May 20, 2011

Oh, the horror

I bought a size 6 dress today. When I was losing weight, I was THRILLED when I could first fit into a 6. I felt on top of the world! And today, I felt completely defeated when I bought a 6.

I have a perfectly good size 4 dress that I had been planning on wearing to a wedding tomorrow, and low and behold, it no longer fits. I cannot zip it. Just a few months ago, it was TOO BIG to wear, and now it hangs in my closet (still brand new!) waiting to be worn.

My first pair of size 6 jeans... see how happy I was?!
When I was trying on dresses, I felt like such a big, fat, failure. I'm not at all complaining that a size 6 is fat--because it's certainly a great size to be!--but I was fooling myself into thinking that I was still a 4, and the pounds I've gained haven't really shown up or something.

And buying the 6 was like admitting my defeat. I just hope this isn't the start of me gaining back EVERY.POUND.I'VE.LOST.  I keep thinking that I'll never let that happen, but it IS HAPPENING. It's happening right now!

I really hope that today was my wake-up call. I know that the extra pounds are now very visible on my body, and I need to do something now. It's much easier to lose 10 or 20 pounds than it is to lose 125 pounds--which I know from experience.

I'm happy with the dress I bought, and I certainly hope that it looks good on me--err, that I look good in it, rather?  I'll make sure to take pictures. I have to wear a black shrug with it, to cover my upper arms. My arms are super saggy from the weight loss, and I don't think I'll ever be able to bare them in a cute strapless dress or even a tank top. I have so many body issues that did not go away with the weight loss--my saggy skin, blemishes, lumps and bumps.

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty "woken up" right now. Let's hope it lasts.


  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2011

    You are NOT going to gain your weight back! You have done a fantastic job and you are going to bounce back even stronger! Maybe you need to take a break from weight loss mode for a month or so. Restrictive dieting can be mentally tiring and could sometimes backfire if done too long.
    Cheer up! You are going to look fab in that new dress!

  2. you know me......I would rather be skinny with blemishes, lumps & bumps than fat with you took some time off and put on a little weight...who cares you deserve it....maybe that is the size your body is happy at? I'm sure you look just as amazing in a 6 as you do a 4. Who knows maybe that dress manufacturer just runs small and it's really supposed to be a 2?

  3. AnonymousMay 21, 2011

    Hey beautiful. I know you can do this. It may seem like the world is falling around you. I know that happens to me when I lose so little or I gain. You CAN do this. This is a wake up call. ::hugs:: Vanillamama

  4. AnonymousMay 21, 2011

    You can do this! A lot of us are cheering you on!

  5. You will NOT gain that weight back!!! I have "fatmares" all the time that I wake up and I've regained the weight. I still have a long way to go, but even the thought of that happening is terrifying. I hope that size six "woke you up" and you get back on track because I know you can do it. Look at what you've already done!

  6. Just remember--you are in control. Nobody else is making the choice about what goes in your mouth--only YOU! Easy for me to say. I too went to a wedding this weekend and over-ate and over-imbibed. Sometimes you have to let loose and enjoy, but then you have to remember where you came from and that you have a problem with food and get right back to fighting it. I have convinced myself that every single waking minute will be a struggle for me--fighting those urges to eat too much, to eat the wrong thing, to gain back the weight. People who gain the weight back aren't using all these tools that we have--the internet, support groups out there, new low-cal food and treats that are available, weight loss TV shows for motivation, and our own intelligence. We're smart women Katie, and we know what we need to do and damn it, we're going to do it. BTW--I'd kill to fit into a size 6!!!

  7. I can TOTALLY relate to this, but the important thing is that you are doing something about it now and won't let it get to the point of gaining everything back. You're so motivating Katie, keep up the good work :)

  8. I just stumbled across your blog from Sparkpeople and I have you say that you are a GREAT inspiration. I'm in the process of losing 70 pounds and your before and after images definitely give me the motivation to battle through the hard parts.

    You will not gain the weight back? Do you know how I know? Because you know what you have to do to lose the weight and you have a plan to get back on track. You are an amazing woman and such an inspiration.

    I did have one question and feel free to just ignore it. I have huge flabby upper arms and I noticed that in all your pictures you never show your upper arms, but I was wondering if you couldn't show at least one picture of them? Your arms look SUPER skinny in all the shirts that I've seen and I'm just really wondering how "super saggy" they could possibly be!

  9. @Jen
    Jen, I am EXTREMELY self-conscious of my arms, so I do hide them. I'll think about posting a picture, but I might have to have a couple glasses of wine first! ;)
    Actually, I ran an 8k today wearing a tank top for the first time in my entire life--and one of the pics that my husband took definitely shows the extent of how saggy my arms are. I almost deleted it, but MAYBE I will get up the nerve to post it. You're not the first person to ask!


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