Summer

It's so hard to believe that summer is over. I only wrote a few posts; the time went by so fast. It's been an emotional summer for sure, and I think that is due to a lot of the changes around my house recently--Noah moving out, Jerry's drastically different work schedule, Eli graduating high school, both of the kids working full-time (with Jerry, no less!), our car situation, and some other things. I'm still trying to get used to it.

Rather than totally overwhelming myself by trying to "catch up" here, I thought I'd just go through my photos from the summer and try to write about some key things (or just random thoughts). I actually don't have a lot of pictures! Since I haven't been blogging, I drastically reduced the number of pictures I've been taking. I wish I had taken more, if only for my own memories.

Anyway, here goes...

*Remember when I wrote about how I was FINALLY growing Asian pears after probably 10+ years of trying? I was so excited! Well, I went out to look at them one day and they were just completely gone. Vanished, overnight. There wasn't even a trace of them left. I officially give up. I hate getting my hopes up every year and then being disappointed, so I am not even going to think about it anymore. I'll just continue to buy them when I see them somewhere and enjoy them all the more.

*I got a new rug for the living room. Exciting, right? Haha. The other one was definitely worn, but it was also a pet hair magnet. Joey liked to lie down on it and even vacuuming daily, it was ridiculous how much hair accumulated. I got this shag rug and I love it! I was worried it would be hard to clean, but it vacuums easily.

*My friend Sarah came to visit from Arizona and I went to her mom's house to see her (and her husband and kids). A friend of mine had told me about a fun, sneaky thing to do in random places--stick a pair of googly eyes somewhere inconspicuous. I brought some with me to Sarah's because I thought her kids might have fun finding a place to put them to "prank" their grandma. They chose to put them on their school portraits--haha! They were SO excited for her to notice that they could barely hold in their giggles. When grandma noticed, she found it hilarious.

*Luke and Riley came over and wanted to play with the skeletons. I couldn't think of something more boring, but they loved them! Riley even danced with one. (By the way, I'd love to put together a post of skeleton Halloween decorations again this year. I'm not sure how many people are still reading my blog, but if you have any skeleton decoration photos to share, you can email them to me and if I get enough for a post, I'll compile them when it gets closer to Halloween: Katie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com.

*I did a LOT of sewing this summer. Like, probably a completely abnormal amount. But it's helped with all the emotional stuff I've had going on. I really love making bags, but one can only have so many bags... so I branched out to other things. I will have to do an entirely separate post (or series) of those projects, though--there are too many. The cats absolutely love everything to do with my sewing. I even built a little shelf to go on the windowsill in the sewing room and Duck sleeps on his bed there when I sew.

*My brother had his annual July party. I asked Luke if he would drive me around on his little... side-by-side? I don't know what to call it. It's smaller than a side-by-side, safer than a four-wheeler. Anyway, he drove me around the property, which was fun. I told him that I'd bet if he would give people a ride from their cars to the backyard, he might earn some tips... and he sighed and said, "I've been driving people around all day and I just want to enjoy the party!" I thought that was hilarious--he's seven.

*My dad sent me this text (out of nowhere) and I thought it was really sweet. The top of it is cut off, but it's that giant magnet that was on the side of our Ragnar Relay van in 2013 (when the From Fat to Finish Line documentary was filmed). There was a magnet for each person on our team and this one has been on my parents' garage refrigerator ever since.

*I painted the "craft room" (since Noah moved out, I converted the extra bedroom to my craft room). I used leftover paint from Eli's room and I was so sure I'd have enough... but I ran out with just a small part of the wall left. I didn't want to buy another gallon if I could help it, and then I found a nearly-full gallon of the aviary blue paint that I used for the pantry. I used that instead, and I love it! It looks so bright in there.

I also removed the carpet (it was seriously SO gross--I didn't even want to share a "before" photo). Jerry installed the plank flooring. It still needs some shelves and things on the walls, but I'll just do that over time. I made do with what I already had, including a makeshift table made from simply setting a wide board over a couple of small nightstands. It's not pretty, but it works!

*A picture of Jerry and the kids at work. They have different jobs inside of the plant, but they still see each other a lot. It still feels so odd to me that they all work in the same place! (The kids only plan to stay there for a year while they save up money and figure out what they really want to do.)

*I went of my first airplane flight since 2019. I used to rely on wine to get me through flights (I hate flying) but since I quit drinking in 2021, I just had to white-knuckle it through the flight. Thankfully, the flight was super short... I just flew into the upper peninsula to go visit Jeanie and Shawn. The airport I flew into was absolutely TINY. This picture is of the entire airport! 

It rained the entire time I was there, but I only went so I could visit with Jeanie and Shawn, so the rain didn't bother me. And I actually lost seven pounds, hahaha. My being vegan, Jeanie thoughtfully asked what I'd like from the store. I was only going to be there for five days, so I chose a very minimal menu: Larabars for breakfast, peanut butter toast and apples for lunch, vegan "chicken" nuggets and apples for dinner. I didn't feel deprived at all and it made me realize just how much my evening snacking was hindering my weight loss. (I gained back the weight when I got home, unfortunately, but I haven't gained any more.) It was a good, relaxing visit!

