November 30, 2022

Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 79

Remember the post I wrote recently called "On This Day"? It was on November 22--that wasn't any special day to me, but I decided to post photos that I'd taken on November 22 throughout the last 20 or so years.

One of the photos was of me wearing a red sock monkey onesie (pajamas) in 2015. I loved those pajamas! But they got to be too big for me and I got rid of them. I wrote on the post that I wish I still had them because they were so comfy.

Today, Jerry gave me a surprise gift--another sock monkey onesie, identical to my other one! He'd apparently read my post and then searched them out on Poshmark. I love them :)  However, at the rate things are going, they just may become too small--ugh. Well, I'm keeping them anyway.

Which leads me to my weigh-in. Every week I just keep feeling more and more discouraged. Disappointed. Worried. Annoyed. Angry. Frustrated. Even indifferent sometimes.

Surprise, surprise--the scale was up again.

I was at 137. I'm not too upset about the actual number; I'm just really worried that I'm going to continue to gain like I have been for the last six weeks or so and then fast forward a few months and I'll be right back where I was last year.

A couple of months ago, I was done trying to lose weight and I just wanted to see if I could figure out maintenance--something I've never done before. I was doing really well, and it felt so NATURAL.

Until it didn't. I don't know what happened! I had finally started to accept that I might actually keep the weight off this time--something just felt so different about it--and then my appetite became ravenous. I have some ideas about what could have possibly triggered it, but they don't seem very likely. (When I was super stressed out and overwhelmed, my appetite was pretty much gone. So when some of my stress was relieved, it's possible that my body was making up for it.)

I know I'm eating too much and I know that if I continue to do so, I'm going to gain back every pound I just spent a year and half losing. It's depressing to think of it that way! I know people will tell me I'm being too hard on myself, and maybe that's true, but I can't help feeling disappointed that I'm *still* dealing with this.

Last week, I wrote that I talked with my therapist about the overeating and she gave me "homework". A few people asked what it was; it wasn't anything mind-blowing. She just gave me a worksheet and asked me to write down a few notes whenever I would overeat or eat compulsively:

1) "Something happens" (Activating Event--in my case, overeating)
2) "I tell myself something" (Belief/Stuck Point--in my case, "I'm going to gain back every pound and then be fat for the rest of my life")
3) "I feel something" (Consequence--in my case, anger at myself and worried)

Then, instead of telling myself something like, "I'm going to gain back every pound and then be fat for the rest of my life" --yes, I know that's dramatic; I tend to catastrophize everything--I should come up with a statement that is more productive. Telling myself I'm going to gain back every pound isn't helpful or productive--so I'm supposed to think of a productive statement instead, whether I believe it or not.

She told me that this activity may or may not be helpful, but I said I would give it a try. And so far, I haven't found it very helpful. I still have negative and unhelpful thoughts, and I'm not sure what to replace them with!

Tomorrow, I'm starting a month-long challenge of eating only whole foods. I was writing out a meal plan today and I hadn't realized that I can't have oil! It's going to be harder than I thought. I always cook with olive oil, and it's kind of a mindless habit. But I think this will be kind of fun--another sort of cooking adventure. No added salt and no oil?

When going through my recipes today, though, I realized that a lot of them are already whole-food plant-based recipes. I'll make several of those and I'll try out some new recipes as well. I'm just glad that I can still have tofu. Never in my life did I imagine that tofu would be a favorite food--I actually crave it pretty frequently!

Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent here, and it's already past the time I usually publish my posts (10:00 PM). I was painting the bedroom and I didn't realize how late it had gotten. I'm going to put my sock monkey onesie back on and read some of my book before bed. I *really* hope that I have a good weigh-in next week! (Even if I don't lost weight, I'd like to stop gaining.)


  1. Maybe your therapist can help you come up with positive/neutral statements to replace the negative ones.


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