Mark's visit at home

I hope everyone has had a LOVELY Valentine's Day. I made heart-shaped French toast for my kids this morning, but it ended up being a failure, because they didn't even recognize that it was in the shape of hearts until I told them halfway through their breakfast! ;) Oh, well, I tried...

After the kids went to school, I hopped on the treadmill for my long run. On the schedule was a 10K race, but since I had no race to do today, I decided to just run 8 miles at the slow end of my long run pace range (8:48-10:07/mi). Sadly, I was down to the very last two episodes of Flashpoint. I've really loved that show, and it has gotten me through many runs during this extremely cold and snowy winter. The last two episodes totaled about 80 minutes, so the timing was totally perfect for my 8-mile run.

The finale was really good, and I was happy with the way the show ended. But now I've got to find something else to occupy my mind on the 'mill. My run went well; my heart rate stayed in the very low end of Zone 3, which is good.

Just after lunch, my dad and I went to go pick up Mark. His occupational therapist was going to follow us to Mark's group home to evaluate how well Mark could handle moving around there, so she would know what to work on with him. When we got to the nursing home, Mark was very excited and ready to go! He waved to everyone as we were walking out (pushing him in his wheelchair), and he told everyone, "Don't worry, I'll be back in a little while!"

Tiffany (his OT) showed us how to get him into the car, and it went really smoothly. Mark has gotten SO much better since he started physical and occupational therapy.

Tiffany followed us in her car, and we drove to the group home. Mark got out and walked into the house with his walker... he did great!

Mark was so happy to see everyone. The residents in the home all came up to him to shake his hand, and ask him questions about where he was, and all that. Mark kept telling everyone that he was there to "take a test" and that Tiffany was his "teacher" ;)  He worked really hard at being independent, and he did great. She had him walk around and show her the house, doing the things he would typically do on a daily basis there.

I have to stop for a moment to say that Tiffany is absolutely WONDERFUL with Mark! You can tell that she really, truly cares about him and his well-being. He's her first patient of the day during the week, and she even brings him coffee from Tim Hortons--not at all part of her job, but she knows that Mark loves his coffee. She really wants to get him well enough to live at the group home again, and Mark is the best patient ever, because he will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

This was the first time I've met the other residents in the home, and I'm so happy that I got to meet them. They all had different personalities which really came through in how they talked to Mark, and I just loved seeing Mark interact with everyone. Tiffany and I laughed at how Mark told pretty much everyone he saw that he's paying for the pizza party tomorrow with his own money. He kept saying he "raised over $200" to pay for the party, and he was very proud of that. Anyway, she is so nice, and I'm grateful that he has a therapist like her!

The whole time we were there, I kept noticing just how happy Mark was. I'd never seen him smile so big! He's always a happy person in general, but today was exceptional. I really hope that he's able to go back to live there (and soon).

When it was time to leave, after Mark "passed" his test, my dad and I took him back to the nursing home. I asked if he wanted a milkshake (and of course he did), so we stopped at McD's to get a shake for him. I noticed that they have Shamrock Shakes now (!!), so I suggested that one. I haven't had a Shamrock Shake in about 5 years, but I used to LOVE them. Mark wanted to try it, and he was in love at first sip. He said it beats the strawberry shake by a lot!

When we got to the nursing home, we realized that they were having an ice cream social for Valentine's Day. Mark wanted to do that, even though he'd already eaten half of his Shamrock Shake, so my dad and I took him to the cafeteria for the social. I did my long run today, so I didn't feel guilty at all about having a sundae with Mark.

I said I just wanted a small scoop, and this is what she gave me--who am I to argue about what a small scoop is? ;) It was so good! Perfect long run treat.

We got Mark settled back in his room, and then my dad and I left. I told Mark to get a good night's sleep for his party tomorrow. The party is at 4:00, and I'm looking forward to it!

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Gifts for Mark's friends!

When I woke up this morning, I thought, "Man, why did I write that I was going to start doing 30 Day Shred? I don't wanna..." ;)  After the boys went to school, I went to the rec center to run on the indoor track. I could have done the treadmill, but I honestly wanted to go up and down the flights of stairs a few times to get a little bit of elevation for my Wii U Fit Meter! I'm so far behind Jerry that I'll never catch up.

Anyway, my schedule for today and tomorrow is technically 3 miles easy today, and a 10K race tomorrow. But since I'm not racing a 10K, I think I may just do 8 miles at long run pace tomorrow. So today, my plan was to do 3 miles at half-marathon pace (8:34/mi).

I have no idea what happened, but my pace was nowhere near 8:34. My heart rate was up to the middle of my tempo run zone (Zone 4), but my pace was in the low 9:00's mostly--and I kept getting slower and slower. I'm hoping it's just because it's so hot in there? I don't know.

After I finished running, I ran up and down the stairs about five times. My legs were tired from that! I should do that as a workout one day--just go and run up and down the stairs for 20 minutes.

