Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 7

As I was writing the date on this, I realized that it's the anniversary of when I started losing weight in 2009. On this day, 17 years ago(?!), I was 253 pounds. I *hate* this "before" photo of me, but seeing the pictures side-by-side really drives home how far I've come.

Of course, I didn't just lose all the weight and keep all of it off for all this time. I've gotten as low as 121 pounds and as high as 197. I feel my best at around 130 pounds, give or take 5. My ultimate goal for maintenance is about 133.

So where was I on the scale on this day, 17 years to the day after I started counting calories?

I was at 149.6... I broke into the 140's! It wasn't that long ago that I was super excited to see the 150's again. A few months ago, I really didn't even dream I'd ever see the 140's again. I'm now only five pounds from being a "normal" BMI (I'm considered "overweight" until I'm under 145). I've been asked several times recently how tall I am--I'm 5'4". 

I've still been doing the same stuff I've been doing over the last seven weeks: lots of fiber, no sweets or snacks (occasionally I have a piece of fruit in the afternoon if I'm hungry, or even a small portion of leftover dinner). Running three days a week, adding just a tiny bit of distance each run. I think what has helped me the most is the not snacking. I used to snack after dinner, but now I've been eating a large dinner and I don't have interest in snacking later.

For my running this week:

I've had to modify my routes so that I run past my house about a mile in (to drop off Joey at the house, which I mentioned last week). Thankfully, my neighborhood is is almost exactly a mile around the perimeter, so I take him around the neighborhood and then drop him off at home and add head back out until I hit my goal for the day.

Friday- My previous run had been 1.53 miles, so I planned to aim for about 1.60. Since I don't know a 0.6 mile route from my house, I just had to guesstimate and I overshot a little (not a bad thing!). I ran 1.70 miles at a 12:08/mile pace and average heart rate of 151 bpm. My "Joey mile" was 12:23; years ago, he would be out in front of me, pulling me along, the entire time; but now I've had to deliberately slow myself so he can keep up. I feel really bad for him; he would run with me until he legs gave out if I let him. I'm hoping once it's not so humid, it'll be easier for him. He's got SO MUCH FUR, the humidity has to be really hard for him.

Sunday- Same sort of thing. Previous run was 1.70, so my plan was to aim for about 1.80. Again, I dropped Joey off (that first mile time was 12:18) and then I did a guesstimate to continue the distance. I overshot again and hit 1.92 miles. I could have kept going in order to hit 2.0, but I decided I wanted my 2-miler to be a special day of its own. Finished the 1.92 miles at an 11:54/mi average pace (11:27 without Joey) with an average heart rate of 151 bpm.

Tuesday- The weather was GREAT for running! Unfortunately, as soon as Joey and I started out, my legs just felt heavy and I was feeling very tired. I was bummed because it was my 2.0-mile day. Since Tuesday was the last day of my running week, I couldn't put it off. I just pushed through it, and was thrilled when I hit the two-mile mark! It wasn't that long ago that I was struggling HARD to run half a mile. Now, my average heart rate is down a little and my pace is getting a little faster (without trying). I finished two miles--12:04/mi with Joey and 11:14/mi without Joey. Overall, I did 2.00 miles with an average pace of 11:39/mi and average heart rate of 152 bpm.

The running has actually done wonders for my day-to-day mood! Even after all these years, I still get really nervous before a run (even a short easy run). I have no idea why. But as soon as I get home, I walk straight to the bathroom, put the shower on straight-up cold water, strip as quickly as possible and jump in before I cool off. The cold water feels SO good! And then I feel good about it the rest of the day. It's exciting to see the improvement so far.

A few random personal things from recently...

Joey- I took him to the vet about his balance/"clumsiness", and after a thorough check-up, the vet didn't find anything concerning. We think it could be his hearing; he's definitely had hearing loss over the last year or so, and a sudden noise can startle him to losing his balance. But he has no balance issues when he runs with me, and the vet was very impressed that he can run a mile at his age. (Granted, we are not running to qualify for Boston, but running nonetheless. The vet also did some bloodwork since he's getting old, and she said there was a slight abnormality with his kidneys. She doesn't think it's alarming, but we're going to retest him in a few months and compare the results. 

When I tell him that my mom is going to come pick him up, he gets SO EXCITED. So we go outside and he stands like this, watching the end of the road for my mom's car to turn the corner.

Eli is starting the fire academy in a couple of weeks! I can't remember if I mentioned it here or not, but he wants to be a firefighter and has been working really hard to get in shape before he starts the academy. As a mom, I am terrified of him becoming a firefighter; but I am happy that he's chosen to go back to school to do something that interests him. He put in his two-week notice at work yesterday. He still lives at home, but spends most of his time at work, the gym, and his girlfriend's apartment.

Noah is still working full-time and living at home to save money to buy property (he wants to build a house). He's just now starting to look at other options for jobs. He would ideally like to get into a trade like electrical. We've been helping him explore those options. For now, he works a lot (he picks up overtime for the extra money) and when he's not working, he's usually spending time with his boyfriend (yes, you read that correctly; he is very happy and Jerry and I are happy for him!). 

Jerry and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary on Sunday. We did the most unlike-us thing we could have chosen... we went to the Henry Ford Museum! I have probably mentioned (several times over the years) that I hate going to that museum because I chaperoned field trips every.goddamned.year. when the kids were in school. But I've changed so much over the last 4-5 years. When I became vegan, I started reading more about veganism--which led to reading more about the impacts of diet on the environment (I *highly* recommend the documentary called "Eating Our Way to Extinction", free on YouTube). That led me to interest in politics, which led me to learning about war, which led me to learning about history. All things I never had any interest in. 

Anyway, Jerry and I went to the Henry Ford Museum and it was like looking at it with fresh eyes. I really enjoyed our time there! (Jerry has always loved the museum.) We were there for five hours and didn't even see everything. My favorite part was that there is a temporary exhibit called Fabric of America: Our Fashions, Textiles, and Technologies. So perfect for me! There were quilts (including one from the 1700's) and lots of clothing and furniture from throughout the last couple of centuries. It was super interesting (even Jerry liked it).

I was stunned to see this quilt called the Vine Quilt from the late 1800's. Every single one of the leaves and vines are hand-appliquéd! Having appliquéd petals on a couple of quilts myself, I know how much time this must have taken. And most of these individual leaves are pieced with multiple fabrics!

The cats are still spoiled rotten. Estelle is about 18 years old and just recently, she's started to show her age a little. She's gotten smaller and is starting to look a little frail, like Phoebe did for a few years before she passed. But Estelle still gets the zoomies occasionally and she always shows the "kittens" who's boss. Chick and Duck (mainly Duck) are about as needy as two toddlers, which drives me crazy. But I'm still obsessed with Duck and we are totally codependent, haha.

I brought them some "cat grass" from Eastern Market in Detroit. They LOVE this stuff!

Well, I guess that's enough update for now. I *promise* to post my Beans and Greens post by Friday. I'm writing that here so that I actually have a deadline and I stop procrastinating!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 6

I'm still here! I had an insanely busy week last week. I wasn't planning to skip a post, but my therapist asked if we could meet on Wednesday instead of Tuesday last week and I had my days all screwed up. Tuesday felt like Monday and Wednesday felt like Tuesday. Anyway, by Friday I decided to just wait and post today.

About a year ago, I decided that I was probably never going to fit into my old clothes again, and I started working on resizing what I could and even merging two pieces to make something bigger. Which is what you see with the shirt I'm wearing in this pic... I thought the camouflage sleeves would work well with a Jurassic Park hoodie. I cut down both sides as well, in order to expand the width. Then I just took the cuffs from the hoodie and put them on the camo sleeves.

