January 10, 2020

A Proud Moment (so stupid, but meaningful for me)

I never write short posts like this, but like I said, one of my goals this year is to write every day. I had a recipe planned to post, but something just happened that I was pretty proud of and I wanted to write about it.

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I've been feeling depressed recently. Nothing serious, but it's not just a temporary sadness or stress. I know it'll eventually pass, but when feeling like this, it's so hard to think ahead like that.

Anyway, I also wrote that one of my goals this year was to not eat ice cream (other than cones from McDonald's). When I quit drinking last year, I basically replaced alcohol with ice cream. And not just the cheap stuff, either; I'm talking premium ice cream!

Today, I wanted SOMETHING--anything--to just feel better, even temporarily. I got the idea of ice cream in my head and I couldn't shake it. Ice cream is a huge comfort food for me, and I just wanted to feel comforted, even if it was only for a few moments while eating the ice cream.

Anyway, I bought some. A pint of Ben & Jerry's. I let it sit out for about 10 minutes to let it soften, and I as I waited, I realized that I was feeling very anxious about eating it. I wasn't looking forward to it--which was weird! Usually I look forward to eating ice cream.

I couldn't describe it to Jerry, even though I tried. I had never had that feeling before. It was like I just knew I wasn't going to enjoy it because 1) I made a goal to quit that habit this year; 2) I wasn't even hungry because I'd just eaten dinner; and 3) I knew I wasn't going to feel better.

Despite that, I was still struggling SO HARD in my head about whether to eat it. I had the pint open and I was holding a spoon and I even scooped a bit onto the spoon. Then I just stared at it and thought about it way too much for something so stupid.

After what felt like an eternity, I put the lid back on it without taking a single bite.

While this may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, it was SUCH a huge moment for me. I was able to rationalize with myself and truly stop and think about what was best. What I REALLY wanted rather than what I was longing for in the moment. Normally, since I already had it in hand, I would have just eaten it anyways, telling myself that I'd just "start over tomorrow".

Now, a few hours later, the craving has passed and I'm okay. I am so glad I didn't eat it. I would have felt bad for using food to make myself feel better, even knowing that it doesn't work that way. Eating out of depression or anxiety never makes me feel better in the long run.

Anyway, I was pretty proud of myself for that small step today. Small steps add up quickly--I've learned that from losing weight in the past. This gives me confidence going forward!


  1. That's great! An important diet step. Comfort eating is my biggest problem especially when left on my own.

  2. Bravo! Don't minimize this :). It takes small steps to make big changes. I'm doing the same thing right now. Our brains like easy fixes. Right now, that easy fix is ice cream for you. Keep reprogramming your brain to find a new easy fix. It will happen!

  3. This is a great and helpful post. Congrats on the victory and thanks for the inspiration!

  4. Dang Girl - That is huge. So happy you were able to think it through and do what you felt was right for you.

  5. Yay you!! Strangely, sometimes if I just smell something and imagine in detail what it will taste like, I can leave it be without actually eating it--although the safest course is definitely to just leave it in the store!

  6. Maybe you can't explain it to Jerry, but I totally understand. Especially when it comes to ice cream. Not eating any is a BIG accomplishment. I have been thinking about how it is important to praise myself when I do something I am proud of and you did just that for yourself. Keep it up!!

  7. I actually cried when I read this. That moment is WAY bigger than a lot of people might understand... it's a massive victory. Congratulations. The battles we fight with our own brains are the hardest, because we are our thoughts opponents. Be proud of yourself :)

  8. That is something to be proud of!

  9. This is huge and such a breakthrough. I completely relate and am celebrating with you! Carole W.

  10. Thank you for sharing this story! It IS the little things that add up to the big changes!


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