When I got home, instead of doing 30-Day Shred, I decided to do Pete Thomas's ABC circuit workout. His bootcamp class was SO hard, but that's what makes me think this workout will be effective (it's the same thing we did in class, only he won't be yelling at me to go faster!). I'm not going to do the full circuit program as listed (~60 minutes, 4 days a week); I am going to do 20-40 minutes, 4 days a week, by cutting back on the repetitions of each circuit.

Basically, you start with Circuit 1, and do the "A" exercise for 60 seconds; then the "B" exercise for 60 seconds; then the "C" exercise for 60 seconds. Repeat 2 more times, for a total of 3 times for Circuit 1. Then you move on to Circuit 2, and do the same thing. And so on, until you've done all 6 circuits.

To cut back on the time, I'll just do 1-2 repetitions of each circuit instead of 3. I did 40 minutes today, and I have a feeling I'm going to be REALLY sore tomorrow!

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My parents and I have been quickly getting things together for Mark's party on Saturday, and we had the idea to buy gifts for Mark to give each of the men at the group home. He lives with 17 other men, who are basically like his "family", and they've missed him. Mark loves to make people happy, so giving gifts is perfect for him :)

My dad talked to the woman who runs the group home, and she gave him a Christmas wish list from all the men. There were a few items listed for each person, and their favorite colors/sports teams/etc., for gift ideas. They said they're always in need of toiletries, so my parents went and bought shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and a washcloth for each person. And I did the fun part--going shopping for the items on the wish list!

Looking at the list, it was going to be a bit of a challenge, but definitely a fun challenge. I quickly learned that the hardest part was shopping for people I'd never met. I wasn't sure what sort of disabilities each of them had, and where it listed "books" or something, I wasn't sure if that meant a children's book or adult book. So I tried to go with safer items that were still on the list.

Some of the men enjoy coloring, so rather than the typical coloring books, I bought these little white figurines that you decorate yourself with markers and stickers. There were a few DVD requests--war movies, cat/dog movies, animal movies. Someone requested the book The Outsiders, but I couldn't find that at the stores I went to, but I did find the DVD, so I picked that up.

Also on the list were their favorite treat foods--chips, cookies, Cheetos, doughnuts, etc. So once I bought a non-food item for everyone, I decided to get a small food item that they'd requested, too. I was really excited to get home and start packaging everything together. I bought some clear gift bags to put everything in. Thankfully, I didn't forget anything, and I think everyone will be happy with their gifts!

Tomorrow, I'm going to go up to the nursing home with my dad, where we'll meet with the occupational therapist. She's going to teach us how to get Mark into and out of the car. And, while we're at it, she's going to follow us (and Mark) to the group home! Mark hasn't been home since early December, so tomorrow he'll see everyone for the first time in a couple of months. The OT is going to evaluate how he does in his home environment, and see what they need to work on in OT and PT sessions.

Unfortunately, he'll have to go back to the nursing home for the night, but then we'll pick him up on Saturday for his big party. Needless to say, Mark couldn't be more excited about this weekend!

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Winter Wonderland

I've complained quite a bit this winter about the weather--the temps have been at record lows, and the snow has been at record highs. This has been the most "wintery" winter I've ever experienced. This morning, when it was time to walk the boys to the bus stop, it was so hard to get motivated to put on my coat and boots, and step outside, especially when I saw just how cold it was out there:

(It's actually kind of funny, though... -9 doesn't seem nearly as cold as it did two months ago. After seeing -30, the -9 doesn't look so bad!)

The boys and I walked to the bus stop, and I was completely amazed at what had happened to the trees overnight. They were absolutely beautiful! They all had little ice crystals all over them, making them appear white. I took a few pictures, but of course they were much prettier in person.

I took a few more a little while later, when it was lighter out. I actually stopped my car in the middle of the road to snap a quick photo:

My friend Melissa posted this close-up picture on Facebook, which shows it much better:

I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. It lasted all morning, but started melting when the sun peeked out for a little while. I'm glad I got to see it when I did though--it made me stop and actually appreciate the winter for a moment, instead of moan about it ;)

Today was a rest day, so instead of running after getting the boys off to school, I went to Monica's (my favorite bakery) to order Mark's cake. I tried to get Mark to be specific about what flavor cake he likes, but he just said, "Any old cake!" A quarter-sheet cake serves 20-25, and I'm guessing we'll have about 25-30 people, so I ended up deciding on a half-sheet. We're going to have a lot left over, so I figured we could bring it to the nursing home with Mark after the party, and he can share with the nursing staff and/or patients.

Thanks for all the great suggestions about what to have written on the cake! I ended up going with Jen's suggestion of "Enjoy Life", because that really does describe Mark very well. He has every reason to complain about the hand he was dealt in this lifetime, but I've never heard him complain about anything; and he enjoys every moment! 

They asked how I'd like it decorated, and I flipped through some pictures to get an idea. I ended up going with a fishing theme, because Mark keeps saying that the first thing he wants to do when he goes home is go fishing with my dad. So it'll be a marble sheet cake with vanilla buttercream frosting, decorated with a fishing theme and "Enjoy Life" written on it. I'm sure Mark will love it.

