When I told my sister about how much I've been struggling lately, she suggested that I go back to my Weight Watchers meetings. She said it would make me feel so much better and in control. I've always gone to Wednesday meetings, and I hadn't planned on going today, but Jeanie sent me a text to remind me this morning.
So, after I got the kids on the bus and ate breakfast, I headed to Weight Watchers. I love my leader, and I knew there wouldn't be any judgement about my weight gain, but I still wasn't sure if I wanted to weigh in. I don't *have* to weigh in unless I'm at goal, and I'm certainly not at goal.
I sat in the car for a minute when I got to my WW center, thinking about what to do. I feel like I've hit rock bottom right now, and I really want to feel better. So I decided that I was going to weigh in today, and accept the gain. I also decided to make a big commitment--I would buy a 12-week pre-pay plan, so that way I would be losing out on a lot of money if I don't go to the meetings.
Glenda, my leader, was happy to see me. I started to tell her about what was going on, but I could feel myself getting choked up, so I just told her to weigh me and get it over with. It turns out there was a special on the 12-week pass... for $136, it would include 12 weeks of meetings, 12 weeks of eTools (the online tracker that I normally pay $18/month for), and a "Starter Kit", which included a cookbook, a bento box, and some portion control plates.
Paying $136 in one chunk is a LOT, but because I did it that way, I think I am much more likely to go to the meetings and follow the program. I hate to throw money away, so I am determined to put this to good use. When I did Weight Watchers in 2012 and finally reached goal, I only stuck with it because I was paying for it--and it's not cheap!
I weigh myself almost daily at home, so seeing my weight wasn't a shock. But in the box below, it shows +/- and lists how much you've lost or gained since you joined. Seeing +27.0 today was what shocked me. I know how to do math, so you would think I wouldn't be surprised; but seeing that number printed out on my little book took my breath away. I'm 27 pounds over my goal weight?!
This is how weight creeps up on me:
-I reach my goal weight of 133, and I'm very happy. I maintain 130-136 for a year by counting my Points and tracking my food.
-I decide to eat "intuitively" instead of tracking, and "live a little".
-Soon, I see 139, and I think, "Yikes, I'd better reel it in a little. At least I'm still in the 130's, though."
-Then one day, I see 141, and I think, "Woah! The 140's. Well, it's in the low 140's, so I'll just cut back for a day or two and be back in the 130's. I'm retaining water from eating badly."
-One day, I see 146, and I think, "Yeesh! I'd really better get back on track. But thankfully, I'm still in the 140's. I never want to see the 150's again."
-Shortly after, I see 152, and I think, "Holy cow! I swore I'd never see the 150's again. Thankfully, it's in the low 150's, though. A couple of days on track, and I'll be back in the 140's..."
...and so on. You can go through each "decade" of weight with that train of thought, and I could picture myself continuing on until I'm back at my starting weight! It's scary how quickly it can happen, and how hard it is to reverse. So, from now on, if I find myself thinking, "Well, at least my weight isn't in the _____'s", I know that I'm going to have a problem.
I felt relieved after weighing in and buying the 12-week pass. I feel like I'm finally taking control of something, and making a real plan to get there.
The meeting was pretty crowded, and there were a lot of people I'd never seen before (plus the regulars that I remembered from when I used to go weekly). It was a good meeting, and I was glad to be back. And now that I am prepaid through July 21, I am going to make it a habit to go once a week!
The next couple of weekends are going to be pretty tough to stay on plan, but if I can get through the next two weeks, then I don't have anything else going on anytime soon, so I'll really be able to stay focused. I'm going to come up with a plan for these two weekends, just like I used to when I was faced with challenges during my weight loss. And I'm going to attend my meetings and weigh in, even if I don't end up sticking with my plan, or if I fall off track.
I'm glad my sister convinced me to go back to my meeting! I feel like I can start fresh from here, and hopefully get out of this funk I'm in :)