January 14, 2017

Facing the gain

Thank you all so much for the kind comments on my last post! I always feel so vulnerable when I write about such personal topics as depression, but it does feel nice to get it out in the open--and you all are so kind. Thank you for that! I also love to read the ideas from others that they have found helpful in treating their own depression. I haven't noticed a change with the new medication yet, but today is only the third day since I started it, so it needs more time.

I have no good pics for this post, so here is a selfie
with a cat mug that Jerry got me for Christmas ;)
I have noticed a big correlation between my weight and my depression. As my depression gets worse, my weight goes up; and as my depression gets better, my weight goes down. This is likely due to comfort eating, as well as lack of motivation to exercise. I wish that I didn't seek comfort in food! I am going to do my best to be more aware of it, though, and hopefully find alternatives that make me feel better. It's something I've been talking with my therapist about.

Anyway, stepping on the scale after the holidays was kind of sobering. I didn't gain any more weight through the fall or even over Christmas, and I was hovering at around 150--I figured that after the holidays, I'd work harder to take it back off. After several get-togethers in late December and early January, my weight has now climbed to 158. That's just two pounds shy of being at my highest weight in six years. Yikes!

I'm not saying this to complain or whine about it, though. Surprisingly, I'm actually not even that torn up about it! It's funny, because until recently, seeing that number would have made me super upset. My main focus right now is treating my depression and anxiety, and I'm hoping that once I have those under control, my weight will follow, so I'm not too worried about it yet. I have been counting calories, and doing pretty well with it, but the weight isn't falling off like it did in 2015 and early 2016. I think my mood has a lot to do with that--I've found that when I'm in a good mood in general, I lose weight much more easily than when I'm feeling depressed.

So, clearly, I have a long road ahead of me in getting back to goal. In some odd way, I'm actually looking forward to the process. Losing the weight in 2015 did wonders for my mood and it was fun to see the scale moving downward each week. I think I may go back to doing formal weigh-ins every Wednesday, too--even though I hated posting them, it does help keep me motivated to stick to my plan.

As far as "my plan", it's actually very simple: count calories (the same way I did before), follow my training plan for Indy, look for opportunities to be more active (something I was always doing when I was feeling my best), and work through my depression. I have 16 weeks until I go to Indy (where I'm meeting up with a lot of readers!) so that will be a big incentive for me to stick with it. I have 25 pounds to lose, so I could potentially be at my goal weight when I go to Indy, but I would be happy to be down even just 10 pounds by then. We'll see! I am willing to work for it.

Right now, I'm just asking myself every day, "What can I do TODAY to help me feel my best?" I have been trying not to even look ahead, because that gets overwhelming. Eventually, I'll be able to string all of the "today's" together, and I'll have a nice streak going.

To answer that question today, my plan is: run three miles; keep calories at a reasonable number; drink lots of water; take time to do my hair and make-up; and do something fun with the kids and Jerry. When I look at it like that, just for today, it seems pretty manageable.

Well, I'd better head to the rec center for a run before I change my mind! ;) Have a great weekend, everyone!

17 comments:

  1. I am just like you and I think that is normal. (The whole gain weight when depression is worse and losing it when I feel better) I know my issues are related to the season and being cold outside.

    No motivation period and I too reach for food (usually a bowl of ice cream and a blanket in front of the TV) rather than exercise or leaving the house at all.

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    1. It's funny, I never used to be bothered by the cold--but now, I am definitely feeling like I want to hibernate!

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I have been experiencing body image issues lately and in turn, been gaining weight. I need to re tune my weight.

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    1. I'm sorry that you've been having body image issues recently. I have been there, and I know what a struggle that can be!

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  3. Sounds like you have a good attitude about it, and your plan sounds very doable. :) I have been trying to find my new normal. Even though I haven't officially hit my goal weight, I am at a weight where I feel happy and healthy. I'm trying to learn the balance where I can just eat without having to count calories and still be able to maintain where I am. I still weigh myself daily though. For me, that constant awareness is the only way to keep myself on the right path. It's a learning process.

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    1. I remember how scary it was when I reached goal! It's like walking on eggshells for a while--you are so afraid of any sort of misstep. You've done such a great job on your journey, I am confident you'll get it figured out. And then please share the secret with me! ;)

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  4. You have good reasonable and achievable goals. You have succeeded before and I have no doubt you will again! I have been tracking my calories and exercise on SparkPeople and love it. It also has a place to track my glucose levels every day which is nice (I am type 2 diabetic, and plan not to be soon :)). Love the cat mug! As a side cat comment, we have been getting way more rain than usual in So Cal, so my daughter and I set up cat boxes in our shed for shelter for the many cats in out neighborhood. We took several small boxes and put towels on them, we don't ever see the cats, but can tell they are being used. Just hope it is cats using them and not raccoons lol.

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    1. I love that you've been setting up boxes for the kitties to get out of the rain! I'm sure they are very appreciative :)

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  5. I was at 158 at my first weigh in of the year at WW. My goal weight is 140. I started the weight gain at Thanksgiving and then gained nine pounds over Christmas and New Years. I was really depressed over the holidays this year and boy did my weight reflect it. Before this, I was at my goal weight for about 4 years. I have lost about 3 pound and I already feel so much better. BTW- I started meditating at the end of December and it seems to be helping my outlook a lot!!

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    1. Thanks for sharing! I'm sorry that you were dealing with depression over the holidays as well. I hope you're feeling better now! I've never really given meditation a try, but I really need to look into it and just do it.

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  6. I know the Indy crowd is huge, but we are going this year finally!! Would love to meet if it ends up working out!

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    1. Awesome!! If you'd like to join our Facebook group, send me an email. We're making plans there :)

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  7. "What can I do TODAY to help me feel my best?" This is such a great way to focus on what's manageable & doable today, I might try to adopt it myself.

    Thanks for being so frank & open about all this stuff, it can't always be easy to write about.

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    1. Thanks Sus! Sometimes, thinking about tomorrow or next week is just too overwhelming, so I focus on the short term. If today is too much, then I just focus on this particular HOUR. Whatever works, I guess! haha :)

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  8. I have always loved your honesty and to realize that Im not alone in my struggles. My scale reads 161. So I am right where you are. Its frustrating because Ive seen goal weight so many times. At this point in my life Im trying to re-evaluate what goal weight really is for me. Right now Im just trying to work on better choices and to like myself at whatever size I'm at. xoxo

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  9. I love the "just today" mindset! I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed with some life stuff lately and I think I'm going to try that. Breaking it down to one day definitely seems doable! Thanks for your honest and real posts! I enjoy reading your blog!

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  10. Katie- I love this post and I really appreciate your willingness to demonstrate bravery. I am proud of your honesty and inspired again by your post.

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I'd love to hear from you! I read all of my comments, and if you have a question, I do my best to respond; sometimes, however, I get busy and forget to go back to reply, so if it's important, just email me! :)