Today was a rest day, but it was far from restful. Tomorrow is Eli's birthday party, and he made a last-minute request for his cake. He had been saying that he wanted a cookie cake decorated like a bowling ball (his party is at the bowling alley), and since I did the same thing for Noah's birthday, it was pretty simple. I had planned to buy the stuff and make it today.
Last night over dinner, however, Eli decided that he wanted to have a fishing cake instead. I tried to think of a simple way of doing it, and decided we'd buy a 1/4 sheet cake with blue frosting (to look like water). We could buy a toy boat, and put a fisherman in there, and put Swedish Fish in the "water" around the boat.
Jerry was working this morning, so the kids and I went in search of a toy boat. We couldn't find one anywhere. We went to five different stores looking for a boat, and came up empty-handed. At the last store we were at, we didn't find any toy boats, but I had an idea to go look at the aquarium/fish supplies, because I thought maybe they'd have a boat for aquarium decor. It turned out that they did not; but they did have a bunch of cool SpongeBob stuff, and Eli really liked that.
We bought a few things, and then went to Kroger to see if we could order the cake. On the way there, Eli asked if we could make his cake instead of buy it, and I was thrilled with that idea ($4 instead of $20). The SpongeBob stuff was pretty expensive, so making the cake at least saved a little money. He chose a devil's food cake with white frosting (to color with blue food coloring).
When we got home, we went right to work. All things considered (I'm a terrible baker!), the cake turned out pretty cute!
Eli was happy with it, which is really all that matters ;)
I haven't written much about my binge-free streak, because there really isn't much to write. I'm doing really well! And the best part is, I'm not worried about it, obsessing over it, or even thinking about it much. After reading Brain Over Binge, all of my binge habits made so much sense.
I always used to go through each day almost waiting for the moment I would binge. It was never a matter of "if", but "when". I just assumed it was a part of who I am, and that it was something I'd always have to deal with. After reading Brain Over Binge, I learned that the way I was thinking about it was actually making it worse. It had become a habit ingrained in my mind.
I'm not doing "intuitive eating", because that makes me obsessive--always wondering if I'm hungry, if I'm satisfied, what I really want most, etc. That never worked for me. Instead, I'm just not giving my food much thought at all--I eat my regular meals and snacks, and I just make sure I take (and eat) a "normal" sized portion. I haven't even had to use my Kitchen Safe, and I've bought several of my "trigger" foods without incident.
Yesterday, I felt so normal at dinner. First, when we were visiting Mark, I wasn't giving dinner a single thought. I was used to always thinking about my next meal, especially if we were going out to a restaurant. But I didn't hurry though our visit, even though I was starving. At the restaurant, when the server put chips and salsa on our table, I didn't have the ever-constant battle in my head about whether I should eat the chips or not, and if I do, how many, etc. I ate a few of them, but mostly, I was distracted from the chips by having conversation with Jerry. Usually, it's the other way around--I have a hard time focusing on conversation, because I'm thinking about the chips. Does that make sense? Am I the only one that has that problem?!
Anyway, yesterday's dinner made me feel really excited about all this. It gives me hope that I can get away from thinking about food all the time. I don't have to try and distract myself from the food, like I always felt like I was doing before. I just don't give much thought to it at all.
My weight hasn't budged in weeks now, and I'm happy with that. Yes, I wish I was maintaining about 7 pounds less than I am (I've been at 140), but if I can maintain my weight and stop worrying about food/weight all the time, I'll happily take 140 ;)
I still don't feel comfortable saying that this is it--the book totally changed my life and I'm cured from binge eating. I'm not sure at what point I'll be able to say that. But the book, as simple of an idea as it is, really made something click for me. I'm doing really well with it, and I'm very happy with the changes I'm seeing (and feeling)!