I had also started picking up a few things from Salvation Army here and there, kind of accepting that I wasn't going to lose weight. I've spent a lot of time tailoring and altering the clothes how I like them. And now, after just six weeks of working on my weight, everything is way too big! (I've gone down 2-3 sizes.) I'm working on resizing them--I actually really enjoy tailoring my clothes, so it's been kind of fun.

It's made me start looking more at the quality of the clothes I buy, too. I look for 100% linen (my favorite!) and cotton, mostly. I especially like 100% cotton jeans. I've never liked stretchy jeans--they get distorted and they don't hold up well--but the cotton ones are super durable and they maintain their shape. (That said, the jeans I'm wearing in the photo are stretchy--they've been sized up and down several times, as well as patched more times than I can count. I should get rid of them, but I'm going to wait until I have a few good pairs that fit well.)

My biggest issue now with buying my pants from thrift stores is the number of skinny jeans they have! I've always been a flared jeans person because I have huge calves. When everyone was wearing skinny jeans, thrift shopping was great! Everybody was donating their flared jeans. And now that flared jeans are back, the store is loaded with skinny jeans. I'm hoping a new trend comes along soon.

Anyways, that was a long tangent. I've still been doing really well with my diet and with running. Even though my "beans and greens month" is over, I've still been eating a lot of beans and greens. I discovered that you can add greens to just about anything and not really notice them. I eat rice almost every single day, and it's easy to throw some beans into that as well. I promise to work on my beans and greens post this week; I'd started it and then got overwhelmed.

As far as running goes, I had an unusual victory. My pattern for just about every goal I work has been to start a streak of something and then when I miss a day, I quit. Especially with running.

Well, last week I missed a day. I had planned to run three times a week, no more than two days in a row without running. Like I said, it was a crazy week... but it was also SO humid. I found myself absolutely dreading going out for a run. So, I made a decision to skip a run; but only if I didn't let that make me quit. Yesterday was the last day of my run week and the humidity was killer, but I made myself do it so that I wouldn't quit.

A quick recap of the last two weeks:

Friday (the 31st)- Ran 1.12 miles. It was 84 degrees, sunny, and humid--fun! Since I didn't know a good route that would be just over a mile, I started an out-and-back; toward the midway point, I decided to try for a lollipop route and it ended up being perfect. I was aiming for 1.10 miles. Finished 1.12 at 12:25/mile and average heart rate of 153 bpm.

Sunday- Joey was at my parents' house, so I decided to do an out-and-back on the main road (I don't like taking him on the main road because cars go so fast and drivers aren't great at paying attention). It was raining outside, and I actually really like to run in the rain. This run was a good turning point for me--for the first time since I started running again, I *felt* like a runner. It felt so familiar and I got in "the zone" where my mind wanders and I forget that I'm running. Short-lived, of course, but it was good for my mentality. Finished 1.30 miles at a 12:03/mile pace and average heart rate of 152 bpm.

Tuesday- It was only 55 degrees outside in the morning, so I headed out right when it was light outside. Something my psychiatrist and my therapist have talked about several times is the importance of mindfulness--being aware of the present moment--and I've been trying to work on that while running. Paying attention to all the things I can hear and see and smell; feeling my heavy breathing and my heart beating fast.

During this run, I started to think about why it is that I don't *love* running, like most runners seem to. And I realized that I actually really do love it--if it wasn't for how uncomfortable my breathing is. Other than that, I love feeling the breeze on my skin, seeing the familiar sights in my neighborhood, the slight ache of my muscles. That's why I want to get to the point where running three miles feels easy again. Finished 1.38 miles at a 12:30/mile pace and heart rate of 152 bpm.

Saturday- It was hot and humid, but I headed out early in the morning to get it done. I mapped out 1.5 miles in my neighborhood and headed out with Joey. Surprisingly, I didn't feel awful. About a mile in, I was actually feeling pretty good. It was around that time that Joey started falling behind a little bit. He's old, and I've noticed as we've increased the distance, he tires out toward the end. I feel bad, because he gets SO excited to go that I can't leave him home. So, I might have to start planning to pass by my house about a mile into each run, so that I can drop him off. I'm taking him to the vet today; he's been having problems with his balance and coordination. I hope it's nothing serious! Finished 1.50 miles at a 12:32/mile pace and average heart rate of 152 bpm.

Tuesday (yesterday)- Joey was at my parents' house again (they love having him over), so I chose to do the out-and-back on the main road again. Holy hell, it was SO humid and there was absolutely zero breeze. So I was pouring sweat immediately and it wasn't evaporating. I was shocked, then, when I looked at my watch to check my distance for the turn-around point and I saw my pace was in the 11:00's. My pace has been about 12:30-13:00/mile so far. When I turned around, I decided to see if I could finish out the mile under 12:00. When my watched beeped to signal a mile, I saw that I finished it in 11:36! And then I was encouraged to try to finish the run with a sub-12:00 average. The last half-mile, I ran at 11:09/mi. Finished 1.53 miles at 11:27/mile and average heart rate of 155 bpm.

I feel like running is definitely getting easier--when I first started six weeks ago, I felt like I was going to die--and I feel kind of excited to keep going and increasing my distance. I'm now a little more than halfway to my goal of three miles.

Well, I have to get Joey to the vet, so I'm going to cut this off here. I am really going to try to get my beans and greens post done this weekend. Jerry's and my 23rd wedding anniversary is on Sunday! We actually have plans, but I'll write about that next time.

(I almost posted this without my weigh-in, hahaha)...

I was at 151.2 today, which is down three pounds from two weeks ago (since I didn't post last week). It's definitely slowed down, but that was expected. I'm still doing everything the same, though, and it's been consistent, so I'm happy with that. I'm so close to the 140's!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 4

I flipped this photo to reverse the mirror image--this shirt was one of my "projects of the week". I love doing reverse appliqué! It's super easy and it's so fun to see the design revealed as you snip away. (The PURRVANA wasn't my idea; I got inspiration from Pinterest. But I love it! Also, can you believe it's been 32 YEARS since Kurt Cobain died?!)

Time seems to have slowed down quite a bit over the last couple of weeks, and it feels nice. Usually, I feel like I just blink and it's a month later. The only time that time seemed to slow down was when I was running ;)

Speaking of running, I reached a mile this week! I'm choosing to celebrate that, because I truly feel like a beginner again and a mile is a big deal for beginners. My first run (meaning, a month ago; not back in 2010) was 0.41 miles at a 13:01/mi pace and I felt like I was going to DIE. This week, I noticed that it felt *slightly* easier. Strong emphasis on slightly.

Thursday- My previous run had been 0.90 miles, so I decided to aim for 0.95. It was only 60 degrees outside, and I think that made a significant difference in how I felt. Since I was feeling relatively good, thought it would be a nice opportunity to go for my first mile. And I did--I finished 1.0 miles in 12:25 with an average heart rate of 153 bpm.

Saturday- It was on the cool side again, and I felt pretty much the same as Thursday. I had no idea what route to run--I can tell you 20 different three-mile routes from my house, but for these shorter runs, I'm basically guessing each time I go out. On Saturday, I figured I would do 1.10, but I did a terrible job guessing and had to run past my house. I turned around too soon and was at 1.04, so I just stopped there instead of entertaining my neighbors' Ring cameras for the third time. Ran 1.04 miles at a 12:38/mi pace and average heart rate of 155 bpm.