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When I was outside this morning, my face was so cold that I decided I'd start making a cowl today. I'm using a chunky gray yarn and this pattern. It'll probably take me a few days to finish it, but this winter doesn't seem to be going anywhere!

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I leave for San Diego seven weeks from tomorrow. I was thinking today that I'd like to get in really good shape for the trip! I don't want to "diet" or go back to counting points, but I definitely want to eat better and maybe kick up the exercise. I think I'm going to attempt to do Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred for 30 days, on top of my regular running. Since I've cut back so much on my mileage recently, I feel like my body is getting a little softer. 

As far as food, I want to cut back on the processed foods (not eliminate them altogether, but cut back) and eat a cleaner diet. Definitely more vegetables, because I'm always slacking on those. I'm going to cut out the wine for a little while, too. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a glass of wine at night, as I've done for a long time, but lately it's been making me feel snacky. And since I'm not counting points, it's easy to eat too much, even if it's not a binge. 

Anyway, nothing drastic, just changes that I probably should make anyway! The San Diego trip just gives me an incentive to get a move on it ;)

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Mark's party is in the works :)

It's been nice getting back to my old routine the past couple of days, with the kids back in school! Yesterday, I had intervals on the schedule-- 7 x 400 at 5K race pace, with 400 jogs. (So basically, that means I would run a quarter-mile hard, at the same pace I would race a 5K, and then jog for a quarter mile; and repeat for a total of 7 times.)

I always dread intervals, but I always feel so great when I get them done! It's a tough workout, definitely. I have no idea what my current 5K pace is, because I haven't raced a 5K in about 14 months. But I guessed about 7:45, and since this was on the treadmill, I chose to do them at 7:30 pace (the treadmill feels easier to me than outside).

I jogged a quarter mile to warm up, and then started the intervals. The pace wasn't grueling, like a one-mile pace would feel, but it was tough enough to be a good, hard workout. I just switched between 6.0 and 8.0 on the treadmill each quarter mile until I completed 7 intervals.

Since I did speed work yesterday, I decided to run at a recovery pace today. A "recovery" pace is the slowest pace to run, usually don't the day after a hard workout. I never really take advantage of doing recovery runs, but I should. I usually just end up doing "easy pace" runs. So today, I decided I was going to do the recovery run.

My recovery pace range is 9:51-10:35/mi. I decided to aim for the slow end, at 10:35. I set the treadmill at 5.7 (a 10:31 pace). It felt so nice and relaxing to run at that pace! My heart rate stayed in the 120's, which is just barely above where it's at when I walk. I remember when I was trying so hard to get under a 12:00/mi pace... and now 10:30 is my recovery pace. It's interesting how much our bodies adapt to consistent training.

Anyway, after my run, I did strength training for about 20 minutes, and then showered and got ready to go visit Mark. I picked up a strawberry milkshake from McDonald's for him, and got there a little after noon. When I got to his room, I saw that my parents were there for a visit, too! Mark was in a VERY good mood--extremely talkative, happy, and his old self. After his chemo treatment yesterday, I expected him to be very tired and not feeling well, but that wasn't the case at all.

I'm really glad my parents and I happened to be there at that particular time, because a woman came in and introduced herself as an occupational therapist who works with people with special needs/mental disabilities, above and beyond the regular OT who has been working with Mark. She did a short evaluation of him, physically and mentally, and we told her his goal was to go home--both for his pizza party, and permanently.

She told us that she'd be happy to teach us how to transport him in a car, and get him ready to be able to go to his pizza party. She was very nice, and Mark loved "proving" to her that he's ready ;)

My parents left, and then shortly after that, another OT came in (the one who has been working with Mark), and she that she and the other OT were going to do everything they could to get Mark ready to go to his party. She also said that she's pretty sure Mark could be ready to go home in a couple of weeks! She offered to teach us how to get him in and out of the car, and then she would follow us to his group home, and from there, she could evaluate the home situation to see how Mark would be getting around. She'll ask him to get in bed, get out of bed, get in and out of the shower, walk to the bathroom, etc. That way, they'll know what needs to work on in therapy to get him ready to go home.

Mark and I were both SO excited when she was telling us all this. I had started to give up hope of Mark ever going home, but I explained to her the situation (he has to be walking--no wheelchair), and she said she honestly thinks he'll do just fine. She said he's gotten much better since he started therapy there.

When I got home, my dad told me that he finally got a hold of someone from the group home about Mark's party, and we set the date for this Saturday! Mark told me today that he wants pizza, pop, cake, apple pie, and chips at the party. There are 18 men that live there, plus the workers and my family attending, so it should be a pretty big party. The OT told me that the party is all Mark has talked about for a few weeks now. I'm so excited for it to happen!

Anyone have an idea of what to have written on his cake? My first thought was, "Fuck cancer"--hahaha, but that's not really appropriate in these circumstances. Any suggestions??

