleep earlier.

Today was a lot rougher than yesterday as far as 75 Hard goes! I woke up with a bad headache, and I put off going for a walk with Joey until late morning. I told Becky I would babysit Luke and Riley while she and Brian went to parent-teacher conferences at Luke's school, so I had to get my first workout done before I went to their house.

When I put on my shoes, it felt like something was pressing really hard on my left heel. I took off my shoe and there was nothing wrong with it. Then I looked at my heel, so noticed this nasty bruise. 

When I was doing the Wii Fit yesterday, I was kicking my heels back behind me and I was a little too close to the coffee table. I hit the coffee table with the back of my heel *really* hard. It was blindingly painful for a few minutes, but I forgot about it until I put on my shoes this morning. I wondered what I should do--I couldn't walk without limping--but again, I thought of David Goggins' book and I knew I could make myself do the walk. So, I walked with Joey, doing the same route as yesterday, and after a few minutes I forgot about the pain in my heel. It doesn't hurt unless I'm wearing shoes, but I got used to the pain.

Luke and Riley--being 5 years old and 4 years old respectively--are, well, exhausting. I had so much fun with them today, but I was wiped out when I left. My head was still throbbing on the way home, but I knew I had to make dinner and do my second workout. I was so relieved when I got home and remembered that there were leftovers in the fridge from yesterday!

And as for my second workout, I was just so tired that I decided to go for another 45-minute walk. Jerry had about 50 minutes before he had to leave for work, so I asked him if he'd want to go with me. He did, and it went by so fast! It was fun; we had a good conversation about maintaining friendships. In the car on the way to and from babysitting Luke and Riley, I'd listened to a great podcast episode called "Why Is Adult Friendship So Hard? 5 Lies You Tell Yourself & the Truth You Need to Hear" by The Mel Robbins Podcast. It rang so true for me and it really made me want to get in touch with people that I want to maintain friendships with but just haven't been putting in the effort.

When Jerry and I got home I still had a few minutes left to go for my workout, so I did the hula hoop. My legs are really sore from the squat machine yesterday, so I didn't even want to attempt that again today. The walk, followed by a few minutes with the hula hoop, was just what I needed.

Eli and I are going to watch an episode of Dexter and then I'm going to read a little before going to bed. Tomorrow I have to get a few things from Lowe's so that I can (hopefully) finish up the bathroom soon!

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75 Hard: Day 1 (of Round 2)

Damn, I feel good!

Like, really good. Today was the first day of 75 Hard (here is the post with the details) and I was really excited to get started. It had been a while since I was running regularly, and I was just feeling ready to push myself a bit. And while 75 Hard isn't a diet or exercise challenge (it's a mental toughness challenge--building discipline), I knew that the exercise part was what I was craving the most.

Jerry just took this picture of me while I'm writing this post... I'm as exhausted as I look! Haha.

Sure, I could have just started doing exercise without the commitment of 75 Hard, but I didn't finish the challenge the first time around, and I want to try again.

I had a therapy appointment at 10:00 this morning, so I knew I wanted to get my first workout in before I had to leave home at 9:30. My first workout will probably always be a walk (or run) with Joey. I feel like it's a good way to start the day and I miss when we used to walk every morning together (five miles!).

I didn't want to walk in the dark and I'd gotten up pretty early, so I used the time to start a 75 Hard journal. It's just a very small (vegan) leather lined notebook (here is the Amazon affiliate link). For under $10, it's really nice!

I found a cute 75 Hard tracker printout online and I just printed it at a very small size; then I glued the pages into my journal. Basically, you just keep track of the 75 Hard goals by filling in the little circles each day.

I'd like to use the other pages to journal a few things related to the challenge each day: my weight and body fat percentage, what non-fiction book I'm reading, a quote from the book that I read that day, quick details of my workouts, and a food journal. It sounds like a lot, but it'll only take less than five minutes or so to write it down and it'll be nice to have a recap 75 days from now.

While I was waiting for the sun to come up, I drank a quart of water and read 10 pages from 'Running & Being' by Dr. George Sheehan. I think I'm really going to like this book! What I read today was about how we (as a people) don't enjoy the present moments as they are happening. A quote that really spoke to me: 

"Given the choice, most of us would give up the reality of today for the memory of yesterday or the fantasy of tomorrow. We desire to live anywhere but in the present."

I am 100% guilty of that--all the time. I think about how things used to be and how I wish they were still like that; and I think about the future (when I reach certain goals, in particular). But the present moment? I realized that I never really think about the present, let alone take the time to appreciate it!

Finally, Joey and I headed out for our walk. It was warm for October--the temp was 55 degrees or so--and it felt great. I listened to the audiobook 'Can't Hurt Me' by David Goggins (Amazon affiliate link). I read the book once and loved it so much that I got the audiobook, which was even better (there is more content in between chapters). And now I'm listening to it a second time. I cannot recommend this book enough!