Tuesday- I went out at 6:30 and it was about 70 degrees (not terrible) but the air was thick with humidity. I ran about as slowly as I could, hoping to feel good throughout. It actually ended up feeling the best of all my runs so far! Still not easy, but I didn't feel completely spent toward the end. I ran 1.10 miles at a 12:42/mi pace and average heart rate of 153.

When I look back at my first run, my average heart rate and max heart rate are both significantly lower than yesterday's, but I think that might be because the duration was so short. It was only five minutes to start, so my heart rate didn't have much time to build up. Once I reach my three-mile goal, I'd like to work on lowering my average heart rate. Ideally, I'll be able to run at my MAF rate of 136 bpm; at my MAF rate was when I didn't dread running because it felt so easy. I would love to feel like that again.  

Anyway, as you can see, I've added a little to each run and four weeks later, I'm up to 1.10 miles. If I continue at about this rate, I should be able to start three-milers in October--the best time of year to run!

This was the last week of Jerry's and my beans and greens experiment. Since we started this for health reasons, the purpose of the beans and greens was to get a lot of fiber via whole foods--and beans and greens are basically the perfect whole-food high-fiber meal. I'll write more about this in a separate post. I made a big variety of versions of beans and greens, so I'll post photos and recipes/links with all that. Now the problem is that I have to figure out what recipe each photo was for! I should have written it all down.

I wish I'd thought of this beans and greens thing earlier, because holy cow--the weight is dropping off quickly.

I was down 3.2 pounds this week. In the last four weeks, I've lost 14.6 pounds--I'm more than stunned!  These are the factors that have been working for me:

*I'm vegan for the animals, but a vegan diet is probably the only reason I didn't get back up to 250+ pounds over the last couple of years. (There are a lot of vegan junk foods, however, so it's easy to gain weight, vegan or not.)

*I quit eating sweets several months ago. My sweets-eating was getting out of control, so I made a bet with a friend where I would lose quite a bit of money if I ate sweets before the end of August. It was rough at first--it actually took much longer than I thought it would to get rid of the cravings--but now I have zero cravings at all for sweets. I literally don't even think about them (and believe me, that is CRAZY TALK). I mean, my blog is Runs for *Cookies*! Even after this bet is over, I don't want to eat even a single cookie, because I'm like an addict and I just lose all control when attempting moderation.

*Eating a ton of (natural) fiber. Whole grains, beans, lentils, nuts, seeds, vegetables, and fruit. (That literally looks like a line from the health food books I love to hate.) In the beans and greens post, I'll write a little more about the specifics; my breakfast plays a big role in my fiber intake. My diet sounds extremely boring, I know; but my spice collection is huge and just by changing out spices, the same meal can taste completely different. My diet is far from boring (in my eyes, anyway).

*Not snacking. This wasn't a "rule" I made; I just naturally fell into it when I quit eating sweets and started eating very filling meals. The fiber makes a big difference--it's impossible to eat a high fiber meal very quickly, so meals are longer and more filling. I eat dinner at about 5:00-ish, and I'm not hungry again all evening (I go to bed at 9:00). Most of the time, I don't eat lunch; but if I'm hungry, I'll eat something (usually a small portion of dinner leftovers). 

*Cutting way back on salt. I've never had high blood pressure, so I never paid much attention to sodium intake. Since I've been eating only whole foods this month, however, my sodium intake was cut drastically. I also scaled back on how much salt I cook with. I've noticed that my weight doesn't fluctuate much at all day-to-day and I think the sodium plays a big part. I used to swing 3-4 pounds overnight sometimes, depending on my dinner!

That's all I can think of right now. Overall, I think the switch to whole foods has had the most impact on my weight this month. My body feels *so* much better, too, and it's only been four weeks!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 3

It's hard to believe it's only been a week since my last post, because this has felt like the longest week ever. Usually time goes by unbelievably fast!

Posting these Wednesday Weigh-Ins again has been so helpful in getting back on track with my diet and exercise. Getting started was the hardest part, but now that I feel like I'm in a good groove, I feel pretty determined to see it through. And the fact that I saw such good progress in the first couple of weeks was motivating, too.

Running is still HARD. Of course, I don't expect that it'll feel like it did back when I was running regularly and/or training for races. But I just hope it starts to feel easier as I continue to build mileage, because wow, am I out of shape.

This week:

Wednesday- I think I wrote about this last week. Ran 0.80 miles, 12:46/mi pace, average heart rate of 150 bpm.

Friday/Saturday- When I woke up on Friday morning, I let Joey outside and when I opened the door, I smelled smoke really strongly. I thought maybe there was a fire in the neighborhood, but it was 3:00 in the morning and very quiet; I would have heard if there was something like that going on. Still, it was strong enough that I woke Jerry. He told me it was from the Canadian wildfires.

When the sun came up, the sky was so hazy looking. The visibility was terrible. I couldn't even see the trees at the other side of the marsh across the street, which only happens when it's *very* foggy outside. I looked at the weather app, and the air quality was piss-poor (and yes, the smoke was from the wildfires).

This is where the "old Katie" started to nag me. A few weeks ago, I told myself I would run on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; since "old Katie" had a habit of being very all-or-nothing, it would have felt like I somehow failed if I chose not to run on Friday due to the fires. But I could hear my therapist's voice in my head telling me that I was only practicing self-care; running in such bad quality air would definitely not be taking care of myself.

Still, I was worried that I was subconsciously using it as an excuse to procrastinate or skip my run. Trying to let "old Katie" go, I ultimately decided that I'd skip the run Friday and try for Saturday; if the air was still terrible, I'd even put it off again. The hard part was simply the change in plans--I thrive on routine--but this is an obstacle that I've needed to work on for a long time. A change in plans doesn't have to offset my goals.

It rained Friday night, which helped clear the smoke quite a bit; on Saturday morning, it was much better. I headed out before I could change my mind, aiming for anything more than 0.80 miles (my previous run). It felt hard, like all of the runs have felt so far, but maybe slightly less hard than before. I ran 0.85 miles with a 12:43/mi pace, average heart rate of 155 bpm. This is interesting, because my previous run's heart rate was 150 bpm and I felt HORRIBLE, but at 155 bpm for this one, I felt (slightly) better.

Tuesday- (I'll explain below why I didn't run Monday) I set out to run anything more than 0.85 miles. From the very beginning, my body felt heavy and I could have sworn I was running backwards by how slow it felt. Since I couldn't care less what my pace is, I just focused on trying to reach the distance. I truly thought I might have to stop midway, but after half a mile, I could "see" the finish line and that was enough to make me push on. I was going to stop at 0.86 miles, but I was practically in front of my house, so I just continued until hit 0.90.

Despite feeling terrible, I'd run 0.90 miles with a 12:34/mile pace and average heart rate of 154 bpm. Since I was deliberately going very slowly to try to avoid getting to the point where I can't breathe, I was really surprised to see my pace was faster. So maybe I am improving a little, just not in the way I hoped. (Like I said, I don't care about my pace as much as I do the distance and especially the *feeling*; I ultimately want to be able to run three miles and have it feel easy again.)

The reason I ran Tuesday instead of Monday was because Jerry and I spontaneously decided on Sunday morning to go for a bike ride at the Metropark (this led to sore hips and thighs). A spontaneous bike ride is *extremely* unusual for us. Ever since lockdown, we sort of got into the habit of being far less active in our free time. We've never been one of those couples that goes out kayaking, cycling, running, etc. every weekend (that would be great, but it's never been us).