*This completely freaked me out one morning. I was going to put some peanuts in the squirrel lunchbox and to my surprise, there was a raccoon right next to the door! Raccoons are the number one carrier of rabies in the States and to see them out during the day is extremely uncommon. Each time I started to open the door to scare it off, it started to come at me. By the time I got my phone to call the DNR, though, it was gone. I haven't seen it again.

[This reminds of a comment I got one time. I was out for a run and I saw a raccoon acting very oddly (again, during the day). I decided to call the DNR when I got back from my run (I didn't have my phone with me). It was gone on my way back. I wrote about it on my blog, and someone who had always been super nice left a comment saying that I should have taken off my shirt and wrapped the raccoon in it and take it to get help. She was so angry that she said she was done reading my blog. Haha! First, I am not taking off my shirt in public unless someone is bleeding out and in dire need of a tourniquet and my shirt is the ONLY option to save their life; second, I don't want rabies? Anyway, she followed through--I never heard from her again.]

*Jerry and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary last month. The night before, we both said we wish we'd have gotten gifts for each other (we had agreed not to). At that moment, we decided to order each other something from Amazon--but we had rules: 1) It had to be next-day delivery 2) It had to cost less than $25. So, we sat scrolling on our phones--it was actually pretty fun!--and at some point, one of us suggested we get each other a Squishmallow. I chose this alien from Toy Story for Jerry (we like to say the quote from the movie sometimes, "You saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.") Jerry chose this little girl from Monsters, Inc. because her name is Boo! (He calls me Boo. It was perfect.) It was a fun gift exchange!

*Jerry and I went to Eastern Market in Detroit a few weeks ago. I always love going there! We bought a ton of produce and made it a mission to use it all before it went bad. The cats were thrilled that I brought back some cat grass for them. I've tried growing it myself, but it never turns out like this.

*Since Noah moved out, and with Eli likely moving out within the next couple of years, I wanted to start a tradition where we have a plan for them to come over every other Sunday for a super casual dinner and something small but fun to do. They liked the idea, and they (and their girlfriends) came over. We made individual pizzas and then had a fire outside. The wheelbarrow was next to the fire pit and we ended up doing a wheelbarrow race and timing each other. It was so fun!

Then Noah sat on Rose's lap and I thought it would be funny if she was his arms to eat his plum and drink his pop. Basically, she put her arms under his and made the eating and drinking motions while Noah couldn't use his. They actually did pretty good!

*My Uncle Ron (my dad's brother) and his partner, Renee, came to visit from Florida. I rarely see them, but he is so fun to talk to (he's had quite the life--I would love to write a memoir for him!). He and Jerry went to a Tigers game, and then we met up with him and Renee afterward. I wish I'd thought to take a picture with him--I don't know that I have a single one. He loves to tell every single person that he comes across, "Hi, I'm Ron from Florida!" and he's so personable that people love to chat with him.

*I don't have a picture to share for this one, considering the privacy circumstances, but remember how I said I discovered a first cousin via 23&Me? They were placed for adoption and nobody in the family knew they existed until I took this test. We had been talking since January, and last week, they came to visit and meet in person! It was really fun getting to know them and we plan to stay in touch.

*Brian took Luke, Riley, and my parents to Alaska. They had a great time! Becky sent me some pictures and I was sure that Brian had probably photoshopped this bear into the picture... but nope, it was real.

*I know I said I'll do a separate post for my sewing projects, but I am pretty proud of this one, so I'll share it here. I made a quilt! I've never really had the interest in picking up quilting (and I still don't, really) but when I saw this pattern I couldn't resist. And it was a simple, beginner pattern--a quilt-as-you-go appliqué technique.

I think my favorite cat is the one in the seventh row, fourth from the left--I don't know why, but I was just drawn to that one.

I learned that 1) quilting gets VERY expensive very quickly, even for a thrifty person like me, and 2) it's so much harder to do the actual quilting part (sewing the backing to the quilt top) than I thought. I was surprised at how time consuming the binding (the orange border) was; it's actually done by hand so that the stitches aren't visible. It took me 11 hours!! I'm sure for an experienced quilter, it wouldn't even take half that time. But I actually enjoyed that part the most out of the entire project. It was relaxing and I got to watch like 15 episodes of Evil Lives Here while I worked on it, hahaha.

Here is the binding. I just have to show it because I feel like I did a good job and where else can I give myself a pat on the back?

This was a great first quilt--there is no intricate piecing and I chose to make the outlines on each cat "scribbly" looking. It's meant to look odd and a little messy, so my mistakes--and there are several--aren't so noticeable. It has character ;)

Before it was done, I swore it would be the only quilt I ever make. And when I finished it, I was already looking at Pinterest for other quilt ideas! It's kind of like racing... while training for a marathon, you swear it's a one-and-done race. And then as soon as you cross the finish line, you're already planning the next one. Anyway, I love how this quilt turned out--it's not an "heirloom" quilt by any means, but it's fun and definitely fits my personality!

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The Downside of Blogging

This feels weird. Writing, I mean. Once again, I had no intention of leaving the blog for so long! I promised before that I would write a "final" post when I decide to quit blogging so that nobody will have to wonder what happened, and I will definitely do that. But I don't feel like I'm ready to give it up altogether yet, so here I am.

