Deep Thought With Jerry #11

I've been woodworking in the garage all day, so Jerry is going to share his "deep thoughts" today. For some reason, the great mood I wrote about was only temporary, and I needed an outlet. My therapist used to talk about finding something to concentrate on to keep my mind busy and there won't be room for anxiety/depression/overwhelmingness/etc. to creep in. She said it should be something that requires a lot of focus, but not to the point of frustration. And woodworking is my favorite outlet!

I think that the changes in medication has kind of messed with my mood recently. Ever since my application for medication assistance was approved, I've been taking my old med--the one that I'd taken for six years--and I'm so glad. But switching back and forth this year may have had an effect.

Anyway, Jerry was happy to write today! Here goes...

How would you describe your communication style in three words?

Direct, descriptive, passionate.

I was talking to Katie about this the other day. There's a huge difference between the guy I am here at home and the person I am at work. I've been with my current employer for the last 20 years. I have seen people come and go, seen the culture change so much that it would probably turn a lot of people off. I will say this though, I have been able to raise a family and learn from my company.

At work: I know what I'm doing. I am considered a SME (subject matter expert) in all that I do. I am a leader and the person everyone comes to when there are any sorts of issues. I work in a factory setting and, when it comes to operations and people, I'm the guy.

I am very passionate about what I do because it's how I make a living. It's how I raise my family. And there's a certain amount of pride that goes into what I do. I will always be the first person to hold myself accountable for my actions, both at work at an home. I will always show up and give it my all. I will always voice my opinions with passion.

However, I tend to hold back at home because sometimes I sound like a dick. I complain about some of the people I work with. At work I can be very blunt and not sugar-coat anything. We are all grown adults (mostly men) and if I'm being too blunt for you chances are it's because I'm calling you out for not doing your job.

At home, it's a different story. Katie and I are a team. She deals with more of the 'can I do this or that' questions than I do. We generally talk over important issues like if we are going to let the kids try 'shrooms at a party or get face tattoos with their friends. We are very open with our young adult children to the point where we don't hold back and let them know the very real consequences to their potential actions. I feel like that has made use a real force when it comes to parenting and the kids have been very responsive to it. We couldn't ask for more honest, upstanding kids. (Kidding about the 'shrooms and face tattoos if you don't get my sense of humor)

What’s one thing you are unbeatable at?

I say this in jest, but thumb wrestling. One of my favorite things ever is when Katie is starting to doze off and I grab her hand to 'thumb wrestle'. I start going through my motions as I'm getting ready to battle and she 'claims' she's too tired and she doesn't have the energy. Bullshit. Within 5 seconds of our match she pins me for the 1-2-3 and laughs it off. She's a worthy opponent and someday I'll learn that this vixen's more than meets the eye.

Do you have any mentors or people you look up to?

Of course I do. My dad. Though all of our years together my dad has always taught me to see through the shit. To know the real in the BS. This comes from the work side of everything. I've always spoke my mind at work and stood up for the hourly folk. He's always been approachable and easy to talk to. He's passionate about what he knows. However, he also has the humility to admit when he's wrong or when things can be done differently.

What looks easy-peasy lemon squeezy but is actually difficult difficult lemon difficult?

Being married to a bipolar woman. Some people like the idea of having a 'wild woman': unpredictable, ridiculously high sex drive (the one symptom that I guess just passed her by, unfortunately), who takes on the extreme projects, drains the bank accounts, and flies off the handle.

In all seriousness, I will have to admit that having a bipolar wife was a little difficult to deal with at the beginning, Over the years of us being together I feel like I've lucked out in spotting the stages of bipolar. Katie has alway been like this but giving it a diagnosis and navigating it was a teaching moment. Her medication has made everything chill out and the mood swings aren't at all what they used to be.

Learning about bipolar and sticking by her side has been rewarding. It's given me a better understanding of her and people with any sort of mental illnesses. I'm a better, more aware parent than I was before. I also feel I'm better equipped to handle the world knowing that there are people out there that just aren't in the best position mentally and I can help with that. You can even go as far as to say that navigating this with Katie has made me a better person. Cheesy, yes, but true. She's passionate about mental health and I've learned a lot from her.

What’s something you’ve drawn inspiration from recently?

I alway draw inspiration from her. She's so strong and faces so much adversity but pushes through to be the best parent/wife she can be. She will always beat herself up about everything, that just how she is. but, I wish that she could just see herself as I see her. She's insightful, thoughtful, genuine, and thinks about the future.

If you had to sing karaoke right now, which song would you pick?

Easy. Mr. Jones from Counting Crows. Random, but I feel a connection to that song and every time it comes on I'm singing my heart out.

What’s your guilty pleasure right now?

IPAs. The weather is breaking here in Michigan and nothing is better in the 50 degree temps than a delicious IPA to help wind down the day. The hazier or juicier the better.

Trivia night, what is the category you would know the most about?

Difficult to answer. I could talk eons about Star Wars, Marvel, or baseball. However, if I had to pick a strength right now it would be Star Wars, hands down.

What is an album you recommend that has no bad songs?

'Siamese Dream' by Smashing Pumpkins. Whenever I am feeling down and out, when the world has bested me I blare this through my ear buds and nothing can touch me, I feel great. The song 'Mayonnaise' is my favorite on that album and it makes me feel great.

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Wow, I *swear* I didn't write any of those nice things about myself! I will forever feel guilty about some of the ways I acted before I was medicated for bipolar. Thankfully, I have never had a full manic episode. I have bipolar II, so my episodes swing from depression to hypomanic. Hypomania isn't as severe and doesn't cause psychosis. It still sucks! But it could be worse. I wrote a post a while ago about 'How My Bipolar Diagnosis Affected My Marriage' and that gives a lot more insight into it.

Anyway, I am going to take a hot shower and head to bed!