Well, I was hoping that this week was going to be so much better as far as my depression goes--not really the case. Last week, I decided to give myself permission (for a week) to just ride it out and not force myself to pretend that I wasn't feeling bad (usually, I try to pretend everything is fine until it actually is--"fake it 'til you make it"). I wasn't sure how this different strategy would work, but I figured it was worth a try.
Jerry went up north with friends for the weekend, and I was really glad he was able to do that--he felt bad going, but I told him I'd stay busy working on the bathroom. Through my week "off", I had no motivation to run, so I didn't; I wish I could say that I ate well, but it wasn't great; and the only real project I did around the house was working on the bathroom, which is turning into a much bigger job than I anticipated (taping, mudding, and sanding the drywall).
However, because I gave myself permission to have a week-long escape from reality, I did promise myself that on Monday, no matter how I was feeling, I would have to get back to the norm. Even if I just have to "fake it 'til I make it". So, this morning, as much as I didn't want to, I got out of bed and went for a run first thing this morning. It was super humid outside (77 with a 74 degree dew point, ugh). My pace was really slow--either because I hadn't run in almost a week or because it was so humid--probably a combination of both--but I just kept my heart rate under 146 bpm, regardless of pace.
When I got home, I took a shower and got dressed, then ate a healthy breakfast of bran flakes with blueberries and milk. As difficult as it was to make myself run, I (not surprisingly) felt much better afterward! I only ran a little over three miles, but I felt good about doing it--especially because I didn't want to. Over the past month or so, I've learned that the longer I go without running, the less I want to run; and the more frequently I run, the more I want to. You would think it would be the opposite, but that's not so for me. Lesson learned: Run! Even when I don't want to ;)
I have a pretty busy week ahead--tonight is the boys' end-of-season baseball party (well, Noah's, but Eli was invited). Tomorrow, I think my brother is going to come help me with the bathroom. Wednesday, I have to get my house ready for a guest. Thursday, my friend/Ragnar SoCal teammate, Caitlin, is coming to visit until Sunday! I think that will be a great way to help me feel better. I have a big list of things we can do, but I'll decide for sure once she gets here and I can see how busy she wants to stay during her visit ;) She was supposed to come visit last fall, but her dad got very sick and was hospitalized, so she (understandingly) canceled the trip. I'm glad she was able to reschedule! I'm excited for Jerry to meet her.
Eli and I went to PetSmart a few days ago, and he asked if we could buy this little hideout bed for Monica. It was more than half-off, so I said sure. On the way home, I asked him which cat he thought would like it the most, and he said, "Phoebe. No, Monica. No, Estelle!" Then he said, "I feel bad for Chandler, because he's too big to fit into anything that's for cats." Chandler thinks he's much smaller than he is, though, so I wouldn't put it past him to try and squeeze in.
Later that day, I walked into the living room to see this:
I called Eli in there to show him that Chandler is ambitious, if nothing else!