Jerry and I are going on vacation for a week (well, I say "vacation", but we're really just taking care of my sister's dogs at her house in Rockford, Illinois. This will be the longest we've been away since 2014 when we took a family vacation to Punta Cana!
To truly take a break from reality, I'm going to do something a little different this week. I've had a daily post streak going since January 1, 2020, and I really don't want to break that! So, I thought it might be fun to do a travel theme for each day and share some pictures from different trips I've been on. Each day will have a theme based on the location of the trip.
I'm preparing these posts ahead of time so I won't have to even open my computer while I'm gone. (I can still approve comments from my phone, though.) And hopefully when I get home, I'll have some good stuff to share :)
In no particular order, these are photos from our family trip (my parents and siblings as well) to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee in April of 2011, when we rented a big cabin. (You can read all about this trip starting with this post.)
As you know, memes have been my therapy when I'm having a bad day. I love them! And lately, I've especially been loving the memes that are made from stock photos and they're usually really bad dad jokes or puns. So here are some recent ones I came across that made me laugh and hopefully they'll make you laugh, too! :)
I've been woodworking in the garage all day, so Jerry is going to share his "deep thoughts" today. For some reason, the great mood I wrote about was only temporary, and I needed an outlet. My therapist used to talk about finding something to concentrate on to keep my mind busy and there won't be room for anxiety/depression/overwhelmingness/etc. to creep in. She said it should be something that requires a lot of focus, but not to the point of frustration. And woodworking is my favorite outlet!
I think that the changes in medication has kind of messed with my mood recently. Ever since my application for medication assistance was approved, I've been taking my old med--the one that I'd taken for six years--and I'm so glad. But switching back and forth this year may have had an effect.
Anyway, Jerry was happy to write today! Here goes...
How would you describe your communication style in three words?
Direct, descriptive, passionate.
I was talking to Katie about this the other day. There's a huge difference between the guy I am here at home and the person I am at work. I've been with my current employer for the last 20 years. I have seen people come and go, seen the culture change so much that it would probably turn a lot of people off. I will say this though, I have been able to raise a family and learn from my company.
At work: I know what I'm doing. I am considered a SME (subject matter expert) in all that I do. I am a leader and the person everyone comes to when there are any sorts of issues. I work in a factory setting and, when it comes to operations and people, I'm the guy.
I am very passionate about what I do because it's how I make a living. It's how I raise my family. And there's a certain amount of pride that goes into what I do. I will always be the first person to hold myself accountable for my actions, both at work at an home. I will always show up and give it my all. I will always voice my opinions with passion.
However, I tend to hold back at home because sometimes I sound like a dick. I complain about some of the people I work with. At work I can be very blunt and not sugar-coat anything. We are all grown adults (mostly men) and if I'm being too blunt for you chances are it's because I'm calling you out for not doing your job.
At home, it's a different story. Katie and I are a team. She deals with more of the 'can I do this or that' questions than I do. We generally talk over important issues like if we are going to let the kids try 'shrooms at a party or get face tattoos with their friends. We are very open with our young adult children to the point where we don't hold back and let them know the very real consequences to their potential actions. I feel like that has made use a real force when it comes to parenting and the kids have been very responsive to it. We couldn't ask for more honest, upstanding kids. (Kidding about the 'shrooms and face tattoos if you don't get my sense of humor)
What’s one thing you are unbeatable at?
I say this in jest, but thumb wrestling. One of my favorite things ever is when Katie is starting to doze off and I grab her hand to 'thumb wrestle'. I start going through my motions as I'm getting ready to battle and she 'claims' she's too tired and she doesn't have the energy. Bullshit. Within 5 seconds of our match she pins me for the 1-2-3 and laughs it off. She's a worthy opponent and someday I'll learn that this vixen's more than meets the eye.
Do you have any mentors or people you look up to?
Of course I do. My dad. Though all of our years together my dad has always taught me to see through the shit. To know the real in the BS. This comes from the work side of everything. I've always spoke my mind at work and stood up for the hourly folk. He's always been approachable and easy to talk to. He's passionate about what he knows. However, he also has the humility to admit when he's wrong or when things can be done differently.
What looks easy-peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?
Being married to a bipolar woman. Some people like the idea of having a 'wild woman': unpredictable, ridiculously high sex drive (the one symptom that I guess just passed her by, unfortunately), who takes on the extreme projects, drains the bank accounts, and flies off the handle.