In fact, I couldn't even remember the last time I rode my bike. Three years ago? Five? Jerry even got our bikes tuned up last summer and we never. took. them. out. So, when I was feeling kind of antsy on Sunday morning, I told Jerry that I felt like *doing* something--I didn't know what that meant, just that I had some energy to burn. He suggested going for a bike ride (probably not even being serious) but I actually thought that sounded like a good idea. And now that he has a truck, we're able to easily take our bikes somewhere to ride (we don't have sidewalks or bike paths near home, and it's pretty dangerous to ride on the roads).

We parked in the same place that Jessica and I used to park for our long runs when we were marathon training. One direction of the path leads into the Metropark, and round-trip is 10 miles (I'm surprised I remembered that, considering I haven't done a long run in probably seven or eight years).

It wasn't too hot or sunny, which is why I ended up really enjoying it (if it had been sunny, I probably wouldn't have gone). There were a lot of people out walking, biking, fishing... it was rarely busy when I used to run that route, so it was nice to see people out being active. And it was inspiring to me to make me want to be more active, "just for fun".

We took our time and chatted the whole way, and we really enjoyed it. We stopped for a picture on the bridge where we'd had our first kiss back in 1999!

Remember that time I went for a long bike ride with my helmet on backwards? Hahaha, Jerry never lets me forget it.

We both said we should go again next weekend; the whole thing, including the drive, only took about two hours and it set a good mood for the rest of the day.

Anyway, I feel good about my activity for the week. I did all three runs, increasing the distance (just slightly) each time; and I did exercise when I didn't even *have* to ;)

As far as my diet... three weeks in, and I've still been making some variation of beans and greens for dinner. I usually cook every other day; I'll make four portions and we eat it two days in a row. It's so odd not having to feed kids! Of course they're welcome to eat what I cook, but beans and greens aren't exactly the most enticing for 20- and 22-year old boys.

If I were cooking for just myself, I would eat dahl literally every day, but I've been making a variety of things to keep it interesting. I've been taking pictures and at the end of the month, I'll do a post of all the variations I've made. I honestly think that the beans and greens are what is making my weight drop like it is. We haven't had any processed/convenience food (for a while, Jerry was obsessed with breakfast burritos--tofu scramble with potatoes, peppers, vegan cheese, and chopped vegan breakfast "sausage" on a tortilla--and we ate it way too frequently).

The beans and greens are so filling that I don't even have thoughts of snacking after dinner. The sodium reduction alone is probably responsible for the large drop in what I assume was water weight. After last week's large loss on the scale, I assumed this week would be negligible; but once again, I was pleasantly surprised to see the scale moving along in a downward direction.

I was at 159.6 last week, and this morning I weighed 157.4.

It feels SO good to see progress. My poor food choices over the last couple of years had been hanging over my head and just felt so heavy all the time. But I guess I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to change it. I want to keep this momentum and make some permanent (healthy) habits!

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 2

Mirror selfies are the worst--so awkward!

Believe me, nobody is more surprised than I am that I have kept up with this for two weeks, haha. Knowing that I had committed to posting here on Wednesdays has actually been really helpful, though--now I remember why I liked the accountability (and also hated it sometimes).

This week hasn't been eventful at all, so this is going to just be a quick recap and weigh-in.

Jerry and I have still been eating some form of beans and greens every day for dinner, and I really love it. I don't think my digestive system has EVER been this happy! To find recipes/ideas, I've basically just been choosing bean dishes and then adding greens whether the recipe says to or not. Dr. Greger's cookbooks, How Not to Die Cookbook and How Not to Diet Cookbook, have a lot of good recipes that include beans and greens, too.

I had a container of salad greens that I bought with the intention of having salad before dinner every day, but didn't end up doing that. Next time, I need to make my dressing before buying the greens--otherwise, I get lazy and don't feel like getting out the blender and all the ingredients to make dressing. I didn't want to waste the greens, though, and I wondered if I could incorporate them into the beans and greens. (This was a mesclun/spring mix, so it included some red and green leaf lettuce; and cooking lettuce seemed really weird to me.)

When I googled it, I was very surprised to see it's actually super common to add lettuce to soup and other hot dishes! I made creole beans and added several handfuls of the mesclun mix (chopped) while it was cooking. It all wilted just like any other green and I honestly wouldn't have known what the heck kind greens were in there. We ate it with red rice and it was delicious!

Of course, this morning I happened to read that there is a big outbreak of some parasite in fresh produce, causing cyclosporiasis (main symptom is explosive diarrhea, can last weeks). And guess which of the 34 states who are reporting cases has the highest number? Correct, it's Michigan. Particularly, my county and two bordering it. And the most likely source for it? Lettuce mixes. Naturally.

It can't be killed with the typical chemicals, bleach, vinegar, or from freezing, but cooking food to at least 158 F will kill it. So maybe being too lazy to make salad dressing saved my ass (literally) this time. Jerry and I are going to Eastern Market (a farmer's market) in Detroit this weekend, so I'll buy a bunch of greens there. Collard greens freeze really well.

There is also a Vegan Fest in Detroit on Saturday! Other than my friend Bonnie, who lives in West Virginia, I don't know any other vegans. I'm excited to go check it out and talk to some of the vendors, and not feel like "the weirdo" with crazy harebrained ideas, like choosing not to eat animals ;) If anyone else is planning to go, let me know and I'd love to say hello.

[I started this post by saying it would be short and to the point. Have I *ever* done that?!]

Anyways, my food has been great this week--tons of fiber, beans and greens for dinner, lots of water. No sweets or snacking after dinner. Eating a filling dinner has helped a ton in cutting out the snacking.

As far as my return to running...

It's been SO HARD. I've been doing what I planned (three days a week, only goal is to run farther than the time before, in order to build my endurance up to three miles again). I am still just so stunned at how hard running feels. I had forgotten what it's like to be a true beginner, and to say it's humbling is an understatement. It's also been super hot and humid over the last couple of weeks. I've been doing my runs in the morning, but it's still not very hospitable.

-Last Wednesday, I did 0.63 miles at 13:04/mi. Average heart rate of 148 bpm.

-Friday, I had a VERY hard time. I kept telling myself to just go slowly, I can reach 0.64 miles (just slightly more than Wednesday). I ended up doing 0.65 at 13:23/mi and had an average heart rate of 150 bpm. (The air felt thicker, so I think that had something to do with it feeling so hard.)

-Monday, I was totally dreading it. I'd had such a rough run on Friday that I didn't want a repeat. Thankfully, it ended up going much better than I expected. I even thought about doing a full mile, but then I realized that would mean I'd have to do more than a mile next time. I'd rather just do smaller increments until it feels easier. So I ran 0.75 miles at 13:00/mi with average heart rate of 153 (interesting that my heart rate was higher but I felt better).

-I ran early today, knowing how hot it's going to get, and once again, felt like I was going to die. I pushed hard to finish 0.80 miles at 12:46/mi and 150 bpm heart rate.

And finally, my weigh-in...

Last week, I was at 166.2, and I was 158.6 today--what the heck?! Believe me, I am shocked. I was unsure I should even post this, because it's very atypical; I must have been retaining some serious water weight or beans and greens are magical foods. I definitely notice a difference in my clothes, though, which is nice. I'm not expecting a big loss (if any) on the scale next week after a week like this, but right now I'm happy to see the 150's again!

[It's funny, I remember saying, probably several times over the years, that I "never wanted to see the 150's again". It hits a lot different on the way down than it does on the way up!]

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Wednesday Weigh-In: Week 1

Surprise! I actually stuck to my plan and I'm posting a Wednesday Weigh-In.

