March 21, 2018

Best week ever!

Just kidding. It's been a terrible week, which is why I haven't been writing. I always have a hard time writing when I'm feeling down.

My depression and anxiety have been pretty bad over the last week. Usually, it's one or the other that dominates my mood; but this week, I was blessed with sky-high anxiety and a sadness funk that I just can't shake (not that I was able to "just shake it off" before).

My meds haven't changed recently or anything, so it could just be a "normal" bipolar episode. I'm just really hoping that I get back to the "other" normal soon. This past week, I've been feeling super overwhelmed with stuff to do, but I can't get the motivation to just DO it. We leave for vacation next week, and I would love to feel better before we go.

I wish I could say I was looking forward to vacation, but I made a bad choice of destination for an early-spring trip (Boston). There have been Nor'easter storms hitting pretty much every week, so the weather is up in the air (ha ha). I spent SO much time planning this trip, and I just hope that we get good weather to enjoy the things I planned.

However, I do keep reminding myself of when we went to Virginia Beach a couple of years ago and were hit with a tropical storm. We ended up having a blast! The kids loved that vacation, despite the weather (or maybe because of the weather), so hopefully Boston will be fun regardless.

Right now, I'm just having such a hard time thinking positively.

My knee, for example. I mentioned that I was having some IT band soreness after my 10-miler. I was very careful about rolling it out and stretching it for two days (I pushed yesterday's run to today to give myself an extra day before I tried running on it). I felt good for the run today, but afterward, this afternoon, I keep feeling twinges here and there.

Ordinarily, I probably wouldn't think anything of it. But I tend to have catastrophic thinking (one of the cognitive distortions I mentioned recently), so right now, every little thing feels like a really big thing. And so my mind immediately started going to, "I'm injured. I can't run. I can't finish this training. I can't run the half-marathon next month. I'll never run again."

Dramatic, much?

Even though I haven't been feeling great mentally, I've been proud of myself for getting my training in. I haven't missed a single run in nine weeks. I only have three weeks to go until the half-marathon.

I would like to write more here, but like I said, I find it hard to write when I'm feeling like this. So, I just popped in to say that I'm trying. And hopefully I'll be back to the "good normal" soon.


  1. Hi Katie: I'm so sorry you are struggling so much. I, too, have struggled with depression for a very long time. I can't seem to find an anti-depressant that will work. The one I'm on I feel numb with no feelings sometimes. I know there is something wrong inside of me, however, the pych I'm seeing doesn't even know what to do.

    For now, I just keep trying to find a glimmer of hope to hang on to, to keep going. Keep up the great work!! You, too will find the answer to what is wrong and feel better.

    I'm starting a blog of my own because I have a story to tell. Can you give me any advice on getting my blog set up? I started to do my blog on Blogger and just had so much trouble even getting it set up. How did you learn how to build your blog? When you are feeling better, I look forward to hearing from you.

    Have a great time in Boston!! And keep smiling :)

  2. I am right there with you that Kermit meme has been me for months now. I hope you feel better soon, hopefully the knee just needs some extra time and stretching

  3. Sending healing wishes. Boston will be fun.

  4. a big virtual hug to you. I've been on the down side for the last month or so, and I'm also hoping it lifts soon.

  5. Hang in there Katie! I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough patch right now but I know you'll have a blast on your family vacay! Planning and getting ready for a trip can be super stressful. Boston is such a great city!

  6. Well, I have to start by saying the title of this post made me click. ha! However I have been MIA for weeks now from the blogging world.......winter is my SAD ~ depressed time and when you add that to finding enough energy to part take in my son's high school swim activities plus working full time I am spent every other moment.

    I started taking new meds in November and although they have helped my general attitude I have also gained 8 pounds. (Which feels like 15 cuz most clothes are tighter than tight but I refuse to buy new right now hoping spring will get me outside more to lose the unwanted extra)

    It's the start of spring break here too and we are planning to leave for AZ in a few days so hopefully that will be a jumpstart to a better mood. ;-)

    Here's hoping Boston is fun for all......

  7. {{hugs}} I'm sorry you're feeling down. I really hope that the trip to Boston is great--I think it will be, if only because it's a vacation! :)

  8. I'm feeling the same way. I haven't updated my blog in nearly two weeks (oops) because I just can't bring myself to do it. I have borderline, which experiences swings like bipolar but of different duration, so hearing you write about your struggles with your swings really helps me out too. Identifying cognitive distortions can be so helpful, I totally agree - and I go with catastrophic thinking a lot too!

  9. Check your cycle too, during the first half of your cycle athletic endeavors are (or feel) slightly easier due to hormone levels. Our mood are typically a bit higher. During the second half of your cycle the decrease in estrogen and increase in progesterone make it difficult for us to reach the same athletic levels. Plus mood is lower. There was a great (although sciency dullish) book written recently that goes over it. ROAR is also good and covers same general topic.

  10. Reporting from Boston - the last nor'easter mostly missed us, and on the news this morning the weatherman said he didn't see another one in the future! (last week they kept talking about how we're in a stormy pattern and to expect more storms... looks like we finally may be breaking out). You may luck out and get here just as spring is springing! safe travels!

  11. I hope you get great weather for your trip but I'm sure you'll have a blast regardless. It's the family time that matters most and your kids will take your cues from you, so if you just roll with it, I'm sure they will too.
    If all else fails, drive 4 hours north to Montreal and come visit me! :)

  12. I've missed your posts, but totally understand needing to take a step back! I hope things start looking up soon.

    As for the catastrophic thinking - I do the same thing and never realized it was a THING until you described it here! Last year training for my Ragnar, every little thing that went wrong felt like it was going to mean the end of my training. One of my feet was a little sore after a long run and I PANICKED thinking I was going to have to drop out of the race and let my team down. Of course two days later it was totally fine. But I also have a hard time stopping those thoughts from taking over sometimes.

  13. Hope things start to feel lighter and easier soon ... on a positive note -- Boston can be really beautiful under a blanket of snow. And there is no shortage of things to do inside. Hope the trip turns out to be one of your favs. Fingers crossed for ya.

  14. I'm sorry Katie. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability.
    Thinking of your trip to Boston, are you able to shift your perspective at all? What I mean is, instead of being concerned about the weather, say to yourself: "I get to go to Boston with my family and I am looking forward to being there with them.
    Thanks for being you.

  15. Sorry to hear about your week but I wanted to thank you for the Balega sock recommendation. I bought a pair to try and I love them. I think of you every time I put them on. You're an inspiration to me and many so I'm sending this thanks and good thoughts your way! *Susan*

  16. Sending you a huge hug! Your vacation is going to rock! Boston is a fantastic city to visit regardless of the weather. It's all in the right clothes choices. Have a wonderful trip!

  17. Sending you hugs and prayers that you feel better soon and that you have a wonderful family vacation!

  18. I wish that like Facebook blogs had like buttons. I don't have anything to say that could help but just want to tap that like button to show my support and to show that you have one more person rallying for you.

  19. Aw, Katie. So sorry you are feeling bad. All the things you wrote make it sound like you have some good insight.

    Try to hang onto hope that this is temporary. And the weather in the northeast is (slowly) getting better. Surely it's better than where you are?!

    Sending hugs.


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