I just pre-ordered his next book which comes out in December, and I'm excited to listen to it as well. (FYI, Goggins is not shy about using curse words, so if that's not your thing, I think there is a clean version as well.)

I have no idea how I managed it, but as my Garmin's timer was approaching 45 minutes, I was approaching my driveway. I hadn't planned a route ahead of time or tried to keep a particular pace, but managed a perfect 45-minute walk.

When I uploaded the Garmin info to my phone app, I thought something was wrong with a setting because it didn't tell me how long my heart rate was in each zone for. It showed my average heart rate and maximum, but nothing in the zones. Then I realized that was because I hadn't even reached zone one! Hahaha.

I wasn't taking a lazy stroll, either--I feel like a 16:40 pace is decent--but my heart rate averaged 107 and maxed out at 119. I'm not trying to reach heart rate goals or anything, but I found it funny. I'm going to change zone one to start at 50 bpm so at least it will register!

I scarfed down breakfast quickly so I could change clothes and brush my teeth before heading out the door for therapy. When I got home, I wanted to set up the Wii Fit U so that I could do it for my second workout; it had been a long time since I used it. When I got out the balance board, it was missing a foot--and I tore the house apart for two hours looking for the stupid thing. (I never did find it, so I just had to take the other three feet off.)

After all sorts of problems getting it set up and updated and all of that, I didn't have time to do the second workout before I had to start cooking dinner. Ideally, I'll be done with my second workout of the day by mid-afternoon. My plan for my second workouts is basically not to have a plan at all--to change things up and try to have fun with it. I'll just do whatever I feel like that day.

I mentioned a few days ago a couple of pieces of exercise equipment that I'd gotten with an Amazon gift card. Right after I wrote about it, the "hula hoop" contraption-thing arrived and I really didn't like it. It was SUPER loud--a clackety-clack noise--so I returned it and got a weighted hula hoop instead. The only ones I've ever used are the cheap plastic ones that have water in them; I had no idea that you could buy them in pieces that you put together, or that they come with a foam exterior for cushion.

I've always liked hula hooping, so I tried it out right away and wow--it was heavy! It's bigger and heavier than what I've used before, but I think it'll be a better piece of fitness equipment than the small plastic ones.

The other thing I got was a squat-like machine (photo below, because it's really hard to describe). You basically push out with your arms and squat down, then stand up and pull your arms back in. There are bands on the back to create resistance. I put it together yesterday and I had no idea how it was going to go when I used it--would I be able to do it for 30 seconds? 5 minutes? 30 minutes?

So for my second workout today, I started with the squat machine. I wanted to set a timer to at least give me something to aim for, but I had no idea what to set it for. Finally, I decided on five minutes.

Holy hell! Just 30 seconds in, my arms and shoulders were burning and my legs were on fire. My heart rate was up to 130+ in just that 30 seconds! I wanted to quit, but I kept thinking about David Goggins' book and I knew I could do the full five minutes.

My heart rate got up to 157 bpm before the timer went off. My legs were super wobbly, I was sweating, and breathing really hard. That is going to be a personal challenge for me--I'd like to try to increase my time on it. (Here is the affiliate link to the squat machine)

The hula hoop felt easy after that squat machine! My abs will feel it tomorrow, I'm sure, but I'm pretty confident my whole body is going to feel like I was run over by a truck, haha.

I had fun using the Wii--I played some of the games I used to love, like the rhythm stepping and island cycling. My heart rate was very inconsistent because of the different games, but like I said--I don't have goals for the workouts other than to exercise. It averaged 117 and maxed at 157.

Well, I'm completely wiped out now and I'm going to find a scary movie for Jerry and I to watch. It was a great first day! Let's hope my body can still move tomorrow.

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A New Challenge: Who's In?

With cross country coming to a close, I can already feel the extra time I'm going to have freed up. While I'll be sad to see the season ending, I'll most definitely enjoy feeling less pressure.

A few days ago, my sister mentioned that she was going to start another 75 Hard challenge starting November 1st. The last time she asked me to do it, I said no way. It was SO much work last time! If you're unfamiliar with it, there are some simple rules to follow for 75 days. When you read them, they actually sound pretty easy:

1) Do two (45-minute) workouts per day. One of these workouts must be outside--no exceptions. They can be any workouts you want.

2) Follow a diet of choice. There are no "cheat meals" or alcohol allowed.

3) Drink 1 gallon of water a day.

4) Read 10 pages of a non-fiction self-help, or inspiring, book. Audiobooks do not count.

5) Take a full-body progress photo every day.

When you look at each of those, they seem rather simple! The big kicker is that you cannot stray from the rules even one time or you have to start over from day one.