First, though, I want to apologize for last week's blog update email. I use a company called "follow. it" to take care of my rss feed--basically, whenever I publish a post, they send out an email saying that there is a new post on my blog. I even pay extra so that I can personalize the sender, subject line, and get rid of the ads (even if I left the ads on there, that money doesn't even go to me--so why would I do that?!).

Well, the site wasn't taking my payment a couple of months ago, so I decided to try again later--and I forgot. My payment defaulted and I didn't know it, but they reset the things I'd personalized back to their "free" plan (tacky ads, no subject, etc.). Meanwhile, I'd contacted their support so that I could make my payment (the site still wasn't accepting it), I made the payment and apparently everything was good to go. And then I was pissed when I saw the email that was sent out after my last post. You can't even really tell what it is! If I didn't know what follow.it was, I wouldn't have even opened it.

So anyway, I *hopefully* have it taken care of now. I guess I won't know until I publish this post. Moving on...

I honestly had absolutely no idea when or what my previous weigh-in was, but curiosity got the better of me and I looked it up. It was on May 15, 2024--I am stunned that so much time has passed since I stopped writing frequently.

Back then, my weight was at 145.4. Now I kind of wish I hadn't looked, because I hate seeing the effect the last couple of years has had on my weight.

A note about my shirt: I've been really into altering clothes lately--I started by just doing visible mending of some clothes with patches and embroidery to hide stains or tears, as well as covering logos with appliqué. Anyway, my therapist talks a lot about the importance of self-care and it started a routine that I've been doing for nearly a year now and I love it:

My therapist's office is right around the corner from a huge Salvation Army store, and after my sessions, I go pick out a "project piece" for the week. For the shirt in my weigh in photo, I saw the green hoodie and loved the color--but it had a Moosejaw logo across the front. With some inspiration from Pinterest, I gathered up scraps and made the "very hungry caterpillar" to get rid of the logo. I also embroidered "eat the rich" under the caterpillar to let out a little political frustration, haha.

Anyways, now I pick out a project piece each week after therapy and make something that either turns out cute or turns into a dust rag or more scraps for another project. But it's been a really fun routine that I look forward to every week. And then I usually wear my project piece to therapy the next week.

Here is another shirt I did. When I was in elementary school, we had a very fun custodian who all the kids really liked. He used to call me "Katydid" and I remember feeling special that he gave me a cool nickname (although I'm sure all the kids had nicknames).

Before I even get into my weigh-in today, I should mention a few things that may affect my weight loss/gain this time around. First, my age--I started having perimenopause symptoms about a year ago and from everything I've heard/read, it becomes *very* difficult to lose weight in the peri/menopause years. I keep hoping I'm the exception 😂 

I'm also not as active as I used to be. For several years, I was remodeling the house and garage, refinishing furniture, building things with wood, and it seemed like I always had some project that was very labor intensive. My favorite pastime right now is sewing/crafting, which requires a lot of sitting (I do keep my iron all the way across the room from my sewing machine so that I have to constantly walk back and forth, though--every little bit helps!)

Following my surgery, my thyroid (or the half that's left of it) has been doing the job so far of keeping up with my thyroid hormones. As long as that stays good, my thyroid shouldn't cause problems with my weight.

Anyways, about this week... I actually did pretty well. Jerry and I stuck with our plan of having some sort of beans and greens dinner every day. I've been taking pictures, so maybe at the end of the month I'll post the meals we've had. I've been trying to be creative so that it doesn't feel like eating the same thing all the time and it's surprisingly easy to adjust most meals to include a bean and a green. My digestive system seems so much happier now that I'm back to eating loads of fiber and mostly whole foods.

As far as running goes, I chose to go the way of a full beginner again (well, myself as a beginner). I've done four runs since my last post (first one was right after I posted), and my only goal for each run is to run a little farther than the previous run. Even if it's just a hundredth of a mile, I will eventually reach my goal of three miles.

Let me tell you, that first run was HUMBLING. It doesn't help that I picked the hottest/most humid day in the middle of a heat wave to start. For the first day, I decided to start by just going around the block and if I felt okay, try to go farther.

Well. I felt like I was going to die after the first lap around the block--0.41 miles--and I stopped there. It hasn't been *that* long since I ran around the block, but it felt ten times harder than before. And I wasn't even going fast--my pace was 13:01/mile. I don't know if the weather had anything to do with it, but it was already 80 degrees with full sun at 6:30 AM, and the air felt like a steam room.

Friday was run number two and since I know that running around two blocks is half a mile, I figured I'd do that. It was just as hot, and I was really not looking forward to feeling as miserable as the last one. However, because the distance is so short (relatively speaking), I told myself I'd be back home in less than 10 minutes, tops.

It definitely felt just as hard. Harder, even. I almost started walking as soon as I hit 0.42 miles, but I managed to push myself to finish. Total of 0.51 miles, pace was 12:42/mi.

Monday, it was 70 degrees and raining and I couldn't have been more thrilled. ANYTHING was better than the heat and humidity from the previous two runs. I was afraid to try adding another block to the distance, so I ran the same two blocks as before but added a short 0.02 by going just past my house. Total was 0.53, with a 12:49/mi pace.

Which brings me to today. The air was thick with humidity when I stepped outside to fill the squirrel feeder--and that was at 5:30 this morning. I was hoping that I was miraculously back in shape when I headed out to run and it would feel fantastic. Alas, that was not the case (shocking, I know). When I run a block going in a different direction, it's 0.63 miles total, so I chose to try that today. I figured that if it was too hard, I'd just try to make it to 0.54 miles and then walk the rest of the way.

Well, it was definitely hard, so I kept reminding myself to slow down. It's easy to pick up speed without realizing it and suddenly I'm struggling to breathe and I have to slow myself back down. Being this out of shape isn't fun at all.

Anyway, I gave it my all in order to finish out the whole 0.63 miles--I was only a couple of houses from home when, of course, Joey had to stop and poop. So I had to stop my watch for about 15 seconds while I picked up his poop and I could have used that as an excuse to just stop there, since I'd already gone farther than last time, but I started running again and finished it out. Ran 0.63 miles with a pace of 13:04/mi.

I'm going to consider my running this week a success. Even though it was extremely difficult for me, and I was very humbled, I did what I'd said I would--run a little farther each time--so I am happy with that.

And finally, my Wednesday Weigh-In. I didn't do an "official" weigh in for week 0, but I was at 168.8 last Wednesday, and today I was at 166.2. I don't really have any expectations for my weight because of the variables I mentioned earlier, so I'm good with this.

For this coming week, my plan is to just keep doing what I'm going. Lots of fiber, portion control, and building up my running fitness. I have to say, knowing that I was going to be posting this today was VERY helpful all week--the accountability factor is real. One week down, and now onto week two! 

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Runs for Cookies v. 2.0

I bet you didn't expect to see a post from me in your inbox today! Haha. This post has been on my mind for months and it's finally time (I feel like by posting about this, I'm committing to it... which is why it took me so long).

I've been thinking about doing Wednesday Weigh-Ins again and I pretty sure I'm ready. I haven't written much about weight in a few years, mainly because I feel like I *should* be "body positive" and "happy at any size", and that "weight is just a number". That's what we've all learned over the last 10 years or so, right? I love the idea. But.

I'm *not* happy with my size and it's hard to feel positive about it. I know that I'm not morbidly obese anymore, but I am not even a little bit comfortable with my size now (physically or mentally). The last 20 pounds have always made a huge difference for me in lots of ways; I now have about 35 pounds to lose (my goal is 133). Other than a few random moments, I've been between 160 and 170 for at least a year and a half I think.

