October 11, 2020

Kids Say The Darndest Things!

I was in a VERY bad mood today and had no idea what to write about. I was going through photos on my computer, looking for inspiration. I came across a bunch of screenshots of my old Facebook posts about funny things my kids have said. 

The reason I was in such a bad mood was because I was feeling like my kids have been ungrateful lately for all I do for them. So, this post is a bit ironic, but it certainly turned my mood around :)

My kids said the funniest things when they were little! I love when Facebook reminds me of these things, because otherwise, I would totally forget. Anyway, here are some of my favorite funny stories about my kiddos. (The pictures don't match the stories... I don't have pics for them! So I just chose some cute ones.)

**When Eli was three years old, he yelled to me, very panicky, and told me that he swallowed a baby. I had no idea what he was talking about! He seemed so worried about it, and kept insisting that he swallowed a baby. Thankfully, Noah was able to help and told me that Eli had actually swallowed a BB--like from a BB gun. (I have no idea where it came from--likely something they brought home from my parents' house.) He thought his stomach was going to explode, so to calm him down, I told him he better not fart or he might shoot someone. He laughed at that and it seemed to satisfy him!

**Eli refused to eat grapes that had been sitting on the kitchen counter for about an hour because they were "old". But thank goodness he remembered that piece of cheese he left in the bathroom, because he was happy to eat that instead!"

**I was out driving with Noah today, and he kept saying, "I'm very, very hungry, Mama."  After a couple of times of him saying that, I realized he said that every time we passed a McDonald's billboard or McDonald's itself :)  I ended up taking him there for lunch, because he's just too cute.

**Eli came up to me today and asked, "Mama, do we have any little tiny legs?" I was unsure what he was talking about, so I said, "Um, for what?" And he opened his hand to show me a (dead) ladybug. "For this bug. His legs is all crumbled up." How does one answer that? "Sure, we keep all our spare legs in the junk drawer"?

**Noah was on the phone with my dad, who asked what he was doing. Noah responded that he was playing with his "dicks". Now, to anyone else that may sound a little naughty (and weird because it's plural) but he was referring to his DISCS (for disc golf) that he got for his birthday!

**Today I learned that Eli is at least SOMEWHAT paying attention at church. I discovered this when Noah was in gymnastics class [when he was about five years old], and Eli was with me in the waiting area. Eli tripped and then exclaimed, "Whoa, I almost just died on the cross!" I didn't even try to come up with an explanation to the other parents. I was quite speechless, actually. 

**Noah: "Mama, I think Eli just broke my sternum AND my clavicle!"

**Today, Eli had just gotten out of the pool and stripped naked. He asked me if I wanted to see his seashell. I said sure, and he PULLED A SEASHELL OUT OF HIS BUTT CRACK to show me. And worse--he started to put it back in there before I made him throw it away and wash his hands!"

**Only Eli would think that Dora the Explorer is saying "butt hole" instead of "abajo".

**At the boys' t-ball game, Eli was in a little argument with another kid while they were in the dugout. I went over there to tell Eli to just leave it alone. I whispered to him through the fence. Then he yells, "You want me to CHOKE HIM?!" I said NOTHING like that. I walked back to the bleachers, too embarrassed to even look at the other parents' faces. 

Kids are so funny, aren't they? I miss when they were so little! My boys had such opposite personalities. Noah was very "book smart"--he was obsessed with anatomy when he was just two years old and he learned the names of all the bones and organs. Eli was always very creative--I loved the different outfits he chose to wear. He's always had such a great imagination!

Things haven't changed much to this day. Noah is still very "book smart" and is taking college courses at 16 years old! Eli is an amazing artist, has mastered the Rubik's Cube, and is an expert fisherman. 

I really miss their little high-pitched voices and their non-stop giggles over the silliest things. I'm lucky to have such great kids. Bad mood over ;)


  1. This post made me laugh out loud. I have a running log of all the funny things my kiddo has said. I've been keeping this log since he was 4. Whenever I need a lift, I read some of the entries over. Kids are so darn adorable. It must be why we keep them around!

  2. Thanks for the chuckles--I even read a couple to my husband!

  3. When my third baby was a newborn, I was driving with her and my middle daughter, who was 4. Middle daughter said "Oh, Mommy,pass me a burp cloth, she spit up." She said it so calmly and I was driving, thinking "Oh my gosh, she's so grown up, I can't believe it, time moves so fast" etc. And then she said "Ugh. Now when I pick my nose, it smells like throw up."

  4. This is a great post! And you really have some great kids!! They'll realize someday when they're a little older if they acted ungrateful and they'll appreciate everything their parents do for them! I know I do now and I definitely didn't realize it as a teenager! Too many hormones flying around as a teenager ;)

  5. I love the seashell in the butt crack story! That is really unexpected and hilarious! Kids...

  6. Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the laughs :)


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