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Motivational Monday #51

Happy Motivational Monday! The kids are back in school today (hopefully all week). The sun was shining today, and I am hoping that some of this snow melts. The piles of snow are so tall that it's hard to even see around corners while driving. I don't even like looking at the forecast, though, because it's definitely not in my favor right now ;)

Anyway, this week I am proud of myself for getting in 10,000 steps each and every day. There were a couple of days were I was about to go to bed and realized I was 500 or so steps short, so I walked around the house to get in the full 10,000. If nothing else, this challenge has made me realize that aside from running, I'm not a very active person. It'll be easier to stay active once the snow melts, because I'll be more likely to go for walks outside; but this challenge has definitely made me move more, which is always good!

Let's see what some of you have been up to this week!

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Britney and her son, Noah (in the stroller), just completed their second 5K distance! The first was my Virtual 5K, which they finished in 34:54; and they just finished this one in 33:00! Noah loves when his mom goes fast while he's in the stroller ;)  Britney said that not too long ago, she couldn't even imagine walking 3.1 miles, let alone running some of it! Her new goal is to work up to running the whole thing without walking.

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Carly just hit a new PR at the Heart Hustle 5K! She said running that race made her miss the 5K distance, and she set a goal to work on coming in under 30 minutes. She still remembers when she was struggling to come in under 40:00 not that long ago!

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Katelyn just finished her longest run to date--15 miles! She is training for her first marathon, and finishing that run was a big confidence-booster to her. She lost about 60 pounds a few years ago, and has maintained it ever since, which she credits to the running. (Katelyn's blog post about her 15-miler)

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Margo had signed up for my Virtual 5K, and the nasty weather prevented her from doing it that weekend. She was determined to do it (better late than never). She attempted to complete it last Sunday, but just 2 kilometers in, she had to call her husband to come pick her up because her stomach was acting up. The next time she tried to go out, one of her cows was about to give birth, so her run got pushed back again. But she finally got it done on the next attempt! It was a cold, snowy run, but she didn't let anything stop her from finishing. (Margo's race report)

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Mia just celebrated her one-year anniversary since she started losing weight! She had been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds for 15 years, and decided she was ready to commit to get the weight off. She started doing Weight Watchers, and exercising with the Wii Fit, the elliptical, and hiking. Over the course of the year, she lost 60 pounds! Last month, she decided to try running. In her words: "I'M SO IN LOVE!" She's already up to 3.5 miles, and she feels amazing. She said she never, in a million years, dreamed she be running one day!

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Stacie recently came across my blog when she was looking for some advice on stopping binge eating. She had gastric bypass nine months ago, but still struggles with binge eating soft foods. In stumbling upon my blog, she decided to work on a goal that had been in the back of her mind her entire life--to start running! She remembers that the fastest mile she ever did in school was about 25 minutes. This past Saturday, she decided to try running, and see just how far she could go without walking. She ended up running an entire mile, without any breaks, in 14:07! She said she was in tears when she was done, and it was "insane and amazing" :)  (I remember running my first mile, and there really is nothing like that experience!)

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Stacie just celebrated the one-year anniversary of when she started losing weight and getting healthy! She's lost a total of 80 pounds, and just signed up for a 10-mile race in March. She says she has good days and bad days, but she doesn't let a bad day turn into two, and she gets right back on track!

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Don't forget to check out the Motivational Monday Facebook post for more stories! Thanks for sharing :)

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Update on Mark, and Ragnar plans

Yesterday, the boys and I went to see Mark at the nursing home. I brought a bunch of stuff that he requested, which had been sitting on my counter all week waiting for me to get a chance to go up there. With all the snow days and crappy weather, I hadn't been up to see him in about five days. He wanted Vernors (ginger ale), small bags of Ruffles AND Lay's potato chips, mini chocolate covered doughnuts, and a bottle of the old fashioned Coca-Cola (with real sugar, rather than corn syrup). If he didn't have Stage 4 cancer, I'd consider myself the worst enabler of all-time for an unhealthy lifestyle ;)

The kids get excited to visit Mark, because Mark always shares some candy with them. I opened and read his cards out loud while the three of them chomped away! Mark asked me to put new batteries in his DVD player, so I was looking for those when I suggested we organize his drawers. I took everything out and put it on his bed, and then put everything back in the drawers in a much more organized way.

While I was doing that, I came across some papers, and Mark excitedly told me that he got mail. He told me to look at it and tell him what it was; it was some paperwork for chemotherapy, that he'd apparently already started! I guess Mark's nephew made the decision to go ahead with chemotherapy, but he didn't tell anyone. When I asked Mark about it, he said he started chemotherapy on Monday (and according to the papers, that was accurate). I was a little shocked, because we'd all expressed that we didn't think chemo was a good idea (which is probably why Mark's nephew didn't tell us it was happening).

I'm glad to see that Mark was doing really well yesterday, though, despite the chemo. When he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in several organs (originating in his lungs), my immediate thought was that he should live the last stage of his life in as much comfort as possible, and from what I've heard, I didn't think that chemo was a good choice at all. The doctors even said that the chemo would just prolong a painful death. But Mark seemed like he was doing really well yesterday, so maybe the chemo is very mild for him? I don't know, but I hope it doesn't get bad.

