|A week of Michigan weather (not sure who to credit for this cartoon!|
If you know, please let me know so I can give credit)
So, my last post was my Wednesday Weigh-in. I feel like I've been writing so much about my depression lately that I've just been avoiding writing any more because I'm tired of talking about it. After several hours of phones calls to the doctor's office and the insurance company, and jumping through many hoops, I was able to get my insurance to approve my new antidepressant. I am going to stay on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist, though, just in case this new med doesn't work out.
I'll keep this brief, and then hopefully as this new med kicks in, I will be feeling better and depression won't be such a huge part of my life at the moment--and I'll write about happier things! ;)
I started taking the new med on Thursday, and the initial side effects are a little annoying. I've found this to be the case with other antidepressants as well, though, and the side effects usually go away after a couple of weeks; so, I'm not really worried about them. Right now, I'm just having a lot of ups and downs with my energy level (sometimes I have lots of energy, other times I have zero), and I am having a hard time sleeping at night.
The hardest part for me has been when I'm lacking energy, especially because I'm training for Indy right now. Yesterday, I was supposed to do an eight mile long run, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't blame the medication entirely, because I still haven't gotten back my running mojo, so it's been hard to make myself run at all for the past several months.
I did bundle up for a walk with Andrea at the State Park yesterday, though, and I realized just how much I love walking. Running is something that I love when it's over with--it gives me that "runner's high" and that's a great feeling. I usually don't get the runner's high anymore unless I'm doing a really tough workout. But walking... I actually really enjoy going for walks.
I don't want to make any decisions yet, but I was thinking that if my running mojo doesn't come back, I might choose to walk the Indy Mini instead of run it (or maybe do a run/walk method). I think I feel like my identity is tied to being a runner, especially considering the title of my blog; but I've declared the year of 2017 my year of giving "zero fucks" about what others think of me and doing what makes me happy. So, if I would be happier walking the half, then that's what I'll do. But if my energy picks up in a couple of weeks, I may still choose to run it--we'll see.
It's interesting how much my running lifestyle has changed in the last seven years:
Beginning: Didn't feel like a "real" runner, but was getting there. Excited once I ran my first race.
Then: After my first race, I was hooked and couldn't get enough. I wanted to keep increasing my distance and my pace.
Next: Run ALL the races, get ALL the medals.
Then: Focus on one distance or one race, to become a better runner overall.
Next: Burnt out, deciding to try running "for fun".
Finally: Feeling like maybe there is more to life than just running, and it's okay to do other things ;)
Recently, I've been thinking how nice it would be to really expand the different activities I do, and focus much less on one particular exercise (running). My friend Andrea really likes to do water aerobics and aqua jogging, so I'd like to do that with her at least once a week; I miss riding my bike, so it'd be fun to do that 1-2 times a week, when the weather is a little warmer; running is an efficient way to keep in shape, so I could do that 1-3 times a week; and then I can use walking or other activities to fill in the other days.
When I told Jerry about possibly walking the Indy Mini instead of running it, I felt almost ashamed for a minute; then I realized how ridiculous that is. I remember reading Andie Mitchell's story about how she just gave up running one day because she really didn't want to do it anymore, and you know what? Her life went on and she was happy. I don't want to give it up completely, but to cut back significantly (at least for a while) sounds nice.
Basically, my overall fitness goal is to stay active and healthy doing things I enjoy. The activities I enjoy:
- Walking (especially with a friend)
- Running 2-4 miles at an easy pace on a nice day
- Leisurely riding my bike
- Hiking (I've only gone a few times, but I LOVED it)
- Kickboxing (I used to do this in college, and it was super fun)
- Strength training with machines (again, I used to do this in college, and I actually took a course to become a certified personal trainer; I'm not crazy about free weights, but I do like machines)
- Yard work with the family on a nice day
- Cleaning the house with loud music playing
- Kayaking (I've only tried it once, but it was fun and I'd like to do it again)
Some of those are a stretch (like cleaning) but for the most part, I wouldn't have to talk myself into doing any of those things. The things I don't enjoy:
- Forcing myself to follow a training schedule on days that I just don't want to do it
- Long runs (occasionally, I do enjoy them; but I don't like making myself do it to follow a schedule)
- Riding my bike solely for exercise (trying to get my heart rate up high)
- Aerobics classes
- Swimming (although, I'm learning to like it more now... I'd like to keep trying it)
- Body weight exercises like squats, plank, push-ups, etc.
- Sports like tennis, volleyball, basketball, etc.
This year, and possibly last year, has been kind of odd for me because I am liking the cold weather less and less. I used to LIVE for the cold weather for my runs, but now it's very hard to make myself go run when it's cold.
I've very aware that my attitude toward running right now could simply be my depression talking--and maybe once this antidepressant starts working, my mood and ideas will change. That's one of the reasons I've been avoiding writing--because "Depressed Katie" is not the same as "Normal Katie". I'm more pessimistic, and I don't find joy in things that I used to (including running). I think this is the longest depression episode I've ever dealt with, and it's been frustrating. I just want to feel normal again! I am feeling better than I was a couple of months ago, so I'm hoping that trend continues.
I'm also being more proactive at feeling better. I've been making tons of plans with friends and family so that I get out of the house and be social. This weekend was super busy, and I had a lot of fun! Friday, I spent the day with Andrea; Saturday, I had a fun afternoon date with Jerry; and yesterday, Jerry and I took the kids bowling with Brian and Becky. I always enjoy getting together with them, and I love that they live just 30 minutes away now (as opposed to Minnesota).
I got the most random email yesterday from someone who coordinates Ariana Grande's tour, and she invited Jerry, the boys, and me to Ariana's concert on March 12 (including a backstage tour)! How crazy is that?! I'm really looking forward to it, because I've actually NEVER been to a concert in my life. My kids haven't either, so this will be quite the experience. Jerry screamed like a 12-year old girl when I told him, hahaha.
Another thing I'm looking forward to is a local meet-up that I planned for From Fat to Finish Line peeps on March 18. Of course, any of you reading this are more than welcome to come as well! We are going to go for a 5K walk/run at the State Park and then go to Cracker Barrel for brunch afterward. I was expecting maybe 2-3 people to respond, but surprisingly, there are 12 people who said yes, and 6 more who said maybe! After having met so many nice people in California, this was something I really wanted to plan.
(If you're new to my blog, From Fat to Finish Line started as a Ragnar Relay team that I formed, which was then turned into a documentary. Now, From Fat to Finish Line is a movement/company with the premise that running and fitness can be for ANYONE, fat or thin or anything in between. There is a Facebook group with over 12,000 members, and everybody is SO encouraging. There are people who are just starting out on their fitness journeys and people who have lost hundreds of pounds and run marathons. It's pretty amazing, and a very positive place to turn when you need encouragement from people who have been through it.)
The following weekend, I'm hosting a game night with friends at my house. I expect my belly to hurt from laughing so much as it usually does when I hang out with these people, so I can't wait for that!
Overall, outwardly, things are looking good... and I hope my mood will soon follow suit! Hoping all of you are doing well :) (Did I say I was going to keep this brief? Haha!)