I have no photos for this post, so here is a picture of Joey from a couple of weeks ago. Can you believe that's a 12-and-a-half-year old dog?!

This is where I feel like my blog is starting version 2.0.

I've taken such a long hiatus from blogging that I feel like I'm starting completely over with my original goals (weight loss and running). Obviously I don't have as much weight to lose as I did in 2009, but it still feels very daunting. I'd like to work on both my weight/diet and running again, from a beginner level. A few months ago, I started running again (beginning with just half a mile) and I managed to increase a bit each run--running three days a week.

After five weeks, I got sick (just a cold but my throat was really sore) and my three days off turned indefinite. I recognize that one of my biggest faults is that I'm a perfectionist about certain things--if I break a streak of some sort, I have a very hard time just moving on. I talked about this in my last therapy session, which is probably why I'm inspired to actually get this post written.

[Side note: Therapy has been going *very* well. This is, by far, the most progress I've made with a therapist. I would feel comfortable posting details here if it didn't involve other people in my life. It's not fair to them, especially considering I haven't even talked to any of them about it. So, I'm sorry to say that I have to post the cryptic version on my blog. I know how annoying that is, I really do. So, you can just skip ahead a couple of paragraphs--that's what I would do, out of spite 😂

Basically, I've discovered how a few incidents from my childhood/teens have caused me to have overwhelming anxiety over things in day-to-day life that other people would think are totally no big deal. About four years ago, it got much worse, causing big disruptions in my life. So my therapist and I have been exploring those distortions and he's helping me learn to put myself first and set boundaries. I've especially made huge progress on my anxiety over the past few weeks! End side note.]

Anyway, Jerry and I have been feeling very mortal lately. I swear, ever since I turned 40, I started noticing and questioning every little difference in my body. I also started getting perimenopause symptoms about a year ago, which doesn't help. The biggest shock, though, came in December 2025. There was a super-early text from my mom telling me to call her when I woke up. I get out of bed embarrassingly early anyway, so I called her back right away.

She told me Kevin had died. Kevin was a good family friend and also my friend Audrey's husband. To refresh your blog knowledge: Audrey and my sister have been best friends since childhood; Audrey was basically a sister growing up, super close with my family. Kevin's mom and my mom were best friends as well (going back to childhood). We all lived in the same small town. I've mentioned Audrey in my Winers posts and some running posts, and most recently was last July when we went to the casino for Noah's birthday.

Needless to say, Audrey is essentially family. Everybody was thrilled when Audrey and Kevin got together as adults. Then married. And then had a son, who is a little younger than Noah.

The last time I saw Kevin was at my brother's July party last year. Ironically enough, when he was walking toward my sister and me with his ear-to-ear smile and wide sparkling eyes crinkling at the corners--you know, that super happy look that just makes you hate them because you wish you could be *that* happy? yeah, that--and I thought to myself, "THIS is what they mean when they say, 'his smile lit up a room' on every true crime podcast ever. (Note: if you don't want to get murdered, don't light up a room with your smile or give anyone the shirt off your back.)

Anyway, Kevin had a BIG presence--extremely social, charismatic, and lively. And the last time I saw him, he could not stop talking about his son, who was only a freshman in college at the time--and works for NASA. Kevin was SO proud. "How many people can say they have a kid who works for frickin' NASA?!"

So, Kevin and Audrey were on vacation in Florida in December. Kevin was complaining about his arm hurting during lunch and Audrey said they should at least get him checked out at the hospital. [Side note: A few years ago, Audrey was on vacation with Kevin and their son, as well as her dad, in Mexico. They were on a scuba excursion when her dad had a heart attack and passed away on the boat. So naturally, better safe than sorry when Kevin wasn't feeling good.]

Kevin began driving to the hospital and Audrey said all of a sudden he just slumped over the steering wheel, unresponsive. She somehow managed to stop the car. She was trying to flag a car to pull over and help (no one did), and she couldn't get Kevin out of the car. Anyway, it was awful--Kevin had already passed from a heart attack, likely before she even stopped the car. He was only 52.

This shook me. I grew up around Kevin! And now we're at the ages where we have to think that a heart attack out of nowhere is a real possibility. Death of "natural causes" is no longer extremely rare at this age.

A couple of months later, I learned that actor James Van Der Beek died of colorectal cancer at age 48. I wasn't a recent fan of his, but I was a big Dawson's Creek fan back in the day and this news was shocking to me as well. Maybe it's just the algorithm of life in general, but it seems like I've been seeing stories everywhere lately about people in their 40's and even 30's getting--and dying from--colon cancer. It used to be something you didn't really worry about until you were 50 and starting preventive colonoscopies every 10 years. Now the recommended age for screenings is 45, but I think it should be even lower than that.

After Kevin's death and reading more and more about people my age getting colon cancer, I felt kind of "scared straight". Jerry, too--he said Kevin's death made him feel so mortal it's kind of scary. We decided we need to really clean up our lifestyle habits. Being vegan is a great advantage against colon cancer, but Jerry (who is plant-based) and I had been eating way too many convenience foods, not enough vegetables, and we could definitely stand to dial down the evening snacking. And as always, sweets are my nemesis.

I'm not good at moderation--never have been--so I knew I needed to cut the sweets out entirely. I made a bet with a friend, knowing I would lose a significant amount of money if I caved, and it's been at least a few months now. The bet goes until late-August, but I'm not planning to start eating sweets again if I can help it. It's way too hard to quit!

Jerry and I also quit snacking at night, for the most part. I changed up my routine entirely, actually. I have started eating a large breakfast (not in volume, but calories), skipping lunch (or having something very small like popcorn or fruit), and having a large dinner--essentially just splitting my calories up into eating twice a day. I didn't do that for any sort of conscious strategy, it's just what feels most natural to me (at least right now). Lunch is inconvenient, and since I eat a big breakfast, I don't feel super hungry anyway.

I suspect that the calories in my dinner are much higher than I thought. Otherwise, I'd have lost weight! I haven't counted calories in over four years, but I'm going to track them for the next couple of weeks just to see if I am, in fact, eating more than I think. If I am, I just need to cut down on portions at dinner.

My main dietary goal right now is to eat as much fiber and vegetables as possible. My breakfast is loaded with 21 grams of fiber (I make a bowl with Grape Nuts, uncooked oats, frozen blueberries, cocoa powder, shredded coconut, almonds, flaxseeds, chia seeds, hemp seeds, almond and coconut extracts, and plain unsweetened soy milk). It's SO good.

One of my favorite meals is Jerry's Beans & Greens and while we were eating it recently, I said there were so many variations we could probably make with a "beans and greens" combo, we should try out some ideas. I started going through cookbooks and soon had a long list of ideas to try.

I thought it would be fun to make a challenge for the month of July to have some sort of beans and greens for every dinner this month. Not only is it one of the healthiest combinations you can make, there are so many variations if you get creative. Ever since becoming vegan and trying all sorts of new foods, I discovered just how much I like Indian food and I cook it often. Thankfully, dahl (Indian lentil curry) is one of my favorite meals and is a very easy dish to throw some greens into.

Diet aside, I still haven't really decided what to do about running. I *think* I'm going to go back to my roots from 2010 and start that way--basically running as far as I can, and then trying to go a little farther each time. I'd started with three days a week, about 30 minutes each time. I swear, if I ever get my fitness level back to where I can run three miles and have it feel very easy, I will never skip a run again!