Anyway, we talked a little about his pizza party, and I left a message with his physical therapist to give me a call about how we can transport Mark to the group home for a day. We still don't know if he'll ever be going back there to live, but he's doing well enough right now that he could probably go for a few hours for his pizza/cake party. Mark is really looking forward to it! I hope that we can do it within the next couple of weeks.

It was a good visit, and I think I'll go again on Tuesday. Tomorrow, he has another chemo appointment, so it probably isn't a good day to go. I'm curious to see how he'll feel on Tuesday. (By the way, thank so much for everyone who continues to pray for him, think about him, send him cards, etc. He really does feel the love!)

I forgot to get a picture today, but I'll try to remember next time. Mark looks good!

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This morning, I just had four miles on the schedule at an easy pace, and I ran it on the treadmill. I moved the pace up and down a bit through the run, based on my heart rate (and boredom level!).

After my run, I signed up for Delta SkyMiles and then bought my ticket to Boston for Ragnar Cape Cod! The Ragnar SoCal is in April, and I'd been planning for that since summertime; but more recently, a reader of my blog, Andrea, asked me if I'd like to join her Ragnar Cape Cod team in May. I was intrigued by the idea of running with complete strangers (honestly, I didn't even "know" Andrea at the time of her email!), and the cost of the trip would be minimal. So I said sure!

Andrea said I could invite a friend to go with me, so I wouldn't be with *all* strangers. I asked Caitlin, and she was excited about it as well. She lives just outside of Boston, which is really convenient for this Ragnar. So I'll fly into Boston on May 8th (Thursday), we'll share a hotel with the rest of the team in Hull, MA on Thursday night. Friday morning starts the race, and goes until Saturday afternoon. Then Caitlin and I will stay a night in Cape Cod Saturday, a night in Boston on Sunday, and then I'll go home that Monday morning. A short, but fun-filled trip :)

When I was going to buy my ticket a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that if I applied for a Delta American Express card, I would get a $50 credit on my ticket, and get a free checked bag on each trip. Since I'm traveling quite a bit this year, I thought it would be worth doing! I received my card yesterday, but figuring everything out online today was a huge pain in the ass. After a lot of messing around with it, I finally got my ticket and earned my first SkyMiles.

Sometimes, I think I may have gotten in over my head by agreeing to do two Ragnar Relays within five weeks of each other, but I'm really excited about both of them. It's kind of funny, because I'm pretty shy, and joining a big group to do something like this is VERY unlike me. But running (and my blog) have really made me step outside of my comfort zone in all kinds of areas, and this is just one of those times. I never would have agreed to do this just four years ago, and now I'm really looking forward to it!

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Just a reminder, tomorrow is Motivational Monday! If you have a picture of a health/fitness accomplishment you'd like to share, you can email it to me at SlimKatie (at) runsforcookies (dot) com, subject: Motivational Monday, with a brief description, and I may include it on tomorrow's post! Can't wait to see what you've all been up to this week :)

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How Paige Lost 130 Pounds

Last week, I introduced Thomas, Runner #6 from my Ragnar SoCal team. I was planning to introduce everyone in order, and I could have SWORN Thomas was #3, but I screwed that up ;)  So you've met Caitlin (#1), me (#2), John (#3), and Thomas (#6). Since I obviously can't count, I'm just going to do this in whatever order it happens to fall into!
Today, I'd like to introduce you to Runner #8--Paige. Paige is so very sweet, and super inspiring. I really wanted her on my From Fat to Finish Line team last year, but I "discovered" her a little too late. When John and I decided to put together a team for SoCal, she was the first person who popped into my head.

Paige has lost a whopping 133 pounds, and kept it off. She became a runner, and her blog name says it all: Finding Joy in the Journey. Her dedication to her journey reminds me of my own. When I finally decided to lose the weight, I was 100% committed, and I wouldn't NOT accept another failure. Paige's mentality was the same, as you'll read below. I hope she inspires you, as she has inspired me!

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There was a time in my life not long ago that I was so miserable and so unhappy. I weighed 278 pounds. Waking up each day and having any kind of motivation was something I fought with daily. The reality of what I had gotten myself into was so out of control, I thought there was no hope. I had a hard time getting around, often times was restricted on what I could do, had to ask for a seat belt extension when flying on an airplane, and rarely joined in on family outings as most things were done outdoors via biking, hiking, etc. 

I was settling in and accepting the fact that I would be Fat Paige forever. It was comfortable (not physically) but it's where I felt safe and secure. I had tried "diets" before, even lost 40 pounds, only to gain it all back and then some. I was a failure at the diet scene so why try? I think I would have been a lot worse off if I didn't have the joy of my two children and amazing husband to be a bright spot in my days. They gave me a reason to get up each morning, put a smile on my face and play Mom, wife, and friend.

Then one evening I was sitting in the recliner with my legs propped up, watching Biggest Loser, eating a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich, and I could hear myself wheezing as I breathed. I had recently noticed this had become a part of who I was. (The wheezing that is.) I didn't notice it often but it was there. It bothered me.

