December 06, 2017

Feeling "off"

I never intended to take such a long break from blogging! After writing that post about my favorite running things, I just couldn't even look at my computer for days. That post took me two full days to write! Definitely the most work I've ever put into a post. But it was fun to write, and I love having it all in one place now. Easy for referencing later.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling my usual self for the past week or so. (And by "usual", I mean the medicated bipolar me who I've been for the last nine months.) I definitely don't think I'm hypomanic, but I don't think I'm depressed, either. My mood isn't terrible, but not really good.

I actually left the house with mismatched shoes one day! Hahaha

I've been sleeping a lot compared to how I was sleeping before, but I wake up feeling totally unrested and tired. I have zero motivation to do anything. I've been keeping up with housework; but it's been nine days since I went for a run, when I ran with Caitlin a week ago Monday. I really enjoyed that run, and I was excited to run again. But I just haven't had the energy or the drive to do it.

Caitlin and I realized this was our first actual run together. We've run
several of the same races, but never actually run side-by-side. It was fun!

My appetite has changed, to where I feel like I'm just ravenous all day long. It's not even "mental hunger"--I literally feel physical symptoms of hunger much more often. And because of that, I've been eating a lot more than usual. This morning, when I did my Wednesday Weigh-in, my weight was at 136--not exactly panic-worthy, but still 2 pounds more than the weight range I've maintained for months on end.

I hope it's just temporary. Maybe all this doesn't even mean anything--I've been very hyperaware of my moods since my diagnosis, and I don't know that I would have thought twice about these symptoms prior. I really need to start keeping a mood journal again. It's just hard to remember to do it when I'm feeling really good.

I've decided that starting today, I'm going to at least fake the motivation to be my best me (which is why I'm writing this post--I really didn't want to write today). I'm going to try my best to stick to my blogging schedule, and I'm committing to run three times before next Wednesday. I'm also going to start working on a fun project...

I decided on a new project yesterday. After writing about my Snow White Halloween costume from childhood (I think I was five or six when my mom sewed the costume), my cousin Jeanie contacted me to say that she read my post and that she still has the costume! It was handed down through my family, and she has two girls who played dress-up with it when they were little.


She gave my mom the dress to give me, and when I saw it yesterday, I had the idea to replicate the costume for me to wear next Halloween. I searched online for the original 1986 pattern that my mom used, and I found someone selling it online for $5 (the new, uncut pattern). So, I bought it, and I'm excited for it to arrive!

I'm going to try to find the same fabrics that my mom used, and make a replica of the costume. It's kind of crazy how different dress sizes are now. When looking at the measurements on the back of the costume, I think I need to make a size 14! My measurements are roughly 36-26-36, which is a medium in the pattern size--and a medium is size 14-16.

I know sizes have definitely changed for vanity purposes, but I think I'm a pretty average-sized person (about a modern size 6 dress). I don't even think the pattern comes in a size larger than the medium, though, so if I was any bigger, I would be out of luck. I had a hard time finding a medium--most of the ones I found were size small.

It should definitely keep me busy for a while, and I think it will be a really fun project to work on. I've been very into sewing lately. Usually, I just mend or alter clothes, but I'd like to find other things to work on. I have a bolster pillow that I want to make a cover for, so I can do that as well.

Tonight, I'm taking Jerry on a surprise date. I know he's going to LOVE IT, and I'm super excited to see his expression when he sees what we're doing. I will write about it, but not until afterward. Once in a while, he actually reads my blog, so I don't want to ruin the surprise! ;)


  1. So sorry you are feeling blah; hope things turn around soon. I just recently started using an app on my phone to track my moods ... it’s called Daylio ... I love it! It’s really simple, has nice customization, a built in alarm/reminder, and several different charts, graphs, etc. for analysis. (I weird and get a huge sense of enjoyment from seeing all my data organized in different ways, ha!)

    1. That’s exactly what I was using! It’s so simple, but I just never bother to do it.

  2. Omg, that Snow White dress idea is beyond adorable!! I cannot wait to see the results!! I hope things turn around for you soon. Have fun on your date night, I love going on outings with the hubby!!

  3. I hate it for you that you're feeling "blah" but I'm totally there with you sister!

  4. Odd question (and kind of personal), but...could you be pregnant?

  5. OK...I got to hand it to you to have planned an outing with your hubby and even a "surprise" outing....that takes some motivation and will so maybe you are just channeling your priorities in different ways?

    When I am "off" and feel like I am sleeping more/ eating more I have nothing left in me. It sucks. I wouldn't have any mojo to want to plan an outing or even go out. Congrats on doing both!!

    I must admit after feeling so much better this previous month since I have started some meds I have been feeling a little blah for the past couple of days too. However, I am pretty sure its related to the monthly coming this weekend and the snow and cold temps that moved in two nights ago.

  6. Hi Katie - Sorry you're feeling blah. I noticed that someone else asked if you were pregnant...I wasn't thinking that, but I did wonder if you take into account the affect that hormones can have on your moods? You may be experiencing some fluctuations in estrogen/progesterone that you'll notice more as you get older. And you may be more in tune to it just because you've been noticing your moods more lately. Or it could just be the holiday season...sometimes that affects my mood in a negative way, not because I'm particularly sad or anything like just somehow impacts my mood without me even knowing! Your costume project sounds fun...maybe a project to help those in need (that always improves my mood!). You're a crocheter, aren't you? Scarves & hats for a homeless shelter are always needed. I bet you could do that and you'd feel great! Easy project...productive...helping others! Enjoy your date tonight - you sound excited about it, so I'm sure that will perk you up!

  7. I can't wait to see your costume...I love to sew, just don't have enough time to do it right now. It definitely is my happy place. Several years ago I made my son an otter costume, by altering a pattern that had several other animals. I was thrilled at how it came out.

  8. I think the two different-colored shoes that are the same type actually looks kinda cool! ;)

  9. Katie - I'm wondering if the blah feeling could be the winter/holiday blues. There is so much less daylight now. I take a vitamin D supplement year around because I just can't keep my levels up and it makes a difference. It's quite possible that this blah feeling is just "normal" blues. I personally struggling right now too and it hit me very recently. Just a thought! It's hard to identify what is "normal" and what isn't, or what could be related to medication that you're on.

    1. Wouldn't hurt to get some sunshine on your skin. It's hard in the winter, but I spend some time outside without sunscreen for 15 minutes a day, and take a vitamin D supplement. I take it year round also -- New England winters are long! I do feel a little blah with the shorter days without enough sun.

  10. On the plus side, your mismatched shoes probably seemed intentional. They look kind of cool, maybe you should do it again.

    I hope you feel better soon and it's great to see someone who is so aware of their moods. I find the same with depression, which sometimes means I read too much into what I am feeling. In some cases, a bad spell ends up being simply that.

  11. The costume sounds super fun!!


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