I'm about to get really vulnerable here...

When I first started blogging, I had no idea that my blog would gain so many readers. I had actually been writing for 11 years at that point, but I switched over to the Blogger platform because it was much easier to add pictures than the platform I'd been using. I basically wanted to document my struggles and triumphs in regard to my weight and running goals. (I didn't know that Blogger would make me more noticeable on the internet. Having a handful of readers at the time was comfortable for me, as I'm an (ironically) private person in general.)

The very early days of Runs for Cookies... so young and unaware of what was ahead! ;)

Later that year, I had a couple of big things going on--I was invited to be on The Dr. Oz Show to talk about my weight loss and I had skin removal surgery to remove the excess/loose skin around my abdomen. I remember signing in to blog one day and I saw that the page views had jumped from 100-ish to about 10,000 overnight! Rather than get excited, I was extremely anxious about it--why on earth are people reading what I write? Don't they know I'm not a "real" writer? I can't possibly write private or vulnerable things here!

I soon discovered that there were a lot of people out there going through the same things that I was, and it was great to have that support system, so to speak. And then I started to get a few negative comments here and there, about random tidbits I'd written, and they stung a little. I only ever had good intentions, didn't speak badly about people, and stayed away from very controversial topics. Besides, 99% of the people I interacted with were so kind! I didn't understand the negativity.

[Side note: I believe there is a big difference between "constructive criticism" and just plain rude or mean-spirited comments. I've received a lot of constructive advice/criticism over the years and I appreciate it--I've learned a lot of new things from commenters who are kind in offering their opinions/advice. The negative comments I'm referring to in this post are the mean-spirited and/or rude ones, where the only purpose is to hurt my feelings or shame me.]

Also worth noting: I know that by opening up a large part of my life here on the internet, I'm basically asking for some rudely-worded criticism. But I loved writing and meeting some amazing people and I tried to go with the "it comes with the territory" belief.

I was able to brush off the comments that were really ridiculous ("Don't you know how much sugar is in grapes? You eat so many of them. You're going to get diabetes." I actually got several comments about eating too many grapes, and those comments were easy to laugh at. Actually, some of my friends will still banter with me about my horrific grape habit, ha ha.)

However, some of the comments were really hurtful. I found that it's usually the comments about the things that I'm already insecure about that hurt the most--I began to wonder if everybody thought of me that way. ("I can't believe you would let your kids have all of those sugary toppings on frozen yogurt. You're teaching them your bad eating habits and they're going to get obese too.")

That, along with some other parenting comments, planted the seed that I was a bad mom, which led to questioning other decisions I made. If I wrote about something I was proud of, like throwing away the second half of a brownie rather than eating it when I knew that half was plenty, I was told, "That's not something to be proud of, unless you're proud of eating disorder behavior.")

Because being a stay-at-home mom isn't very common anymore, I have dealt with a lot of criticism from that. Jerry and I are very happy that we made that decision 20 years ago, and we wouldn't change it. Jerry feels good about supporting our family and I truly enjoy being a "homemaker". I know it's not for everyone, and that's okay. We made the decision that we felt was best for our family. There is SO MUCH MORE to being a stay-at-home parent than taking care of the kids, and the comments that told me I was lazy, worthless, and a bad wife made me upset. I have two absolutely amazing kids--people tell me all the time that Jerry and I raised great kids--and I like to think that my being a stay-at-home parent helped in that way.

There are people that can read comments like that and laugh them off or just forget about them... I wish I was one of those people.

As Mark would say, "Ain't that the truth." (If only I could flip a switch and do it!)

As I was growing up, I can't even begin to guess how many times I was told I was "too sensitive". I admit it--I'm a sensitive person! [Note: That is *not* to say that I get offended easily, however. It's actually very difficult to offend me. When people are joking around or they are friends of mine or bantering, etc... it's great to laugh, especially at myself!] But when someone wants to hurt my feelings, it's (unfortunately) very easy to do so.

I care so much about making people happy and when I feel like I disappoint them in some way, it makes me feel really bad about myself. [Note: I know this is more about me than the other person and I need to work on my self-confidence and all of that. Comments from strangers should not affect me like this. I recognize that. But I can't just snap my fingers and make myself into someone that I've never been.]

Through the years of blogging, I've read a lot of not-so-nice things about me. The first few times you read something negative about yourself, it can be fairly easy not to put much thought into it. But reading it over and over for years began to take a toll on me. I still loved writing (I have met so many amazing readers and friends due to my blog) but my self esteem was taking a hit with each mean-spirited comment, even though there weren't many of them.

One day in August of last year--I remember it like it was yesterday--I had a couple of negative comments and reading them at that moment just kind of broke me. I was still going through The Worst Year Ever and was feeling about as low as I could get; reading that I was a "lazy wife without a real job" hit me like a punch in the stomach. The timing couldn't have been worse.

My already-severe anxiety went through the roof. I wondered if everybody thought I was lazy and forced my husband to work like a slave just so I could sit around and watch TV and eat bonbons all day. And since I'd gotten comments before about how I exaggerate my feelings and that I don't have "real" anxiety, I didn't feel like I could write about it.