Anyway, aside from the weight loss, diet, and running stuff, I honestly don't have a lot to say. If I actually do follow through with posting Wednesday Weigh-Ins again, I'll try to write a few tidbits though.

The past few months have been kind of wild. A couple of years ago, Jerry had the opportunity to start traveling for work (visiting and helping at other plants). Usually, he's gone for a few days or a week; well, in March, he went to Texas for FIVE WEEKS, coming home the beginning of May. That was, by far, the longest we'd been apart in our 27 years together. I hate to think of myself as codependent, but I totally am. I had a very hard time for the first few weeks, and then when I finally started to get into a new routine, it was almost time for him to come home. (Only to go back last week! Only for a few days this time, though.)

Okay, this is much longer than I thought. I actually started writing this about two weeks ago, but was having such a hard time writing--I guess that's what happens when you're this out-of-practice. If all goes according to plan, I'll post a weigh-in next Wednesday. Let's hope this week goes well!

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Where to Start...?

I am here and I am alive :)  The longer I go without writing, the harder it is to get in the mood to write. I wish I had lots to say, but I honestly can't come up with much of anything at all to say.

I am not doing well. Physically, I've healed from my surgery. The scar doesn't bother me at all. The loose and puckered skin does, but there is nothing I can do about that. I haven't gone to my six-week post-op visit yet, so I don't know if my thyroid hormones are still normal. I am just really hoping that everything is normal and I don't need medication.

Mentally, I am so angry at myself for completely letting myself go in the summer when my headache started. My non-stop headache for four months gave me an excuse to eat and not exercise. I just couldn't focus on anything when my head was hurting, and I made myself feel better by eating junk. And moving around a lot made it worse, so I was the least active I'd been in a long time.

By the time I got my tooth extracted (effectively killing my headache) I had developed horrible habits that I'm still having a hard time changing. My weight is higher than it's been in probably three years, maybe longer--167. In August, it was 145.

[Because I'm sure someone will mention it, I'm 99% sure that my thyroid had nothing to do with the weight gain. It was my bad eating habits for sure. No excuses there.]

I need to make a plan. I'm miserable at this size, which I know sounds ridiculous considering I used to be like eight sizes larger than this, but I just do not feel good in my own skin. I'm a lot saggier than I was when I was running regularly, which is making me want to start running again. I would be a REAL beginner again--only 15 years older than last time, hahaha.

My clothes don't fit and thrift stores are now very expensive so I'm resisting buying clothes--and holding out hope I can lose enough weight to get back into my wardrobe soon.

Needless to say, I am not happy with myself right now. My psychiatrist just added a medication to hopefully help with this stubborn episode of depression. I don't think I've had an episode like this since before my bipolar diagnosis in 2017.

I would end this with promises of writing again soon, but clearly I cannot hold myself to that! I will definitely try though. I really want to write a plan of action to get my life back on track. We've had mild weather for the last couple of days (after tons of snow and ice and miserable cold all winter) so I am hoping that the change in weather will help my mood, too!

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Slim vs. Overweight Eating Habits

I completely forgot how I wound up in the Reddit rabbit hole today (that's how it usually goes--I might google a quick question, read a response on Reddit, then a couple of hours later, forget what I even googled, haha), but I saw a question on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions and I found it SUPER interesting. As the name describes, r/NoStupidQuestions is a place to ask questions that you are genuinely curious about--and no question is "too stupid" to ask.

This one was regarding weight and the habits of slim versus overweight eating habits, and I spent more time than I care to admit reading the responses. They were so diverse and and it was a really great read. Here is the question:

You can find the thread here on Reddit.

If it's too hard to read, here is what it says:

"Are slim people lying about how much they eat or are they just blessed with a good metabolism? For a lot of my life I've been overweight, in the last few years I've lost weight but I'm definitely not slim, I'd say possibly midsize. I eat healthy and stay in suggested calories but really struggle to get to a slim weight. Are slim people lying about how much they eat and it's an unspoken rule to eat a smaller amount or are they just blessed with a great metabolism?"

There are over 7,000 comments at the time I'm writing this, so it's way too much to read them all, but I did read a lot of them. It seems the majority of people tend to believe that slim people eat less food altogether and overweight people eat more than they think they do. Not that they are necessarily lying to themselves, but that they just don't realize how much they're actually consuming.

I've been tracking my weight for so long, and I tracked calories on and off for the better part of two decades, so I'm very in tune with how my body reacts to my diet. I have *always* lost weight when cutting back on calories/food, and gained weight when eating more. My weight is super predictable based on how much I've been eating (meaning calories, not volume), so I certainly can't fool myself. But I think it's probably a trap that a lot of people fall into--thinking that they are eating a lot less calories than they actually are.

Some people in the thread suggested watching the British show called Secret Eaters. It features people who believe that they just can't lose weight, despite trying "everything". The show's producers have people follow them around and tally up what they're actually eating, and it's *very* eye-opening to them to see just how many calories they eat. I only watched one episode of it, but it did a good job of answering this Reddit question. (Obviously it doesn't apply to all slim or overweight people; the whole thread is speaking in general terms.)

What I found most interesting about the thread is when people talked about their own eating habits. Some people considered four Oreos to be "too much" and said after that they would be sick. Others said how they can eat a whole sleeve of Oreos and feel like it wasn't too much because they didn't eat the entire package. And yet others said that they would maybe eat two or three and then feel bad about it later because they didn't need it.

The thing that stuck out the most to me was a discussion about how some slim people can "eat whatever they want and not gain weight". Someone stated that when a slim person tells an overweight person that they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, the overweight person may assume that the two are eating the same foods. However, the slim person may not enjoy Oreos, chips, candy, or whatever other high-calorie foods the overweight person may be imagining.

I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense! If a thin friend told me, "I can eat anything I want and not gain weight" or "I can eat as much as I want and not gain weight" I would have assumed that they were probably blessed with a high metabolism. In reality, it could be that they eat until they don't want anymore (and maybe that's what I would consider to be a small amount) or that they just prefer foods that happen to be lower in calories and they don't want junk food. So, they're actually eating "whatever they want" as well as "as much as they want"--they just have different wants than I would. Hopefully that makes sense!

There are so many various responses to the thread--I suggested checking it out if you're interested. It helps put into perspective the diets of "slim" versus "overweight" people, and I learned a quite a bit about how people think in regards to their diet! (Here is a link to the post)

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A Lesson In Weight Maintenance

If you've been following my blog for several years, then you know how much my weight goes up and down. I'm not proud of that, but I am grateful that I have kept the majority of the weight off for most of those years. When you look at this graph of my weight, you can see just how much it's fluctuated.

This starts on August 19, 2009, when I began the 125-pound weight loss journey

For each of those dips in the graph, where my weight gets into the goal range, here is a corresponding photo:

December 2010 - December 2011 - December 2012

(Apparently December is a good "goal weight" month for me, haha)

November 2015 - November 2017 - September 2022

And finally... this is my most recent weigh-in photo:

For anyone that has lost a large amount of weight and maintained it, I am in awe of you! Losing the weight was hard, but I had an end goal--I wanted to reach my goal weight. It wasn't until after I reached my goal that I learned just how challenging maintenance is.

I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to make changes that I wasn't willing to live with forever--and that certainly helped me. I didn't do anything crazy to lose the weight, so keeping it off was more do-able than it would have been otherwise. But I still struggled with it so badly.

Over the years, I stopped having a real "goal weight" and I now have more of a "happy weight"--or a maintenance range. I'd like to stick around 130 pounds; that is where I feel my best. But I'll be happy if I can keep it between 125-135 to allow for *normal* fluctuations.

