I skipped last week's weigh in, and I so badly wanted to skip today's weigh-in as well. I promised myself that I wouldn't skip two in a row (that becomes a slippery slope for me) so I faced the scale. I haven't been doing well for a couple of months now, and I just can't seem to find the discipline to get back to doing the habits that made me feel my best.
I'll rip off the bandaid and get right to it. I was at 137.8 today, which is a 2.8 pound gain from a couple of weeks ago. That also puts me over my targeted maintenance range of 125-135.
I want to say that I'm shocked, but I'm not. I am still struggling with the cycle of bad habits that are hard to break. I manage to go a day without sweets, but then ultimately cave. I meant to track my food this week and forgot about it, but I'm sure I've been overeating in other areas. If I can just kick the sweets, I think I'll be able to get back to where I feel my best.
A friend of mine mentioned to me yesterday that she noticed that she goes through this same cycle over and over again: She gets into goal-setting mode, reading books and creating a plan, only to stick with it for a few days. Then she quits and her thought process goes to wanting to love her body where it's at and not obsessing over food or weight. So she does that for a while, before going to back to wanting to lose the weight again.
I can completely relate to that--I went though that same cycle for decades! It wasn't until the last couple of years that I stopped and I finally know what I want. I want to love myself, but I also want to love a body that I feel comfortable in. I never felt comfortable in an overweight body. Not because of how I looked, but because it physically is harder to move around, clothes don't feel right, and I just generally don't feel healthy.
I also learned how to get there. The main goal is to FEEL GOOD. Both mentally and physically. And over the last couple of years, I've realized what makes me feel good. I feel my best when I'm at around 130 pounds; when I'm not drinking; when I take my iron supplement; when I eat a healthy vegan diet and no sweets; when I don't overeat; and when I have a routine schedule.
Those things are obviously personal to ME. Everybody has their own way of life that makes them feel their best. My friend asked me how I discovered those things, and it honestly just took me time, trial, and error. It wasn't until I had quit drinking for about nine months or so that I realized how much better being sober made me feel. It took about a month for a vegan diet to make a difference in my chronic pain (and probably three months for the pain to go away completely). It took a full three months of no sweets/desserts before I noticed a difference in how it made me feel (I was SO much more energetic and less tired).
The point is, it took time. And I kind of found those things out accidentally. I quit eating sweets because they made me crave more sweets and I hated fighting cravings and obsessing over sweets all the time. Then after a few months, I finally noticed the effects of giving them up. And when I (stupidly) ate a few pieces of caramel corn one day, the cravings hit so hard and I felt crappy again. That's how I learned the effects of sugar on my body. (To be clear, I'm talking about the refined sugar in desserts/candy/etc. I eat a lot of fruit and naturally sweet things and they have no effect on cravings for me.)
Right now, I'm stuck in that rut of craving sweets all the time. It's unbelievable how strong the cravings can get and it feels impossible to say no.
Yesterday, I created a menu for the week and I went grocery shopping to get everything I needed. Now, I have no reason to go to the store (which is what makes it easy to buy sweets). I also told Jerry that I don't want him buying anything for me on his way home. I just need a good streak of about four days before this will get easier.
I have kind of a lot going on this week, so I'm hoping that it will help me to keep my mind off of the sweets. I'm really really *really* hoping that next week's post will be a positive one! ;)
I struggle with sweets and bread. And I just recently got a pt gig that puts me in 2 grocery stores so I have fallen down deep into the sugar rabbit hole 😱 plus I have chronic pain ðŸ˜
ReplyDeleteMy life for the past 4 decades. I've done all you have...best is being vegan for 6 years. I only struggle with sweets and it has been impossible for me to tame for 2 years. working on it daily. Thanks for the post
ReplyDeleteAs always, your honest means so much. I wish you the best this coming week. And yes, the sugar cravings are horrific. Big hugs. You are worth it.
ReplyDeleteYou got this! Hang in there - I'm getting motivation from you. I'm on the path to AGAIN lose weight but I, too, struggle with the whole "diets don't work longterm, you just gain more, your metabolism slows," the whole shebang that is the backlash to the billions of dollars other authors are collection for this and that diet. It is a daily, sometimes meal-to-meal struggle.
ReplyDeleteMy craving for comfort is a baked yellow potato with a bit of plant-based butter. Or some homemade vegan chz sauce. When aggravated, sad, grieving, frustrated or you name it, I want to cook one up for breakfast or lunch. Or two. My brother passed away earlier this year and I just am struggling to lose the 14 pounds I gained after his passing. ... and then get to work on more.
Keep on pushing through. You got this!