There are a lot of topics that I stopped writing about over the years for that reason. When I opened up one time about having too much empathy--I know that sounds weird, but it affects my emotions so hard that I wish I could turn it off sometimes--someone called me a narcissist. I'd wanted to write much more about it so I could describe what I meant and even see if anyone else had the problem, but I felt judged and too vulnerable after that.

I want so badly to have thick skin, to not worry about what others think of me, to stop trying to please everyone, and to live my life without apology! (If you are one of those people, don't ever take it for granted. I envy you.) When taking a break from my blog, I felt like I could do what I wanted and not be judged or criticized for my decisions. Over the last year, my anxiety over writing has been really hard on me.

Right now, I have a big lump in my throat, my hands are sweaty, my heart is racing, and my stomach is in knots... all things that happen when I'm anxious. Out of all of the 3,681 posts I've written, this is the one I am most anxious about posting. I always planned to write something like this before I quit blogging--I hope that everyone reading this will see that words, even from strangers, really can hurt people. 

When a bully started calling me "Shamu" in the fourth grade, I became extremely conscious of my weight... and I went on my first diet. I also started binge eating and eating in secret. I'm not saying that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been called Shamu; but I do know it was a catalyst for a lifetime of issues with my eating habits.

Again, there are people that can brush off comments like that; and then there is me... sensitive to the point that I begin to question myself in all parts of my life. And again, I know this is a problem *I* need to work on, and I am always trying. I'm not writing this to say a big "eff you!" to the people that criticize me (although I definitely want to sometimes); rather, I hope to give some perspective on how tiny words can make a big impact on someone's life.

To end this with a positive note, I do want to say that I am SO thankful for all of the kind people out there. Just like hurtful words can make me feel bad about myself, the overwhelming positivity from 99% of my readers has kept me writing for the last 13 years. I don't fish for compliments when I write, but a kind word never fails to take a little of the sting out of the mean ones. And while I am horrible about replying (I am so sorry about that), I do read and take to heart every single one of them. It's not just the negative comments that affect me. I've gotten so much positivity through the years that my heart feels like it will burst sometimes.

When I started this post, I planned to just write a little about the last month or so--has it been that long?!--but all of this just spilled out. I think I'm just exhausted from holding it in all the time.

Anyway, I hope to write again soon. I've had an eventful end to the summer--including my first airplane flight since 2019!--so I will try to give the CliffsNotes version when my stomach isn't it knots ;) 

Now, I'm off to eat some of the diabetes bombs grapes that are on sale for 99 cents a pound!

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Checking In

After my last post, I was so sure that I was going to get back to writing regularly (not daily, but at least a couple of times a week). The more time that passes, though, the more overwhelming it feels. To keep things simple on this post, I think I'll just write bullets--short tidbits of what's been going on lately. I've actually really missed writing!

**Eli bought a new (used) car. And when I say used, I mean a Dodge Neon! They quit making those in the early 2000's, I think. I actually had a 1995 Dodge Neon when I was in college and I loved it. Eli has gotten really into cars, like Noah, and he chose this one because of the "mods" (I don't understand anything about cars--they don't interest me at all).

It's so interesting, though, that both Noah and Eli have met people due to their cars. On more then a couple of occasions, car enthusiasts have pulled into parking lots behind them to ask about their cars. I never knew it, but there is a whole community like this--my kids have even gone to car "meet-ups". Anyway, I have taken over Eli's Volvo--it's a 2008 and has 317,000 miles on it! Hopefully it lasts until interest rates on cars go down, but I'll drive it until it's dead. It has a CD player and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited about playing some old CD's from high school. I have no idea why I held onto them, but I'm glad I did!

**My weight is up about five pounds. Honestly, I feel lucky that it's not more! I know my biggest problem is snacking in the evenings. I don't know why it's so hard to get it under control. If I can just quit snacking before bed, I know that it would make a big difference in my weight. All I can do is keep trying, I guess!

**One of the reasons I was hesitant to write is because of a comment that someone left on my last post (I didn't publish it). This person has been hate-reading my blog for probably 10+ years, and I was kind of creeped out that she mentioned something very specific regarding my kids. There are a few things that I've always kept private from my blog, usually for safety reasons. (For example, the name of my kids' schools... yes, someone could get that info if they really wanted to, but I didn't want it to be easily accessible on my blog.)

Seeing something that specific in the comment, something that I'd deliberately left out of the blog, was kind of creepy. I was used to the degrading comments (she loves to make me feel bad about everything--my terrible parenting, being a bad wife, being a lazy stay-at-home mom, doing projects all wrong and making them look like crap, my food looking disgusting, my house being ugly, you name it!); but this was new. I've been valuing privacy more and more lately (with cameras *everywhere* now, I hate feeling watched all the time). So, the fact that this person looked up this info about my family was disturbing. Anyway, I don't understand why people hate-read; my time means too much to me to waste it in such a negative way.

**My Asian pear tree has fruit growing on it!!! I only planted it in the fall and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw actual fruit there. I'd waited probably 10+ years for the other "Asian pear tree" to grow fruit, only to learn that the tree was just an invasive species of tree that would never bear fruit. Hopefully I'll get to eat a few Asian pears from the tree this fall!