I'm not interested in losing weight, but this isn't designed to be a weight loss plan. It's a plan for mental toughness--you're learning self-discipline by sticking to the rules for 75 days straight.

When I did it before, I chose walking as my exercise. I walked 45 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes in the afternoon. It took me over an hour and a half a day, which was much longer than I was used to! But I listened to a bazillion audiobooks. (Those didn't count toward my reading).

My plans for this time around:

1) I'll run (likely on the treadmill or the rec center's indoor track through the winter) for 45 minutes inside. And for my second workout, I'll either walk Joey outside, ride my bike if the weather is nice, or maybe even bust out the old Wii EA Sports Active "game" (Amazon affiliate link) I used to do, which was basically a strength training workout). The exercises for 75 Hard are technically up to you, which you want to do; the whole point is to do *something* active for 45 minutes twice a day. The only caveat as that one has to be outside.

2) My diet is pretty much the same. I'll continue my vegan way of eating. I've been sober for 1 year, 8 months, and 7 days now, so alcohol won't be a problem. The only change I plan to make is that I'm going to eliminate sweets altogether. I don't eat many sweets now that I'm vegan (they're inconvenient, unless I want to bake something, so I'm just too lazy--haha). I will still include cocoa powder in my oatmeal because it's unsweetened, but I can do without the chocolate chips. I don't drink sweetened anything, even soy milk. So I actually feel like the diet part is going to be easy!

3) Drink one gallon of water a day. This should be fairly easy, despite how much I write that I have a hard time drinking water. I know that if it's a part of the 75 Hard challenge, I'll just make sure to chug my 1 Liter bottle four times a day. I usually do once in the morning (first thing after waking up), one at around lunch time, one in the afternoon, and one at around dinner time.

4) I've been wanting to read "How Not to Die" by Michael Gregor and Gene Stone. (All links to these books on Amazon are affiliate links, meaning I might get a small commission if you purchase through the link. I haven't read them, so I can't recommend them, haha!) It's super long (over 500 pages) so it'll take me a very long time to read it! But I've had it on my Kindle all year and I keep moving it down the list for my fun fictional novels.

Also, a reader named Ann wanted to send me a book called "Love Your Home Again: Organize Your Space and Uncover the Home of Your Dreams", by Ann Lightfoot and Kate Pawlowski. You all know I love to organize, but since my house doesn't have an attic or a basement or even a storage closet, I have a hard time organizing everything. Another interest is "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote for Chaos" by Jordan B. Peterson. And finally, "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. I've had this book for ages and I still haven't read it. I've started to a few times, but I just don't like self help books!

One book that I have read (and listened to!) several times is "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins. If you're looking for inspiration, or you think you can't do something, or you think something is too hard, you NEED to read and/or read his book. (FYI, there is a lot of swearing, but I think they may have a "clean" version if you're not into that). I can't recommend this book enough!

5) Take a full-body progress photo every day. I'm not trying to lose weight, so I don't think my body will change much, but I'll still do that. I'm thinking I might wear the same clothes every day for the picture--just black running tights and a tight black shirt--so that it shows my body. Or *maybe* I'll be brave enough for a sports bra and shorts. Probably not, though! This was Day 1 of 75 Hard the last time I did it (in 2020). I didn't make it through the whole thing, though.

And that's it! The hardest for me, by far, is going to be the double workouts. But I did it before, when I was very much overweight, so I know I can do it again. I walked in snow storms! When I injured my knee by kneeling on a screwdriver, I just switched to riding my bike. And Joey can certainly benefit from the extra walking, too. I've been wanting to get back to running, so this is a good way to force myself to at least get out there. I may not run the full 45 minutes, but I can walk some of it (either at the end or take walk breaks in the middle.

The biggest catch: If you miss even one single item on the list, you have to start over from day one!

Anyway, my sister is the one who said she was going to start 75 Hard on November 8th, and I only thought about it for a minute before I said I'd like to join her. I wanted to start earlier, though, so I'll start November 1st. The dates will run from November 1-January 14. Right through the holiday season! Holidays have never been a big deal for me as far as food goes, so I'm not worried about that.

I wanted to write about it now in case anyone else is interested in doing it with me. I had thought about creating a Facebook group to keep in check, but in the past when I've done those, it's hard to get people to participate. Also, I need to take on 

There is a great podcast that explains the whole challenge, which you can find links to below: 75HARD: A 75 Day Tactical Guide For Winning The War With Yourself, with Andy Frisella. (Again, the the language is pretty explicit.)

Here it is on iTunes
Here it is on Stitcher

I'm actually really excited about starting this! For once, I'm not doing a weight loss challenge; I'm doing this for mental toughness and something to keep me focused. My body can certainly benefit from the exercise as well ;)

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