Self-Care

I think that was the longest break I've taken from blogging in, oh, 13 years? Yikes!

I should have checked in at some point, because I felt guilty about the abrupt absence, but I didn't realize just how much I needed that break until after our Minnesota trip. I loved getting to see Becky (and the kiddos, of course!). There is so much to catch up on--some things I'll probably post about over the next couple of weeks, but some things are pretty irrelevant now, so I'll pick and choose what to write about.

(Also, I have a million photos to sort through, so I'll just include a couple of random ones in this post)

Look how grown up Luke is! He drove me around the property on a golf cart. He's also a faster reader than I, haha--I bought him a Captain Underpants book and he read the whole book on a Sunday morning. Meanwhile, I spent 24 hours in the car (roundtrip) and I finished one book.

We've had SO many big changes in our household recently. Noah moved out in December (taking Phoebe with him), Jerry started an entirely new work schedule, Eli graduated high school, and both Noah and Eli took jobs where Jerry works. I didn't love the idea of the kids working at the plant (I want them to do something they truly enjoy) but they were very enticed by the pay and benefits.

Eli plans to stay there a year, saving up as much money as possible before he (hopes) to start an electrical apprenticeship. Noah still isn't sure what he wants to study; he's changed his program three or four times. Rather than continuing to spend money on school, he wants to work full time until he figures it out. Regardless of what they choose to do, I'm cool with it. They both actually really like working at the plant for now!

I still don't have a car, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather put off my errands and things for the evenings and weekends than take out a loan for a car right now. Also, Eli is hoping to buy a new (used) car soon; when he does that, I'm going to drive the Volvo. Definitely different from my Jeep, but our luck with cars over the last year makes me reluctant to get a new one.

Aside from all those changes, the main reason for taking time off was basically for self-care. After The Worst Year Of Our Lives (I'm not sure what else to call it, so that's how Jerry and I have been referring to all the crap we went through), we both felt kind of broken. It's been about two years since our long streak of bad luck started and I'm definitely still dealing with a lot of it (emotionally).

I recently learned who I can and cannot count on to be here for me in tough times, and that was really hard to accept. I let some people down by dealing with my own stuff and neglecting those relationships (not purposely; I just felt so emotionally drained, like I had nothing left to give). And I just wasn't in the mindset to write a vulnerable post.

So, I spent the last month focusing on ME--something I haven't done in at least 18 years. It seemed like it was a good time because Eli had just graduated and it felt like a transition period for me, from "stay-at-home mom" to "homemaker". I did a lot of crafting (mostly sewing) and more introspection than ever before. Last week, I had an epiphany that years of therapy was never able to uncover--why I eat for emotional reasons--and that felt like a huge burden was lifted. I'm not ready to write about that yet, though.

Working on crafts has been very therapeutic and I'm starting to feel "lighter", if that makes sense. I'm hoping that I can move forward now (with life in general) and recharge my emotional batteries (that's a lame way to put it, but that's the best I can describe it).

Riley and I made bracelets for each other. She's so creative! We played doctor (I was the patient, of course) and she took an x-ray, said I had a broken arm, did surgery, put a cast on it, and gave me instructions to cover the cast in the shower for 10 months--BAHAHA. I also had my teeth worked on multiple times when we played dentist.

Aside from all that, things here are good. Jerry and I are solid, the kids are happy and "grown up" (very bittersweet for Jerry and me), the pets are doing great (Phoebe is SO happy at Noah's!), and we haven't had any mini-catastrophes in a while. I'd been pushing Jerry for years to find a hobby he enjoys but he couldn't think of anything that really interested him (other than disc golf, which he loves, but isn't convenient to do very frequently).

I made these for Jerry for Father's Day. I have loved Shrinky Dinks ever since I was a kid, and I originally made him a keychain of the ECTO-1 license plate (from Ghostbusters). Then I had the idea to transfer drawings the kids had done--pictures they drew OF JERRY when they were each four years old! As well as the way they wrote "daddy". Eli's says "Dae" because that is how he said it at the time--DAA--EEE, basically skipping over the DD--and he sounded it out. So cute! Jerry loves the keychains.

When we were in Minnesota we took Luke and Riley to the Mall of America, where they have a LEGO store. Even though Jerry had never gotten into Legos before (I know it's LEGO, but I just can't get used to NOT calling them Legos), it suddenly piqued his interest (I'm sure the Star Wars and Ghostbuster Lego sets had nothing to do with it--ha!). Then Eli gave him a LEGO set and suddenly he was hooked--and very excited that it could be a good hobby for him.

He spent most of the weekend working on it and then pulled out the thousands of Legos we have (about half of them are at least 40 years old!) and the instruction manuals for different sets, and now he wants to start putting those together. I had started sorting them a while ago, hoping to put the sets back together, but it was taking soooo long. I love building with Legos, but sorting them is no fun at all, haha. They are currently sorted by color, which is helpful.

I haven't done a weigh-in in a while, so I will get back to that on Wednesday. I don't have a great feeling about it, but I'm also not going to put pressure on myself. I feel like I've gotten a lot of emotional baggage out of the way and I will have an easier time focusing on my physical wellbeing. In fact, as soon as I finish this post, I'm going to run!

My friend Sarah (the one who lives in Arizona) is coming to visit this week and I couldn't be more excited to see her. She's been my best friend since we were toddlers, basically, and she's someone that I know will always be here for me. She understands me almost as much as Jerry does. We can go months without talking, but then we spend a couple of hours on the phone and pick up right where we left off. I haven't seen her in a very long time (I think almost two years) and I look forward to catching up in person!

Thank you for the comments and emails, truly. I appreciate the kindness more than you can ever know. I wasn't trying to ignore anyone, and I should have said I was taking a break--but I had no idea I was going to be away this long. It's kind of hard to jump back in, because where do I start? I'll just take it one day at a time, writing when I want to and not writing when I don't feel like I have much to say. Writing this post feels good :)