In all seriousness, I will have to admit that having a bipolar wife was a little difficult to deal with at the beginning, Over the years of us being together I feel like I've lucked out in spotting the stages of bipolar. Katie has alway been like this but giving it a diagnosis and navigating it was a teaching moment. Her medication has made everything chill out and the mood swings aren't at all what they used to be.
Learning about bipolar and sticking by her side has been rewarding. It's given me a better understanding of her and people with any sort of mental illnesses. I'm a better, more aware parent than I was before. I also feel I'm better equipped to handle the world knowing that there are people out there that just aren't in the best position mentally and I can help with that. You can even go as far as to say that navigating this with Katie has made me a better person. Cheesy, yes, but true. She's passionate about mental health and I've learned a lot from her.
What’s something you’ve drawn inspiration from recently?
I alway draw inspiration from her. She's so strong and faces so much adversity but pushes through to be the best parent/wife she can be. She will always beat herself up about everything, that just how she is. but, I wish that she could just see herself as I see her. She's insightful, thoughtful, genuine, and thinks about the future.
If you had to sing karaoke right now, which song would you pick?
Easy. Mr. Jones from Counting Crows. Random, but I feel a connection to that song and every time it comes on I'm singing my heart out.
What’s your guilty pleasure right now?
IPAs. The weather is breaking here in Michigan and nothing is better in the 50 degree temps than a delicious IPA to help wind down the day. The hazier or juicier the better.
Trivia night, what is the category you would know the most about?
Difficult to answer. I could talk eons about Star Wars, Marvel, or baseball. However, if I had to pick a strength right now it would be Star Wars, hands down.
What is an album you recommend that has no bad songs?
'Siamese Dream' by Smashing Pumpkins. Whenever I am feeling down and out, when the world has bested me I blare this through my ear buds and nothing can touch me, I feel great. The song 'Mayonnaise' is my favorite on that album and it makes me feel great.
Wow, I *swear* I didn't write any of those nice things about myself! I will forever feel guilty about some of the ways I acted before I was medicated for bipolar. Thankfully, I have never had a full manic episode. I have bipolar II, so my episodes swing from depression to hypomanic. Hypomania isn't as severe and doesn't cause psychosis. It still sucks! But it could be worse. I wrote a post a while ago about 'How My Bipolar Diagnosis Affected My Marriage' and that gives a lot more insight into it.
Anyway, I am going to take a hot shower and head to bed!
I was looking for something to post today and I re-discovered a folder in my email called "Blog Post Ideas"--they are ideas that were submitted by readers. At the time I made it, I had every intention of writing about each of them--and then, being me, I completely forgot the folder was even there.
So, I started looking through them today, and there was one from 2019(!) about "post-race blues" and how to get motived to start running again after a big race is over. Since I was just writing yesterday about how I just don't feel motivated to run right now, I thought it might be a helpful post (for myself, even).
In 2016, I ran a personal best 10K and I felt on top of the world. I had trained SO HARD for that time. The previous fall, I was running an 11:00 minute mile for a 10K and my goal (for April) was to run a 7:55 minute mile pace. Sounded completely impossible.
But I trained my ass off, even losing 40 pounds in the process. And on race day, I did it! I was so happy and relieved that all of my training had paid off.
And you know what? That was the last time I felt *truly* excited about racing. After that, I didn't care about my speed or distance, or even running races ever again. I had reached that big goal and I didn't really have another desire to reach new distances or speeds. I wanted to keep running, but more for exercise/hobby/fun than anything.
I wish I could say that it has changed over time, but it honestly hasn't. I go through phases where I really enjoy running and other times, phases where I want to quit for good (right now, I have no desire to run). The point is, though, I had the post-race blues after that 10K for a long time. I actually went into a pretty deep depression for nearly a year--at which time I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar.
I felt like I just didn't have anything to look forward to after crushing my goal. I'd worked so hard that I never wanted to try to better my time once again. I've only run a few races since then and I haven't truly *raced* any of them. In 2018, I gained a lot of weight back because I just couldn't find that drive I used to have--not just racing, but in diet as well.
I replied to the reader who had sent me the question--I said that I'm not "credible" to give advice about getting motivation back to keep running because I hadn't yet gotten there myself. I said that once I figured it out, I would be sure to write about it.
And here we are, almost four years later... do I have the right advice? Unfortunately, no.
This is where I am hoping some other people can jump in and give their own advice for getting back to running after the "post-race blues". I'm in a bit of a pickle (totally my fault) right now because I have a 10K race in two weeks and I'm not even close to ready for it. I don't know whether to go try to run it and do my best or just go and cheer Nathan on while he runs it (we hadn't planned to stick together through the race itself--he's much faster than I).
