Thank you all so much for your kind words of support about Paolo. Even though I know we made the right decision, it still just feels like a heavy weight on my shoulders. This year has been a challenge for me, that's for sure! With Sarah dying from melanoma, seeing Mark deteriorate and finally pass away, my emotional eating taking a toll on my weight, and now Paolo--it's been a lot to handle. But I have some really great things going on this summer and fall that can hopefully turn things around, starting with Punta Cana in a few weeks!
I thought the other three cats might act differently without Paolo around, but they don't seem to notice. Eli told me today that he bets that Paolo is in Heaven and annoying God with his constant meowing and begging to turn on the water faucet ;) It's funny what goes through kids' minds!
I took a rest day today, not only because I felt like I needed it, but also because my knee is still giving me issues after that 12-mile run on Friday. It seemed okay when I ran/walked with Noah on Saturday, and hadn't been a bother during Monday or Tuesday's runs. Then, I did strength training yesterday, and ever since then, I can really feel it. It's definitely something I could run through if I wanted, but after my past experience with knee injury, I'm not taking any chances. I'm going to rest it completely until it's 100% better. My next race isn't until October, so there isn't any rush at all.
Based on the location of the pain, I'm pretty sure it's my IT band; so today, I used the foam roller and rested most of the day. I really wanted to go for a long walk this morning, but I could feel the twinge in my knee just walking around the house, so I figured it would be best not to. Better safe than sorry!
Eli asked me if we could go miniature golfing, so I said sure. I think he's getting bored without Noah around! We went and played a round of mini golf, and it was nice spending time with him.
When we got in the car to go home, he asked if we could go out for ice cream. This started a big battle in my head--of course I wanted ice cream! I love ice cream. But I am trying really hard to stay on track, and I couldn't afford to fit a flurry into my calories today, especially since I can't run right now. As I was driving home, this battle in my head was going back and forth, back and forth. (Of course, I could have just told Eli no to the ice cream, but now that he's able to eat after his surgery, I didn't see anything wrong with him having an ice cream). It went something like this:
"Just get one. This is your special time with Eli, and that's what he wants to do."
"But you gave up ice cream for all of July."
"Just eat it, and pretend you didn't."
"You've been doing really well staying on track lately, don't blow it."
"You can always start over tomorrow."
"You have to fit into a bridesmaids' dress in less than a month. You can't afford to gain."
"You can just be extra strict tomorrow to make up for it."
...and on and on. Crazy, right? All that over a stupid flurry.
I pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream place, and just sat there, debating. I know this sounds ridiculous, but this situation was SO tempting for me. It would be like asking a recovering alcoholic to go buy his favorite drink for a friend, pay for it, and carry it over and hand it to him--without getting one himself.
I called Jerry, and I thought, "If he doesn't answer, I'm just going to order one". He answered just before his voicemail picked up. I told him the situation, and he tried to be helpful, but in my mind, I think I already knew what the answer was. Ultimately, I decided to get Eli his flurry, and I didn't get anything for myself.
It's interesting, because when I was losing weight, I did things like this all the time, and it wasn't nearly this difficult. I was used to going to parties and turning down food; taking the kids out for ice cream, and not getting anything myself; sorting Halloween candy with the kids, and not eating so much as an M&M (unless I'd planned it out first and counted the calories for it). I was so stubborn, and so determined. For the past year or so, however, I've somehow developed this "you only live once" attitude, and I've been choosing the instant gratification (food) over my long term goals (staying at a healthy weight).
I kind of feel like today was a big step in the right direction. I faced my biggest temptation, and I overcame it. After Eli had finished his ice cream, I was really glad that I hadn't gotten any. If I had, I'm sure it wouldn't have stopped with the ice cream--it would have put me over my calories for the day, so I would likely have said, "Oh, well, might as well have this, too..." and then, "I'll just start over tomorrow". I swear, those five words, "I'll just start over tomorrow", should be banished from existence! ;)
Noah comes home on Friday, and he has no idea that we are planning a surprise birthday party for him. We had celebrated his birthday a couple of weeks ago with my family, but we told him we'd have to plan his "friends party" in August, because of the timing and Jerry's work schedule. So on Friday, Jerry will go pick him up from the church, and I'll stay here with his friends. And then they'll surprise him when he comes home after being at camp for a week.
Noah is going to be SO excited, I'm sure of it. So tomorrow, we have to get everything ready for the big surprise on Friday. I can't wait!