**Jerry and I were scrolling through Instagram one day when we saw the "old man challenge"--you have to stand on one foot and put on your sock and shoe (while keeping balance and not lowering your foot or holding onto anything), then switch legs and put on the other sock and shoe. We tried it and had fun doing it, so we looked up some more challenges. There was one that I thought was ridiculously impossible but we tried it out for a laugh. And we discovered it actually wasn't that bad--it looks so much harder than it is! This is just a screenshot from a video right before we crashed to the floor.

Date night shenanigans

Ideally, both people would be able to balance horizontally. We never fully got the balance to the point where we could hold the position for a long time, but we realized later that the person on top has to stay flat (this is hard to describe--if you look at the picture, Jerry should be lying back more, which helps control the balance). Anyway, we laughed so hard and we have some funny videos of us toppling over. 

We also did a challenge to see who could draw the best circle without looking. Mine is the white one and Jerry's is the red one. Basically, you stand with your shoulder close to the wall, looking straight ahead so you can't see the board. Then you use your arm to make a big circle and see how close the start and end are to touching. Mine was really good! Jerry's needed some work, haha.

Luke and Riley came over and I had them try it, too. Luke was so funny. Luke's was off about an inch at first, so he switched to his left hand and it was near perfect. He's the only person I know that is truly ambidextrous--sometimes he writes with his right hand, sometimes with his left, whatever he's in the mood for. Same with things like throwing a ball, and even playing Jenga.

**While Luke and Riley were here, I played Tapple with them--it's the game I wrote about before, where there is a category and you have to take turns calling off things that are in that category, beginning with a unique letter each time, until all the letters are used or someone can't think of one before the timer goes off (you get 10 seconds each). The category was "things found in a house" and we went through things like couch, table, dresser, pets, etc. There were only a few letters left, and "i" was one of them. Riley said, "Inhabitants!" I was stunned and couldn't help laughing. She's only five! That was impressive.

**When Jerry and I went to Minnesota, we spent a lot of time at Becky's parents' house. Becky's mom is a very talented quilter (she's the one that quilted my race t-shirt quilt top). Since I love sewing, I was fascinated with her sewing room and all of her quilts. This one blew my mind--she pieced the entire thing BY HAND with a needle and thread! She told me how many pieces there are, but I can't remember.

The hexagons are incredibly tiny, and she had to do a lot of "fussy cuts"--which basically means that rather than cutting fabric in any which direction, she chose to cut the hexagons out with the fabric's polka dots in the center and the stripes going in particular directions. I wish I had the patience to quilt, but I prefer smaller projects (likely because I am an instant gratification person, ha).

**Remember when I took that 23&Me test in December? I did it solely for the medical part, but toward the end of January, I decided to look at the ancestry part of it. I thought it would be incredibly boring, but I discovered something kind of unbelievable. I wish I could go into details, but I have to keep this kind of vague. I saw someone who was listed as a first cousin (sharing a set of grandparents with me) and I didn't recognize the name. I asked my parents and they didn't know, either. (Each of my parents has five siblings, so there were a lot of possibilities.)

I contacted this cousin (I'll call them a gender-neutral "Sam") and discovered they were adopted right after birth. They didn't know who their biological parents were due to a closed adoption, but they had a little info from the adoption agency. Based on this, I was able to figure out who Sam's bio parent is. Sam had been looking for this info for decades! The bio parent is choosing to remain anonymous and because of the closed adoption, Sam is respecting their wishes. I really hope that someday this will change, but for now, all I can do is get to know my cousin--and chatting with them has been great! We hope to meet up later this year.

**We bought some more luxury vinyl planking, and are going to put it in the bedrooms--Eli's room and my craft room still have carpet, which desperately needs to be replaced, so we are excited about this project. I'm hoping Jerry will get it installed it next weekend. While I did most of the work in the house remodel, Jerry did the floors and I'm happy not to have to do them! I am definitely going to paint the craft room, though. Maybe I'll do that this weekend, actually.

I'm going to end this post now. I know I have more to write--I really need to keep a list--so hopefully I will write another post soon! Thanks for the love and the checking in on me. I really do appreciate it, more than I can express.

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Self-Care

I think that was the longest break I've taken from blogging in, oh, 13 years? Yikes!

I should have checked in at some point, because I felt guilty about the abrupt absence, but I didn't realize just how much I needed that break until after our Minnesota trip. I loved getting to see Becky (and the kiddos, of course!). There is so much to catch up on--some things I'll probably post about over the next couple of weeks, but some things are pretty irrelevant now, so I'll pick and choose what to write about.

(Also, I have a million photos to sort through, so I'll just include a couple of random ones in this post)

Look how grown up Luke is! He drove me around the property on a golf cart. He's also a faster reader than I, haha--I bought him a Captain Underpants book and he read the whole book on a Sunday morning. Meanwhile, I spent 24 hours in the car (roundtrip) and I finished one book.

We've had SO many big changes in our household recently. Noah moved out in December (taking Phoebe with him), Jerry started an entirely new work schedule, Eli graduated high school, and both Noah and Eli took jobs where Jerry works. I didn't love the idea of the kids working at the plant (I want them to do something they truly enjoy) but they were very enticed by the pay and benefits.