Basically, I want to WANT to run. There were times where I was excited to train because I could see myself improving. There were times that I switched up training methods to keep things interesting. I coached cross country and hoped that would motivate me; I've read running books and I've listened to running podcasts to no avail. I just can't get back that full-force drive I used to push me to train. Or if I wasn't training for a race, I ran anyway.
In my heyday, if someone would have asked, I would have suggested:
*Pick a new race to train for. *Set new goals for either distance or speed (not both at the same time) *Check out some running motivation (I wrote a whole post about my running motivators here) *Try a different training method (if you're used to training by speed, then try heart rate training; if you're used to training by distance, try running shorter distances but faster; etc.) *Pick a running plan that is different than anything you've done before; there is something about the fresh, new start that is a pick-me-up *Take a short break from running and try another sport--or maybe even set your sights on a triathlon. *Make it fun with friends by signing up for a race like a Ragnar Relay (that's the race that I did with a team in the film 'From Fat to Finish Line'). *Get together with a friend and train for another race together--even if you don't have plans to run a personal best. *Sometimes just looking through past race photos helps!
As you can see, I have ideas. They just haven't panned out for me--either due to excuses, laziness, lack of interest, or inability due to injury or something like that.
So, Friends, I ask you now... what would your advice be? I want to know for myself as much as for the reader who asked the question! (A million years ago) Thanks :)
Yay for Friday! I'm in a great mood today; I think that the weather finally starting to warm up a touch is helping. (It's only been warm for a couple of days, but it's starting to feel like spring.)
Eli is now officially on spring break for the next nine days. He's not going anywhere, but I think he's going to have a good time. Jerry and I are going to Jeanie's house to take care of her dogs for an entire week--the longest I've been away since we went to Punta Cana in 2014!--and the boys will run the show at home. Eli didn't want to go with us, so I told him he could have a friend stay here with him.
I'm definitely nervous, but my parents are less than a mile away and they are going to check up on the boys. I jokingly (but not really) reminded the kids that we have security cameras so Jerry and I will know what kind of shenanigans go on around here ;) Honestly, though, they're really good kids--I'm sure things will be fine.
I'm more worried about the cats than I am the kids! We're taking Joey with us because he loves Remy (Jeanie's basset hound), but the boys will be in charge of taking care of the cats. Cats are generally easy to take care of, but Duck is a different kind of cat, haha. He's very codependent and he's attached to my hip every possible moment he can be, so I'm worried he's going to have separation anxiety. I've been drilling it into the kids that they have to play with him--the other cats are pretty lazy, but Duck needs stimulation (usually playing fetch with wadded up paper balls).
Actually, that leads me to my one of my Friday night photos...
I was looking up creative ways to keep cats occupied when home alone (they won't be alone, but I know the kids won't be as attentive as I am) and rather than buying toys, I started making a few. The first was this cardboard box, haha.
My mom bought something like it on Amazon several years ago when she had a cat and it was just a simple cardboard box with holes cut out in it. We have a ton of empty Amazon boxes in our garage, so I found one that seemed a good size and cut a bunch of holes in it. I put some treats in there and Duck spent a good 45 minutes making sure he got every last treat out (he's VERY food-motivated). Chick was interested long enough to get the easy-to-grab treats and then he decided a nap was more fun.
I still haven't been training for the 10K like I should be, and I'm really starting to get anxious about it. I ran a couple of times recently and it just hasn't been enjoyable. Aside from my stomach being upset (thanks to my iron supplements), the weather was not ideal:
A RealFeel of NINE. It was super windy and I felt like I was running backwards when I had a headwind. Why does it seem like there is a headwind in every direction?! The snow started coming down hard toward the end and I could barely keep my eyes open. I really need to get in a few more longish runs before the race, so I'll have to do them at Jeanie's. I know that I've had lots of excuses, and I never would have let those things keep me from running in the past; I just wish I felt motivated to do it!
On one of the warmer days (temps in the 50's) I removed the sliding patio door and cleaned the bottom track really well. Then I replaced the pile weatherproofing strips and cleaned the guides on the bottom of the door. They were full of crud and they worked so much better after cleaning and oiling them! It felt great to get this done. And it was much easier than I thought it would be.
One of my friends and I do the Wordle every morning and share our results (yes, we are total nerds!). One day last week, the word was YACHT. I could faintly remember that we talked about that word before. I couldn't find it, but my friend sent me this screenshot from June of last year when I had texted this...
