Wednesday Weigh-In: Weeks 15-16

Whenever I mirror my selfie to show the wording on my shirt, it kind of weirds me out a little. It's interesting how different we look to ourselves from someone else's perspective, even though we're (generally) symmetrical. Anyway, here is a close-up of my shirt:

A while ago, my therapist recommended that I watch Inside Out 2 after some stuff we were talking about. I'd described that I like wearing big hoodies because I feel like I can hide in them, and he said it reminded him of the "Embarrassed" persona on Inside Out. I hadn't seen the first movie in years, so Jerry and I watched both. (They are great movies, by the way!) After my appointment a couple of weeks ago, I happened to find this shirt at Salvation Army and thought it would be perfect to wear to therapy.

Not much has changed since the last time I wrote. I am still working on getting down to my goal weight. My goal range is about 130-135, but the number I typically aim for in my head is 133. The exact number isn't super important; I just really like the number 33 so that's where it came from. I had said that my loose goal was to get there by Halloween (no real reason why) so that's in 10 days.

My average weight loss has slowed down a bit, so it's not looking likely. But does it really matter if I get there by Halloween, or a week later or even a month after that? No. I know I'm eating my best and I feel healthier on the inside than I ever have in my life, so I'm good with that.

My last weigh in was two weeks ago and I was at 140.4. I had said hopefully I'll be in the 130's next time... and I did it! Last week:

That was quite a big jump from the week before. If you remember on my last post, I'd mentioned that I had gotten in the habit of eating an apple and peanut butter in the evenings and I was clueless as to how much peanut butter I was actually eating until I weighed it out one day--and my "light snack" was actually almost 500 calories! So I started eating grapes and a few prunes instead, and apparently it worked quite well because the scale started moving again.

Then I really missed my apple and peanut butter, so I started eating that again a week ago and my weight today wasn't much different than last week:

However, dropping 3.2 pounds in two weeks isn't bad at all, so I'll choose to look at it that way. I'm going to try switching back to grapes today and see if it makes a difference though. Once I am ready to maintain my weight, I'm definitely adding the apple and peanut butter back in though, haha. Why does peanut butter have to be so good?!

As far as running goes... ugh. Two weeks ago, I wrote that I was "starting fresh" and feeling motivated to run three miles, three times a week. I did great that first week:

Wednesday (Oct 7)- I went out at 7:30 in the morning, so it was just barely breaking dawn. I don't remember my thoughts during the run, but I finished 3.00 miles with an 11:47/mi average pace and an average heart rate of 154 bpm. Pretty standard recently.

Friday (Oct 9)- I did at out and back at around 10:00 AM (lately, I've been choosing my routes by what feels like will be the fastest--which I know makes zero sense, considering I'm running for distance). I finished 3.01 miles with an average pace of 11:30/mi and heart rate of 157 bpm. I have no idea why my heart rate was so high. I noted in my app that my effort wasn't super hard and that I felt good, so I don't know the reason.

Tuesday (Oct 13)- This was the true test for me. I have such a hard time going out for a run after having two days off in a row. I don't know why that is! But my plan had been to do Mon, Wed, Fri runs, so I was supposed to have run on Monday the 12th--but I procrastinated. It was all I could do to make myself go out on Tuesday. I wore my new headlamp and went out in the dark at 5:30 in the morning.

I think I tend to run slower in the dark (not a bad thing, just something I noticed) because I feel slightly uneasy/on edge the whole time. Anyway, I chose my route based on what I felt was safest in the dark (sticking to the neighborhoods where there are lots of houses). I finished 3.01 miles with a pace of 11:57/mi and average heart rate of 147 bpm. That was my lowest heart rate so far, in the four months I've been back to running. I was happy to see that.

Which brings me to now... that Tuesday was my last run. That was on October 13th! I really, really don't want to give this up. So, once again, I'm recommitting to three times a week. Next Wednesday, I'm going to write a post (even if it's just a short update) and I *will* have run three times. I'm stating this here so that I will be more likely to actually do it.

After my run last Tuesday, I'd told Jerry that I really need to remember how much better running makes me feel mentally. I *always* have a better day when I go for a run. It has nothing to do with feeling accomplished or strong or anything like that. It just lifts my mood somehow. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I'd make a fortune! Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way and I just have to work for it.

I'm going to end this now because I have to cook dinner, but I wanted to take a moment to share a proud parent moment :)  Eli is doing so great at the fire academy! A couple of days ago, he was named "Recruit of the Week" and was recognized for his hard work. His instructors take photos during their drills sometimes and I love seeing the stuff he's been doing. He sent me this picture last week:

The recruits had to go into the burn tower with all their gear on, *blindfolded*, and perform a "search and rescue" (find a dummy). Eli said it was really difficult because you lose all of your senses--with your helmet/mask on, you can't hear anything, the blindfold keeps you from seeing anything (similar to smoke in a burning building), and with the gloves on, you can't really feel much.

I tried on his gear for the heck of it, and holy hell--it was SO HEAVY and so claustrophobic. Wearing the mask was too much for me; I wouldn't have lasted a minute in the burn tower. (It blows my mind that there are crazy firefighters that do races--like full marathons--with all their gear on.)

Recently, they had to do confined spaces--wearing all their gear (including oxygen) and blindfolded, they had to maneuver different tight obstacles. Eli said there was a tunnel he had to go through that he could just barely fit in. I nearly had a panic attack while he was telling me about it. He said several people panicked and had to stop and take their masks off. He said he (and several others) ran out of oxygen because you have to carefully control your breathing and it's hard to do when you're in a situation like that. I think I would have run out of oxygen just while the instructor was giving instructions, hahaha.

Anyway, I'm just very proud of him! He hated school so much that I wasn't sure how well he'd do with going back, but he takes the time to study and he does well on his quizzes/tests. He really enjoys the drills they do. He graduates at the beginning of December, and then he'll have to get an EMT certification (class starts in February) before getting hired as a firefighter. From what he's heard, he'll likely have to continue school to get a paramedic license as well to get hired where he'd like, but one step at a time for now. There is a "parent day" coming up where Jerry and I can go see in person what he's been doing, so I'm excited for that.

Okay, once again--next week, I'll write an update which WILL include three runs over the next week!