Eli plans to stay there a year, saving up as much money as possible before he (hopes) to start an electrical apprenticeship. Noah still isn't sure what he wants to study; he's changed his program three or four times. Rather than continuing to spend money on school, he wants to work full time until he figures it out. Regardless of what they choose to do, I'm cool with it. They both actually really like working at the plant for now!

I still don't have a car, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather put off my errands and things for the evenings and weekends than take out a loan for a car right now. Also, Eli is hoping to buy a new (used) car soon; when he does that, I'm going to drive the Volvo. Definitely different from my Jeep, but our luck with cars over the last year makes me reluctant to get a new one.

Aside from all those changes, the main reason for taking time off was basically for self-care. After The Worst Year Of Our Lives (I'm not sure what else to call it, so that's how Jerry and I have been referring to all the crap we went through), we both felt kind of broken. It's been about two years since our long streak of bad luck started and I'm definitely still dealing with a lot of it (emotionally).

I recently learned who I can and cannot count on to be here for me in tough times, and that was really hard to accept. I let some people down by dealing with my own stuff and neglecting those relationships (not purposely; I just felt so emotionally drained, like I had nothing left to give). And I just wasn't in the mindset to write a vulnerable post.

So, I spent the last month focusing on ME--something I haven't done in at least 18 years. It seemed like it was a good time because Eli had just graduated and it felt like a transition period for me, from "stay-at-home mom" to "homemaker". I did a lot of crafting (mostly sewing) and more introspection than ever before. Last week, I had an epiphany that years of therapy was never able to uncover--why I eat for emotional reasons--and that felt like a huge burden was lifted. I'm not ready to write about that yet, though.

Working on crafts has been very therapeutic and I'm starting to feel "lighter", if that makes sense. I'm hoping that I can move forward now (with life in general) and recharge my emotional batteries (that's a lame way to put it, but that's the best I can describe it).

Riley and I made bracelets for each other. She's so creative! We played doctor (I was the patient, of course) and she took an x-ray, said I had a broken arm, did surgery, put a cast on it, and gave me instructions to cover the cast in the shower for 10 months--BAHAHA. I also had my teeth worked on multiple times when we played dentist.

Aside from all that, things here are good. Jerry and I are solid, the kids are happy and "grown up" (very bittersweet for Jerry and me), the pets are doing great (Phoebe is SO happy at Noah's!), and we haven't had any mini-catastrophes in a while. I'd been pushing Jerry for years to find a hobby he enjoys but he couldn't think of anything that really interested him (other than disc golf, which he loves, but isn't convenient to do very frequently).

I made these for Jerry for Father's Day. I have loved Shrinky Dinks ever since I was a kid, and I originally made him a keychain of the ECTO-1 license plate (from Ghostbusters). Then I had the idea to transfer drawings the kids had done--pictures they drew OF JERRY when they were each four years old! As well as the way they wrote "daddy". Eli's says "Dae" because that is how he said it at the time--DAA--EEE, basically skipping over the DD--and he sounded it out. So cute! Jerry loves the keychains.

When we were in Minnesota we took Luke and Riley to the Mall of America, where they have a LEGO store. Even though Jerry had never gotten into Legos before (I know it's LEGO, but I just can't get used to NOT calling them Legos), it suddenly piqued his interest (I'm sure the Star Wars and Ghostbuster Lego sets had nothing to do with it--ha!). Then Eli gave him a LEGO set and suddenly he was hooked--and very excited that it could be a good hobby for him.

He spent most of the weekend working on it and then pulled out the thousands of Legos we have (about half of them are at least 40 years old!) and the instruction manuals for different sets, and now he wants to start putting those together. I had started sorting them a while ago, hoping to put the sets back together, but it was taking soooo long. I love building with Legos, but sorting them is no fun at all, haha. They are currently sorted by color, which is helpful.

I haven't done a weigh-in in a while, so I will get back to that on Wednesday. I don't have a great feeling about it, but I'm also not going to put pressure on myself. I feel like I've gotten a lot of emotional baggage out of the way and I will have an easier time focusing on my physical wellbeing. In fact, as soon as I finish this post, I'm going to run!

My friend Sarah (the one who lives in Arizona) is coming to visit this week and I couldn't be more excited to see her. She's been my best friend since we were toddlers, basically, and she's someone that I know will always be here for me. She understands me almost as much as Jerry does. We can go months without talking, but then we spend a couple of hours on the phone and pick up right where we left off. I haven't seen her in a very long time (I think almost two years) and I look forward to catching up in person!

Thank you for the comments and emails, truly. I appreciate the kindness more than you can ever know. I wasn't trying to ignore anyone, and I should have said I was taking a break--but I had no idea I was going to be away this long. It's kind of hard to jump back in, because where do I start? I'll just take it one day at a time, writing when I want to and not writing when I don't feel like I have much to say. Writing this post feels good :)

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Road Trip!

The hotel internet is super spotty, so I'm going to have to write more when I get home. But this week has been kind of crazy--Eli graduated on Wednesday and then Jerry and I decided (pretty last minute) to drive to Minnesota on Thursday! I really wanted to see Becky (and Luke and Riley, of course, but I hadn't seen Becky since March of last year). I missed her a lot!

Plane tickets were insanely expensive, especially considering we only have Thursday-Sunday before Jerry goes back to work Monday, so we decided to make the 12-hour drive out here. I'll write about our trip on Monday or Tuesday. This hotel has been... interesting. Haha!