Interestingly enough, I ended up guessing it in three! Now I'm just waiting for the word QUEUE to be the Wordle, haha.
I finally figured out the problem I was having with my serger when trying to hem my jeans last week. I watched some YouTube videos and on one of them, someone had a little trick for threading the serger--I tried it and I was so happy that it worked! I was getting so frustrated with it. I was able to hem the jeans with the ladder-like stitch and I love it--it's so much easier than the other way I was hemming (at 5'4", I have to hem almost every pair of pants I buy). The stitches aren't completely even, but it was hard going over the seams.
Jerry and I were lying in bed a few days ago and I can't remember why this came up, but we were laughing about how when he pulls his head back, his neck is the same size as his head--and that it looked like a thumb (I literally laughed out loud as I wrote this). So I'm holding my thumb up to compare to Jerry's head, haha.
Meanwhile, on my lap...
Phoebe, Estelle, and Joey found me irresistible, apparently. Chick and Duck like to sleep in the beds on the wall in the evening, but these three try to get as close to me as possible.
And last but not least, Jerry surprised me with this hoodie as a "just because" gift today...
I love it! And it matches really well with the comfy yellow pants I bought at Goodwill recently.
Well, that's all I have. I think I may do another "wordless week" while I'm at Jeanie's, so I can just prep the posts ahead of time and then not even open my computer for the entire week. If not, I'm sure next Friday will be full of dog photos ;)
This post is going to be far from humble--just a forewarning ;)
I'm not sure why this topic popped into my head today. I was making seitan and then I thought, "Three Things Thursday--I could write three things I'm proud of." Completely random. Then it was kind of hard to come up with three things, haha. But when I mentioned it to Jerry, he said I sell myself short and he started naming some things that I should be proud of.
I'm not going to count the most obvious one, which is losing more than half my body weight through diet and exercise. I'm certainly proud of that and I have no qualms about saying so! But since I've written about that all over my blog, it feels redundant. Instead, here are three things that may not be so obvious.
1. Remodeling my house.
I knew absolutely NOTHING about building, tools, plumbing, electrical, drywall, flooring, and a million other things when I started. I had no plans of completely redoing everything! I just wanted to remove the textured ceiling... which led to drywalling... which led to painting... which led to molding... which led to flooring... and so on. I didn't have any real tools to speak of--just the token hammer, drill, circular saw, and probably a couple of other small things I didn't know the names of.
I didn't have a miter saw until after I'd cut (by hand) all of the casing and molding in the dining room, living room, and kitchen. When I bought a miter saw from Facebook Marketplace, I was STUNNED. I couldn't believe how easy it was to cut boards! I had been doing it by hand and it took such a long time. When I learned the power of a miter saw, I got really interested in other tools.
There were a lot of back and forth texts and phone calls to Brian (my older brother) asking him questions about each things I decided to DIY. The first really big thing I took on was the drywalling. I didn't have to hang drywall at that point; I just had to tape and mud (I didn't even know what that meant) where the ceiling and walls meet. And honestly, that's the thing that I am most proud of--even though nobody coming into our house would notice--because it made the biggest difference to me.
Removing the crown molding and taping those seams was a pivotal project for me--I learned that I am capable of doing SO many things that I never would have dreamed. And I was excited to do more more more! I started watching YouTube videos each time I moved onto something else, and I taught myself so much.
It's kind of funny to go through the house now, because I can tell which rooms I did first and which I did later--because I learned from each project what NOT to do, haha. There are certain things that I kind of cringe at, but every single one of them was a learning experience.
Looking at the before and after photos, though, makes me feel proud. I did 95% of the work myself. I went from someone who had never even used a saw to making my own laminate countertops and building a closet and building an island... I didn't even know it was possible to do those things!
(You can find all of the posts and photos and stuff like that on this page.)
2. Paying off credit card debt.
In early 2017, we were $14,000 in debt--and that didn't include car payments or mortgage or anything like that. It was solely credit card debt. We lived paycheck to paycheck and we were always worried about money. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started medication that I was able to come up with a plan to pay off the debt.
I read about zero-sum budgeting and I wanted to try it. I wrote a budget and I stuck to it meticulously. And over the next 14 months, I paid down our debt. When I made the final payment, I felt SO FREE. It was amazing!
After that, I continued the budgeting. The money that I'd been paying onto the credit card then went to materials for working on the house. And when the house was done (is it ever really done?) I continued the budget to build a savings account. We had never had a "real" savings account!
