What a Mess

So, where was I? Oh right, it was a couple of hours before my oral surgery and then I didn't write for three weeks after that. Why is the time going by so fast?!

The morning of the surgery (if you missed it, I needed a tooth extracted and replaced with an implant), I was terrified, of course. Jerry drove me to the appointment; since I was having IV sedation, I needed a driver afterward.

I sat in the chair at the dentist and the assistants got me set up for the IV. [One thing that I noted while I was there--they asked me for my height and weight. I wondered if Eli was asked that before his sedation. Since he woke up during surgery, maybe they didn't give him the proper dose of meds. At home later, I asked him about it and he said he was never asked for his height or weight. I was angry all over again.]

The assistants were asking me about my kids, likely to keep me calm and then to see how the meds were kicking in. I remember laughing one moment (in regards to something about the kids) and the next thing I remember, I was walking back to the car with Jerry. The sedation was WONDERFUL.

I felt pretty good and asked Jerry if we could stop at JoAnn Fabrics for a minute (I only needed one small thing). I don't remember much of anything about that stop! Hahaha, I must have still been totally out of it. My mouth was killing me all the way home. I got a little relief when I took the gauze pads out of my mouth (you're supposed to bite them until it stops bleeding) but it was still painful overall. Painkillers helped a little, but they've never been super effective with me.

The big question for me was, is my headache gone?

It was hard to tell at first because of the tooth pain (or phantom pain, I guess?). My headache became much worse, actually, despite the pain meds. The pain meds made it tolerable, but I only had three day's worth and on the fourth day, I was miserable again. I just figured that my headache wasn't related to my tooth after all, and I was just going to have to live with this headache forever.

About a week later, though, I noticed that it wasn't as bad. I had periods throughout the day where it stopped hurting altogether, and it gave me so much hope. About a week ago, my headache was about 90% gone and now it's to the point where if I do have a headache, it's usually dehydration--basically my baseline.

So now, tooth is gone, headache is gone! 

I wish I could say I feel a million times better now, but this whole thing (plus a bunch of other stuff) did a number on me over the last few months. I started eating terribly, and even binge eating (something I hadn't done in a very long time!). I stopped wanting to do things with people--my headache made me irritable and definitely not good company. I stopped being very active in day-to-day life (I hate to blame it on the headache, but the more I moved around, the worse it got).

I gained 15 pounds, bringing me to 160--the heaviest I've been in probably at least three years. My clothes don't fit. I feel incredibly unhealthy due to the eating habits and lack of exercise. It's amazing what just three months did to me, mentally and physically. This is seriously one of the worst setbacks I've had as far as my weight loss goes--not due to the numbers, but just how quickly and easily this whole thing happened. I feel terrible about myself, though, for letting this happen.

Now that the headache is gone, I want to get back on track but I am having SUCH a hard time doing it. It's amazing how three months can totally change your taste buds, your cravings, even your desire to get back on track. It's hard not to feel like I'm "too far gone" to fix it. And I know that's a horrible attitude! I'm just thinking out loud while I type.

I already know--very well--what I need to do to get back on track and feel better about myself. I just need to find the discipline and determination to do it. I'm going to read 'Atomic Habits' again and try to come up with a plan that doesn't sound so daunting. Jerry is at his heaviest in probably 12 years and he really wants to work on it as well.

I've never been a fan of "waiting until the new year" to start working on a goal, so I'm not going to discount this month. [I wrote a post about this and I just reread it. It's actually pretty helpful, even to myself!] We still have 20 days left, and I want to make the most of it. My birthday is next month and it would be great if I could lose 10 pounds or so before then.

Right now, I am hanging in there--just not feeling very happy with myself. Thank you for asking! I always feel better after writing a post, so I should try to make that a habit as well. I don't want to go back to blogging every day, but even once a week--especially as I try to get my life back in order--would be helpful.

And because I don't like to end my posts on a negative note, here is a picture of Jerry... with his new truck! He's always wanted a new truck, and through the years, we always said that when we paid off the house, he could buy whatever truck he wanted. He's certainly earned it and absolutely deserves it! He LOVES it and I'm thrilled for him. (Also, this means that I now have the Edge to drive.)