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Friday Night Photos #138

Even though I don't have a ton of photos, I'm going to post what I have (aside from "project" photos, which I do have full intentions of posting separately). I'll start with one project photo, however, because I *love* how it turned out. Remember my corduroy coat, the one I loved so much that I wound up with three different sizes? When I had gained quite a bit of weight, the coat wouldn't fit me anymore (it was a medium that fit on the small side). Thanks to Poshmark, I found it in a large and extra-large.

I wore them for a season or two until I lost the weight and they'd been in a bag in the garage ever since. I love to make things out of old or unworn clothing, so I decided to turn the coat into a bag. I used the faux fur to make cat beds, and then used the corduroy for the bag. I also used a men's dress shirt for the lining (and outer pocket). I had never sewn piping before, so I decided to give it a try as well.

This is what the coat looked like before

And this is the bag I made from it!

Isn't it cute? Jerry totally fell in love with this one and I think it could be pulled off as a "man bag" to use as a carry-on. (Jerry got the position at work he was really wanting, and it will likely involve international travel).

Speaking of sewing, I now have a brand new sewing machine! To take full advantage of credit card cash back, we put literally *everything* on a credit card and then I pay it off a couple of times a month. We never carry a balance, but we get 1.5-5% cash back on everything (including the bills that I pay with the credit card). I've always thought of this as my "bonus" money for taking care of the finances and paying bills on time, etc. I let the cash back build up and then "buy" something that I really want, without feeling guilty. (I know I shouldn't feel guilty for buying myself something, but I think it's ingrained with being a mom.)

Anyway, I had a little over $1,000 in cash back waiting, and I decided to get a sewing machine. I did a lot with my old machine and it worked well; but because I've been sewing so much lately, I wanted a machine that would make it easier to go through multiple layers of denim and interfacing. I was torn between two opposite ends of the spectrum in regards to the machine I wanted--either a super basic "workhorse" straight-stitch machine, or a digital machine with embroidery and all the bells and whistles.

As you know, I like simplicity, especially with electronics. I decided to go for the basic workhorse machine. One of the things I *really* wanted was a large space between the needle and the machine; I hated always trying to squeeze projects in that space while sewing. It was really overwhelming, trying to choose a model.

After reading a million reviews, I ended up buying a Juki TL-2000qi. (I bought it from Ken's Sewing Center online and I would absolutely buy from them again--great customer service, some bonus accessories, *and* the lowest price.) The machine was "only" $700 (I put that in quotes because my budget was $1000, not because $700 is cheap! ha), so I bought some accessories to go with it (presser feet, throat plate).

Isn't it beautiful?! ;)  I almost cried the first time I used it because I could not believe the difference! It's like sharpening your kitchen knives--you know how you don't realize how dull they've gotten until you  sharpen them and you realize life is just better with sharp knives? Yeah, like that. It's like the difference between cutting an apple with a butter knife versus a sharp paring knife.

The table/cart that I have it on is nothing pretty, but I put that together one morning because I was worried that I was going to drop my sewing machine if I kept carrying it around. Several months ago, I'd bought a couple of table leaves from the Habitat for Humanity ReStore; they were were solid oak and I got the two of them for $5. So I ran them through the planer and glued them together to make the table top. Then I just made a frame with some 2x4's and castors for movability. It's not pretty, but it's perfect for my sewing machine!

Anyway, enough about that. I've been using it all the time and I love it. 

The craziest thing happened a few houses down from us, and our neighbors caught it on video. The dike on the street separates the marsh from the road, and it's pretty tall (and very steep, although it doesn't look like it in photos). Well, an intoxicated woman flew down the road in a truck, straight at the dike, and basically took out half the dike while she crashed into the marsh. (Did I mention she had three kids in the car? They were not seriously injured, thankfully.)

There are kids that play on the street there ALL THE TIME. Not to mention people walking dogs and riding bikes, etc. This happened at around 3:00 in the afternoon, so she's very lucky that she didn't hurt anyone else.

Noah and his girlfriend went to IKEA one day and she sent me this picture saying, "They have plant-based meatballs at IKEA!" I was so excited that they'd actually ordered them (Noah and Rose aren't vegan). They said they were "amazing"; I always feel happy when people enjoy vegan food. And especially when they are open enough to trying new things like that :)

Eli gave me the most beautiful flowers for Mother's Day. I've always said that I'm not a "flowers person"--I don't want anyone spending money on something that isn't going to last--but the fact that Eli even acknowledged Mother's Day all on his own made me feel good. And the flowers *are* very pretty!

Eli went "urban exploring" with his friends at an abandoned factory and said it was really cool, so he went back with Jerry and Noah. I'm too much of a "rule follower" and I chose not to go, but their pictures were really interesting. There were tons of personal items that were just left there when the place closed.

This is a tote that Ken's Sewing Center sent me for free with my machine--I didn't even know that they were sending it! It's a really nice tote on wheels. Chick and Duck like to be pushed around in it, hahaha.

Every time I finish a bag of some sort, the kittens like to get inside of it. It happens immediately. (This patchy bag was actually a sort of practice for the *real* patchy bag I wanted to make.)