It was then that I started thinking about my life, about my body, about the fact that it was a gift to me. Yet I hadn't taken care of it the way I knew I should. Was I being selfish and not making good choices? Maybe some of the time. Was it because I really didn't care? No, that wasn't it at all. Was it because I was just being lazy? Maybe. Was it because I was afraid of failure? That was part of it. Or did the real reason lie within the idea that I hadn't ever educated myself properly about food and how it works or doesn't work in my body? Yes, that was it! I had not a clue about how food worked. (Obviously, since I'd already failed at losing weight once before.) 

I always assumed in order to lose the weight you needed to "diet", but I realized that there was no such thing as a "diet" in that sense. It was then that I slowly started to realize that if I was going to decide to do something to lose the weight I had been carrying around, there would be a starting point but there would be no finish line. It would be a lifestyle - something I was comfortable with doing the rest of my life.

I didn't jump into anything right away because the reality of it was I had to be the one to do the work in order to make the change. Only I could physically be the one to change me. Not a trainer. Not my husband. Not books, friends, surgery, meetings, diet foods, shakes, pills or any other advertised gimmick out there.

I had to be the one willing to find myself in this big body of mine and make some lifestyle changes, ones that I would be okay living with forever. 

I often find myself telling people now..."Until your whole heart and soul is ready to make the change, don't bother! And if you are ready, take that leap of faith (no, that was not one bit easy) and just do it! Do whatever it takes to make it happen. There will be sacrifices, many of them, but in the end it will all be worth it."

It took a couple of years of hard work, dedication and the willingness to press on regardless of the moments of discouragement that naturally comes from taking on such a big project. I lost all the weight the 100% natural way - diet and exercise. It was slow and steady, but slow and steady wins the race! I'm happy to say that I reached my goal weight and have maintained it for over a year now; trained and ran my first half-marathon; and am truly learning to love the person that is half the size she used to be.

The best part of all of this is that it's doable. No matter how much weight you have to lose or how daunting the road ahead may seem, anyone can do this. I had well over 100 pounds to lose and I did it! Once you adopt a new way of life and change how you think of food it will become a part of who you are and become very natural. The way you used to eat will soon become foreign and seem very out of sorts to even consider or think about. Just press forward. Have a little faith in yourself. Try something new and never look back. The world ahead is far better and much more rewarding than the one with the unhappy, overweight, unmotivated people like I once was.

One of the greatest things I've learned on this journey is that food is my friend, not my enemy. Also, food is here for me to enjoy as a tool, not as a treatment.

The life of a "part time" runner began for me 3 1/2 years ago. I had just lost 133 pounds and reached my goal weight of 145. The two years leading up to that was when I transformed my body and lost the weight. I lost all my weight by healthy eating and exercise and that's it! It really does work! 

After reaching my goal weight, I needed a new challenge. I had always admired runners but in the back of my head I never believed I could be a runner even if I was skinny because it was something I had never done. I proceeded to jump right in and forgo and 5K or 10K and go straight for a the half marathon. It was currently March and the half marathon was mid June. I got right to work, trained, and traveled to my hometown of Seattle, Washington to run my first half marathon that June. I didn't love every minute of the training and I even doubted myself many times as I was running the race that I would ever be able to finish, but in the end...I did and crossing that finish line was amazing. I was hooked!

Since then, I have trained and ran the Seattle half marathon every year, this June being my fourth year. I still haven't taken up running year round as I still seem to have such a love/hate relationship with it but I do it off and on throughout the year. It has given me a feeling of peace, acceptance, forgiveness and love for myself like never before. I also much enjoy lifting weights, and all other aspects of fitness so running "part time" is just perfect for me.

I am ever so grateful to be apart of this Ragnar team..."Strangers to Sole Mates." It truly is something I've wanted to experience for some time now. It's amazing how much these 11 people have become a part of me in the last several months as we've created friendships behind the scenes like you could never imagine. April can't get here soon enough!  

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You can read more about Paige's "Finding Joy in the Journey" on her blog. 

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Getting crafty

Today was... you guessed it!... another snow day. My kids only had school ONE DAY this week. I could probably count on two hands the number of days they've had school since just before Christmas. The roads were pretty clear today (other than in the neighborhoods), but the windchill was -25 degrees, which was the reason for canceling school.

Yesterday, I had 3.5 miles at half-marathon pace (8:20/mi) on the schedule. But before I got on the treadmill, I thought I might as well do my long run. So I set the treadmill at a long run pace (9:50/mi) and ran that for a little while. About halfway through, I changed my mind, and I decided to run 3.5 and call it quits. So I did 3.5, but much slower than the schedule called for.

This morning at 5:15, we got the phone calls (yes, plural) from the school to announce that school was canceled. After that, I just couldn't fall back asleep. I ended up getting up and running at 6:15, just to get my long run out of the way before breakfast. I always feel so productive when I get in a good run first thing in the morning!

