For those of you that e-mailed me with requests for the
I've been feeling so discouraged about my weight lately. I've been sitting between 145 and 150 for MONTHS. I haven't seen the 130's since before I went to Tennessee in April. I've been thinking about when I was actively losing the weight, and what I was doing then that I'm not doing now. I know it seems I'm always whining about this, but I WANT TO GET BACK TO GOAL. I don't know why it's so damn hard for me to just do it! I lost 125 pounds in 16 months... so certainly I should be able to lose the 20 I put back on. Right?!
I know that MANY of you can relate to this "Why can't I just effing DO IT ALREADY?!" feeling... I just wish we could come up with an answer! Anyway, some differences between when I was actively losing and now:
*I was logging my food EVERY DAY. No matter what I had going on, I tracked my calories. No exceptions. And I stayed within my calorie limits--ALWAYS.
*I wasn't binge eating.
*I wasn't running as much as I am now (then: about 10 miles/week; now: 20+ miles/week)
*I was having much more dairy then (now I only consume dairy through cheese, and that's not very often). I think dairy is what caused me to get adult acne (or at least make it worse).
*I weighed in and posted that weigh-in every single Wednesday.
I think it's very clear to see what I was doing differently. But the part that I just cannot seem to get back into is my mindset. I'm having such a hard time with the same thing that so many of you ask for advice on: How to STAY motivated and follow through. Anyone can count calories and eat right for a few days. It's the staying consistent part that trips 99% of us up!
The main difference in my mindset now vs. then is that I used to have two major goals: 1) To be PROUD of my pictures from the Indy 500 Festival Mini-Marathon (after 2008's and 2009's horrible "fat" photos); and 2) To lose 100 pounds in a year.
To be honest, the thing that kept me the most motivated was my annual Indy trip for the half-marathon. I kept remembering how awful it felt to be the fattest person in our group, to be one of the fattest people doing the race, to see guys checking out my friends and completely ignoring me. As vain as it sounds, I wanted to FIT IN and look like I belonged. THAT was my motivation for all the times that I wanted to quit and binge.
|Indy 2009; Just in case you can't see me, I'm on the far left ;)|
The ONE thing I can think of is that I want to be in People magazine's Half Their Size issue. Long before I started losing the weight, that was something I dreamed of. Remember when Oprah did those shows about that book The Secret? And everyone made those "vision boards" or whatever they were called? Well, I actually bought a small bulletin board, and the ONLY THING that I posted to it was the cover of People magazine's Half Their Size issue. Seriously. The ONLY thing.
Earlier this year, the PR Director of Sparkpeople asked me if I was close to reaching the half-my-size goal, because he wanted to recommend my story to People. The deadline came and went, and I wasn't there yet. However, he said I can always do it for next year--meaning I'd have to lose the weight by July 2012. Seeing as how I'm turning 30 in January, how awesome would it be to reach my goal weight and be selected for my wildest goal EVER (People magazine) to kick off my 30's?!
So I think I need to really focus on that, and do whatever I need to do to reach that goal. I need to keep in mind that I want THAT to happen much more than I want to eat _____ (fill in the blank). I have almost 4 months until my birthday, and I think it'd be awesome to reach goal weight by that time. Roughly 5 pounds a month is totally do-able. I just need to stay consistent and focus on my goal!
To accomplish this goal, I am going to have to go back to logging my food every single day. I'm also going to weigh-in every Wednesday and post a scale picture, like I did when I was losing the weight. If you notice that I don't do it, PLEASE call me out on it! I need to feel accountable to someone.
Okay, so I started today with a run. I only had 3 miles planned (taper week because I'm doing the 10-K race on Sunday). However, once I was out and running, I was feeling SO good, and the weather was SO nice, I decided to keep going... and I wound up doing 8 miles! I actually wanted to keep going, but I didn't want to do too much before my race. Let me be clear that it is VERY RARE that I truly enjoy running like that. I think I'll take tomorrow or Wednesday off to get an extra rest day in this week.
I came home and made a pumpkin smoothie for lunch, which turned out gross--I'm sure it's because I put yogurt in it, and you know how much I hate yogurt. I thought the other ingredients would cancel out the taste, but they didn't. The reason I was using yogurt in the first place was because I accidentally froze my almond milk. It was in the way back of the fridge, which is cold enough to freeze almond milk, apparently. I thawed it out, and it looked nasty--curdled and like water with chunks of white in it.
Yep, I went grocery shopping after that.
And I even carried all 14 bags of groceries and a gallon of milk from the car to the house in one trip. I totally felt like a rock star when I did that. I was bummed that nobody was here to clap for me.
Do you try your damnedest to carry all your groceries into the house in one trip? Jerry always tells me that it would just be faster to just take three separate trips, because I spend so much time meticulously placing bags on my arms and figuring out how to carry it all at once without breaking the eggs or smashing the bread.