I'm Alive

Found this five-leaf clover in my yard! It's supposedly a 1 in 100,000 find.

I know, I know. It's been over a month since my last post. Time goes by way too fast these days.

I haven't really been looking forward to writing because I don't know quite what to write. I've had a lot going on lately, but I stopped feeling comfortable writing about personal/vulnerable things a long time ago. I don't know that I'll ever get that back.

Also, "blogging" in general has gone so far downhill and it feels almost obsolete. I try not to use the word "hate", but I have gotten to the point where I really do *hate* AI and what it has done to the internet. You never know what is real or fake anymore--photos and articles alike--and it has ruined the creativity that I used to enjoy seeing online. Seeing posts and photos of everything going on this country (and the world) is really wearing on me emotionally, too.

I've been asking myself over and over if I'm ready to forever close the book that is my blog, and I just don't think I can do that yet. So, I've been in a sort of limbo, and I just try not to think about it because it makes me overthink everything (and I do enough overthinking as it is).

My blog was actually completely gone for a few hours last week and I was SO panicked when I woke up to a notice that my credit card was expired and my domain name didn't renew. So when you typed in my domain, Runs for Cookies was just gone. That was scary!

For now, I'm just going to write if and when I get the urge to. I did promise, however, that I will write a "goodbye" post when I decide to stop blogging. So if my most recent post is not stating that it's the last post, then I still plan to write (or I've died). I haven't been on social media at all and I rarely check my email; it's not that I'm trying to be antisocial, I just feel very overwhelmed. So I apologize if you've reached out and I haven't responded yet.

I haven't gone completely off the rails, however! Haha. I've been eating much better since my surgery and I feel good about that. I wish my weight would go down, but it's going VERY slowly. I think the last time I wrote, I was at 167. I'm at 160 right now, which is still 25 pounds more than where I feel most comfortable. I've also found myself not caring nearly as much about my weight. I have been eating well because I want to be healthy; I never really gave much thought to my mortality until I hit 40, and now I notice things here and there that really make me feel my age. (I always felt so much younger.)

I haven't been running and I don't have plans to. I would love to start doing my daily five-mile walks again, and now it's just a matter of making myself get into that habit. Jerry and I have been taking (very slow) walks just for enjoyment. I like not having the pressure of a running or even walking schedule; I found it makes me want to go for walks more often when I don't "have" to. Yesterday, I met a friend for a long walk and it was so nice to not focus on anything except walking and talking.

Sewing is still my favorite pastime, although I haven't been doing nearly as much as I was last year. I read several times recently about how people naturally get into bird watching as a hobby in middle age, and I *never* see myself doing that--I do not like birds even a little bit--but I've been very into my squirrels lately. I've always loved feeding and interacting with them, but I've been spending a lot more time outside with them. I stopped naming them when I couldn't keep track anymore, and I now just call each of them "Buddy" or "Bud", haha. There are a few that I am especially fond of.

Jerry and the kids are doing good. Noah had his wisdom teeth removed last week, and we were very nervous about it. After what happened to Eli (he woke up halfway through the surgery and felt literally everything), Noah was very reluctant to do it, and I don't blame him. He went to the same oral surgeon that I had in November and thankfully, everything went fine! He stayed asleep the entire time. In fact, he was the total opposite of Eli; he was completely out after his surgery from the time the nurse helped me get him into the car until several hours after we got home.

I actually had a bit of a panicky moment when we got home. Jerry and Eli were at work and I underestimated how much help Noah would need getting into the house. I managed to get him out of the car, but then he was just all dead-weight and I couldn't move him! (He's only 130 pounds, but it's hard to carry someone when they can't help carry their weight at all.) Thankfully, I saw my neighbor in his driveway and yelled for his help. He was kind enough to help me get Noah into the house and on the couch, where he stayed for the rest of the day. His mouth has been healing great! I'm so glad to get that out of the way.

One of these days, maybe I'll go through my pictures over the last few months and write a better update. It's always on my mind but getting started is the hard part. It's been too long!

Since I've been writing so infrequently, I just want to mention that you can subscribe to receive an email when I do write a new post (it doesn't subscribe you to anything else--just my new posts). That way, you don't have to check back over and over. If you enter your email in the box below, you should get a an email that you will need to confirm the subscription (and you can unsubscribe easily). I'm not trying to push anyone into it, but I'm continuing to pay for the service, so it might as well get used. (I really hope this form works! I haven't messed with html in a long time.)

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Cheers! Until next time. xo