In the last few weeks, I've started to think more and more about something I've discovered is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight loss. Of all the times I've entered maintenance mode, I never really figured out how to maintain my weight without constantly being careful about what and how much I ate. I hated thinking about it all the time. It was stressful!

I haven't counted calories in a year and a half, and it's so hard to imagine going back to it; with any luck, I won't have to. Still, I think it was necessary at first because it really helped me to get used to smaller portions. I also used the food tracker to see what kind of nutrition I was getting, and to try to increase my fiber.

This new discovery was entirely subconscious; I didn't even really realize I was doing it. I'll try and explain it the best I can...

Ever since becoming vegan, my reasons for food choices (both what I eat and the portion sizes) have changed. (This isn't necessarily due to being vegan, but that's what triggered it.) In the past, I struggled with willpower, motivation, and determination to lose the weight. I relied heavily on willpower to make healthier choices, and I managed to do it long enough to lose 125 pounds. However, I didn't learn how to continue those choices without willpower. You can only white-knuckle something for so long.

When I became vegan, I wanted to make sure I was getting the best nutrition I could. A diet without meat, dairy, or eggs was entirely foreign to me, so it was a little scary. I'd read a lot about "gut health" and I focused on eating more fiber for that reason--not for weight loss or to feel full sooner, or anything like that. I just wanted to be healthy.

Most foods that have a lot of fiber (not fiber that has been added artificially to food, but naturally-occurring fiber) pack a lot of nutrition as well. I chose foods that I enjoyed that just so happened to have a lot of fiber.

I tried to cut out a lot of foods that offered little fiber, but not enough to deprive myself of things that I enjoyed--like dessert. With my blog title being "Runs for Cookies", it's clear that I love dessert. While I was losing weight in the past, I ate some sort of dessert/sweets just about every single day. I counted the calories for it and I still lost weight. Weight loss was my main goal, and it worked! I was able to eat my dessert and reach my goal weight.

I was still binge eating once in a while, almost always on sweets, when I lost the willpower to stick with a small portion. And I couldn't IMAGINE my life without sweets in it! Why give up sweets when I could eat them AND lose weight?

Sometime over the last year or so, I started seeing it differently. Yes, I can still eat sweets and lose weight. However, when I started eating a much healthier diet, I discovered that certain foods trigger me to eat larger portions or to crave sweets in a horrible way.

I cannot even describe what a sugar craving feels like to me. It's torture! Before I lost the weight back in 2009-2010, I remember eating corn syrup straight out of the bottle one time because we didn't have anything sweet in the house. (How gross is that?!) That's just how bad my cravings got.

When I started losing weight, I felt like it was easiest and made the most sense to eat what I was craving. Crave ice cream - eat ice cream - craving satisfied. I had cravings every single day, but I made sure to save calories in order to satisfy that craving. And like I said, I was able to lose weight that way.

Since I started eating a lot healthier (which I attribute to both a vegan and high-fiber diet), I discovered another way to curb my cravings. To get rid of them altogether! I don't know how or why it happened, but I was without anything sweet in the house for several days. There must have been some reason I couldn't go to the store; I don't remember. But the point is, I went four days without sweets.

After four days, I realized my cravings had gone away. Still, I tried to convince myself I was craving something sweet because I was so used to it; but when I tried to think about what sounded good to me, I couldn't think of anything! At that moment, I figured I might as well ride it out--if I was able to say no, then I wanted to say no as long as I could (knowing that dessert has pretty much no nutritional value whatsoever). 

I continued going dessert-free, waiting for my cravings to come back. They never did!

I have no pictures to really fit in with this post, so here is one of me with Brussels sprouts. That seems to fit in.

Then, when Jerry and I went out to dinner at a vegan restaurant last fall, someone bought us dessert. I would have felt bad saying no, and I knew that having half of a cookie wasn't going to hurt my weight loss at all.

After I ate the cookie, it was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about more and more dessert. My cravings were super intense. Logically, I knew if I could go a few days without sweets, the cravings would subside; but holy hell, it was miserable. It took a while before I was able to go several days without dessert again, and when I did, I realized my sugar cravings were gone.

There were a few more times where I did the same thing. Ate dessert even though I didn't *really* crave it, and then that triggered cravings all over again. In July sometime, I finally made the decision to not eat sweets if I was able to say no. It's so much easier to forgo dessert altogether than it is to have it once in a while. (FOR ME--obviously, everybody is different, so this may not be the case for others.)

I remember specifically in July when I made a vegan chocolate cake for Noah's birthday (it is seriously the best chocolate cake EVER--vegan or not). When I made the cake in July, I didn't have that intense feeling of wanting to have a piece. I didn't even lick the spoon or swipe a bit of frosting.

My dad recently made a rhubarb pie and asked to bake it at my house (my parents' oven stopped working when the power went back on a few weeks ago after the storm). I *love* rhubarb, and he told me to take some; I knew if I did, though, I wouldn't be able to stop craving more.

And for once in my life, it wasn't because I didn't want the extra calories; it was because I knew it would make me have horrible cravings for days afterward. Eating the dessert wasn't worth it to me because I hate obsessing over food. Again, it was easier not to have any at all than it was to have even a tiny piece.

That was a big moment for me--it was when I realized that I was maturing in this whole weight loss/healthy eating journey I've been on for the majority of my life. When the sugar is out of my system, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice to forgo dessert at all. I'm making that choice to avoid feeling so uncomfortable in my own mind, obsessing over more sugar. Even if it had/has no effect on my weight, I would still make the same choice just so that I would not have the cravings.

I made a big mistake on Saturday when we went to Eastern Market. One of the vendors sells the most amazing caramel corn, which happens to be vegan. She handed me a sample and before I could even think about it, I ate three kernels of popcorn. It was such a minute amount of sugar that I didn't think much of it. But I became obsessed with that popcorn--Jerry had bought a bag of it, and all day Saturday and Sunday, I could think of practically nothing else. The kids finished it on Sunday night, but my cravings didn't stop; I started thinking about other sweets.

Knowing how it affects me, I just need to ride it out for another day or two and then the cravings will subside. But it has been a very tough few days!

I think that learning these things about my mind/body is going to be crucial to maintaining my weight. I am so tired of the big ups and downs. I mentioned this before, but I think that finding a WHY that doesn't have anything to do with weight loss is the only way I'm going to be able to maintain my weight.

When I look at the big changes I've made over the last few years, there is one common denominator in how I've managed to stick with them--and it has nothing to do with willpower.

1) I stopped drinking because it had become a problem for me and I just felt crappy in general--both mentally and physically--from drinking. I have no desire to go back to drinking; I do think about it once in a while, but my reasons for not drinking far outweigh the short-lived "fun" of drinking.

2) I started eating more fiber to have a healthy digestive system. I also wanted to lower my cholesterol and I knew that a high-fiber diet had the potential to do that.

3) I became vegan for ethical reasons--nothing to do with weight loss--so eating a vegan diet is super easy for me. I don't have any cravings for the non-vegan food I used to eat.

4) And now, learning what I have about how sugar affects my mind and body, I'm able to say no to sweets. Again, not for weight loss reasons; I just don't want to obsess over food.

None of those reasons are because of wanting to lose weight.

Hopefully, all of this makes sense! It seems like it should have been obvious all along, but it's been very eye-opening to see the pieces fall into place (quitting drinking, eating more fiber, becoming vegan, and now learning how sugar affects me). If found a WHY that doesn't include weight loss.

And, ironically, perhaps this is the key to weight maintenance. I guess we'll see! ;)

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