I've really been wanting to get in the habit of slowing my long run pace down to the slow end of my training range. My training range for a long run is 8:48-10:07. I've always looked at the ranges and think that I need to aim for the fast end; but there really isn't a reason to do that. Running at a slower pace is much more enjoyable for me, and there is no better run to truly run for enjoyment than a weekly long run.

Like I wrote yesterday, once I see a certain pace, it's hard to be happy with anything slower than that. But there is a reason for running long runs at a slow pace, and there is a time for faster runs like speed work and tempo runs. As long as I make sure to get in 1-2 faster runs a week, then running my long runs at the slow end of the range won't make me lose the ability to run fast. I learned the reasons for all of this in my RRCA class, but I just have a hard time applying it, I guess! ;)

Today, I set the treadmill at 6.1 mph, and left it there for the entire run. I turned on Flashpoint to watch while I ran, and I felt really good the whole time. I was surprised at how low my heart rate stayed! Usually, for a long run, my average heart rate gets up to the mid- to high-140's. Today, my average was only 139. It gives me hope that all this treadmill running isn't making me lose my fitness ;)

Yesterday, I cleaned out my bedroom closet really well, and when I found a bunch of yarn, I got in the mood to make something. I used to knit and crochet all the time before I started my blog, but now it seems like I spend all my free time doing blog-related stuff. I wanted an instant-gratification project, something that I could finish in an afternoon, because I don't have any patience for longer projects anymore.

I ended up finding this pattern for an ear warmer headband, and I had some chunky yarn for it, so I worked on that while Estelle slept next to me.

It just looks like that pattern, in a long strip, and sewn together to make a loop. It fit really well, was nice and warm, and I think it turned out cute! The finished project:

The only problem with knitting is that it's so inactive. I always feel so lazy when I knit! When I was losing weight, though, it helped to keep from eating at night. My hands were too busy knitting to stuff my face ;)

When I was done with that, I started punching holes in Mark's get-well cards, to turn them into a little display book. His walls are covered in cards and post cards, so I needed another way to display them, and I think this worked out well.

I'd been meaning to do that for a long time, but I always forgot to look for those ring clips. I finally bought some, and I like how it looks with all the cards together like that (and still readable). Mark has probably about 300 more cards that I'd like to put together like this, but his nephew STILL hasn't brought them to the nursing home. I really hope he didn't throw them away. I'm going to make sure I'm the one to take care of moving the cards when Mark leaves the nursing home so it doesn't happen again. The cards really brighten up his room, and it gives the nurses something to chat about with Mark.

I really hope this cold weather goes away soon! I kind of forget what it feels like to be warm. Or see sunshine!

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Thoughts on The Biggest Loser finale

After reading quite a bit about The Biggest Loser season finale, I really wanted to watch it for myself; since we don't have cable, I had to wait for it to be on Hulu. Last night, Jerry and I watched it together. I used to love the show, especially the finale, but it was after season 10 or so that I just didn't like watching anymore. I actually wasn't even going to watch this season at all, but Jerry still wanted to, so I watched with him. I wasn't really caught up in any particular contestant, though.

Anyway, the big controversy over the finale on Tuesday was about Rachel's weight. She weighed 105 pounds when she got on the scale at the finale, and all over the internet, people are saying that she looked "sickly", "too thin", "gaunt", "100 years old", "anorexic", and a whole bunch of other things. I'm not going to comment on what I thought of her appearance, because it's not for me to judge others' appearances. (By BMI standards, she is technically "underweight" now).

I just feel very, very bad for her. She was ashamed of her body when she was obese, and now, I imagine she's excited that she lost the weight; but she's getting bashed for losing too much weight. I feel awful that people are talking about her appearance as if she doesn't have feelings, or that her feelings don't matter. I know how hurtful it is when complete strangers say cruel things about you, especially online. For someone with low self-esteem, it can do some serious damage, even if the comments are well-intentioned. I imagine that in reading those comments, she probably feels like she'll never be "good enough"--she wasn't good enough when she was fat, and now she's not good enough when she's thin. That would be very hard to deal with!

All of that said, I think that The Biggest Loser definitely should make a couple of rule changes to the show. I think that a contestant should be disqualified if they become "underweight" (this has never been an issue until this season). Even better would be some sort of way to win without having to lose "the most" of anything. I don't know how it would work, but here's a thought: what if the person who is closest to goal weight wins? They could pick a healthy goal weight to aim for at the beginning of the show (something that they could reach without taking drastic measures), and whichever contestant comes closest to their particular goal weight at the end, wins.