These are a couple of photos I took before Eli's prom. I love this one! He and his friends were standing in between poses when Jerry said something about looking like a proposal was about to happen, and it was like they were totally on cue--one of his friends pretended to pull out a ring and propose to Eli while his other friend looked shocked and excited. They didn't even know I was taking this picture. So funny!

Kids these days have no idea what this is. Jerry and I had to explain!

With this one, I thought it would be fun to go for a Beatles cover-look, but when they said, "What's the Beatles?" I gave up immediately. HAHAHA

And this was taken by an *actual* photographer for Ava's prom ;) 

I will end with this stunning photo of Phoebe looking like a cat goddess. Noah's girlfriend sent this to me to show me Phoebe's new collar. (Phoebe is so quiet that it's easy to trip over her, so they got her a collar with a bell.) She's still doing great and I know she is happy there. I went over to cut her nails last week and I actually saw her eat a whole container of wet food!

And that's all I've got for now. Have a great weekend! xo

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Three Things Thursday: Deep Thoughts

I used to enjoy writing the Three Things Thursday posts, so I don't know why I stopped doing them. When I was a kid, my older brother had a book called "Deep Thoughts" (as well as the sequels "Deeper Thoughts" and "Deepest Thoughts") by Jack Handy. They were kind of like coffee table books--a random (often very funny) thought on each page. Just a few sentences and nothing profound; just a tidbit of something that is usually relatable.

When Twitter became a thing, I started seeing screenshots of tweets pop up everywhere, and many of them looked like something from a Deep Thoughts book! Here are a few that made me laugh. And then I'll include a few random ones of my own as...

This guy, @simoncholland, is HILARIOUS. I follow on Instagram (his posts are just screenshots of his tweets, like this one).

Does anybody?! I'm genuinely curious.

When I was deleting everything from Facebook recently, I saved a lot of my old "status updates". I mostly wrote funny things that my kids said or did and I stopped writing them years ago, but there were some fun ones that I found. Here are three that made me smile...

Listen, if you ignore the hairstyles, the 1990's was the greatest decade ever.

Noah was 11 years old at the time.

(Eli is right-handed)

And a fourth, because it was hard to narrow it down to just three! ...

Back then, friends used to tell me that I should write a book about the funny things my kids say/do; while I don't think they are book-worthy, I'm so glad I wrote these sorts of things down. I wish I'd have continued these posts through the years--they are so fun to look back on. Kids are so funny when you take the time to really listen to them! I wish I'd written down more of their teenage things, because I most certainly wasn't ready for *that* ;)

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 186

You know how when you haven't done something in a really long time, it just gets either more difficult or more awkward the longer you wait? Yeah, that's how I feel about writing today. It's been so long that it feels both difficult AND awkward.

I'm not sure what to say, really! Everything has been pretty much the same around here, more or less. A year ago, I was still going through one of the worst times of my life, so I am very glad that life has been uneventful, for the most part. I thought I'd moved past it, but that year and a half of my life changed me a LOT inside and I've been struggling with that. (Also looking for the right therapist)

Anyway, the current uneventfulness doesn't leave much to write. I chose to write a weigh-in post today mainly because of the writing prompt! I think it's been three weeks or so since my last weigh-in, and unfortunately (or, perhaps, fortunately), nothing has changed. Without looking back, I think my weight was at around 145 last time and that's about what it was today:

I still haven't made any significant changes to my diet/exercise, so I wasn't expecting to have lost anything. I haven't been actively working on creating new habits or breaking bad ones. It's hard to admit to myself when I know that I have what it takes and I know what I need to do in order to reach my goals; I just don't have the drive to do it. I tell myself that if I want something badly enough, I'll do what it takes. Even though I very badly want to get back down to a comfortable weight, it's clearly not enough to make me do the work.

I feel like I'm approaching one of those defining moments I get occasionally. I get to the point where I'm finally ready to make a change and then I go ahead, full throttle, definitely a bit overzealous. That's kind of how I've always done things, haha. Ideally, I'd find a comfortable middle ground.

I haven't really set goals in a long time and I miss that drive I used to get when I was focused on meeting a goal. I'm torn between wanting to strive for some goals and wanting to just go with the flow. Yesterday, when putting on some of my "warmer weather" clothes, I realized that I either need to set some goals or buy a new (larger) wardrobe, hahaha. My weight is up about 10 pounds from last year and that means a whole clothing size. I don't have "back up" clothes anymore. So, I need to make a choice. And I'm going to set some goals--defined and measurable ones, like the days when I felt almost unstoppable.

The two things that are most important to me (physically) right now are losing 10-15 pounds and exercising regularly. Since those are very broad, I have to break them down. And to be honest, I haven't done that yet. I already know *what* I need to do; I mainly need to figure out a motivator or some sort of drive that makes my goals feel like a priority.

I didn't intend for this post to sound negative. I really need to write more frequently so that my thoughts are more organized. I never realized that the daily (or even near-daily) blogging helped in that way. I keep telling myself that I need to do a "catch-up" post, so I'll do that no later than Sunday (if I don't give myself a deadline, I may not do it).

For now, I'm going to sit down and write out some goals, as well as plans/habits for reaching them. Maybe that will be the motivation I need to get started. Let's hope so! ;)

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