We still do zero-sum budgeting and I love it because I know that we already have the money for the following month; I don't worry about whether we'll be able to pay our bills by living paycheck to paycheck. Last year kind of wiped out our savings--we had so many unexpected expenses like the new roof and water damage in the bathroom and bedroom, stuff for our cars... I'm disappointed that we had to use our savings for it. BUT--if we didn't have that money saved up, we would have added another $20,000 of debt.
Right now, I'm working on building our savings account again. I'm really hoping that we can get though this year without big (but necessary) expenses so that we'll have savings to fall back on in the future. The zero-sum budgeting was a huge game changer for us--we are still able to buy some (unnecessary/fun) things we want while putting some money in savings. And I'm proud of that!
(I wrote a post about zero-sum budgeting and how we paid off the debt, which you can find here.)
3. Riding the Breezy.
This one is completely odd and most people would think it's ridiculous that I'm proud of it... but this was HUGE for me. I was always absolutely terrified of flying. Brian became a pilot when I was about 12 or 13 and my first flight was in a tiny four-seater airplane with my brother as the pilot. (That had nothing to do with my fear--I was scared long before he got his pilot license.) I cried the entire 10-minute flight.
I did fly a few times after that--I had a penpal (remember those?!) in North Carolina and I visited her a couple of times. I went to visit my friend Adam at Harvard when I was about 18. I went to Florida with my family when I was about 19. I went to Vegas with my mom and best friend when I was 21. I was still terrified and hated every second of it--even with Xanax and alcohol (which you're not supposed to mix, I know, so don't do that)--and after the Vegas flight, I just couldn't bring myself to fly.
In 2010, I felt great about myself. I had lost about 100 pounds at that point and we drove to Minnesota to visit Brian. Brian's friend Steve owned a few airplanes and he invited us to the airplane hanger for a cookout. When we got there, Steve asked if we wanted to take a ride on the Breezy. When he showed us the Breezy, I thought he was joking--it looked like a half-finished airplane!
I didn't let the kids ride it, but Steve took them on a different "finished" plane. It was their first flight and they loved it!
Just the very thought of riding on that made me feel nauseous. I declined, of course, but Jerry was excited to go. When he came back and I saw the pictures he took from the air, I thought they looked so cool! And I started to get this nagging voice in my head that I should do it. Because back then, a Facebook profile picture was everything, haha. And NOBODY would believe that I rode on not just a little airplane that my brother's friend was flying--but the BREEZY.
When I started considering it, I felt extremely sick. I had a panic attack. I went in the bathroom and was literally dry heaving. I wanted to do it so badly because it was so unlike me. I had overcome a lot over the past year and it almost felt like it was meant to be--a new beginning, a new leaf, whatever you want to call it. I felt like it was a moment that would change my life.
I made up my mind, and I told Steve that I was going to do it. I said, "When you take off, I'm going to be crying. And I'm going to cry horribly until you get back on the ground. But I need to do this. So please don't do anything crazy and don't let me freak you out. Just fly." I knew with 100% certainty that he wouldn't do the crazy stuff he and Brian did for "fun"--he knew if he did that, I'd never get on a plane again. I was practically choking with panic when we started to taxi. We started picking up speed as my panic grew.
The plane gently lifted off the ground. And then? Peace.
I immediately stopped panicking and I felt AMAZING. The view from that little plane was astounding. Steve turned to look at me and grinned when he saw a huge smile across my face. I was trying to take a selfie (with a regular camera) when he motioned for me to give him the camera--while he was flying the plane--and he took a few pictures.
We only flew for about 10 minutes, but I loved every second of it. When we landed, I felt the biggest adrenaline rush I'd ever felt. I called a few people from my cell phone to tell them what I'd done. Brian is very hard to impress, and even he was clearly proud that I did it.
If given the chance to do it again, I would hop on the plane in a heartbeat. I felt so good about it that I even flew to Minnesota two weeks later and ran my first Ragnar Relay with Brian! I still hate flying, and a lot of times I white-knuckle the entire flight to my destination, so that hasn't changed. But the fact that I pushed myself to get on the most terrifying-looking contraption I'd ever seen remains with me. I am really damn proud of myself for facing that fear!
I didn't know Brian was recording while I was on the Breezy, but he put together this video for me. The music he chose is highly appropriate, considering I was diagnosed crazy seven years later, hahaha.
And there we have it--three things I am proud of :)
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