Of course, that wouldn't be as dramatic, but I think it would solve a lot of the problems that the show has in regards to unhealthy weight loss. When I was running Ragnar Relay with Ada (from season 10), I learned a lot about the "behind the scenes" of the show. I don't know how much Ada was allowed to say, so I don't want to write about it and possibly get her in trouble; but I will say that I definitely don't believe everything I see on TV ;) Ada did say that she was fairly represented, however, as far as her story and her personality. And the overall experience for her was a good one.

photo source

Pete Thomas (from season 2) had a great experience on the show. I was thrilled to see him on the finale last night! When I met him in 2012, he played a big part in my getting back to goal weight. We had a long conversation about maintenance, and I took away a few tidbits that were enlightening to me. He hasn't gained back any of the weight he lost, and I know he works extremely hard at it. But again, he told me about a couple of contestants that had a really hard time feeling "good enough" after the show. They get used to working out for 6-8 hours a day, and then when they get home, they feel like "just" 4 hours isn't good enough. Or, they see a weight loss in double digits each week on the ranch, but at home, losing "just" 4-5 pounds a week isn't good enough.

photo source

It makes me think of the issue that I've noticed with getting too focused on the numbers: once you see a certain number on the scale, anything higher seems like "failure"; once you see a certain race time, any time slower than that feels like "failure". That's why I stopped focusing on the numbers so much, and I'm a lot happier for it. I accepted that my weight isn't the lowest it's ever been, but it's still healthy. I've accepted that running at a slower pace makes me enjoy my runs more, so it's okay not to go for PR's. I definitely feel like I'm "good enough" now, and I don't have to always keep trying to be "better". But I can certainly understand how some of the contestants feel so much pressure to keep upping the ante.

In my perfect television world, The Biggest Loser wouldn't be a contest at all--but rather, a documentation of a group of people who get together at the ranch to learn a healthy lifestyle, and reach a healthy weight. Dramatic? Not really. But certainly inspiring! And then, just like the show now, they'd go home for a few months to continue on their own, and we could see them at the "big reveal". I guess it would be a lot like Extreme Weight Loss, only with a group of people at a ranch, instead of one person at home.

I don't know if I'll watch the next season of The Biggest Loser or not. I'd like to see if the producers make any changes after the issue with Rachel (the show is getting some heat about it). I just think that there has to be a better way of doing it!

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Snow on top of snow on top of snow

I give up trying to get anything done! Today, my kids had their (9th? 10th? 11th?) snow day. I lost count. We were supposed to get 3-6 inches of snow, and it just started snowing when I was on my way home from urgent care last night at around 9:00 (TMI: I had symptoms of a UTI all day yesterday, and I was in so much pain last night that I went to urgent care. Sure enough, it's a bladder infection, so I'm on antibiotics now).

At 5:00, I woke up and wasn't able to fall back asleep. When we get the phone call canceling school, it's usually right at 5:00. So I assumed the kids had school. Then at 5:15, the phone rang, and of course, woke up the kids. The Honeywell Instant Alert System drives me crazy when we get an alert--I get a text, Jerry gets a text, the house phone rings (which also makes my cell phone ring because of call forwarding), then my cell phone rings, and then Jerry's cell phone rings. Oh, and Jerry and I both get an e-mail. We can't even remove our phones from the list (I would prefer just a text), because they want to make sure we get the message.

5:15 AM: message received.

Jerry left for work at 6:00, and he later told me that the roads were absolutely terrible. The 20-minute drive ended up taking 50 minutes. People were driving 10-20 mph on the expressway. So I'm not surprised that school was canceled, but I am seriously questioning when this craziness will end!

It snowed really hard from about 7:00-noon, and we got much more snow than we were expecting. In most places, it was about 10-12 inches deep. (I know this because I spent all afternoon shoveling it!) I wish the pics I took could show just how deep it was, but this was the best I could do:

I have a goal for February to get in 10,000 steps per day. On my rest days, I never even come close to that, unless I go for a couple of walks. Today, I was hoping that I could get in 10,000 without going for any walks, but after cleaning the house all morning, and shoveling the driveway for a couple of hours, I'd only accumulated 4,000 steps. My upper body got a serious workout from shoveling, though!

When I came inside, I was absolutely ravenous, so I had a Clif Bar with a smear of peanut butter on it to hold me over until dinner. Normally, I'm not nearly that hungry at 3:00 in the afternoon, but the shoveling definitely gave me an appetite! I was also really cold when I came it, and when I sat down on the couch, Estelle ran over to me to jump on my lap (like she always does). When she put her paw on my leg, she startled and pulled it back. Then she tentatively pushed on my leg a couple of times, deciding whether to climb on. Normally, I'm a nice warm body for her to lie on top of; but today, she didn't even want to get on my lap after I came in from shoveling ;)

I walked for 45 minutes on the treadmill to accumulate some more steps, but even after that, I was only at 8,500. I don't know how people get 10,000 on days that they don't deliberately exercise!

Another goal I made for February is to stay off of the scale for the entire month. Even though I have been much less focused on numbers for a couple of months, I still weigh daily out of habit. So I was 139 at the beginning of February, and I'm hoping that I'll be at (or less than) 139 by the end of February.

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My friend Linda just pointed out to me that I am on "The Awesome List of the Top 100 Best Running Blogs of 2104"... I didn't know that there were more than 100 running blogs out there, but I'm flattered to be on the list ;)   Anyway, I just wanted to point it out in case you're looking for more running blogs to read. When I get some time, I'm going to go through the list and check it out!

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Finally, I'm going to watch (on Hulu) The Biggest Loser Finale from last night. I've read so much about it on Twitter, that I have to see what all the hype is about!

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